Work Text:
Forgive
by Christina O.
Xander sighed in relief as he reached his apartment door. Home sweet home, at last. He juggled his hard hat and tool belt as he fumbled for his keys. He unlocked the door, stepped inside and put his things down on the floor.
"Honey, I'm home!" He called out, expecting his boyfriend to greet him with either a lewd comment or a cheerful hello. Instead, silence answered his salutation. A frown crossed his handsome face and he went in search of his lover. "Spike? Baby?" It was too light outside for the vampire to have ventured out anywhere.
"I'm in the bedroom." Came the terse reply. Uh-oh...Spike sounded upset. Xander tried not to think about what that meant. No frantic calls from Giles or Willow, so Buffy must be okay and vice versa. Spike was lounging on their bed, his head on a pillow as he stared without seeing at the buff-colored ceiling.
"Hey, Spike, sweetheart, you all right?" Xander asked, sitting down on the bed. He was surprised and a little hurt when Spike flinched away from him. The bleached blond didn't look at him, which unnerved him even more.
"We need to talk, Xan." Spike said, his voice softer than Xander had ever heard it before. "It's about Buffy..."
"Oh God! Is she all right? Is she hurt? Spike, is she..."
"She's...fine...physically, I mean. It's not about that...it's something else. Xander, last night, when I went to see her...Xan, Ihadsexwithher..." He mumbled the last part and Xander frowned at him.
"I'm sorry...you what? Say it again...slower this time."
"I had sex with her!" Spike said, louder than he meant to, flinching at the sound of his own shaky voice. He saw the shocked betrayal on Xander's face, quickly followed by unbelievable hurt and pain. His eyes burned from tears he fought to keep from spilling as he watched the emotions cross Xander's face.
"You..." Xander tried to speak through numb lips, but the words wouldn't come out.
"Look, it happened and we're both sorry and it won't happen again. It meant nothing, Xander. It was a mistake." Spike blinked as the tears he'd tried to hold back slid down his cheeks.
"A mistake? You're sorry?" Xander parroted, wondering if a heart could actually break. "You miserable fuck! How could you do this to me? With her? Of all people, with her? God, Spike, how could you?"
"I told you I was sorry...it was a mistake...can't you just forgive me? We can get past this...it meant nothing!" Spike grabbed Xander by the upper arms, but the mortal shoved him back, his dark eyes sparkling with unshed tears.
"I want you to get some things and get out! I have to...I-I have to be alone for awhile...give me some space for a few days." Xander walked to the window and stood there, not speaking or moving anymore as he stared sightlessly out onto the street.
Spike's tears streamed down his pale face as he slowly nodded, knowing that nothing he said would convince Xander to let him stay. He felt as if someone had stabbed him through the heart. He picked up his duster and left, closing the door quietly behind him. Xander heard the sound of the DeSoto's engine turning over and the screeching of tires as Spike peeled out of the parking lot. Leaning his head against the cool window pane, he let the tears come.
Forgive (As sung by Rebecca Lynn Howard)
I always said that'd be it
That I wouldn't stick around if it ever came to this
Here I am, so confused
How am I supposed to leave when I can't even move?
In the time it would have took to say "honey I'm home, how was your
day?"
You dropped the bomb right where we live
And just expect me to forgive...
Chorus:
Well that's a mighty big word for such a small man
And I'm not sure I can
Cause I don't even know now who I am
It's too soon for me to say...forgive
I should ask but I won't
Was it love or just her touch?
Cause I don't think I wanna know
So get you some things
And get out
Don't call me for a day or two
So I can sort this out
Well you might as well have ripped the life right out of me
Right here tonight
And through the fallin' tears you said
"Can you ever just forgive?"
You know what they say
Forgive and forget
Relive and regret
Forgive...
Oh...it's too soon for me to say FORGIVE.