Chapter Text
Title: - Perspectives
Author: - Katt
Rating: - PG-13
Pairing: - McKay/Sheppard, pre-slash.
Feedback: - Like it or loathe it let me know
Archive: - Just let me know.
Disclaimer: - I own very little, and certainly none of the characters of Stargate Atlantis - ah, if only I did I'd certainly have some fun with the character development!
Author's Notes: - This is a response to the challenge issued by Huntress - "Rodney is forced to kill someone during a mission and he has to deal with the aftermath as he is, in general, a non-aggressive person. He has to be injured during the ensuing firefight, nearly die and then be convinced that he did nothing wrong, that death will happen on missions and that when it's you or the other guys, you have to make decisions that will be emotionally painful. John, of course, has to help him heal. How John does that is up to you. Can be Pre-Slash, ER, First Time, any rating...Oh and it must have a happy ending, because everyone deserves one." It's going to be a pre-slash and a multi-chapter story, and while I have it vaguely mapped out in my head I'm not completely sure how long it'll be.
Perspectives Chapter 1
As he threw himself behind a large boulder, trying to squeeze every part of himself behind it's protection, Rodney wondered, for what seemed like the hundredth time that day, what he was doing here. He was a scientist for heaven's sake not a soldier. He should be safely ensconced in his lab back on Atlantis tinkering with some fascinating new Ancient device, not hunkered down behind a rock trying not to get shot by some irate locals.
He leaned his head against the cold stone feeling the chill of the rock leaching into the flushed skin of his cheek. Squeezing his eyes shut he tried to slow his breathing down, against the sudden quiet it sounded so loud in his ears he was afraid that their pursuers would also hear it and immediately locate his hiding place. Rodney swallowed, his dry mouth doing nothing to relieve the raw feel of his throat. After a few moments he could feel his body starting to calm as the burst of adrenaline that had been released into his system at the first sign of the attack began to dissipate. He no longer felt the need to gasp for each breath, and his heart no longer gave him the impression that it was about to explode out of his chest in an Alienesque scene of gore. Frowning he wondered if "Alienesque" was a real word, but then decided that worrying about semantics in the middle of a life and death situation probably wasn't the best use of his brain. Reaching up he wiped a still slightly shaky arm across his forehead, wiping away the sweat with his sleeve, and finally blinked his eyes open.
Over to his right he could see Major Sheppard crouched down behind a boulder very much like the one he hid behind. The Major wasn't looking in Rodney's direction, but instead was gazing intently back the way they'd come. The consummate soldier, every line of Sheppard's body was tense and alert. Rodney could see the concentration on his face as he tried to pick out any sign of the band of men who had chased them through the woods.
Tearing his gaze away from the Major, Rodney twisted his head around to his left and thought he caught a glimpse of Ford's hat about fifteen meters away, where he assumed the Lieutenant had taken cover with Teyla. He just hoped they were okay. On the frantic run through the trees, the sound of gunfire seemingly all around them, Rodney hadn't paused to make sure his team-mates were unharmed, he'd been too busy trying to keep going, his body protesting at every stumbling step he'd made.
Turning back to look towards Major Sheppard, Rodney found him looking back at him across the ten meters, or so, that separated them. Sheppard's face was slightly flushed from the long run, but to Rodney the man didn't even look out of breath. For a second their eyes met and Rodney found he couldn't tear his gaze away, his already dry mouth becoming even more parched. Then Sheppard's mouth twisted up into that cocky little half smirk, half grin of his, and he turned away to once more study the ominously still and quiet tree line.
Rodney was surprised to find he'd been holding his breath. As he gasped in a much needed lungful of oxygen his mind began whirring at a million miles an hour trying to analyse what had just happened. Those few seconds when he'd found himself looking straight into Major Sheppard's eyes unsettled him and he wasn't sure why.
However, Rodney was unable to consider the question any longer because at that moment the crack of a gunshot rang out. He felt a sharp sting in his left cheek as several small shards of rock cut into his flesh where a bullet had ricocheted off the boulder he was behind. Pulling his extremities closer to his body Rodney desperately tried to make himself as small as possible, ignoring the warm trickle of blood as it ran down his cheek from the cuts, and soaked into the collar of his jacket.
More gunshots rang out from the direction of the trees, and Rodney heard the sound of Sheppard's and Ford's P-90's clattering out an angry retort. Taking a deep, steadying breath Rodney slid his right hand down over his body until he felt the cold metal of his Berretta.
