Work Text:
TALK TO ME
"A what?"
"A chat-room, or maybe a mailing list, someone who shares the same interests that you do."
Gil Grissom stared in disblief at his long time friend Catherine Willows, as if she had grown a second head. Her blue eyes looked back uninmpressed.
"And why exactly would I want to do that?"
Catherine sighed. She liked Gil, had always liked him, whether he had been her boss or colleague. But sometimes she just wanted to take his head and bang it against the next availible hard surface. His people skills were lacking...no, they weren't lacking, they were practically non-existent.
And he really should talk to someone who had similar interests. After a long talk with Nick, who had told her about the advantages of the internet, she figured that this could be just what her old friend needed.
'Maybe there was even a group about bugs?' she thought to herself.
Now as she stood in front of him, she looked him in the eyes and smiled. He was a good, compassionate man. He just wasn't able to show it. Maybe it would be easier for him to open himself up if he couldn't see whom he was talking to.
"Why? Gil, look at you. When was the last time you talked to someone you didn't work with? And I don't mean victims, witnesses, suspects or policemen." She pointed a finger at him.
Gil smiled,
"You got me. But what makes you think that I need to do that?"
"You don't NEED to; I just thought it might be good for you." Catherine sighed. "Nick has been chatting online lately, and he told me he had found some very interesting people to talk to."
Gil looked at her. Her friendly blue eyes, open as always, her smile, her body language...everything about her told him that she really only wanted what was best. And he capitulated.
"Okay. I'll try. When I come home today, I'll promise to sit down for a few minutes and try to find someone to talk to, okay?"
Her brow furrowed slightly,
"A few minutes might be too short. How about...half an hour? Google your way through the net, and maybe...yahoo, you'll find something. "
He smiled, giving in,
"Okay. Half an hour. And I'll tell you tonight what I found, okay?"
She reciprocated his smile. It wasn't too much but it was a beginning. And convincing Gil had been easier than she would have guessed.
***************************************************
Gil Grissom stared at the keyboard of his PC. So, what was he supposed to do now? A little helpless, he stared at the site in front of him. How was he supposed to find someone to talk to? It wasn't as if he had to choose between one thing or another...there were thousands of opportunities or choices.
Suddenly a few words came to his mind. What had Cath said? 'Google your way through the web, and maybe...yahoo, you'll find something.'
He tapped in www.google.com. He tried a few searches, but found nothing that sounded interesting. So he changed the site and switched to yahoo.com.
Again he typed a few key words and among a lot of other things, a group came up which caught his eye for it sounded interesting.
"http://groups.yahoo/bugfriends.com"
He smiled. Now that sounded interesting.
A new window opened, showing him the picture of a scarabaeus, though a very common bug it was also a really beautiful one. Gil smiled when he read,
"This is a place for all the crazy buglovers outthere in our universe. You have something to tell or just want to talk about your favourite animals? Then you came to the right place."
He clicked on "Join the group", and found himself staring at the word "nickname".
Nickname?
He never thought about using a nickname. Without thinking he typed in the first name that came to his mind...'Nicky'. Then his fingers hovered for a few seconds over the delete-button, but finally decided to keep it. Why not? He wouldn't be able to get any closer to the real Nicky, so why not use his name?
He finished his join-in-form, and after a few seconds he was able to read the messages, and virtually walk around in the group 'buglovers'. Some of the discussions were pretty simple and not very spectacular, and he sure as hell didn't learn anything new, but when he finally decided to join in he discovered that it was fun and entertaining.
It was three hours later when he shut his PC down, yawned heartily and stretched. This had really been relaxing, and when he went to bed at around noon, he thought that he really should thank Catherine.
***********************************************
"You look tired."
Catherine's voice sounded much too cheery, and Gil smiled wearily.
"Yes, I had an interesting...conversation...this morning."
For a second Catherine looked puzzled, then her face brightened up.
"You've been online?"
He nodded, still smiling. She pushed a cup of coffee into his hands, and looked at him with a curious glance. He knew exactly what she wanted to hear, and he remained silent, slowly sipping his coffee. How he loved it to keep her on the edge.
"Oh Gil...spill it!"
Her voice sounded impatient now, and his smile deepened.
"I...ah....I found a very interesting group. And I got involved in a very interesting discussion about the different stations of larvae and puppae."
"A bug group?" Catherine's voice sounded incredulous. "You search the Internet and all you can come up with is a bug group?"
"Oh, I don't know, Cath. I don't think that this is just an ordinary bug group. As I said ...the discussion was very...enlightening."
Catherine rolled her eyes at Gil. He just grinned at her, emptied his coffee and left the breakroom.
************************************************
Over the next few days and weeks, Gil felt more and more comfortable in his group, even had a few IM-chats. Now when he came home, first of all he checked his e-mails.
There were a few members he soon felt close to, though he only knew them by their nicknames. Two members to be precise, he didn't even know if they were male or female. Their nicknames were "bugman's lover" and "living-for-science". Weird names but very nice people to talk to.
Then a double homicide forced him to pull three double shifts in a row, and when he finally came home, he simply dropped face down on his bed and was asleep before the bed stopped bouncing.
His sleep was deep, undisturbed, and dreamless. He awoke the next morning at half past nine ... almost ten hours later. Startled, he couldn't remember the last time he had slept that long.
He got up, undressed and took a long hot shower. When he finally felt human again, he put on some loose fitting blue jeans and a simple white shirt he left unbottened. Now all he needed was some coffee...strong, hot and plenty. On his way to his coffee-machine he started his computer.
