Work Text:
Desire -HollyShannensAngel
As she watches Teyla's hand entwines with John's, jealously enters her system, though Elizabeth never imagined that she would become jealous. This was not to say that she isn't the jealous type, after all, everybody, who is anybody becomes jealous one time or another, including herself.
But to become jealous over a woman?
That certainly wasn't her. Then again being in another galaxy changed her, and made her realise the important things, and, unfortunately, it has its pros and cons. One con would be the giving up of her life, family and Simon. That's not to say she was unaware of the risks - of course she did - and a part of Simon knew that there would be no chance of her returning. A part of Elizabeth wishes to have told him face-to-face, instead of him watching a recording, but that was the protocol. Nevertheless, he now knew the truth and, if it be told, she was relieved.
There are times when her mind wanders back to Earth and back to Simon and whether or not he had found someone else. Was she selfish enough to want him to wait? To begin with, yes, but as the months went past, and calling Atlantis 'home', it dawned on her that she didn't want Simon to wait. She wanted him to move on, as she herself was doing. Unfortunately, Elizabeth found herself attracted to the one person she never imagined: Teyla Emmagan, whose very name sends a shiver down Elizabeth's spine.
The thought of Teyla's lips against her own, exploring every aspect of her body with her own, sharing herself with Teyla, making her feel alive and happy and waking up with her day-after-day, crosses Elizabeth's mind constantly, almost to the point of distraction. But to actually tell Teyla the truth had never crossed her mind. After all, Teyla is from another galaxy and to reveal her true feelings would be wrong - not morally wrong - just wrong.
How would Teyla understand? Not only is she from another galaxy but Teyla's understanding, as well as her morals and upbringing differs from Elizabeth's. Which is why there is no doubt in Elizabeth's mind that Teyla has never come across the thought of a woman being attracted to another woman, as far as she knew.
The thought of being attracted to Teyla doesn't shame her, quite the opposite in fact, but Elizabeth knows that she can't tell Teyla, especially as she is thinking of moving her relationship with John to the next level.
But when Teyla asked her for her opinion on whether or not she ought to move to the next level, Elizabeth saw her life crash around her and any hope of Teyla being attracted to her dashed.
And that is when the thought finally crossed her mind that she should have taken the step and told or shown Teyla her feelings. But she couldn't bear to feel pain of rejection, instead she told Teyla that she should do what her heart desires.
When, Rodney asked her what she thought of Teyla and John's relationship, she'd lied and told him that she was happy for them. Yet in reality she is far from happy, she still wants to show Teyla the truth and wants to be the one who is a part of Teyla's life. She wants to be the one who makes Teyla feel alive and happy. It is too late now, and she had her chance, but let it slip through her fingers. Now there is no hope of it becoming a reality, but that won't stop Elizabeth from having these desires. Nevertheless, the only thing Elizabeth can do is imagine what life would be like if she had shown Teyla her true feelings and revealed the truth.
But imagining is still not the same as knowing...is it?
End.