SquidgeWorld Archive

Jack wasn't sure what to expect when he went into Daniel's office.

Whatever it was, he didn't find it.

Instead, he found Daniel staring silently, and almost unseeingly, at the annoying as all hell animated Egyptian hieroglyph screensaver on the monitors. The reflections danced oddly across Daniel's face as he sat there, unmoving like the statues that dotted the lab.

The desk was in its usual disarray, down to the stone-cold cup of coffee sitting on the corner of Daniel's desk, by his elbow. "Daniel?"

"Jack." Automatic response, as he barely blinked.

"You okay?" Jack came further into the office, unsure of his reception, or of Daniel's reaction. He paused at the edge of the desk, and pushed the books and papers back far enough to allow him to sit down on it.

A darkly bitter laugh, at that idiotic question, and Daniel turned the monitor off. The ghastly dancers disappeared from his face, leaving it startlingly, frighteningly blank. "Yeah, Jack, I'm just fine. How are you?"

"Peachy," Jack answered. "Being devoured alive by my conscience, but peachy." He picked up one of Daniel's books, glanced at the spine, and when he couldn't read the title, he dropped it.

Another bitter laugh. "Feeling guilty for sending a murderer and a demon off to Hell, Jack?"

Jack squirmed uncomfortably, because that was too close to the truth. "Nobody ever set me up to be a judge and a jury, Daniel."

A shrug. "I am, I suppose. I was one of the ones Apophis wronged; ordinarily that would mean I get to help decide his fate." A clap of his hands as he turned around to finally look at Jack. "He stole my wife; according to most ancient texts, that would give me the right to kill him with my bare hands, or whatever means I chose to."

"Brutal," Jack observed, letting his hands fall to the desk on either side of himself.

"Just," Daniel corrected. "He took my life from me when he took Shau're and made her into that... thing. Why is it such a bad thing that I would be entitled to take his life in return?" He was eerily still as he looked at Jack, still not blinking.

And it was beginning to creep Jack out. "Because you're not a murderer, Danny."

"Oh, but I am. Aren't we all?" Airy gesture that could have encompassed both of them, the entirety of the SGC, Cheyenne Mountain, or the whole world. "From the President on down, we're all murderers, Jack, because we followed orders. We withheld medical treatment from Apophis like good little soldiers, and we killed him. We tortured him to death, just like Sokar, and then sent him back through the Stargate to be resurrected and thrown into hell for the rest of eternity."

"We didn't have much of a choice, Daniel. It was either him or us," Jack reminded.

"Oh, I know, and I agree," Daniel said, with a slightly sadistic smile. "And I can't say that I don't enjoy the thought of him burning in hell, because believe me, Jack, I do. I just can't decide if that makes me a good man, or a monster."

Jack's brow furrowed. "You are a good man, Daniel."

"No, Jack, I'm not." At that, Daniel got up. "You see, if Sam hadn't stopped me before? I think I could have killed him. Gladly, even. He was... taunting me, about Shau're. How he knew when he saw her that she was going to be his queen. That he loved Amonet as much as I love Shau're and how that made us the same, and how it gave him the right to call me Daniel because of who we shared."

"That doesn't make you a bad man, Daniel," Jack said, reaching out to touch Daniel's shoulder in reassurance. "It just makes you human."

"No? Does it make me a bad man that I'm relishing the thought of Apophis being tortured every day of his life? Suffering unbelievable pain for what he's done, only in their case, nothing else matters because it's just a power game. It's not even justice, it's just vengeance. Sokar wanted Apophis because Apophis defeated him. Not for anything else, for revenge."

"You know that's why Apophis came here," Jack said. "Because he didn't think that we could repel Sokar. He thought we'd be dying right alongside him."

"Yeah, I know." A little nod, and Daniel's elbow sent the coffee cup crashing to the floor, and he didn't even notice it. "So, tell me, Jack. Am I a good man, for feeling guilty that we sent a man to his death, over and over again, just to be resurrected and tortured again, or am I a bad man for relishing the idea that Apophis is going to be suffering every day he lives?"

Jack studied Daniel, ignoring the broken cup and the brown pool spreading under the table for the moment. "I can't answer that, Daniel," was Jack's answer. "I can't even tell you how I felt about it, because I don't know. Am I glad he's gone? Yeah. Am I glad he's no longer a threat? You betcha. Am I happy with what we've done? Of course not." His hand tightened on Daniel's shoulder. "But I'm not you. He hasn't hurt me the way that he's hurt you, or Teal'c. And I'm not going to judge you, or him, for anything that you feel about what happens to Apophis. But." A pause. "I can't offer any answers, or anything else for you. You have to figure that out for yourself.

Daniel listened as Jack spoke, and then he looked up at his friend. "I think it makes you a better man than I am," he finally answered. "But that's all I know."

Jack shook his head gently. "Not a better man. Just a different one."