SquidgeWorld Archive

Chapter Text

Many thanks go to my editor, Teewinot for all her hard work, support, and suggestions, and to my betas, Heather-Anne and Lynn M., who help with the technical and keep me on track. Additional thanks to Marg Yamanaka who provided me with details of Toronto's "First Night" New Year's Eve celebration.

NOTE: This story contains religious themes. If this subject matter bothers you, please feel free to delete. Also, I don't claim to have a lock on theology, especially Catholic theology, so please be understanding.

DISCLAIMER: The Forever Knight characters in this story do not belong to me. They were created by J. Parriott and B. Cohen and are owned by Sony/TriStar. No profit is being made from the posting of this piece of fan fiction. It is purely to share for the enjoyment of the fans of the show.

07:00 PM, December 31, 1999--The Raven

"Mortals," Lacroix chuckled. Leaning against the bar, he sipped at the contents of his goblet. "The new millennium doesn't start for another YEAR ... or the new century either, for that matter. All this hype and bustle for an event that is as yet 366 days away." He shook his head. "Your Gregorian calendar is so arbitrary. How can you even know when the new millennium begins? You don't buy into this hype, do you, Nicholas?"

"Of course not. I'm just concerned that members of the community might be tempted into indiscretion. After all, tonight's celebration will be the largest Toronto has ever seen. All those people...."

"Ripe for the picking. Yes, I see your point. But you can't patrol all of Toronto yourself."

"I don't intend to. I was rather hoping I could count on your support. Let me know if you hear anything suspicious." Nick's eyes glimmered in the low light.

Lacroix's gaze was disdainful. What did he care for his son's precious mortals? Nothing. But then, Nicholas meant everything to him. What wouldn't he do for this child who had so recently begun to mend the fence between them? Heaving a sigh, his lips curved into a grin. "For you, Nicholas. Just this once."

"Thank you!" Clasping his master's shoulder, he squeezed gently. "I have to go," he said, pushing his way quickly through the growing crowd.

"You owe me." His ears caught the words as Nick opened the door and slipped out of the club.

08:00 PM, December 31, 1999--Harbourfront, Queen's Quay

"You look lovely, Nat."

Rubbing her hands together for warmth, she gave her escort an incredulous glance. "I look like an Inuit! Why do New Year's celebrations always have to be so cold?"

With his best "innocent" smile Nick replied, "Because it's winter?" He ducked as she batted him with her purse. Removing his trenchcoat, he wrapped it around her shoulders and pulled her close. "Only a few more hours and we can go inside and warm up."

"That sounds wonderful!" Chattering teeth emphasized her words.

The length of Queen's Quay between Yonge and Jarvis Streets had been blocked to all traffic except the streetcars for Toronto's "First Night" celebration. Party-goers wandered the avenue, perusing the vendors' wares and enjoying the street entertainment. Giant television screens scattered around the area showed pictures of New Year's Eve celebrations around the world. Natalie watched the colorful spectacle as a light snow began to fall.

"How about I get you a little something to eat?" Nick steered her toward a vendor selling Chinese food. Handing her a box of Kung Pao Chicken, he wrapped an arm around her waist.

She shoveled in a mouthful with her chopsticks. "Mmmm.... This is marvelous! Thank you! It's just what I needed to warm up a little."

"Anything to help a fair maiden in distress." He pulled her a little closer. While not affected by the arctic chill, he found her warmth addicting.

The pair wandered over to where a group of entertainers dressed as Holsteins were regaling the crowd. Children laughed and cavorted amongst them. Natalie turned to her companion. "Make you hungry?"

"Nah. I made sure I'd fed well before picking you up."

"Have you ever seen anything more ridiculous?"

"Not recently." He laughed.

They began to amble down the street, enjoying the sights. On the south side of Queen's Quay, a block east of Yonge, was where the main musical entertainment would be held. Nick wanted to be sure they got there early enough to get a good spot. The concert was scheduled to start at 9:00.