While he was preparing breakfast for himself, he heard the familiar friendly voice: "You've got mail!"
He smiled, and then...a little*ping*, announcing an IM-message. He quickly grabbed his coffee, and hurried over to his computer.
In the little blue field, he could read:
*hi nicky. you there?*
Gil smiled. It had come from 'bugman's lover', one of the members he had always had the most heated discussions with. And the only member he talked to on IM.
He typed,*yes, I'm here. good morning, lover.*
After a few messages, 'bugman's lover' told him, that 'lover' would be enough and that he didn't have to write his whole name down every time they talked. Somehow, this had made their writing much more intimate.
*long time no see J*, the other one wrote and Gil had to smile.
*i'm so sorry. But my work was really hard over the last few days*
For a few seconds no answer came, then...
*it's okay. it was pretty busy over here too, so i haven't been on for the last three days. but it's good to see you online after a night like this.*
Suddenly Gil became curious. He didn't know why now, after weeks of talking and discussing, but somehow right now he wanted to know more. Who was this mysterious 'bugman's lover'? And where did they get that nickname anyway? So he typed in,
*may i ask you a personal question?*
The answer came immediately,
*sure go ahead*
*who are you?*
Silence. No answer. The silence stretched on. Gil became nervous. Had he insulted the other one? Was it uncommon? Unfriendly? Impolite to ask such a question? Just as he was about to apologize, the answer came.
*what do you mean?*
Hastily, Gil typed,
*i didn't mean to insult you. i only wanted to know more about you. i don't even know if you're male or female.*
*male*
And before Gil could answer, the next message came.
*is that a problem for you? were you looking for a woman?*
Now Gil smiled. Looking? He hasn't been looking for anyone. And if...male would be a perfect match for him. For a second an image of Nicky flashed in front of his eyes. The strong jaw, the warm, brown eyes, the dark hair. How tired he had looked last night. He, too, had been working two doubles in a row, and Gil was pretty sure that he was resting in the arms of a beautiful woman right now. Or at least in close contact to his pillow. His fingers moved to his keybord almost on their own accord,
*male is perfect. and i wasn't looking for anyone. i'm here because a good friend of mine told me i needed to improve my social skills. and she said the internet would be the perfect place for it.*
For a few heartbeats his finger hesitated over the send-button. His answer was the closest thing to an outing he had ever done. On the other hand...who knew him out there? Who knew that he was Gil Grissom, famous Enthymologist, single straight white male with no social life and even less social skill? The answer was simple: nobody. And nobody cared. That was amazing. So he hit the button and waited a little anxious for the answer.
He wasn't prepared for the next words,
*good. great. think i could send her some flowers to say thanks? J*
Now he was confused,
*why should you want to do that?*
*without her i wouldn't have met you*
He was stunned. 'Without her I wouldn't have met you'. He read the words again and again. It seemed as if bugman's lover actually liked him. Maybe more?
He felt a big smile form on his face. Another *pling* pulled his eyes back to the monitor.
*are you still there? i'm sorry i shouldn't have said that.*
Quickly, he pulled the keybord close again,
*why not?*
*you're uncomfortable. i can almost feel that. did i get you wrong? maybe you don't like men...*
*i like men. very much. and you didn't get me wrong.*
*good...no, great...i love to talk to you. makes me feel good after a shitty time like the last days.*
Gil's smile widened while he answered,
*same here. so...did you read the latest article about the Calvia quatuordecimguttata in the enthymologist today?*
*yeah...isn't she a beauty...the little cream-coloured dots. She IS cute.*
Gil laughed out loud, as he took his breakfast over to his computer and settled in for a long talk.
*********************************************
He was almost late for his shift. With a few interruptions, he and bugman's lover had managed to stay in contact the whole day.
At half past six, a message came through.
*i've got to go now. work starts soon. my boss can be pretty scary when i'm late.*
Gil smiled and cast a quick glance at his own watch. He was startled. He hadn't noticed that it had become so late.
*i have to go too. i am the boss...and must be a model role.*
*have a good night, nicky.*
Gil smiled. Over the last few weeks he had grown accustomed to the name.
*good night, lover. I'm looking forward to talking to you again.*
* c u*
With a big smile still on his face, he shut the computer down and got ready for work.
***************************************************
The shift was quiet and uneventful. Catherine sighed happily when she was able to go home at six in the morning. In the locker room she found Nick who was wearing a big, almost sappy smile and seemed to be in a hurry to get home.
"Hey Nick. Got a date?" she asked, smiling.
He turned around, surprised to see her. Then he reciprocated her smile, and continued to dress.
"More or less. I...ah...I met someone. On the internet. Interesting person. But that wasn't what you wanted to ask me, right? What's up?"
Catherine smiled.
"We had a quiet night. Thought the team should get together for breakfast. The last time was more than four weeks ago. You got time?"
Nick hesitated, and Catherine was surprised. Usually Nick was the one who suggested breakfast. Now he seemed desperate to find a way out without hurting her feelings.
"It's okay, Nick. Go to your...date. I'll ask Grissom and Sara."
His smile showed his relief, and Catherine asked herself suddenly who had the power to pull this man back to the computer. A nice woman with the same interests? A beautiful man with a similar sense of humor? Smiling she saw him dissapear quickly. Whoever it was...he or she was very lucky.
Still smiling she left the locker room to find Gil.
******************************************
"You what?!"
Catherine stopped in front of Gil's door, the right hand outstretched to grab the handle when she heard Sara's incredulous voice.