The weight of the Berretta against his thigh was both a comfort and a threat to Rodney. It was comforting to know it was there, and that he was trained how to use it to defend himself and his team mates. However, it was the threat that he might have to use it one day, he might have to kill someone that made him apprehensive. Rodney didn't like guns, and despite the fact he'd been trained how to use one he still felt a little tug of unease in his heart that he had to carry one. He'd only reluctantly agreed to the weapons training in the first place because he knew he wouldn't be allowed through the Stargate without it.
During the frenetic chase through the woods Rodney hadn't paused long enough to unholster it, now, however, he closed his hand around the grip and pulled it free from it's holster. He suddenly became aware of the sweat that made his hands feel slick and his grip unsure. Quickly swapping the gun from one hand to the other Rodney wiped his palms against his thighs. His grasp of the weapon felt white-knuckled and Rodney had to force himself to relax it, the tension from his hands transferring itself to his shoulders as he felt the muscles there bunch and harden.
He looked across at the Major, and watched as he would peer around his boulder long enough to let loose a short, sharp burst of gunfire, and then duck back behind its protection. The answering bursts of gunfire, coupled with the sounds of Teyla and Ford's weapons, made Rodney want to fling down his own gun, close his eyes and stick his fingers in his ears. He felt a flash of contempt pass through him at what he perceived as his own cowardice, and taking a steadying breath he prepared to defend his team.
However, before he risked glancing around from his place of safety he felt the need to check Major Sheppard, he wasn't sure why, he just knew he needed to see the other man. Sheppard was totally focused on the threat from the woods in front of them. Rodney envied him his single-mindedness, his cool head. While Rodney felt as if he could throw-up any second Sheppard looked calm. Then again, Rodney thought with a wry smile, only Major John Sheppard could spend most of the day running and hiding in the woods from gun-wielding, homicidal maniacs, and not even look a little frayed around the edges.
Slight movements just beyond the Major's position grabbed Rodney's attention. He felt his stomach clench in fear when he identified the source of the movement as one of their attackers. The man had somehow managed to circle around behind Sheppard, and as Rodney watched in horror, he stood and aimed his weapon directly at his back.
Unusually for Rodney, who prided himself on his problem solving skills, he didn't stop to think, he just acted out of instinct. Unable to get a clear shot of the man with the Major positioned between them he stood straight up. His fear was still strong within him, but now it wasn't fear for himself, but fear for Major Sheppard.
The man who was in the process of aiming at the Major saw the sudden movement beyond him, and refocused his attention, and his gun, on Rodney. Just as he'd been trained to back at the SGC Rodney pointed his Berretta at the man. Then he froze, his hand shaking, a cold bead of sweat running down his temple. Rodney could feel himself breathing heavily through his nose; his eyes focused on the man who stood to the Major's right. For long moments, which in reality must have only been seconds, Rodney and the man stared at each other, neither moving, neither looking away. Rodney didn't know what to do. While a voice in his mind, that sounded just like his firearms trainer Lieutenant Karnes, said, "Sight the target and squeeze the trigger." Another voice frantically whispered at him, "It's another human being, you can't kill a person, you're not a soldier." Rodney was torn between the two. Everything else faded away; he heard nothing, saw nothing, but the man. Then the spell was broken. The man smiled coldly at him and moved the gun from Rodney and re-aimed it at the Major. He'd assessed Rodney as no threat, he'd seen him hesitate, and decided he was too spineless to shoot.
Rodney knew he'd run out of time, he had to act, Major Sheppard's life depended on it. Just as he'd been trained to, he sighted his target and squeezed the trigger. Lieutenant Karnes would've been proud of him. The other man looked completely surprised as the bullet slammed into his chest. He was thrown backwards, but not before Rodney saw the first bloom of blood on his chest, and he knew he'd killed him.
He was so consumed by what he'd done that the burning flash of white-hot pain that smashed into his side took him completely by surprise. Suddenly the outside world impinged on Rodney's consciousness once more. The sounds of gunfire and frantic shouts filled his ears as he felt himself fall to the ground. The initial burst of pain had rapidly faded leaving Rodney feeling numb. He lay on his back and stared up at the cloudless blue sky that stretched away above them. In his hand he could feel the heavy, cold metal of his gun. He tightened his grip on it not wanting to let it go, anchoring himself to its solid, familiar presence.
Suddenly Rodney felt a stabbing pain rip through his body and his vision began to grey at the edges, a buzzing noise growing louder in his ears. He knew he should get up, he knew his team still needed him, Major Sheppard might still need him, but his limbs felt heavy and it was as if his mind and body were disconnected from each other. Unable to hold on to either any longer Rodney gave himself up to the gathering darkness.