"Look, Nick!" Natalie stopped and pointed. "Hot chocolate! I could really use some of that right about now."

He approached the vendor and purchased the largest one on the menu. Handing it to her, he watched as she wrapped appreciative hands around the warm styrofoam cup and sipped the rich, brown liquid.

"Mmmm. You should really try this. I think you'd like it." She offered the steaming drink to the vampire. He politely refused with a shake of his head.

"You drink it, Nat. It'll warm you up."

They reached the concert site and found themselves a good position opposite center-stage. Natalie leaned into Nick, snuggling for warmth that wasn't there. No matter. It was enough to be near him on this special New Year's Eve. Suddenly, she felt him stiffen. "What's the matter?" He didn't answer right away, staring off into the depths of the sky. "Nick?"

"I've gotta go. Someone's in trouble. Just stay here, Nat. I'll find you. I'll find you," he repeated, pushing his way quickly through the growing throng of people.

Natalie stood, dazed by his sudden departure.

08:47 PM, December 31, 1999--Lake Ontario shoreline

Landing quietly behind a small grove, Nick's senses tingled, indicating the presence of another vampire. Using his sensitive night vision, he located a couple standing by a tree near the shore.

"No! Let me go!" The young woman struggled against her assailant, but was unable to break his hold. The man--vampire--held her tightly by her upper arms, staring intently into her eyes. The victim ceased her struggles and stood placidly while flashing fangs descended toward her throat. They never connected.

Nick's flying leap quickly closed the distance, knocking the renegade away from his prey. They rolled in the sandy soil, struggling for dominance. Wrapping an arm around the stranger's neck, he dragged the man to his feet. The victim had recovered and fled.

A sudden move by his captive had Nick flying over the man's head and landing with a thud. Twisting, he was back on his feet in an instant. Rushing the other vampire, he tackled him, landing them near the grove.

All Nick saw before a sudden pain pierced his chest was the flash of an arm from behind a tree. Light exploded behind his eyes, blinding him. His hands clamped around the branch embedded near his heart, unable to do more than hold on. Blackness engulfed him as a scarlet river stained the sand.

08:52 PM, December 31, 1999--The Raven

Lacroix buckled slightly as an ethereal pain pierced his chest. A familiar cry echoed in his mind, vibrating across his connection with his son. Without another thought, he was out the back door. Taking to the air, he flew swiftly toward the lakeshore.

08:55 PM, December 31, 1999--Lake Ontario shoreline

Landing softly, Lacroix made his way to the figure lying in the sand. "Nicholas." He knelt down, pulling the makeshift stake from his son's chest. The amount of blood coloring the ground was alarming. Biting into his wrist, he offered his own life-blood to his child. With the barest of movements, Nick turned his head away from the source of healing.

### Between Worlds ###

He had been here before. Nick looked around the barren landscape of white sand, the blue lake glistening in the endlessly clear, sunny sky. Amidst the starkness of the landscape stood a door. No building. No support. Just a door. It was open, and the light inside shone with painful brilliance. A figure stood framed in the opening, silhouetted by the light.

Walking forward, Nick shaded his eyes. Squinting into the brightness, he tried to discern who his guide was this time. "I'm dying," he offered by way of introduction.

"Yes." The voice was hauntingly familiar. He edged nearer. The figure stepped out of the doorway and brushed his robe's hood back.

"Schanke!" For a moment, Nick forgot himself in the joy of seeing his old partner again. Running forward, he reached out to touch his friend.

"Yup, Partner, I'm real." Don grinned. "I just want you to know you were wrong, Pal. You told me there was nothing on the other side. Remember? Well, I can tell you, things are pretty good here. Well, not here, but, you know." His crooked smile was pure Schanke as he hooked a thumb over his shoulder, indicating the door.

"It's my time?" Nick was dumbfounded.

"Well, that's up to you, of course. There are always new things for you to learn, if you're willing. I know there are folks who want you back."