Now Gil's voice, very controlled, very friendly,
"I said I can't join you at breakfast. I have an appointment. I'm sorry."
"Oh come on, Grissom. Can't you cancel it?"
Sara sounded urgent now, almost desperate.
"No, and I don't want to cancel it. I have an appointment that I want to keep, because it is very important to me. But why don't you ask Catherine and Warrick?"
For a few seconds there was silence. Then Catherine heard Sara's voice again, strained.
"Yeah, why not? Maybe I'm important enough for one of them so they want to spend some time with me."
Ouch...that was low. Catherine hastily stepped back hiding in the shadows. Just in time. A few moments later Sara stormed out of Grissom's office and she would have run straight over Catherine if she hadn't moved.
She remained in her corner, watching the retreating back of Sara. Then her thoughtful gaze wandered back to Gil's office door.
An appointment? One he couldn't or wouldn't cancel?
What could that possibly be? Now the door opened again and Gil walked out. He couldn't see her in the shadow. Carefully he locked his door and made his way towards the exit. He was whistling slightly. On his face was a smile that she had never seen before. A happy, peaceful smile. Without thinking she reciprocated the smile though he couldn't see her.
And suddenly she remembered to have seen a similar smile before. Not on Gil's face...but on Nick's...just fifteen minutes ago.
Her jaw dropped slightly. Then a big smile threatened to split her face in two.
It seemed as if Gil had found someone, too.
Good for him. With a satisfied smile on her face, Catherine made her way to the break room...maybe she would find Sara there...a breakfast with the young brunette sounded pretty good...they could make it a girl's morning.
****************************************************************
Nick switched on his computer. It took a few moments until he heard the familiar "You have mail".
But no *ping*...no IM. A little dissapointed he turned to the kitchen to make himself some breakfast. A coffee, a bowl of cereal, something light, something he could take over to his computer, just in case...
While he waited for the coffee to run through, his mind wandered to his boss. He sighed deeply. Gil. He ran his hand through his hair. And wondered for a brief moment what Gil's hair would feel like under his fingers. Silken? Soft? Would the older man like it? Would he purr like a big cat?
The coffee was ready, so he poured himself a big mug, added some milk and took the first sip.
*ping*
Nick turned around so quickly he almost spilled his coffee. A blue window had appeared on his computer screen.
An IM.
He practically ran over to his chair, and read the message,
*good morning, lover. you there?*
With a big smile he answered,
*sure thing. morning. how was your night? quiet I hope.*
*yes, thank god. another one like the last week would really bring me down. i'm not twenty anymore.*
Nick could almost hear the silent laughter emanating from these words and smiled, too.
*oh come on. btw...how old are you?*
*almost fifty. you?*
Almost fifty. Just like Grissom. Maybe that was the reason he felt so comfortable in talking to this man. He thought about him. He was talking to the other man via IM on a constant basis for almost three moths. Would he still want to talk to him, Nick, when he knew that he was just 35? Over the last years he had developed an attraction to older men, especially to one...his boss. But there was no way that Gil Grissom would see more in him than his subordinate, his colleague, simply another man on his team he worked with.
Another *ping* caused him to look back at the computer.
*did i shock you? i'm sorry. maybe you expected someone younger?*
Hastily Nick typed in,
*NO! no you certainly did not shock me. it's just perfect...almost a little too perfect.*
*how so?*
Should he tell him? Should he tell him about his feelings for his boss, for Gil? Suddenly he decided, why not? What had he got to loose? They had already practically outed themselves to the other one, so he had no reason not to tell him.
*you're almost the same age as my boss.*
Nick leaned back, curious if the other man would see the connection. And he still thought how funny it was to find a man with such a nickname...Nicky...
************************************************
*you're almost the same age as my boss.*
Gil smiled. It seemed as if his online - friend had a thing for his boss.
*you like him?*
*yeah*
*more than that?*
*unfortunately...*
Gil cocked his head slightly. This sounded a little sad, as if the attraction wasn't mutual.
*you don't sound so happy, lover*
*i'm not sure he knows that i exist*
Gil nodded a little. Unrequited love. The most unhappy form of love. And one he was painfully familiar with.
"i know what you mean. so your boss is almost fifty. and you?*
For a few heartbeats there was no answer and Gil knew now that this wasn't a sign of discomfort, but that the other man was simply thinking what to write and how.
Then the little *ping* announced the arrival of the answer.
*i'm 35.*
Just like Nicky. His Nicky. The parallels were almost unbearable.
*funny*
*why? what's funny about me being in love with my boss?*
For a few moments Gil wasn't sure if he should answer this question, but then again...the other man had trusted him enough to tell him his secret. So it seemed only fair to tell him his own.
*because it sounds very familiar. i'm in love too.*
*oh*
*with someone who only sees me as a colleague. a teammate. nothing more...never more.*
*hurts, huh?*
Hurts? It hurt like hell, and sometimes Gil wondered how much longer he could hide his feelings. Honestly, he answered,
*incredible. sometimes it tears me apart.*
*i know. sometimes you just wanna grab him and kiss him senseless.*
Gil laughed.
*exactly. you understand me. it's amazing.*
*yeah. so...what would you do if you wouldn't have to fear to be fired?*
They talked the next hours over everything and nothing, both of them glad to finally have found someone they could talk to. Someone who understand.
