Chapter Text
Disclaimer: I don't own L&O:SUV
"Doc, wait up." I paused and waited for Don the catch up with me. "Is there something I can help you with Captain?" I asked as he fell into step beside me. "Actually, I was just wondering if you'd eaten already? I didn't see an extra sandwich for you." "I wasn't hungry." Lie, the truth was: after seeing those crime photos...
Three 14-year-olds were abducted, raped, mutilated, and murdered all in the same week, all by the same two men. The whole squad was on high alert. Worst of all, I couldn't even put together a simple profile until last night. Today, yesterday now, Don and the detectives, were finally able to catch a break in the case.
Elliot, Liv, John, and Fin went home over two hours ago. I had decided to stay behind and hopefully help Don with some of the paperwork. I ended up going over several old files. I finally realized that I was doing nothing to help so I left, only to be followed by Don. This led us straight to the point where we currently were.
"Come on, I'll take you out for dinner" "Capt-" "No arguments Doc, you said you haven't eaten. Come on, let's go." He was using that 'father's voice' he often used to trick suspects to confess. Under his heated gaze, I also felt like confessing all me deepest secrets to this man. Don may not know it, but he is a very intimidating, compassionate, caring, strict, loving man. Loving, he most certainly was loving, he gave us all love, the kind you give to family or close friends. He was trusting too, odd for someone who had lost so many loved ones. He was protective of all those weaker then him. More than once I was included in those numbers. I love him, we all do, but I love him as so much more than just a friend or father.
I never remembered leaving, but the next thing I knew, Don was leading me through the front door of my apartment building. "Captain?" "You looked out of it Doc, I thought you might need sleep more than food right now." "Thank you but I'm wide awake. I could use a cup of tea and some company however." "I'd probably not be very good company right now." He came in anyway.
(DON'S POV)
I watched him as he made me coffee and brewed himself some tea, mint if my nose still worked right. He moved about the large, empty kitchen with a kind of grace that I'd never seen in the squad room. He seemed to finally relax here, in this large, plain apartment. "Can I get you anything else?" "I'm fine, thanks. How 'bout you, are you ok?" "I'm fine Capt-" "Don." He's known me four years and all he's ever called me is my title. He tensed up again. Damn. I really hoped that would relax him more. "George?" I used his first name. Maybe if I use his name freely he'll feel better about using mine.
Great, now I'm starting to sound like him. I know that he feels guilty about not being able to help us with a suspect profile, but he wasn't to blame. We didn't even know there were two of them until Karen, the 13-year-old almost victim, woke up from intensive surgery. George is a very difficult man to understand. One day he can be carefree and happy, and the next day he might be quiet and almost sad. I wish I could help him. Ha, I want to shrink the shrink. I wonder why he was so out of it though, I knew he wasn't tired...
"Cap-Don, I really appreciate all that you've done for me. You really don't have to do any of this." "Any of what? I'm not doing anything." And I'm not we've barely spoken since we arrived. "Yes you are, you're here, just having someone here beside me is enough." Oh, ok I get it now. The good doctor is lonely. Well, I'd be too if I lived in a big, nearly empty apartment. He's lived here for nearly four years and he has nothing in his home to personalize it. It looks to me more like a fancy hotel room in 'Hotel Hell' then a home.
"George, be honest, are you really ok?"
(GEORGE'S POV)
Am I really ok? For a moment I considered saying yes, that I was fine, that I was always fine, but Don's eyes searched mine and I heard myself telling the truth. "No, no I'm not. I can't do this anymore." "What, analyze crimes and profile suspects. Don't worry, everyone doubts themselves at one point or another; you'll work through it." "That's not what I ment." "Then what did you mean?" "This." I gestured to the barely furnished apartment. "I can't live like this anymore." "You're lonely, everyone gets lonely eventually. We all say we'll have time for relationships 'later', but later can happen anytime." The tears I swore I'd never shed started to trickle down my face. Don look confused for a second, then he pulled me into his arms and let me cry on his shoulder. I hadn't cried for four years. I know that repressing your feelings is dangerous, and it felt good to finally release the pain that had been building. Don just stood there holding me in an awkward embrace, rubbing circles on my back, and trying to comfort me with uncomprehensible murmurs.
Finally, when I'd calmed down enough to explain my outburst, Don and I sat down on my couch to talk. "I'm sorry Don. I just couldn't..." "Talk to me George. It might help." "Those are supposed to be my lines." I know that it wasn't very funny, but we both laughed for a long time.
"I don't have any family pictures on my walls." I sighed. I'm a private person. This was very difficult. "I don't own any. My mother and siblings are dead. My father hates me. My uncle is the only family member who still talks to me. He's also the one who payed my med. school bills." I paused. I looked hopefully to Don; I trusted him to tell me where to go from here. "Why does your dad hate you?" He obliged. "My father, Ken Huang, disowned me. He said a son who would never produce children was a waste of family money." "Never produce children?" "I wasn't going to marry a girl I had no hopes of loving and raise a child in a house where it's parents don't love each other. It's not fair on the child." I paused again, waiting for direction. "That was the kind of home you were raised in, wasn't it?" I knew he didn't need it, but I nodded my head anyway. "George how do you know that you won't grow to love the girl you would've married? George look at me." I looked into his eyes and replied softly but honestly: "Because I've never been attracted to females and I never will."
(DON'S POV)
"Because I've never been attracted to females and I never will." I almost wasn't sure that I'd heard him right. So, this was his secret; no wonder he kept quiet. He must have heard Elliot's remarks about the two gay cops that were fired last week. I'll bet he doesn't know that I was one of the few that supported their choice to come out. He's quiet. He thinks I'm mad. I am. I'm mad that he didn't feel comfortable enough to tell me before; he knows that I'd do anything in my power to protect him. He's an important part of my squad, of my life. "Geo-" "Please don't be upset with me. I just couldn't hold it in anymore. I-" It was my turn to interrupt him now. "I'm not mad. I couldn't be mad at you. You didn't do anything wrong, unlike your father..." "I don't blame him."
(GEORGE'S POV)
I was relieved. Don knew why I'd been so upset lately, and he didn't even care. He offered to protect me even. Logically, I always knew that he would accept me, but that knowledge did nothing to ease my fears.
It was then by chance that I managed to glance over at the one wall ornament I did have, a clock. It was 1:45 AM. Don had to be at work at 6:30. He should have been in bed two hours ago. As is he'd read my mind, Don yawned. "Why don't you go home and sleep, the doorman can call you a cab." "This isn't over George. How 'bout we finish this talk over dinner tonight?" "Alright, dinner, my treat." "If you insist. I'll see you later at work" I walked to the door with him. "Goodnight Don, sweet dreams."
He walked out of the apartment and just as I was about to close the door he leaned in and gave me a quick kiss on the lips.
Then he turned and disappeared down the hall.