SquidgeWorld Archive

Disclaimer: These characters don't belong to me. No copyright infringement is intended.
Other Notes: There are minor, vague spoilers for "Smoky," "The Apology," "Ten Wickets," and "Napoleon's Battle Plan." I salute my General Beta, Ophelia; all mistakes are mine. I love feedback.

"You're being a dick," Dan said matter-of-factly from the couch in their office, where he was sprawled after the show.

"Excuse me?" Raising an eyebrow, Casey glanced up from the computer. He was almost done typing up an e-mail to Lisa about his next visit with Charlie; she wanted to set the details by tomorrow.

"I said, you're being a di--"

"I heard perfectly well what you said. I said 'excuse me' out of sheer incredulity, not my inability to hear your opinions." Casey turned back to the computer. "But I assume that you're going to explain the reason for those misguided opinions."

"Because I said so."

"Oh, that's a new one."

"Hey, I said nothing about going for originality here."

"What exactly are you going for? 'Cause you lost me back with 'dick.'" Casey hit 'send.'

"And, you know what, I think I know why you're so fixated on that word."

"Do you now, Mr. Wizard."

"Yeah." Danny gave a self-satisfied sigh. "I think you've become obsessed with mine."

"Your what?"

"Are you kidding me?"

"What are you talking about?"

"My dick, Casey, you're obsessed with my dick."

Casey kept his gaze fixed on the computer screen but felt his cheeks heating. He blinked and started typing again very deliberately, filling a blank new e-mail with gibberish.

"I notice that you're not denying it."

Casey stood up and walked out from behind the desk. "I'm going to walk out of this office and pretend that this conversation never happened."

"Pretend all you want, my friend, but the fact remains." Dan stretched on the couch, lifting his arms above his head and spreading his legs further. He smiled and gestured at his crotch. "You're obsessed with my dick. My nice, long --"

"I've seen it. I don't need your descriptions, thank you."

"Paid attention in the locker room, did you?"

"Shut up. And quit smirking."

"Were you taking a good look at my ass, too? Because frankly, I think focusing all your attention on my dick is really unfair to my other wonderful parts."

Casey crossed his arms. "Danny, the wonderfulness of your . . . 'parts' notwithstanding --"

"Ah, so you admit that they're wonderful."

"I didn't say that."

"Actually, you did."

"No, I -- never mind. I'm leaving now."

"You said that five minutes ago."

"Well, I'm really going now."

"Really."

"Yes, really."

"Yeah, I can tell by how you're not moving at all."

Casey took a step toward the door, then turned and took two back toward the couch. "Tell me something. What are we doing here?"

"What are we doing here?"

"That's what I said."

"We're here, as we are every day, to write and film a television show. That's the non-existential explanation, anyway." Dan sat up and wagged a finger at Casey. "You been smoking the bad crack again?"

"Hey, you're the one pushing drugs on the general populace."

"Ha, ha."

"That's what I thought. Seriously though. I want to know what we're doing here, now, with this. What are we doing talking about your dick?"

Dan leaned back. "And my ass. You're still neglecting my sexy ass."

"Fine. Your dick and your ass. What are we doing talking -- for a very long time now, I might add -- about your dick and your ass?"

"And my --"

"Danny!"

"I'm just saying --"

"Danny."

"Casey, you want to know what we're doing."

"Isn't that what I just said three times?"

"We're having phone sex."

Casey rolled his eyes. "No, we're not. And stop having discussions with Jeremy about your love lives."

"Who said I was having those discussions with Jeremy?"

"If you were having this discussion with Natalie, I so very badly don't want to know."

"How do you know that you don't? Maybe she was saying that you're pretty cute. Maybe I think that we could have a nice little threesome -- or foursome, even -- going on there."

"That's just wrong in so many ways."

Dan sat up again. "Why is it wrong?"

"You know what I mean."

"No, I actually don't. Why is it wrong?"

"I don't think --"

"You have a problem with people who like to swing, is that it?"

"That's not exactly --"

Dan stood up and advanced into Casey's personal space. He poked at Casey's chest, and Casey leaned back. "You think that the three of us are so unattractive, we don't deserve you?"

"Danny. . . "

"What? What is it? Tell me."

"It's just wrong."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Dan shouted into his face. "You're not making any damn sense."

"It's totally wrong because I wouldn't want to share you, you bastard," Casey practically yelled back.

"I mean, God -- what?"

"I said, I wouldn't want to share you," Casey said more quietly. "Natalie and Jeremy, they've got their own special groove thing going on. I would want that for us, too. Separately."

"Huh. You want that for us."

"Yeah."

Dan put a hand on Casey's shoulder and looked into his eyes, saying deadpan, "You're thinking about my dick again, aren't you?"

"No, I really wasn't."

"You really were. Just admit it."

"Nope."

"C'mon." Dan ran his fingers down Casey's arm.

Casey cocked his head. "Actually, I was thinking more about your ass."

"Well, it's about time."

"Screw you, Rydell."

"Maybe. If you ask nicely, McCall."

"I don't think I'm even going to dignify that with a response."

"You realize that by opening your mouth and talking at that point, you did, in fact, respond?"

Casey gave Dan a pointed look. Dan grinned at him.

"Casey?"

"What."

"I think I'm obsessed." Dan stroked his fingers over the inside of Casey's palm before backing away.

"Really."

"Yeah. And I think that's why we're having this conversation. Because I'm obsessed."

"With your dick?"

"No, more like with you."

"With me."

"Yep."

"Which part?" Casey walked to the desk, then walked back again in an attempt at modeling.

"I can't really decide. I like 'em all too much to choose." Dan shook his head. "But never do that catwalk thing again."

Casey made a face and leaned against the desk. "I see. Would taking a closer look help you to make up your mind?"

"I think it just might."

"So we should try that, then."

"Sounds like a plan to me."

"No. No plans. Plans work out badly for us, remember?"

"Ah, yes. Very badly. So, no plans."

"We just do it."

Dan lifted his eyebrows and smiled. "Um --"

Casey shook his head. "That was an unfortunate Freudian slip."

"Mhmm. Wait, did you actually say the words 'special groove thing' a few minutes ago?"

Casey growled. "Move that 'sexy ass.' We're leaving."

Dan wiggled. "This 'sexy ass'?"

"Yes. Move it."

"Sure thing." Dan wiggled again.

Casey sucked in a breath. "Move it out the door."

Dan shook his head and sighed. "Obsessed. Well and truly obsessed."

"Yeah. You are." Casey pointed at the door.

"You, too. Let's go."

"You think?"

"By all means," Dan squeaked as Casey grabbed his very sexy ass and used the grip to propel him toward the door.