*********************************************
*i'm hungry.*
It was a few days later and Nick was sitting at his computer. His social life had been limited to his living room and his computer. And he was perfectly content with the way it was, thank you. Though two days ago, when Nick had turned down another team - breakfast, Warrick had mentioned that he was getting as bad as Grissom. Nick had only smiled and hurried home to his computer.
He smiled. He had changed his internet service to a flat rate and was constantly online now. He hadn't visited the bug group for a while, and he had the feeling that Nicky (he still had to smile about the name) enjoyed his company as much as he did.
Sometimes he wanted to comfort him when he sounded so sad. His colleague seemed to be the biggest asshole around for turning him down again and again. He seemed to be such a loveable man that he, Nick, would take him in a heartbeat if he wouldn't live on the other end of the world. Though...he didn't know exactly WHERE Nicky lived. They never talked about it before.
*ping*
*you still there?*
Nick smiled.
*sure. sorry. was a little absentminded.*
*thinking about your love again?*
Nick's smile deepened.
*sort of. i wish i knew where you live. want to tell me?*
*why? why do you want to know?*
*just being curious.*
*usa*
Nick laughed. So he wasn't living on the other end of the world. They were at least on the same continent.
He answered,
*me too. like to tell me more?*
*nevada*
A little butterfly began a crazy dance in Nick's stomach. So they were almost door to door. Another IM caught his attention.
*you?*
His fingers danced over the keybord.
*me too. isn't that crazy?*
*absolutely. maybe we should meet one day. just one moment. my phone is ringing. wait a second*
Nick got up and made himself a sandwich. Suddenly his phone rang. With his mouth full, he rached for it and mumbled,
"Schtokesch?"
"And hello to you, too, Nicky. I just got a call from Ecklie. We have a new trace in one of our old unsolved cases. I'm sorry to disturb you on your day off, but could you come to the lab?"
Grissom. Nick swallowed his bite, and threw a quick glance to his computer. He typed as he talked to Grissom.
*got a call from my boss. I have to go. c u later.*
Without waiting for an answer, he shut the PC down, and said,
"Already on my way, Gris. See you in twenty."
He quickly finished his sandwich, grabbed his jacket and his car keys and was out the door.
*************************************************
Lost in thought, Gil only listened with half an ear to what Nick was saying. His eyes were glued to his computer screen.
*got a call from my boss. I have to go. c u later.*
It couldn't be, could it? A coincidence? He called Nick and bugman's lover had to go. Bugman's lover lived in Nevada. And Catherine had told him, that Nick was also online. He's been on a lot lately, had been her exact words.
No. He shook his head. It had to be a coincidence. But he didn't BELIEVE in coincidences. Never had. Never would. Not with his job. Their job? He never had asked bugman's lover about his job. What was it he did for a living? He only knew that he was deeply in love with his boss. And if bugman's lover and Nick were one and the same, that would mean that Nick...no. He didn't dare to go there. The risk to get hurt and dissapointed was too much to bear.
He shut down his computer, and left his condo. Nick would be waiting for him.
And the unsolved case, of course.
The door shut behind him with a soft 'thud'.
*************************************************************
All day, while they were working on the new evidences, were following new trails, were shuffling their way through the files on their desks, Gil couldn't get the thought out of his head. Like a bird in a cage, the thought was fluttering around.
Was Nick his mysterious 'bugman's lover'?
Suddenly the name made sense. If (and that was a very, very big if) Nick was in love with him...some people called him, Grissom, the bugman.
Deep inside him, he wished that it was true. That Nick would be indeed 'bugman's lover' and that he had chosen this nickname because he actually wanted to BE the bugman's lover.
He sighed softly. Unknowingly drawing Nick's attention to him.
**********************************************
He heard Grissom's sigh and raised his eyes to look over at him. Gil had his head bowed over his file, his brow was slightly furrowed, his whole appearance was one of deep concentration.
He wondered how Grissom would react if he walked right over to him, bent down, took the older man's face into his hands and kissed him. Deeply, passionate, lovingly, and with all the longing he felt deep inside.
Suddenly he felt himself grow hard by that thought, and with more than just a little embarrasment he bowed his head again and tried to concentrate on their case.
In vain.
**********************************************
It was five in evening, when Gil stretched and felt his muscles protest. He groaned silently, and saw Nick's head snap up at that sound.
For the fracture of a heartbeat, Gil thought that he saw a indistinct longing, a kind of barely hidden hunger in those dark depth, but it was gone within the blink of an eye, and he saw again the professional face of a CSI level three.
"Tired?"
Gil nodded, then his stomach grumbled loudly. Both men laughed.
"And hungry." Gil patted his stomach slightly. "Though I should really try to loose a pound or two. I'm getting a little soft around the edges."
"I like it that way." The words spilled out without thinking, and Nick blushed furiously.
With a little sparkle in his eyes, Gil winked at him. "Like it that way, huh? Come one, how about I buy you dinner? It's the least I can do after calling you in on your day off."
Nick smiled shyly, a smile that went straight to Gil's heart, made his skin tingle and his stomach do flip-flops.
"Let's head out. I know a great place a few blocks away from here. They serve some great fettuccini."
**********************************************
Nick was nervous and could barely concentrate on the really amazing selection of food. Gil was sitting opposite to him and was studying the menu. His glasses were slightly askew and Nick had to pull restrain himself from reaching over and straighten them.
"So, what do you want?"
He found himself suddenly the focus of those incredible blue eyes, and swallowed because he had spent the last few minutes watching Gil, not the menu.
"I...ah...I..."
"May I order for both of us?"
Nick only nodded, grateful for a way out.
