Work Text:
Loss by HollyShannensAngel
A/N: Takes place three weeks after the finale.
Half of Atlantis is still in ruins. We've lost countless number of people, and yet my mind goes back to one - Peter Grodin, and to that fateful day.
Only a few hours ago, we were talking, arguing and drawing short pencils and the next? The satellite was blowing up with Peter still inside. My world had fallen, as did my life.
I haven't even grieved - men, real men don't cry; don't show their emotions, only women do.
Then again, what kind of man am I? I've lost my lover, my partner, my soul mate, my friend and I've lost half of who I am, who I became. Now what am I? Weak, lost, and in need of Peter. How could he be so selfish? How could he leave me behind? My only purpose for living was Peter, so what purpose have I got now?
To this day, I still have nightmares; I still visualise the satellite blowing up. He knew he wasn't going to make it and that made it worse. I wish that I could turn back time, give my life for Peter's or say "I love you" one last time. But I'll never get the chance.
I'd never give up my life, not for anyone else's, but Peter changed me, he made a better person and I never even thanked him for it, not really.
For the past three weeks I've build this shield around me. People keep asking me how I'm doing and I lie and tell them, "I'm fine." I know they don't buy it, but I don't care. They don't understand, no one does, how can they? How can anyone? I don't either.
I'm not sure if ready. Yes, three weeks may have passed, but I'm not ready to grieve or to let go. And yet, here I am, in the comfort of Peter's quarters.
Where his smell and things surround me. Even now, his untouched bed linen smells of us. Sometimes, I think I feel his presence, but I know that that's just me hoping.
I find myself crawling into his bed, clutching onto his pillow...where I finally let go and break down.
End