SquidgeWorld Archive

In My Dreams
by D

Xander walked slowly towards the Magic Box, completely lost in thought. Why do I even go to Scooby meetings anymore? It's not like anyone cares if I'm there. Except when they need donuts, and then it',s "Hey, it's Xander, could you go get some donuts?" He reached the Magic Box and paused before going inside. Might as well get it over with.

He put on his usual goofy smile and entered the shop. "Hey guys! What's up?"

Giles looked up briefly before replying, "Things have been quiet lately. We have only the general prophecy research to go over."

"Yeah Xan, can you go get us some donuts? The ones with jelly in the middle?" Buffy asked.

I knew it was coming, but that doesn't mean I have to like it.

"Sure Buff, no problem. Anyone want some coffee while I'm out?" Xander replied, ignoring his thoughts.

"Nah, we're good." Willow smiled her reply.

Xander was just about to leave the shop when Spike said, "Want some company, whelp?"

"Sure," Xander replied. "Let's get going."

Why would Spike want to come with me? He's never wanted to before. Although, he has been more friendly since we've been living together. Maybe he's trying to mess with me. Yeah, that must be it. No, that couldn't be it, he has his soul now. It wouldn't let him do something like that to me, would it? Xander was so completely lost in thought that he almost missed Spike talking to him.

"...push you around?" Spike asked.

"Huh?" Xander asked.

"Why do you always let them push you around?" Spike repeated. "You're not as useless as you try to pretend you are."

Xander looked away from Spike and shifted uncomfortably. "They're my friends, I have to help them in any way I can. Even if it means that I get the useless jobs, like getting donuts."

Xander was glad when Spike let the subject drop, although, knowing Spike, he expected a confrontation later. They picked up the donuts and headed back to the Magic Box. As they approached, Spike motioned for Xander to stop.

"What?" Xander asked.

"Just wanted to say that I know you're not useless, no matter what the others think." Spike quickly strode into the shop, leaving Xander there to ponder what he had just said.

Did Spike really mean that? How could he have known what I was thinking? But on the other hand, I suppose he would know what it's like to feel useless. I wonder why I never realized how alike we were in that respect? Guess it's just because I never really thought about him much beyond `evil vampire' until he got the soul.

Xander realized he'd been standing outside for quite a while, and quickly entered the shop. He set the donuts down on the table and watched the others dig in. After donuts had been distributed, he sat down with the book that Giles handed him and pretended to read it.

After a few hours of researching, Giles called the evening to an end. "Buffy, it's time for you to patrol. The rest of you can head home. We have another meeting tomorrow night at eight."

Xander was relieved to finally put down his book and go home. He got up to leave the shop and called back as he was walking out, "Night, Wills. You coming, Spike?"

Spike got up and followed Xander out the door. They walked to Xander's apartment in comfortable silence, with Xander lost in thought. I still can't believe the bleached wonder and I have actually become friends. Seems like just yesterday he was threatening to kill me and I was threatening to stake him. It's gotta be because of the gang. I needed someone to accept me for me and he needed someone he could be himself around. Moving in together has definitely been the best thing that's happened to me in a while.

Xander was so busy thinking that it took him a minute to register that they were at the apartment. Xander shook off his thoughts and unlocked the door. He headed directly to the kitchen for a beer. "You want a beer or some blood?" he asked Spike. "I was thinking we could watch a movie or something."

Spike paused a minute before replying, "Sounds good, mate. I'll take a beer."

Spike settled himself onto the couch and turned on the television. "What do ya wanna watch?" he called to Xander.

Xander entered the living room, handed Spike a beer, and took a swallow of his own. He flopped down on the couch next to Spike and said, "I figured we could just channel surf. Hopefully something good is on." Spike flipped through the channels until he found a decent-looking movie.

They made it through the movie with Spike keeping up a running commentary that had Xander rolling on the floor with laughter. Spike got up and went to the kitchen for a mug of blood, while Xander searched for another movie for them to watch. When Spike returned, he sat so close to Xander that their thighs were brushing. Xander didn't comment on the new seating arrangement, but his mind was working furiously.

Why is he sitting so close to me? And more importantly, why don't I mind? I mean, he's a guy, not to mention an evil vampire. Except that he's not really so evil anymore. Xander took a sideways glance at Spike, who was apparently engrossed in the movie. No, it can't be. I can't really be attracted to Spike. Except that apparently I am. He's absolutely got the most beautiful blue eyes I've ever seen. Plus he's got a killer ass.

While Xander was working through his inner turmoil, he realized that Spike had been sneaking sideways glances at him.

"Whatcha thinking?" Spike asked.

Xander's eyes snapped to Spike but then immediately looked away. "Nothing. I was just thinking how good that movie was."

Xander could tell that Spike wasn't buying it, but mercifully, his only comment was, "Sure, mate."

Xander decided that thinking about this newfound attraction to Spike could wait until they weren't in such close proximity. He returned his attention to the movie and tried not to think about Spike for the rest of the time it was on. When the movie finished, Xander got up and stretched. He grabbed the empty beer bottles and headed to the kitchen to throw them in the trash.

When he returned to the living room, he found Spike still on the couch, apparently lost in thought. "I'm gonna head for bed now. We've stayed up so late that it's almost dawn. It's a good thing that tomorrow's Saturday, because I hate getting this little sleep before going to work," Xander said.

Spike rose from the couch. "I guess I'll be doing the same, seeing as it's almost time for me to be sleeping anyway."

Xander watched as Spike disappeared into his room. As he was about to head to his own room, Spike re-emerged and crossed the room to stand in front of Xander. "Did you forge...?" Xander began, when he was cut off by Spike's lips on his.

*****

Xander sat up in bed, panting. Oh my God! I can't believe I just dreamed about Spike kissing me. I cannot *believe* I wanted him to kiss me... and that I still want him to kiss me. Xander absently rubbed his fingers over his lips as he wondered what he was going to do about this new development.