SquidgeWorld Archive

A Game of Mah Jong
by Luz Maria

Cosmically Terrifying. He couldn't handle it.

That's what Beka said he called me. I guess I can be that way now, even if I don't mean to be. I tossed around on the bed of my old/new quarters trying to get comfortable. Looking around, the room was populated by brightly colored furniture fluffy pillows and bedsheets, plants, toys and card games I'd collected while on the Maru and the Andromeda, plants, a few pictures, plants and purple.

Was I really that childish at this age? I don't remember anymore. Sitting up, I ran my fingers through my hair and got out of bed. I should have known I wouldn't be able to sleep right away.

I walked to what was my old/new closet and opened it, looking inside, trying to decide what I could wear that was comfortable but wasn't the leather outfit I came aboard the Maru into this time with. I found a black terrycloth robe. That works. It's just the Obs. Deck I'm going to anyway.

The halls were silent as I walked to the Obs. Deck but were well lit. I missed being in well lit places like the Andromeda. Much as the Maru feels like home to me, it's just not the same place it used to be. The doors to the Obs. Deck opened as I approached and entered.

And Harper was sitting on the floor looking out the view port in his pajamas leaning back on his hands. I stopped and thought about the conversation we had earlier today in the conduit.

"Beka send you again?" he said to me as I leaned over him with the nanomanipulator in my hand.

"Yes."

Harper reluctantly took the tool I held out with my hand and I sat down next to him. Least he didn't shoo me away this time like he did twice over the two days. "Thanks."

I surveyed the damaged conduit, now almost fixed. One thing I had to learn as I grew up was how to deal with machines. I had no choice after... once we lost several members of the Andromeda crew. I pursed my lips and continued, not looking at Harper. "Looks good, just like new."

"Not really." Harper kept his eyes on the conduit and only started to dart them back and forth when he spoke to me again. "Some of the parts don't exactly match so there are some microscopic stresses. I had to mix a little human engineering with uh, alien technology. Who knows if that can work?" Harper stopped working and stared at me. "You know that's the problem when you try to fix things, Trance. Now matter how hard you try to put something back together, it'll never be quite the same."

He wasn't talking about the conduit and we both knew it. Harper was trying to get his point across where our friendship was concerned without having to say I screwed up outright. I couldn't help but smile as I chose my words carefully. "You're right. But maybe if that something is important enough, and you try really hard at it, it can turn into something different. Maybe even... something better."

It was too dark to tell for sure, but I think he began to blush. "Maybe. You wanna double check my welds while I reattach these links?" He held out a sensor for me to use.

I took it from his hand with a smile. "Yes. Let's get to work."

I turned to leave Harper to his thoughts, and was nearly out the door when I heard him say, "Can't sleep either, huh?"

I shook my head, not looking out him. No matter how much I changed, Harper still knew me better than anyone else on board. Maybe a bit too well if you ask me. "No, I'm not used to my old quarters. It's been a long time since I had to sleep there."

I heard a sigh come from Harper's direction. "Things really were so different where you came from?"

"Something like that." I approached him slowly and sat down next to him. To Harper's credit, he didn't flinch. He just leaned back on his elbows.

"Do you remember what you used to do when you couldn't sleep? Before the changes, I mean?"

I tried to think. "Well I remember one time we played Yesheedono until three in the morning."

Harper smiled. At the window instead of me, but he smiled. "I meant when you first came aboard the Maru. Back when neither of us could sleep."

Oh, he meant back when we both used to have nightmares and Beka made us share one bunk to sleep. Beka's thinking was that since we were both keeping her awake, maybe each other's company would help to get us to sleep so she could finally get some peace. It worked so well the two of us became friends and still joke about it. Or used to, at any rate.

***

Harper woke up screaming for someone named Ozzie. It was the third time this week he had a dream of whomever this Ozzie was and whatever happened to him.

Trance would do the polite thing and ask, but her own dreams were keeping her awake. And what made her wake up at night was not something she wanted to talk about. Besides, Beka usually stormed out of her quarters into the Common Area and yell if we both got too noisy.

Beka looked angry as she came out of her room and turned on the lights, rubbing her eyes and glaring at us. "Alright, I have had about enough of the two of you. Last night it was Trance, today it's Harper. I need sleep before we meet our client tomorrow, so we have to do something about this. Harper, get in the bunk with Trance, now."