Gil waved the waitress, a young woman with long red hair and amazing green eyes. And the unnerving habit to flirt openly and unashamedly with one Gil Grissom. She batted her eyelashes at him, smiled a sweet, almost seducing smile and her sentences were heavily interlaced with innuendos.
Nick felt the desperate urge to grab her neck and turn it around for...let's say a hundred and eighty degrees.
And Gil?
He seemed to be oblivious. He was his usual charming self and the young girl almost melted.
Gil ordered Caprese per due, Fettuccini con sugo di cinghiale, and Panna Cotta con fragola fresca. Un bottiglia di Chianti e due bicchiere con aqua senza gas for drinking.
Nick stared open mouthed at Gil, who had just ordered in fluent Italian. He had no idea what they would end up with. The only thing he understood was Fettuccini and that was it.
When Gil was finished and the giggling young waitress had finally dissapeared (good for her because one more giggle into Gil's direction and he would personally hide her body), Gil turned to Nick and noticed the strange expression on Nick's face. He laughed.
"I take it that you didn't know that I could speak Italian?"
Nick simply shook his head, his ears still ringing, his hormones still raging through his veins. God, that voice and those soft flowing words, spoken in that incredible erotic language. He was hard. Rock hard. And he only hoped that he didn't need to get up, because his jeans weren't exactly designed to hide a hard-on like this.
If Gil would ever speak to him in that langauge... he would give anything to him. Now Gil looked him directly into the eyes, and said softly,
"Io so chi tu sei. Tu sei il amante di uomo di coleottero. E ti voglio bene." (Italian: "I know who you are. You are the lover of the man of the bugs. And I'm in love with you.")
"What?"
Nick's brain had turned to jello. His knees were weak and he was glad that he was already sitting, for otherwise he would have dropped down. Gil smiled.
"Nothing. I just wanted to practice a bit. It was just something about the weather."
The waitress chose that moment to bring the wine and the water Gil had ordered.
She poured two glasses, eyed Nick with very obvious dislike as she put the glass in front of him, and turned to Gil, the warm smile returning as she said, "Salute, bello." (italian: "Cheers, handsome.")
Then she turned around, waved her backside a few more times right before Gil's eyes before she retreated back to the other guests.
Nick gnashed his teeth, and had to grab the table to keep himself from following and hurting her seriously.
"You alright, Nicky?"
He turned his attention back to Gil who was staring at him with interest in his eyes. He tried to smile, and prayed that Gil wouldn't notice how forced it was.
**********************************************
There had been a reason why Gil had chosen this restaurant. It wasn't only for the romantic atmosphere, which was perfect if one was taking his lover out to dinner. It wasn't only for the really excellent food. No, it was mainly because of the waitress who had a serious crush on him. Maybe he would get a reaction out of Nick. If he was bugman's lover, and if he was in love with him, then the unconcealed flirting of Deidre, the beautiful irish-italian waitress should draw any kind of reaction from the younger man.
So he had hoped that it would.
After the first few seconds he knew that Nick was at least seriously interested in him. Or why else were his eyes shooting daggers at the waitress? Why would he gaze at her as if he wanted to hurt her? And when she bowed over to him to give him an excellent view in her really lovely cleavage, Nick seemed ready to shoot her.
Inwardly he was dancing a little personal happy dance, outwardly he placed their order, of course in fluent Italian, which caused the young man in front of him to shiver violently.
And then he gave in to the temptation to tell Nick at least once how he felt. So he told him in Italian,
"Io so chi tu sei. Tu sei il amante di uomo di coleottero. E ti voglio bene."
He didn't dare to say 'Ti amo.' Everybody knew that sentence, even if one didn't speak the language.
He noticed the way Nick's eyes grew darker, the dilating pupils turning them almost black.
Then he lied about the meaning of the sentence, and Deidre chose that moment to bring the wine. A little relieved, Gil sighed and flirted with the young waitress. Then he heard an interesting sound and as soon as Deirdre was gone, he saw that Nick was gnashing his teeth and looked ready to kill her.
"You alright, Nicky?" he asked lightly.
Nick turned to him, and managed a pretty forced smile. And suddenly Gil thought that they should bring this game to an end. Nick seemed to suffer. And that was the last thing that Gil wanted. He leaned forward a bit, folded his hands in front of him, and said,
"Nicky, I...I guess we should talk."
Nick nodded.
"Sure. About what?"
Gil stared at his hands which were tightly clasped together.
"About us."
Silence.
"Oh."
He looked up and noticed a slight look of panik on his face. Without thinking he stretched his hand out and laid it gently over Nick's.
"There is something you should know. When I got the call from Ecklie today, I was online."
Nick looked at him, his gaze open but without any recognition. So Gil had to make it clearer.
"I was chatting with a man who calls himself bugman's lover. And I know that it's your ID."
Nick froze. Gil didn't know what the young man was thinking; all he knew was that he wasn't prepared for Nick's reaction. His face suddenly went pale, making his brown eyes even darker.
Nick suddenly stood, his hands resting on the table, up close and personal with Gil, he hissed,
"Did you have fun? Was I good for a laugh or two? Good old Nick, so helplessly in love with his boss. Who did you tell about it? Cath? Warrick? I hope you had a good time. God, when I think what I told him...no...what I told YOU. I...fuck...I need some fresh air." With a few steps Nick was out of the restaurant.
Gil was stunned. That was definitely not the reaction he had expected. Of course, he hadn't ecpected him to fall gladly to his knees and kiss him either, but this...
