Work Text:
Healing 2: Reaching Critical
by Lady Bard
*** indicates narration change
"Harper when I get my hands on you... I swear... You insensitive, heartless cold, plant killer. I'll... I'll... Do something!" Trance rants as she chases Harper through the Andromeda.
At this moment, there path is taking them past my office-space. This is where I used to do all my paper work before Raday betrayed me. It doesn't hurt so much now to think that word in the same sentence as raday but it still shakes me up whenever it crosses my mind.
The sound of Harper's laughter is infectious and I have to smile. He's rarely genuinely happy so the burst of good-humor is actually refreshing. I find it easier to ignore the fact that He and Trance are tramping all over Andromeda, who is probably enjoying herself just because he's really happy. I wonder what punishment Trance will think up for his abuse of her plants? It'll probably be lots of fun for us and work for Harper and I find myself hoping to not be so depressed when it comes time for Harper to pay up.
I find my head has fallen forward on to my hands and that I'm silently crying and I won't can't fight it any more. For once, I know we're safe and I have time to grieve for everything. Circling above a perceeds controled world, we have time to relax and resupply.
I don't know where to start or if all the tears in the world will help. Maybe if I start with the most recent event... The loss of Sarah and knowing I could have stayed with her but that I chose to return here on what feels like a fool's mission. The loss of all my friends, of my entire world. I have no one now and a part of me wants to quit but I know I won't. I don't have it in me to do that.
I find my thoughts wandering to recent events and hoping Beca's brother will be able to stay out of trouble. Then I'm thinking of her again...
it was so good to see her, to hold her if only for a little while. I hope she moved on and found some happiness. I hope that someday I'll be able to move on and if not find love then at least contentment.
I'm amazed at the need to survive that I feel. How Niadzschean of me: Raday would be proud and so would Tyr if he new. Why am I smiling at the thought of Tyr? He's a Niadzschean but that thought doesn't cause me much anger any more not after seeing the way the Niadzschean captain was taking care of her. He reminded me that not all Niadzscheans were involved in the revolt and that friendship does matter. I think they could be happy together. Maybe he stayed with her. I hope so. I wouldn't want her being as alone as I am.
I feel so lost. Me, Dylan Hunt, captain of the System's Commonwelth ship Andromeda ascendent out of options and hope. I wonder what difference I'll make here, wonder if I would have been better off fighting the good fight with Sarah. Sarah...?
***
It takes me quite sometime to find him, the fool He scared at least a year off me and I could kill him for that alone. I can't help but stand here and watch him a bit. He is magnificent for a human, for any species really.
When I asked for a status report from Harper it was hard to stay calm. Hard to pretend I was simply doing a job yet until the, very moment he left I would have sworn I was doing exactly that.
I'll never be able to leave him now. I suppose he will eventually move on but not for a while. He was completely in love with Sarah a feeling I thought I would never understand but I find myself hurting for him and because of him. I find the notion of another touching him distasteful.
How did this happen? How did my world turn so completely up-side-down? I don't understand.
I walk up behind him gently laying a hand on his shoulder and he jumps.
***
The hand on my shoulder startles me back from the memories of better times and I jump. "Yes."
"Dylan?" The voice is soft and questioning, almost hypnotic and belongs to Tyr.
"Tyr." I know my voice sounds husky from crying but I can't ignore him. "What do you need?"
***
Oh I feel foolish now. Of course he grieves for her loss but we thought a box of Chocolate would help considering the bag he hides in the desk in his quarters. Why me?
I suggested it and Beca leaving me with the strangest look on her face acquired it for us. I was told she drove a good bargain. I don't remember what I said but apparently it didn't sound too altruistic because I now hold one box of chocolate in my hands.
"They were concerned for you but cannot come so it fell to me." I thrust the box in front of his face and he spins around and stares.
His face is tear streaked and I find myself angered, then just as suddenly I feel sorrow. What do I say? How can I comfort him when I'm overjoyed he returned to us alone?
"You did your best Dylan. Maybe she found some joy."
I once more hold the box out.