Harper's eyes went wide. "What? But I don't even know her. I mean, she's cute in her own purple way, and I'm sure she's nice and all, but she's only been here a few days. Don't you think it's a bit early to play matchmaker or something?"

"You heard me. If either of you two have another nightmare, you can calm the other one down while I get some much needed rest."

Harper looked almost frightened. "Beka, I don't think this is a good..."

Beka cut him off with a wave of his hand and motioned to my bunk. "No buts. Now get in. Trance, move over."

"Okay" I whispered, scooting over. I was too tired to argue. Besides, the company might be a good idea.

Harper slid onto the bunk beside me and settled on his back, staring straight ahead with an expression like a scared cat. I bit my lower lip and managed not to laugh.

"Alright, I want no more yelps, cries, or screams unless it's my alarm telling me it's 0800, clear?" We both nodded. Beka's glare softened a little, and she squeezed Harper's shoulder. "Sweet dreams." And then she went back to bed.

"Easy for her to say," Harper muttered, not taking his eyes off the ceiling.

I pretended to drift off into a slumber.

***

"I remember. Are nightmares the reason why you're awake at this hour?"

Harper stiffened, which meant he was about to either lie to save face or try to find a way to change the subject as quickly as possible. At this point, I wasn't sure which it would be. "No, it's not. I was just thinking about it. About what things were like before I got sick."

I studied his face. Harper looked much older than I remembered him to. I'm guessing that was because I didn't want to remember his illness, or my failure in the end to cure him. All I know is that there seemed to be wisdom in his soul I had failed to notice. Perhaps it has always been there.

"Do you want to play Yesheedono?"

Harper smirked. It was a good sign. "Nah, you always win."

"Oh." I looked down and faked disappointment. I was a lot better at doing this to get my way before Harper's illness, before all my mistakes that led to things looking as bleak as they were when I came back here. I wondered if I could still fake other emotions if I had to.

"We could play something else." Harper looked at me.

"Poker?"

"No, I'd hate to think I'd be adding to whatever the interest is on the eighty four million thrones I still owe you."

I couldn't help grinning. "You cleared that debt years ago. How about mah jong? I promise no wagers on that one."

"Sure. I think Beka still has a set on the Maru we can use."

-----------------------------------

Closing my eyes, I concentrated on the sound of the tiles clattering together as Harper moved them about on the table. It was a high pitch clattering noise, similar to an ancient Earth game known as dominos that was played nearly two thousand years ago.

Not that I've ever actually played dominos. But I've seen how the game is played in ancient holodramas.

Harper for his part just moved the tiles in a shuffle. "Do you want to get any refreshments before we start?"

"I'm fine, thank you."

Harper stopped moving the tiles and selected one. I did the same. He chose a tile with five bamboo sticks, and I wound up with one with three dots.

Harper got the higher value, and that meant that he got to go first. Harper smiled. "Ok, I'm going to grab a Sparky."

I nodded, and started to set up the stacks for his wall needed to play in front of his space. "So, what is keeping you awake tonight anyway?"

"I had work that needed to be done, and I'm too wound up to actually crash now. I was thinking of going back to Machine Shop Five and work on..." Harper paused, looking at me. I smiled. There was no way of knowing that the first time around, I had to help finish the project in Machine Shop Five, but I think he just figured out that I must have learned what was in there.

"I know what's in there from past experience, Harper. But I don't plan on telling anyone. Dylan is already aware I know about the bombs."

Harper visibly gulped. "Well, I was thinking of working in the Shop when you came into Obs Deck on my break. And it can wait." He sat down and took a swig. "Thanks for setting up the stacks for me."

"No problem." I selected another tile to tell me where to cut the stacks, this time the character tile for seven, and finished up the tile distribution before we began to play without another word.

The first round went pretty easily, but slowly considering that the version of mah jong we were playing was for two people instead of the traditional four. (Again, I've never played the traditional game, only seen it in holodramas like everyone else.) Harper was as surprised as I was when he won.

"Are you sure you're not letting me win?"

"Yes. I'm not as good with strategy games as you think." I shuffled the tiles again to prepare for another round.

This round, I got a pung in my draw and declared it. Harper smirked at it. "Now there's the purple princess I know so well, revealed at last. I was wondering where she went to."

I looked at him. "I'm not purple anymore, remember?"