Gil got up. He had to find him. Had to talk to him, had to explain to him, that it had not been a joke. That he had meant everything he had said. He threw some money on the table and run after Nick.
Nick was already nearly out of sight when he reached the door.
"NICKY!"
But Nick only made a dismissive gesture with his hand and walked on, didn't even turn around.
Gil had to catch him, had to talk to him.
He caught up with him two streets later. Grabbed him by the arm of his jacket and forced him to stop. God, he really wasn't twenty anymore. He was breathing heavily, his pulse was racing and it took him a few seconds to say something.
"Nick, please, let me explain."
"Why?"
Still this stoney face.
"Just listen for a few minutes, okay? Please."
Nick barely nodded as he walked across the street and into a bar, not caring if Gil followed him or not.
They sat down in a little booth where no one could see them. Nick ordered two beers, and when they came he took a deep gulp.
"Talk." he said briskly.
"First of all, I want you to know that it was just this morning that I discovered that YOU are bugman's lover. Honestly. I meant everything I said to you over the last few months. I want you to know how much our talks meant to me. How close I felt to you. You seemed to be the first person to understand me."
Nick gazed down at his hands. The bar was too dark for Gil to see his face clearly. Without raising his head, Nick asked,
"Why the nick? Why 'Nicky'?"
Gil smiled a sad little smile.
"I thought that was all I could ever get from you. If I couldn't have you, at least I could have your name. Even if it was just as a nickname. Whenever someone adressed me with it I felt close to you. Crazy, huh?"
Nick didn't answer, so Gil continued.
"Then, after a few days I read a comment from a member called 'bugman's lover', and found it very interesting. I answered that message, and he answered back, and suddenly there were two hours gone. And I found that I really enjoyed talking to that member. I didn't even know if it was a man or a woman. Then came the first IM from him and I found that I enjoyed the one-on-one chats even more. Especially with him. Well, ONLY with him."
Nick took another gulp from his beer, still remaining silent.
"One day he told me that he was in love with his male boss, and for the first time I told someone that I was in love with another man, too. He understood me. We talked about everything. I didn't have to hide myself. No one saw the boss in me. Or the entomologist. Or the mysterious man without any social skills. Bugman's lover saw only Nicky in me. Nothing more and nothing less. I felt free. Understood."
Nick emptied his beer and ordered a second one. Silently they waited until the waitress brought it. She smiled at Nick, gazed a little curiously at Gil, before she returned to the bar.
"Then came the call from Ecklie this morning, just when I was talking to 'lover'. Do you know what I called him silently, just to myself? MY lover, for those few precious moments when we were talking I was really able to believe that someone would be able to love me. I had to interrupt my talk with lover. For that I hated Ecklie. But I had a reason to call you, and for that I almost loved him. You told me you would see me soon, and suddenly lover had to go, too. And why? Because his boss called him."
This time Gil drank from his beer, put it down again and looked Nick into the eyes.
"I thought I'd go crazy, that I was seeing things that weren't there. Then some things clicked into place. Some things he said, the way he described his boss, his own age, his boss' age. And I felt so stupid."
Gil took another drink. Nick was still silent and he got the sickening feeling that he was talking himself into a cul de sac with no way out. And Nick wasn't exactly helpful. He just wanted to finish this, so he continued,
"Nick had to leave, lover had to leave...it all was so obvious."
"Why, Gil? Why did you do that? You know so much about me now. Why did you invite me to the restaurant this evening? Were you looking for a way to let me down gently? Were you thinking of a way to take me off your team, now that you know what I feel for you?"
Nick's voice sounded hurt, and Gil sighed deeply. Somehow this evening wasn't going the way he had hoped it would go.
"No, Nicky. Please remember what I told you about me being in love with a younger man. Don't you know now that it was you? Is you? You talk about being helpless in love with your boss...I understand you perfectly. Now let's talk about the old man being helplessly in love with his young colleague. How sad is that? How sick?"
Gil emptied his glass and ordered a second one. For a few minutes they sat in silence, but somehow the silence had changed, it wasn't uncomfortable any longer. Every man was deeply lost in thought, and after a few minutes Nick reached out and carefully touched Gil's face, causing the older man to look up into his dark eyes.
"We make a fine pair?"
Sighing, Gil leaned into Nick's hand for a second.
"Yes, we do. Nicky, I ..."
"Sssh..."
A finger on his lips silenced Gil, and then the unthinkable happened. Nick leaned over the table, closed the distance between them and kissed him.
It wasn't a spectacular kiss, nothing big, nothing sappy, nothing passionate. Yet it was more, so much more. It was a kiss that spoke of trust, of love, of a future together.
"Just in case you haven't noticed, Nicky..." Nick smiled at him as he used the nickname, "I'm still terribly in love with my boss. And you know what? Something absolutely amazing happened. I think he loves me, too."
"He does, lover...he does."
And this time Gil reached out, pulled Nick closer and kissed him. Lights exploded behind his eyes when he felt the warm tongue slip between his lips and moaning he opened his mouth, playing with Nick's tongue, welcoming it.
They kissed endless, until someone at their table cleared their throat. Panting they broke apart, and stared up at the smiling waitress.
She held a tray with two champagne flutes in her hand.
"This is from the gentleman at the bar over there. It reminded him of his own true love which he lost much too soon, he says."
She put down the glasses and looked at them with an expression of tenderness in her eyes.
"You two make an amazing couple. You should be glad you have found each other."