"Natalie." The name issued as a sigh from Nick's lips. "I promised her I'd come back and find her."

"Then go back."

"How? How can I go back knowing I'm still damned?"

08:57 PM, December 31, 1999--Lake Ontario shoreline

Lacroix picked up his protege and flew toward the Raven. Slipping in through the back door, he went upstairs to his suite and laid Nicholas on the bed. He called down for blood--human blood--then a messenger to search the crowd for Natalie.

09:21 PM, December 31, 1999--Harbourfront, Queen's Quay

Natalie rubbed her hands together, trying to keep warm. Nick had been gone over half an hour. She was beginning to worry. A disturbance in the crowd drew her attention. Someone was pushing their way to the front of the assemblage with no regard for the rights of those who had come earlier. She felt anger flare up until she saw who it was. Brianna--from the Raven. And she was headed straight for Natalie.

"You've got to come." Brianna grabbed her by the arm.

"Why? What's wrong?" She followed the waitress back through the crowd.

"It's Nicholas. He's injured. Lacroix sent me to find you."

That was all Natalie needed to hear. She shoved her way through the spectators as quickly as she could.

09:50 PM, December 31, 1999--The Raven

Tearing off the heavy overcoat and her own jacket, Natalie barged into Lacroix's private suite. Kneeling beside the bed, she stroked Nick's stark-white cheek.

"What happened?"

"I found him on the shore, staked with a tree branch."

"Found him? How...?"

"We have a connection, Nicholas and I. I can feel him under certain circumstances ... like extreme need or pain."

"He left me at the First Night concert. He said someone was in trouble and he had to help."

"Indeed. Probably one of his precious mortals."

Natalie glared at the ancient vampire. "Why haven't you done something?"

Lacroix returned a cold stare. "I have done something. I removed the stake."

"Isn't there something more you could do?"

"Feed him ... but he has rejected all my attempts to do so. It's as though he doesn't wish to recover."

### Between Worlds ###

"You don't have to go back damned." Schanke advanced on his ex-partner, looking him squarely in the eyes. "Look over there."

Nick followed the guide's hand as it swept across the barren landscape. Endless numbers of white crosses stretched before him. He shivered.

"Those represent the souls of all you have killed." Schanke paused and, for a moment, looked exactly as Nick remembered him. "Geez, Nicky, I never knew. Who would've guessed?" Nick shifted uncomfortably. "Does this bother you?"

"Yes. Yes, of course it does."

"Are you sorry you took those lives?"

"Yes." He stared mournfully at the sea of crucifixes. "But what can I do? They're dead. I can't bring them back."

"No. You can't. But you don't have to."

"I try to atone, to do good. Maybe if I work hard enough ... long enough...."

"No, Partner. That's not the answer. You don't find salvation through works. You find it through faith."

Hanging his head, Nick stared at his shoes. "My faith left me a long time ago."

"Natalie doesn't believe that. Even that old codger Lacroix doesn't believe it. Remember when you were possessed by that demon? He told you God is still within you. Use Him. Focus on the light."

"I can't. I don't deserve it. None of those poor people deserved what they got, either. They were merely victims of a bloodlust I couldn't control."

"But you regret their deaths?"

Nick spun around. "Of course I do! I've been spending the last hundred years trying to atone for all the atrocities I've committed due to what I am!" Blood tears welled in his eyes, threatening to roll down his cheeks.

"You've been going about it all wrong, friend." Schanke wrapped an arm around his shoulders and shook him gently. "Don't you get it?"

"Get what, Schank? What have I been doing wrong?"

"Are you sorry for those who have died?"

"Yes."

"Are you sorry about all of them?"

"Yes."

"Are you sorry about even the ones who 'deserved' to die?"

"Yes. YES!!" Nick wrenched himself from his friend's grasp. "What good does it do?"

"Have you told God that you're sorry? Have you asked for forgiveness?"

