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The war of the ring was over. Frodo had destroyed the ring and all of middle earth was safe. Aragorn had married his princess and they lived happily ever after. But there was one member of the fellowship that wasn’t safe nor happy. The elf named, Legolas, was a bit lonely and envious of his friend, the newly crowned King. Estel had his leading lady and Legolas was yet to find true love. After he left Gondor he decided to travel with his newfound friend, Gimli the Dwarf. They traveled through out middle earth having grand adventures and enjoying the single life. There was one major problem: the fan girls. It seems that a local writer decided to immortalize the fellowships tale. Now girls throughout Middle Earth from Hobbits to Humans where lusting over the single Prince of Mirkwood.
This is where the tale begins. How the Prince of Mirkwood found his true love.
While traveling in the Northern regions of Middle Earth Legolas and Gimli came upon a beautiful garden. Legolas admired it so much that he wished to stay among the trees and flowers. Gimli being a dwarf didn’t see much use of a garden but was very impressed with the stonewall surrounding the garden. There was one stone in particular that caught his eye. He decided to take the stone to behold its beauty for all time. As the duo left an old women came out of the house and started to scream at the bewildered dwarf.
“How dare you take my stone, dwarf.” she yelled as she shook her walking stick at him.
“Old women I only admire the craftsmanship, besides it’s a stone from the side of the road no one can lay claim.” He countered back.
“It’s only proper that if one was to take something then they should but something back.” She leaned against her crooked walking stick.
Now Legolas didn’t trust the old women for she reminded him of Gandalf and everyone knew not to trust him -- If he mentioned a ring of power just head in the opposite direction.
“And what would an old woman want in return?” Legolas asked curiously.
“Something of equal beauty that I can admire for all time,” She walked over to the two friends.
“It is just a stone, what do you think matches its beauty?” Legolas questioned; even now he was becoming more suspicious of this old lady.
“It is my decision to decide what matches a stone’s beauty.” She looked at the dwarf, “is it a deal? For one stone of beauty I can have a thing of beauty of my choice?”
“I think that is only fair. Now pray tell what would you like in return?” Gimli asked not realizing he was sealing his friend's fate.
“Your elf friend,” The guise of an old woman fell away and there stood a fan girl. Gimli jumped in front of his friend to protect him, but she was too powerful. She whacked Gimli in the head with her walking stick then captured the elf in one swoop.
The dwarf was not to blame for he was only a dwarf. The powers of a fan girl are powerful, even Gandalf the White fears them.
Gimli woke up to an empty run down garden overgrown with weeds. It was as if no one had been there, except in his hand was the beautiful stone. Gimli swore he would not let his friend perish at the hands of the fan girl. He set off to find his friend and rescue him. He wandered into a forest looking for the lost elf, but for a dwarf all trees look the same and Gimli became lost.
Years had passed and Gimli was no closer to find Legolas than a hamster was to finding the end of his wheel. Legolas all this time was locked up in an Ivory tower. The fan girl wanted to keep the pretty elf to herself so she locked him up in the highest tower - lucky for her it was only $750 a month in rent. The rent was cheap because the previous owners had sealed up the only door in or out. There was only one way in or out of the building and that was to climb up Legolas beautiful blonde hair. She instructed Legolas that while she was working (she found a good paying job at Starbucks to help pay the rent) he was not to make himself known to others.
One day the fan girl went off to work, but something was about to change Legolas life. Princess Mary Sue (a/n: you know I just couldn’t resist the name) had enough of the male chauvinistic pigs in town. Just because she was a princess didn’t mean she couldn’t fight, ride, or drink like the rest of them. She was as skilled as any Ranger. As she rode towards Gondor to get away from the stuffy confines of court she stumbled up on an Ivory Tower.
“Now that’s an odd place of a tower?” she commented to her horse, who responded with a snort. “I bet the rent is cheap.”
A soft melody filtered from the towers only window, she rode closer to hear the melody more clearly. It sounded so sad and lonely. She looked up at the window to see a lone figure.
“Hello!?” she yelled out. The figure stopped, hesitated then leaned out the window.
“Who are you?” Legolas asked the strange women on a big black war-horse.
“I could ask you the same?” Mary Sue had never seen anyone so beautiful in her life. “Why do you sing such a sad song?”
“I’m away from my family and friends,” Legolas sighed.
“Why are you away from them?” The princess asked.
“A fan girl locked me up in this tower," Legolas looked down in shame
“The horror!!!” Mary Sue gasped it was to unimaginable being locked up with a fan girl. “Why don’t you just leave?”
“There is no door to the outside.”
“Climb out the window?” Mary Sue suggested.
“There is no rope,” Legolas pointed out
“Then how does she get up and down?” Mary Sue retorted back.
“I can’t say. You must leave I see her coming.” Legolas shooed her away.
Mary Sue turned to leave but instead hid in a clump of trees that was off to the side. She watched as the fan girl came up to the tower and yelled, “Legolas let down your hair.”
Then out of the window came the most golden spun hair that Mary Sue had every seen. It was braided into the form of a rope ladder. The fan girl climbed up his hair into the tower.
Princess Mary Sue knew she had to save the poor elf from the evil fan girl. He was beautiful and she had fallen in love with the sad melody he had sung. She camped on the edges of the forest waiting till the morning when the fan girl would leave. Her Ranger skills do come in handy every once in a while. A princess never knows when she will be called upon to rescue a handsome elf from the clutches of a fan girl.