Harper's smirk faded. "Yeah... I know." Harper declared a kong and took a deep breath. "I need to know something Trance, and uh, I'd appreciate the truth."

Oh oh. This is probably the question I didn't want to answer but knew I'd probably had to sooner or later. "I'll give you the best answer I can give." I drew another tile and looked at my hand. Another pair, but no pung or chow I could declare on this turn. I discarded a useless tile.

Harper took the discarded tile and declared chow. "Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why not Höhne? He was a genius. Was his death that big of a factor in how things turn out?"

I declared kong and looked Harper right in the eye, pausing to word things carefully. "In the perfect possible future, neither of you are much of a factor. Except to us, that is."

Harper frowned. "Then how could you take my decision to save him from me? Trance, I can't begin to work on fixing things unless you give me an idea of why." He took my hand, stopping me. "Please."

I bit my lip. "Well, I'll give you the same reason I gave Dylan. I saved you because you're my friend. That's the only reason that mattered to me."

Harper looked down at the tiles for a long while before he said anything. Finally he looked back up, misty eyed. "Well, that was the same reason why I wanted to save Höhne, so I think I understand. But I'd be lying if I said it was your decision to make." Harper put down the tiles. "Trance, you have to understand something. You may have come back to change things, but... if I died back in your past, then maybe I was supposed to die here. And maybe he wasn't your friend, but Höhne was mine. And I made the choice to save him."

"Maybe, but I already told you. You are a factor to how we approach our choices, because you are our friend. And even if you are not important to the best possible future, you are important to the ones who are. Harper, you asked me for the best answer I can give you. This is it." I declared another kong, discarding a spare tile. Harper picked it up on the next turn, declaring pung with a frown. I wondered if he was mad or just trying to figure out what I meant by my words. Knowing Harper, it was probably a bit of both.

I must have not shuffled the tiles well this time around. We went a few more turns, not saying much and not really getting anywhere. Harper declared two more pung and was down to his last tile. One more pair and he would have won.

My hand never went past that third kong. But I could feel the tension building as he finished off his Sparky. Tossing it into a nearby garbage can he muttered, "You know, I really did like you more when you were purple, quirky, and innocent."

I discarded another tile, which Harper took and declared mah jong. I looked directly at him. "Me too. But I really haven't been like that since before you got sick."

He looked at his tiles and declared mah jong, not satisfied with his win. "No, you haven't."

"So, now what?" I waited, wondering if I should shuffle the tiles.

Harper stood up. "I'm gonna crash. I... need to think about this. Look, thanks for the game at least, okay?" Harper left as quickly as he could.

"I understand," I said, and started to put the tiles away.

--------------------------------------

I went back to my quarters after wards, not feeling any sleepier than I did when I went to the Obs Deck. Kicking off my slippers and taking off my robe, I decided that maybe music was in order. "Rommie, do you have any ancient jazz in your database?"

Rommie's hologram appeared. "Which planetary genre?"

I pursed my lips in thought. "Something from Earth, maybe?"

Rommie closed her eyes for a few moments before Rhapsody in Blue began to play. It was perfect. "How is that?"

"That works."

I expected the hologram to disappear and go back to whatever it is she does to occupy herself at night. Instead she said, "Trance, are you okay? You seem a little down."

I sat on my bed, which I may add needs to have the fluffy pillows and lilac sheets replaced with something, I don't know, maybe earth tone, and sighed. "Not really. You know, I came back here to keep things from going as badly as they did the first time around. And I know the crew like I know myself. But right now I feel like a fish out of water. You know what I mean?"

Rommie nodded. "Kind of the way people start treating me differently once they find out my avatar is a part of me and not an organic sentient of her own?"

I smiled. Rommie understood. "I never treated you differently after Harper made her."

"I know. It was one of the things I liked so much about you, older or younger." Rommie paused. "I think we just need to get used to having you grow up so quickly, come from who knows how many years in the future, and changing your look so drastically without your telling us how or why. Trance, it's a lot to take in at once."

I smirked. "You make this sound like a hopeless cause."

"It's not. If it was, Dylan would have never let you stay on."

"Dylan is used to fighting for hopeless causes and adapting to change. But I'm not. And I'm worried the rest of the crew isn't either." I rested my chin in my hands.