"Thank you..." Gil took a look at her nametag, "...Jennifer."
Smiling she turned around and left. Gil and Nick took the flutes and saluted to the old man who was sitting at the bar. He seemed to be in his eigthies, with snow - white hair, and wore an elegant suit, a real gentleman.
He raised his glass in reciprocation to the salute. They finished their drinks in companionable silence, all they time their hands were touching, sometimes they kissed, tender little kisses, short and sweet.
"Nick?"
"Hmm?" The young man almost purred, and Gil smiled lovingly. He moved closer to Nick's ear and whispered,
"I want you."
For a moment Nick stared at Gil, his mouth wide open, then a mighty shiver ran through his body.
"God, yes." he murmured. "Take me home. I want to touch you, want to feel you, Gil. God, I've waited so long for this moment."
Gil moved closer again and whispered against his lips, "I love you, my Nicky."
Then he waved the waitress. She came over to their desk, a big smile on her handsome face.
"Can I bring you something?"
"The bill, please." Gil managed to say. Her smile grew impossible bigger.
"Oh no, that's okay. These are on the house. Be happy together, okay? And you're always welcome here."
"Thank you, Jennifer. That's very kind of you."
Nick smiled. Oh, how he loved Gil's politeness.
They left together, hand in hand. When they reached Nick's car, he turned around and looked at Gil.
"Your place or mine?"
Gil laughed out loud, it just sounded too clichéd.
"How big is your bed?" he asked back. He was rewarded with a big smile.
"King Size. Your's?"
"Too. But my place is closer."
Now Nick laughed out and kissed him soundly.
"Let's go to your place, then."
***********************************************
On their way to Gil's condo, Nick suddenly felt nervous. The fulfillment of all his dreams was within his reach. When they stopped at a red traffic light, he reached out and carefully, as if he wasn't quite sure if he was allowed to touch, laid his hand on Gil's tigh. He felt the muscles under his hand tense for a second, then another hand came to rest on top of his. He looked up directly into the amazing blue eyes of Gil Grissom.
"Are you sure about this?" Gil's voice sounded warm, slightly breathless, and a litle bit insecure. Without hesitation, Nick moved over and kissed the older man gently. He loved the silk feeling of his beard.
"More than sure." he whispered against Gil's soft lips.
"Good." Gil breathed into his mouth, before he closed the tiny gap between them again and kissed him once more. When a car honked angrily behind them, Gil jerked back, and put the car into gear.
Silently they drove the rest to the condo.
The door was barely closed behind them, when Nick pulled the older man back into his arms, searching and finding his mouth, kissing him for all he was worth. It was as if he was addicted to him, to the softness of his lips, to his taste, to the way he moaned when Nick gently slipped his tongue into the warm, moist cavern of his mouth.
Nick found himself suddenly pinned against the wall, held in place by the surprising strength of an unchained Gilbert Grissom. His mouth was being plundered and he felt his knees go weak. God, this man was definitely a kisser. This was the last coherent thought.
Gil began unbottining his shirt and the first contact of the older man's hands on his skin made him almost come in his pants like a horny teenager. He groaned deeply, and murmured,
"Let me touch you, Gil. Please, I wanna feel you."
Hastily, Gil ripped off his own shirt, and seconds later Nick plastered himself against the older man, moaning deeply by the skin on skin contact. He pressed little kisses to every inch of skin he could reach and murmured into the older man's ear,
"How can I love you, Gil, show me. What do you want?"
"Sssh...whatever you do, it's okay, Nicky." Gil moved back a little, studying the sight in front of him. Nick's hair was a little tousled, his eyes were almost black and his lips were slightly parted.
"Do you trust me, Nicky?" he asked quietly.
Nick only nodded, the abilty to speak somewhere just out of his reach.
Gil smiled. Then he reached out his hand again.
"Then let me make love to you, Nicky."
Without hesitation Nick nodded again, grabbed his hand and pulled him in for another kiss. Suddenly he laughed out loud again.
"God, how sappy...let's go to bed. I wanna have hot, steamy, dirty sex with you."
Gil joined in in his laughter and grabbed him by the hand, leading him upstairs into the bedroom.
************************************
Hours and hours passed as the two men learned each other's body. They kissed, licked, stroked and caressed every bit of skin they could find.
The first time Nick saw the older man naked, he had to think about Sara...the only thing that could cool him down and prevent him from coming on the spot.
Gil Grissom was a revelation, soft in all the right places, but also very powerful. Strong arms and legs, and a little middle-aged softness that Nick found just adorable.
Slowly, almost predatory he moved closer, settled over Gil, remaining on his hands and knees and kissed him slowly, closing his eyes, tasting him, enjoying him, relishing in his taste. Tenderly he pressed a little kiss to his nose, making the older man smile. He could feel the hard erection of his lover moving against his own, driving him slowly crazy. Now he moved down this magnificent body, worshipping it, kissing and licking the nipples which turned to hard little pebbles under his loving ministrations.
He smiled when he heard Gil murmure something unintelligible.
He reached down and took hold of Gil's erection, and the older man bucked underneath him, almost throwing him off.
"GOD, Nicky...yes...yes, touch me, stroke me, harder, faster, I...oh...yessssss..."
Fascinated, Nick listened to Gil. This man was always good for a surprise, never had he thought of him as a talker in bed. He always had imagined that Gil would be silent.
But now he wanted to taste him, wanted to really make him scream. He moved deeper until he was on eyelevel with Gil's cock, and without hesitation took him deeply into his mouth.
