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Blair and the Well-Meaning Christian

Summary:

Date written: 1/16/05
Archive: Yes!
Fandom(s): The Sentinel
Pairing/Characters: Jim/Blair
Rating: PG
Summary: The Christians lose Jesus again, and stop to ask Blair if he's found Him.
Disclaimer: I don't own them, not making any money at this, blah blah blah.
Warnings: m/m hinted at, no sex though. Christians might find this offensive, but I don't think hardcore Christians read slash, IMHO.
Notes: I wrote this after reading the joke about "Christians losing Jesus again!" that I read on my local area pagan email list.
Acknowledgments: thanks to Pattrose1 for another wonderful beta job. She's the best!

Work Text:

Blair and the Well-Meaning Christian
by Margaret Newman aka Mereridkat

 

Blair finally made it into Major Crimes in the late afternoon. His cheeks were pink from the cold, but his eyes were shining brightly from amusement and from that mystical inner light Jim could never understand. As Blair came up to the desk that they share, he tossed down his book-laden backpack and started in.

"So, I'm standing at a bus stop and they pull up-"

"What happened with the car? We just spent $600 bucks to get it fixed." Jim glared at the younger man. "Why didn't you-."

"Jim!" Blair threw his hands up. "It wouldn't start, and of course I wouldn't call you, you had court today." He threw himself down into chair. "Can I tell my story now? It's really funny."

Jim leaned back in his chair. "Okay, okay. I'm sorry. Please continue."

"So this carload of well meaning, bible-thumping nut cases that are just all frantic stop at the bus stop. And hey, man, this is the fourth car that's stopped while I'm waiting. Fourth car! The first two had been Jehovah's Witnesses, the third one had been -uhm. Let's ignore the third one okay?"

"Okay." Jim frowned. He wouldn't ignore it; he'd revisit it later with Blair when they were alone.

"This middle aged professionally dressed woman gets out of the car and rushes towards me! I mean she's in a nice outfit, heels, looks like she's ready to go to work downtown, you know what I mean? She grabs my arm and with this trembling voice asks me, 'have you found Jesus?' And her eyes are like pleading with me, and she's full of such urgency, and it's really out of place at a bus stop."

By this time, people had started shifting closer to hear Blair. He always told such great stories that he usually ended up with half the precinct standing around him.

"You know, usually I'm a pretty tolerant guy." Everyone nods. Jim hears Simon pull his office door open, but he doesn't say anything. "Generally I'll politely decline the sermon and any of their papers or booklets. But, she was the fourth car, and I'm cold, and I figure I've been tolerant enough."

*Oh, geez!* Jim thinks. The poor woman is in for it. Someone else chuckled, and it sounded like Simon to him.

"I really wonder sometimes what the heck is wrong with these people. I mean, if it's not the Christians, it's the Jehovah's Witnesses. Can't a simple Pagan get some peace?" Blair laughs, shaking his head. By now he realized he's not just relating the incident to Jim, and turns to glance at Megan and the others for confirmation. Everyone nods agreeably.

"So as calmly as I can muster without my teeth chattering too much, and not being too sarcastic, I asked her, 'you people lost him again?!" Blair smiles brightly and everyone knows that the woman is in trouble. "She looked really confused cause you know this isn't what she was hoping for. She had to regroup and take a deep breath before launching into her sales pitch on her God, church and the whole nine yards. She doesn't even stop to consider that I might not be interested in being converted. So I start my own speech to block hers-."

Blair looks around at everyone. "I tell her, 'what is wrong with you Christians? Every time I turn around you've lost Him!' And I glare at her like I really mean it, really accuse her of losing Him. 'I mean really,' I go on, 'how do you expect anyone to follow a deity that you can't even find!" Blair laughed a little, and sighed. "It was probably mean of me, but I just couldn't take it. And she looked so stunned. It just wasn't going the way she wanted it. She looked for help from the guys in the car. But I keep going, 'maybe the problem is with you people. I mean the Muslims never seem to loose their deity. Come to think of it, neither do the Jews or Pagans of any kind."