"Yes, a thousand times! Nothing has happened." The bitterness was like acid on his tongue.

"But did you have faith that you would be forgiven?"

"You've got to be kidding! The decision I made almost eight hundred years ago damned me for all time. Where's the hope in that?"

"There is always hope, my friend, where first there is faith."

11:15 PM, December 31, 1999--The Raven, Lacroix's private suite

Natalie hung yet another blood pack on the IV pole and prayed. The blood was healing the physical wound, but Nick showed no sign of returning consciousness. "What's wrong? Why doesn't he wake up?"

"I don't know. His wound is healing as it should. Perhaps he no longer has the desire to continue."

"Can he do that? Can he just will himself to die?" Her eyes were wide, pleading for him to contradict her.

Turning his back on the frightened mortal and his injured son, his voice was a mere whisper. "It is his choice."

Natalie returned her attention to her patient. "Come on, Nick. Wake up. Come back to us. To me. I need you. Please, Nick." Brushing her lips against his, a salty tear dampened his cheek.

### Between Worlds ###

"Faith? That died with my soul when I made the decision to become a vampire."

"No, Nick. You never lost your faith, you buried it. Your words on the first night you were brought across prove that you didn't know beforehand what you had gotten yourself into. Remember? You wanted to go back...."

"Ignorance is no excuse!" His eyes flared.

"Perhaps not, but it's a starting point. You've already said you're sorry for what you've become. Your actions prove the truth of your words. All you need is to find your faith."

Waving his hand once again, the landscape shimmered and changed. In the distance was a cross, larger than the others. Large enough to hold a man. Schanke coaxed him forward with a gentle shove. "You were Catholic when you were mortal, right?" Nick nodded slightly, dazed by the vision before him. "Me too." He grinned his signature smile. "We both believe in that guy over there."

Their wandering had brought them closer. Close enough for Nick to see a man suspended from it, nails through his wrists and feet. A sword wound in his side. A crown of thorns upon his head.

"He died for you, Nick."

"No, not for me," he whispered. "Once, maybe, but I gave that gift back."

"Ah, but He didn't take it back. It's always been there, Partner. All you have to do is believe it."

"That's the hard part. Believing."

"Yup. Nobody ever said it was easy. Most of us have to believe in something we've never seen for ourselves. We have to take it on faith. All you need to do is pray. Tell God, through Jesus, that you're sorry. Ask forgiveness. And believe."

"No. No, it can't be that simple."

"Why not? God never meant it to be a difficult task. He wants everyone, even you, to be saved."

Nick approached the figure. Blood still ran from the wounds. Reaching out with an unsteady hand, he dipped his fingers in a pool at the base of the cross. "Blood." Bringing his hand to his face, he sniffed. His head spun from the intoxicating scent. He felt as though he would pass out.

"It's okay, Partner." Schanke steadied him. "Yes, blood. His blood cleanses your sin--scarlet rivers that wash your soul white as snow."

Dropping to his knees, Nick choked out the word "no". He hung his head. Clasping his hands, he rocked back and forth like a small child seeking solace.

11:50 PM, December 31, 1999--The Raven, Lacroix's private suite

Lacroix sat on the edge of the bed. Nicholas was not gone. The silver thread that bound them together had not yet broken. Still, he did not awaken. Lovingly, he brushed an errant lock from his son's forehead.

Natalie had fallen asleep, her head cradled in her arms near Nick's pillow. She had tried valiantly to save him using all her medical knowledge of the undead. Now it was up to Nicholas.

With a sigh, Lacroix settled in for the vigil.

### Between Worlds ###

Softly, like a zephyr on a spring day, a voice issued from the figure kneeling at the cross:

"Out of the depths I cry to thee, O Lord! Lord, hear my voice! Let thy ears be attentive to the voice of my supplications! If thou, Oh Lord, shouldst mark iniquities, Lord, who could stand? But there is forgiveness with thee, that thou mayest be feared.

"I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I hope; my soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning ...