And had to hold Gil down or the older man would have choked him, with his sudden thrust of his hips.
Hastily he retreated, laughing silently,
"Whoa, slow down there, boy...not so fast."
Gil raised his head and for a second Nick was sure that he had never seen something as beautiful as Gil Grissom in this very moment: his hair was damp with sweat, his eyes heavy lidded, he seemed to have trouble to talk and his mouth was just begging to be kissed. A begging that Nick simply had to fulfil. He moved up, and pressed their mouths together, slipping his tongue inside and began to make love to the other man's mouth. All the while he stroked the hard erection, never releasing it or changing the rhythm.
Gil managed to last exactly twenty-five seconds more, than he came with a hoarse shout, a deep guttural moan followed as he went limp in Nick's arms.
The smell and the warmth of the semen, the heavy breathing of his lover, all of this combined brought Nick close to the edge. He reached down to take matters in his own hand (so to speak) when he felt Gil shift slightly in his arms, felt his hot breath on his ear, heard his whispered "Come for me, lover," and was lost the second he felt Gil's hand close around his own hard member.
He came with almost a sob on his lips, clinging to the older man, riding out wave after wave of hot, intense pleasure until he slowly, very, very slowly came back to earth, back into the waiting arms of his lover. He panted as if he'd just finished the New York Marathon and he felt incredible good.
Then he felt lips on his and without thinking he opened his mouth. The kiss was sweet, tender and loving. Drowning in those kisses, he felt like floating.
And from somewhere out of the blue he heard the words,
"I love you, Nicky."
Startled, he opened his eyes and gazed into the serious blue-gray eyes of his lover.
***********************************************
There.
He had said it.
Finally.
No one was laughing. The world hadn't stopped turning. The sun hadn't hidden her face in shame.
But Nick hadn't said anything either. He just lay there in his arms, his dark eyes watching him intently.
And Gil got nervous. The silence stretched and still the young man simply lay there, searching in his eyes for an answer that he, Gil, didn't even know the question for. After a few minutes, the young man moved closer, very slowly as if he would approach a wild animal.
When he was so close that Gil could feel his breath on his face, he whispered very quietly,
"Do you know what you just said?"
Gil only nodded. He knew, God, he knew. All those wasted years where he had this extraordinary man just within his reach. All those years where he never found the courage to act on impulse. And now, finally, he had gathered all his courage and had simply told him what he was feeling.
A kiss was the answer he got. A kiss so soft, so loving, so tender that it touched him deeply. There was no passion in it, the kiss was in no way meant to arouse. This kiss was saying everything the young man was feeling. Gil closed his arms around the muscular form of his lover.
After a few heartbeats, Nick ended the kiss. Again those dark brown eyes searched for his, then he took the face of the older man in his hands and spoke softly only one word,
"Mine!"
Another kiss, this time more passionate, deeper, then a little growl,
"No more flirting with Terri. No more nightly sit-in's with Sara even if your only company is a dead and decomposing pig. No more flirting with ANYONE. You're mine, Gil Grissom. I love you, and you belong to me now."
That incredible mouth came once more to rest on his, this time softer, and Gil moaned quietly. God, he never guessed that Nick could be so alpha male, but to hell with him if he didn't enjoy every single second of it. Then Nick's hands wandered down his body, searching, stroking, and within a considerable short time all the logical thoughts in Gil's mind had gone to rest. So he closed his eyes and let himself get carried away by the power of an unchained Nick Stokes who made his body explode, his mind melt away, and his soul sing.
**********************************************
Nick woke to the unfamiliar warmth of a body next to his.
Unfamiliar, but not unwelcome. Definitely not unwelcome. Soft hairs tickled his neck, and he grinned slightly. Strong arms encircled his waist and a very familiar morning erection lay comfortably nestled between his ass cheeks. He smiled without opening his eyes. God, he loved waking up like this.
Carefully, as not to wake the man behind him, he turned around and gazed into the peaceful face of his lover. He saw the fine lines around his mouth, the little furrow on his forehead, the crow's feet at his eyes. He was not handsome in the common sense of the meaning but for Nick he was the most beautiful man he had ever seen.
"Like what you see?"
Nick startled slightly when Gil suddenly murmured softly to him. Then he smiled and pressed a gentle kiss on Gil's naked shoulder.
"Very much. Morning, Gil."
One sleepy blue eye opened, regarded Nick for a second before the other eye followed slowly.
"Nicky, I..."
"Ssshh."
A kiss silenced him. Nick knew exactly what his lover wanted to say. Now, that the passion had subsided, his logical thinking would return, and he would have the time to think more closely about what happened.
Nick knew all the arguments Gil would bring up. Gil was his superior, Nick was so much younger, a relationship between co-workers could never work and even worse when said co-worker was male.
So he kept his lover silent in a very effective way...with his mouth tightly locked to his and with his tongue deeply in his mouth.
He felt Gil's resistance melt away, and after two more deep kisses, he mumured,
"I love you, Gil Grissom. Nothing you can come up with can change that. Nothing you can say will change my love for you. So you better shut up, kiss me again, and let me make love to you."
Gil shivered slightly. The mere thought of Nick entering his body made his toes curl in anticipation.
Suddenly he laughed silently. Nick looked at him with a questioning look. Gil pulled him down to him again and whispered against his mouth, repeating bugman's lover's words from a few weeks earlier,
"I think we should send Catherine some flowers to say thanks."
Laughing out loud, Nick bent down and kissed him soundly.
"Yeah, I think we should."
The end