"Oh, Sandy." Megan has sat back down, laughing. Simon is now standing in the doorway of his office chewing on a cigar.

"So one of the guys starts to get out of the car. He's all smiles. Dressed in a black suit with a white shirt. He's got a well-worn Bible in his hand. I keep going on. 'I realize you people used to burn people like me at the stake- like, what was that all about? Deity even? I may be a Pagan-heathen, but I have never waked up in a panic, worried that I can't find my Goddess or God. My keys, yeah. But not my God!"

Everyone laughs at that since Jim and Blair had gone through hell last week trying to find what Blair had done with his loft keys.

"They are in the fire of my candle, in the air that I breathe, in the earth that I stand on, in the river where we go fishing-." He shrugged. "I never feel abandoned by my God or Goddess."

"I continued, 'maybe he left because you Christians aren't much fun. He could have left for religious differences. He was Jewish, you know. So maybe if you really want to find him, you ought to check the nearest synagogue. He's probably in there. And you know, you folks should try and remember that this is still the United States of America. Where freedom of religion means ALL religions."

Everyone nods. Jim is smiling. He likes watching Blair when he tells stories.

"So what happened next?" Henry asked curiously.

"They climbed back into their car and drove off. I didn't get a pamphlet, a bible and no dogma. I didn't find Jesus, but then I haven't lost him either."

The group laughed and nodded.

"One of the wedding gifts we got from Lily's grandmother was a Bible." Rafe was standing there with hands in his slacks. Everyone - in Major Crimes- knew that Rafe and his wife Lily were having trouble adjusting to married life.

"Are they still harassing you about going to church with them on Wednesdays?" Blair asked him, his voice lowered.

"Yeah." Rafe grimaced and shrugged. "I figure it's enough that I put in the appearance on Sundays, you know? I was raised Catholic, but I quit going after my mother died when I was fourteen. I'm not really interested in it now, and I don't think I should have to be the one to change-."

"Marriage is about compromise." Simon spoke up. "I wasn't good at compromising, and look where I ended up."

"Divorced, remarried, and disgustingly happy." Jim winked at Blair.

"Watch it, Ellison." Simon growled warningly. "Anita keeps inviting you and Blair to family dinner on Saturday. I'm sure you'd just love her Aunt Bernic, and her sermons on the evils of homosexuals."

"We're busy on Saturdays." Blair grinned. "Cauldron-lucks at the park."

"You should come sometime, Simon." Jim swung his chair around to face the captain. "They do the best sky-clothed dancing-."

"Sky clothed?" Henry asked innocently.

"Naked." Megan chortled.

"We do not!" Blair laughed, slapping Jim's leg. "Not at the regular cauldron-lucks anyway--."

"Alright, people!" Simon bellowed, cutting Blair off. "Doesn't anyone have any work to do?"

***

"So what was the third car?" Jim asked later that night when they were snuggled up on the couch watching television. Blair was into some new series where about some astronaut that gets thrown through a wormhole and ends up on the far side of the universe. Jim didn't follow it much, but he did like how the aliens really looked like aliens.

"What?" Blair shifted a little so he could see Jim's face. "Oh." He glanced back at the tv screen. "I was hoping you'd forget."

"I know." Jim kissed the head of brown curls. "I didn't."

"Yeah." Blair sighed. "It was just some sleaze ball asking if I needed a ride, wink wink." He felt Jim's big body stiffen.

"Did you get his license plate?" Jim's voice rumbled deep in his chest. *Yep, Blessed Protector in full mode.*

"No, I didn't. I told him to fuck off or I'd call my big bad cop boyfriend that works in Major Crimes. He left skid marks, he peeled out so fast." Blair turned and smiled at Jim. "Now, about some sky-clothed dancing-."

"I did it the one time!" Jim protested. "One time-!"

 

end