"Oh Israel, hope in the Lord! For with the Lord there is steadfast love, and with him is plenteous redemption. And he will redeem Israel from all his iniquities. *

"Glory be to the Father and to the Son and to the Holy Spirit, as it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be, world without end. Amen."

With a sigh of relief, Schanke released the breath he'd not known he was holding. Nick looked up at his guide--his friend--with tears staining his cheeks scarlet. Schanke smiled. "May the Almighty God have mercy on you, and forgiving your sins, bring you to life everlasting. Amen." Lifting his right hand toward his ex-partner, he continued. "May the Almighty and Merciful God grant you pardon, absolution, and remission of your sins." ' Nick felt as though a great weight had been lifted. He sat down with a resounding thud. Once again, there was nothing in the landscape except white sand and the door. "That's it?" The amazement in his voice belied the simple words.

"Well, there is one little catch." Schanke bit his lip, worried about how his friend was going to take the news. "You still have to choose. You can go through the door and be redeemed as a mortal, absolved of your sins, or you can go back."

"I want to go back, Schank. Please. I want a life with Natalie. I want to be normal."

"Well ... that's the catch."

Nick was bewildered. "Catch?"

"If you go back, you'll be going back as a vampire."

"WHAT? I thought my sins were forgiven!"

"They are, Partner. They are. But we can't undo that choice you made eight hundred years ago. It's your cross to bear. We all have them. You will have to live with the bloodlust, but you will be able to use your powers for the good of mankind. There's no reason that being a vampire means you have to slip back into sin. We're all challenged. Every day. Some more than others. You can do it, Pal. If anyone can do it, it's you."

"But I was hoping ... I mean, I thought...."

"That absolution would bring a cure? God always answers prayers, Nick. Sometimes, the answer is 'No'."

Sighing deeply, he picked himself up off the ground. "I still want to go back."

"So be it. Go in peace."

The world faded around him...

11:55 PM, December 31, 1999--The Raven, Lacroix's private suite

...and re-formed to show him Natalie's lovely face lying next to his. "Nat?" His voice was a raspy whisper, but it was enough to wake her.

"Nick! Nick, you're back!! Thank God!" Throwing her arms around him, she hugged him tightly.

Sitting up, he wiped the bloodsweat from his brow and looked at his master, perched on the foot of the bed.

Lacroix studied his creation. Something was different. The thread of their connection was still there, but considerably weaker. There was an inner strength to Nicholas that he hadn't felt since the ragged Crusader appeared in Paris to celebrate his battle victories nearly 800 years earlier. Fear and anger welled within the elder vampire.

"I'm no longer yours."

The statement tore through the heart of the ancient Roman, yet he knew the words were true. Nicholas was no longer his. He belonged to Someone higher. A fierce determination gripped him. He would find a way to reclaim his son.

A noise in the distance brought Nick and Natalie to their feet. Opening a window, she looked out to see the main deck of the CN tower light up in brilliant bursts, making it appear to be launching itself into space. As the brilliance faded, fireworks began exploding in the sky, lighting up the night with brightly colored splendor, announcing the beginning of a new year ... a new life.

Turning to Nick, who stood beside her at the window, Natalie asked, "Just what did happen to you?"

"It's a long story, Nat. Suffice it to say I went back to that place between worlds, between life and death. I saw Schanke." His face lit up with a smile of reminiscence. "I found my absolution there. And my faith. Faith in God ... faith in you."

"It's a new start, Nick. A new life for you at the beginning of a new millennium." She looked into the blue depths his eyes.

"But it won't be the new millennium for 366 days."

Lacroix smiled. Perhaps he hadn't completely lost this child of his after all.

Natalie reached out to slap Nick on the arm. He gathered her to him and leaned down to brush his lips against hers. "Happy New Year, Nat," he said, before his mouth covered hers in a passionate kiss of promise.

THE END

* Note: Nick's prayer -- Psalm 130, Revised Standard Version