***
I don't think I want to know how they found this or what they did to get it but I'm glad. I'm facing him before I think about it. There goes respect. I must look like hell. My face is tear streaked and my mouth trembles slightly. My body wants to indulge in another crying jag but I firmly control it. His words startle me.
"You did your best Dylan. Maybe she found some joy."
He's holding out the box again and my hand is reaching out to take it and our fingers brush. Neither of us move. I find that I can't.
The box hangs between us so I gently tug and it moves forward, so does he.
***
I'm so close to him now. It's hard to breathe or think. My upbringing doesn't help me here. He pulls on the box again and I almost overbalance. I stop myself by grabbing his shoulder. I had no idea his skin would feel so warm, even through his uniform.
I don't have time to think how disgraceful my behavior is because I'm moving forward my lips brushing his with the faintest of caresses. HOW soft his mouth feels. I'm drowning in sensation. Nothing has ever felt like this. He sighs softly and leans forward seemingly under the same spell that holds me. Then an unholy shriek pierces the air and we jump apart the small box of chocolates falling to the floor.
We both grab for it and somehow manage not to bump heads.
***
"What the hell?" Are the first words that come out of my mouth but I'm not sure if I'm referring to the kiss or the shrieking that is getting closer.
Tyr's watching me his eyes looking huge and frightened. "It's alright. Tyr. Thank you. I needed that, the contact. I don't know what to do how I'll go on but thank you."
I suddenly know this is cause for drastic action and I hide the sudden amusement that runs through me. Sometimes I'm not sure how I made it to captain considering how badly I deal with stress but then this is no ordinary situation. How many people have been frozen for three-hundred years while all they know disappear?
I rise and wrap my arms around him. He is completely still in my arms then tentatively returns my embrace. He leans his head against my shoulder and I rest mine atop his.
He's rubbing my back soothingly and I wonder who taught him such gentleness. Even in the commonwealth Niadzscheans weren't the most affectionate of people. I find myself crying again but this time I'm not alone.
***
I have no idea how much time passes while I hold him.. I am aware that my hands are rubbing circles over his back and that his crying is slowly abating but that's about it. My senses are filled with him and for the moment that is all that matters.
"Dylan, I don't mean to interrupt but Harper and Trance are painting me different colors. Would you mind stopping them please?"
***
Rommie's voice is like a splash of cold water and I pull away from him.
"They're doing what?"
They went down to the surface and have been running around yelling at each other ever since they got back. There feet seem to have some kind of pigment on them and it's spreading."
"Where are they?" I ask trying not to laugh.
"They're with the plants apparently Harper is going to replant the things he exploded."
A faint sound from Tyr draws my eyes to him and I see him shaking with silent mirth. Well it's funny but Rommie doesn't have to know.
"Alright, give us a couple of minutes," and she does.
I turn to Tyr unsure of the words I'll say. I don't need this, don't need another Niadzschean getting past my defenses but he felt so good in my arms.
"Friends?" 'Oh good job Dylan./ He's watching me and my mouth speaks again.. "Tyr," My hand is lightly touching his face. "It's too soon for anything. I hurt so much. I don't want to start something just because it feels good."
***
His words fall like blows yet I expected something like this. "It's fine Dylan. I was just trying to comfort you. We can't have you grieving yourself into an illness. I believed if I offered myself to you it would help you recover from your loss."
I know his first officer was Niadzschean, but how close were they? How much does he know of my people?
***
His words should have hurt but they don't. I know why he says them and a part of me wants to toss him on the couch across the room and screw him silly but I don't.
The more time I spend with him the less I know him. He's a strange mix of both Niadzschean and human traits. I wonder if that comes from the loss of his pride at such an early age. I decide to simply ignore his beast remarks.
"Will you come with me to see what Trance and Harper have done?"
"If you'd like."
"Then let's go: and Tyr, just because I'm not interested now doesn't mean I'm not open to the idea," and the part of me that knows I cannot survive alone, wants to try had me leaning forward and brushing my lips across his.
Then I was walking past him and out the door. My grief was not gone but had been lessened by the least expected of my crew. That makes me smile and I can almost feel Sarah's approval. She may have not wanted to move on but she would have wanted me to if no way was found for us to be together.
end?