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Lies, Damned Lies, and a Grain of Truth
by Perpetual Motion
Two days after they closed the McAllister case for good, Michelle started calling Tony again. Kate flat refused to answer his phone.
"I will *not* play your darling wife, Tony. The last time I did it was solely for the money, so unless you've got some cash to hand over, it's not going to happen."
"I'll give you my credit cards." Tony looked to be a step away from dropping to his knees and begging.
Kate shook her head. "No."
"Platinum card."
"No."
"Trip to the spa."
"You have a trip to a *spa*?" Tim spoke before he realized he had said anything. He kept on a poker face when Tony glanced over at him and pretended like he hadn't said anything at all.
"Yes, I have a trip to a *spa*. I find massage relaxing."
"I can't imagine you ever getting a reputable massage." Kate sat at her desk and glared at Tony's cell, which was shrilling every few seconds. "You know, you could turn off your phone."
"And have Gibbs kill me if I'm out of the office and he wants to yell at me? I think not." Tony held his phone out to Kate and gave her his best wounded _expression. "Please."
"No, Tony."
"C'mon, just this once."
"No."
"Kate, she won't leave me alone. She wants to meet the kids. She's filled up my voicemail *twice* today."
"And you think *my* talking to her again is going to change that?"
"It might."
Kate shook her head. "It won't. What you have is a woman having emotional and co-dependant issues stemming from the fact that the man she wanted is suddenly unavailable. What she's hoping to accomplish is a wedge in our relationship that will send you running back to her arms for sympathy, and, in her mind, love and affection. Odds are, she's just finished up a relationship, and she's attached herself to the idea of being with you because you were somehow safe and secure." Kate noticed both Tony and Tim staring at her like she'd just dropped to the floor, levitated, and spoken Latin. "I'm a profiler, remember?"
"Please, Kate." Tony bent his knees like he was getting ready to grovel. "Please. Give it one more try."
"You weren't listening at all, were you, Tony? Talking to me will just reinforce the idea that she can have you at some point. I'm the wife, the woman, I can be thwarted. You'll need someone else."
"Who?"
Tim realized what Kate was getting at, and he crossed the space between their desks to grab Tony's phone. He took it from Tony's hand and hit the 'accept' button. "Hello?" His voice sounded husky and half-asleep. He was aware that he was being stared at by both Kate and Tony.
"Is Tony there?" Michelle's voice was high-pitched and sounded surprised.
"Tony's sleeping." Tim faked a yawn. "Can I take a message?"
"Who is this?"
"This is Tim."
"I really need to speak with Tony."
Tim made a disgruntled sound. "Fine. Hold on." He glanced over at Tony and grinned a little. "Tony, Tony-babe. Some chick is on your cell." He motioned for Tony to play along.
Tony stepped into the role without blinking. "Wha? What is it, Tim? I was up all freakin' night. I'm tryin' to sleep." His voice soundedlike he was just waking up from a deep sleep.
"There's a chick on your cell." Tim held the phone out to Tony.
Tony took the phone with an approving nod to Tim. He mouthed, 'Nicely done, Probie' as he put the phone to his ear. "Hello...Oh, Michelle, hey...That was Tim, we're kind of...yeah, we are...because I can't really let a lot of people *know* I'm with him, so Kate plays along sometimes. She's a massive fag hag." Tony winced as Kate punched him in the shoulder. He glared at her and rubbed his arm. "What...yeah, okay...bye." He disconnected the call and threw an arm around Tim's shoulders. "I think that scared her off." He pulled Tim in for a one-armed hug. "Probie, a word." He tightened his forearm around Tim's neck and led him to the stairwell. He waited for the door to clang shut before he let Tim go. "Just what the *hell* was that?"
"Help." Tim straightened his tie and smoothed down his shirt. "If she wasn't going to stop calling if a woman answered, then it only makes sense that a man answering should stop her cold."
"How does that make *sense*?" Tony was looking a little wild around the eyes.
"Because if you're with a woman, there's a chance, but if you're with a man, there's no chance. Unless Michelle knows you're bisexual."
"She doesn't." Tony pressed a palm to his forehead and shook his head. "You can't just..." He trailed off.
Tim curled his hands into fists to keep from smoothing out the crease between Tony's eyebrows. "It was completely innocent. No one's going to read anything into it."
"Kate..." Tony was still lost for words.
"Kate will write it off as an attempt by me to get one back at you for all the shit you've put me through."
"You're sure?"
Tim uncurled his hands and pulled Tony towards him slowly. "Positive."
Tony let out a whoosh of air and let himself be pulled forward. "It's not that I don't want to tell Kate; I just want to wait until the time is right."
"I know." And Tim did. He knew Tony's request that they keep everything quiet was more for the sake of getting his mind wrapped around the idea of a serious relationship than for any fear of teasing or isolation brought on by coming out. "It's cool. I've told you that. And you let me tell Abby, so I'm fine with waiting."
"She still under confidence?"
"One Big Gulp a day buys a lot of silence." Tim smiled softly and cocked his head at Tony. "Ready to go?"
"Yeah." Tony smiled at Tim and resisted the urge to kiss him. He wouldn't do that in the office. "I apologize in advance for what I'm about to say."
"Apology is not needed, but I'll accept it."
On the other side of the door, Kate took a half-dozen large steps backwards and picked up a file from Tony's desk. She tried to look nonchalant as Tony and Tim came out of the stairwell with Tony ranting about how the damned Probie had lost him the chance of a very nice dinner date or two. Kate saw Tim smile before he could hide it, and she knew she had to get to the lab. "I'm going to see Abby about the DNA results in the Steiner case." She made a beeline for the lab.
*
"Told you."
"I still can't believe..." Kate shook her head. "I mean, I'm not overly surprised. Tony would sleep with anything in a skirt. It's only fair to assume he'll sleep with anything in pants, as well."
"Yeah, well, you still didn't hear it from me." Abby took a long sip from her Big Gulp.
"I can't believe they paid you off in caffeine."
"I'm a cheap girl to bribe." Abby grinned. "Speaking of," she held out her hand in the classic 'gimmie' motion, "pay your dues."
Kate reached into her pants pocket and pulled out a plastic card. "One hundred dollar certificate to that hole-in-the-wall you call a music store."
Abby pocketed the card and bounced a little in her seat. "Always a pleasure to do business with you, Kate."
end