Work Text:
Erections (Intentional Bad!Fic)
by Perpetual Motion
Ron was in love. He drew hearts all over his parchment margins and pranced down the halls, throwing rose petals in the air.
"Hey, Ron, who are you in love with?" Harry walked up to his best friend and big secret crush (Shhh! Don't tell!!) and put his arm around him. He immediately got an erection.
"I'm in love with Draco!" Ron threw more rose petals in the air and pranced some more.
Harry stamped his foot and pouted like he was some super-naïve innocent who hadn't almost been killed a half-dozen times. "You can't be in love with him! You're supposed to be in love with me!"
"He'd never be in love with you! I'm in love with you!" Draco appeared with scary, script-like timing and threw an arm around Harry. He immediately got an erection.
Ron pouted, and his freckles stood out in stark contrast to his acres of flawless, perfect, porcelain, translucent, milk-white skin like they always did when he so much as breathed. "But I'm in love with *you*!" Rose petals. Prancing.
"But I want Harry! We're mortal enemies, so it'd be really hot sex, and then I'd be friends with you and Ms. Granger because I just need the love of the Boy Who Lived to be perfectly happy and completely well behaved." Draco humped Harry's leg.
Harry patted Draco on the hand "But I'm in love with Ron. And it's perfect because I want his family, and he wants my money, and if we're in love, then we'll see that we can be happy just as long as we're together." Harry made big, innocent, never-felt-love-because-my-evil-relatives-locked-me-up-in-a-cupboard-eyes at Ron.
Ron immediately got an erection. "I'm in love with Harry!" Blah-Blah-Blah-rose petals, prancing-cakes.
end