I think if I were speaking to Rommie's avatar, she would have touched my shoulder or something. As it was, she switched to her smaller form and positioned it on my bed. "They'll come around, Trance. We just need time to adjust. But we will, sooner or later." She tilted her head. "Remind me to change some of the décor in your room to suit the older you. And talk to Dylan about changing your clothes."

I looked at my violet night shirt and laughed. "I look terrible in purple now, don't I?"

"I think a Chichin would carry it better." Rommie winked out. I laid back down on the bed and settled in to listen to the music and began to dose off, thinking about the younger me.

Harper whimpered in the bunk next to me, whispering for Ozzie and Brendan in his sleep. I tried not to wake him up, since the first night I did that and he swung at me, but if I'm ever going to sleep again, I'll need to do something about his dreams, and soon.

"Ozzie... we got to go get Ozzie, Brendan. I don't care if he's dead. We can't just leave him..."

I took a deep breath and slipped my tail around his waist as gently as I could, pulling him into a hug behind me. Harper whimpered another protest, thinking I was this Brendan person pulling him away, but he didn't wake up. Instead, Harper just rolled over in his sleep and tucked his head against the back of my shoulder, one hand on my hip as he did so. I felt my shoulder get wet from tears.

Poor guy. Whatever happened to him must have been bad. I sighed and tried not to startle him as I rolled over to look at him.

Harper stopped whimpering and snuggled back in, moving his hand to my stomach as he did so. I started to get sleepy. I closed my eyes and started to dose off when I heard Harper whisper, "Trance?"

"Yeah?" I sounded more awake than I felt, but I kept my eyes closed hoping he'd get the hint and try to sleep.

"Uh, why is your tail around my waist?"

I opened my eyes and covered my mouth to yawn. "Well, you were whimpering in your sleep, so I thought you might need a hug."

"But with your tail?"

"It's an extremity like arms and legs. Besides, I didn't want to turn over in case you woke up swinging again."

Harper looked sheepish, even in the dark. "Sorry about that."

"It's okay." I smiled. "I knew you were dreaming. What do you dream about anyway?"

Harper hesitated. "I... I don't remember. Maybe Earth? What do you dream about?"

I grinned and took a deep breath, wondering how much detail was safe to give. I decided as little as possible would be best, since Harper seems to be more curious than most humans I met since I left home. Touching Harper's forehead, I said, "I dream about running. And sometimes falling. You should try to get some rest now."

Harper closed his eyes and relaxed, keeping his hand on my stomach, fingers just touching my tail. It felt nice, even a bit soothing. Harper's breathing soon evened out and he fell back to sleep.

I noticed he didn't ask me to move my tail.

I heard someone in my room, and felt the bed shift as that person sat down when my alarm went off at 0600. I tried not to move so that whoever it was, he or she wouldn't know I was awake. "Trance?"

Harper. I opened my eyes and looked at him. He had dark circles under his eyes, which were a bit bloodshot. Harper must not have slept the whole night. "Yes?"

"Do you really think it wouldn't have made a difference which of us died?"

I tried to see the possibilities in my muffled, sleepy state. Again, it didn't matter if it was Höhne or Harper. I shook my head.

"And it only affects the decisions the people you see in your perfect future make?"

I nodded again and prayed I wouldn't ever have to tell him the truth. You see, the first time around, my younger self managed to convince Harper to use the tesseract machine. The only thing that went wrong was that I took too long, and the larvae hatched just as we were about to turn the machine on.

So, we had to kill Harper anyway. None of us recovered.

As for Höhne... well, he couldn't handle the guilt of knowing Harper offered to give his life to save him. Reekeb, his assistant told him what happened. So Höhne took his own life a few months later.

It was the first of way too many mistakes on my part.

Harper blinked. "Move over."

"Huh?"

"Move over."

I did, and Harper settled down beside me. If I had a tail, I'd test the waters and put it around his waist. But I lost that before Harper died the first time. So I just stared at him as he stared at the ceiling. "I... guess I owe you my thanks."

"For what?"

"Saving me."

I turned my back to him, seeing the possibilities wind down, and the chances towards the perfect one I failed to create before increased a little. I sighed in relief and felt Harper move on the bed before he squeezed my shoulder slightly with one hand. "You would have done the same for me, Harper. Now, try and get some sleep."

"Trance?"

"Yes Harper?" I felt his fingers in my hair. It wasn't as soothing as when he used to touch my tail to get me to sleep, but it was close.

"So, why did you change your hair color, anyway?"

-- End -