Work Text:
It's Inevitable To Fail
by Ragna
WritingGoddess@aol.com
Death is a funny thing. Sometimes, a person can die and you'll mourn for months or years and maybe you'll never get over it. Other times, a person dies doing something heroic and you'll remember not the major event but all the little things they did every day.
And other times a person will slip on into death in a way no one expected and the hole left by their absence is so deep that you're afraid nothing will ever fill it, and you slip into a deep, horrible, dark despair.
Wesley did that; Angel had persuaded him to go and find the cure for Fred. He wasn't there when Fred disappeared and Illyria came into existence, and he's been hating himself and hating that reincarnated goddess every day since.
Angel's been hating himself for making Wesley go and not letting him be by her side. We had all thought maybe she could be saved...when we failed, and failed her in the process, there was nothing that could be done to lift the sorrow.
But I was there. I held her hand as she told me her life story, as she counted numbers idly, as she tried so hard to stay Fred that I was afraid it wouldn't work and still hoping very much that it would work, that she'd be there with her bright smile and strange humor.
It was no wonder Wesley loved her.
She told me things to tell everyone. She wanted us to move on, fight the god fight, stop squabbling with each other. She wanted Angel to remember he was the boss but he was still alive and needed a life.
She talked about Wesley a lot. Never had liked the stuffed shirt before, but seeing him through her eyes brought a rather grudging respect for the man. She was enamored with him. I rather bet they'd be married and away from this hell hole if things had gone differently.
And she told me...well, she told me to stop picking on Angel and to be the hero I really was, too.
She knew when she was leaving. She started to cry. It was the only time the whole time I was there with her that she cried. She wanted her mother, her father, Wesley...she wanted those who weren't there, who couldn't be there. That broke my dead heart.
And then she stopped crying for just one moment, a wistful but sad smile on her face, and she was gone.
I thought it was over, and then...Illyria.
I hate the bitch almost as much as Wesley, I think. She stole Fred. And I'll do my damnedest to make her pay for that as long as we both exist.
END