The next morning the fan girl went off to her Starbucks job leaving the same way she came. Mary Sue waited a few hours to make sure she had gone and wasn’t coming back for a while. She ventured out into the clearing and up to the Ivory Tower.
In her best fan girl voice, “Legolas let down your hair.”
The beautiful golden hair was dropped down for her to climb, and much to Legolas's surprise when instead of the fan girl dropping from the window it was the Princesses.
“What are you doing here?” Legolas asked shocked.
“I’m Princess Mary Sue and I’m her to rescue you.” (a/n: What?).
“You're who?” Legolas just stared at her.
“Princess oh never mind. Look I’m here to help you.” Mary Sue crossed her arms in front of her chest
“Did you bring any rope?” Legolas asked with hope in his voice
“Ah Damn I knew I forgot something.” Mary Sue frowned.
Legolas rolled his eyes, “Great some rescue, when you got in here did you plan a way to get out?”
“Hey it was a spur of the moment thing, okay!” She sat down on the chair facing Legolas. “So does it hurt to have her climb up every day?”
“A bit especially when she has groceries,” Legolas shrugged
“How did she get you locked up here in the first place?” Mary Sue wondered.
“Long story lets just say, a particular Dwarf will pay.” Legolas growled low in his voice.
“I see.” Mary Sue reached into her pocket and pulled out a handkerchief that she forgot was in there.
“What I have an idea!” She grinned at him.
Legolas looked up from brushing his hair, “What?”
“An idea to get you out, I’ll come everyday and bring you a handkerchief since I have thousands at home, and you can build your own ladder to escape.” Mary Sue informed him.
Legolas just looked at her, “Can’t you just bring a rope next time?”
“Hey, follow the story will you.” Mary Sue smacked him on the shoulder.
“Oh, yeah, sorry,” He looked over at the clock and noticed it was almost time for the fan girl to come back. “You better get going before she catches you.”
“I’ll be back tomorrow with another handkerchief," Mary Sue smiled at him
“Goodbye my princess,” He smiled back. That smile was going to be worth all the hassle of getting him out of the Ivory Tower.
The days turned into weeks, weeks into months, and each day the princesses brought material so Legolas could build a ladder to escape. Each day they had spent together the more they began to love each other. Until one day the Princess declared her love.
“Legolas when we get you out of this tower I want you to come back to Lake Town with me. I want you by my side. I’m in love with you.” Mary Sue smiled shyly at him.
Legolas blushed, “Even though I’m just an elf?”
“I don’t care if you’re just an elf. I love you.” She kneeled in front of him.
“And I love you my fair princess.” The two met in a wonderful passionate kiss. It was a kiss of the ages. A kiss to rival all kisses. A kiss the gods would envy.
Over time the two became careless and were not as careful as they should be. Till one day a fateful mistake was made.
One day the fan girl came back from work and called out. “Legolas let down your hair.” As she climbed up and into the window, Legolas made an observation that should never have been made.
“You're much heavier than my fair princess.” Legolas complained
“What???” She Screeched, “There has been someone else here??”
Legolas's eyes went wide, realizing his mistake. “No my fan girl no one has been here.”
“Don’t lie to me elf. Someone has been here and I don't share.” She reached into the vanity drawer and pulled out some scissors. She grabbed Legolas and cut off his beautiful long hair. She then cast a spell knocking him unconscious and removed him from the tower and placed him deep into the woods. She climbed back into the tower waited for the princess to return.
The next morning the princess returned calling out to Legolas, “Legolas let down your hair.”
The beautiful locks fell down from the window and she climbed up and into the window. It was too late, she had been tricked. Standing before her was the fan girl.
“You stole my Legolas away from me," The fangirl screeched.
Mary Sue cringed at the high pitch screeching, “He was never yours. What did you do to him?”
“Hid him far away so no one can find him,” The fan girl pulled out her sword and prepared to fight.
“Believe me when I say this you don’t want to do that,” The princess commented as she pulled her sword, readying for the attack.
The two fought fast and hard countering each other’s moves. Till finally the fan girl cast a spell transporting the princesses far into the forest. “When all else fells cheat.”
The fan girl took the finished rope ladder Legolas was working on and climbed out of the tower to look for her elf. When she arrived to the spot she left him he was no longer there. The fan girl forgot one important thing about elves, especially about Mirkwood elves; they are at home around trees.
Legolas was able to escape from his binds and run into the forest. He knew the fan girl would hurt his fair princess and he was now going to be doing the rescuing. Seeing Legolas gone, the fan girl screamed with all of her might scaring even the foulest of creatures that roamed the area.
In a weeks time searching the forest Legolas found not his princess, but a Dwarf.
“Gimli! What are you doing wandering the forest?” He asked mildly surprised.
“I search for you my friend, but have seemed to have gotten lost.” The Dwarf looked up at his Elvin friend.
“Stupid Dwarf,” Legolas shook his head.
“Crazy Elf,” Gimli retorted back smiling.
The two embraced and continued on the quest to find the princess. Another mistake the fan girl had made was the small fact that the Princess was not an ordinary princess, but instead one trained as a Ranger. The Princess, not one to set around and wait to be rescued, found her own way out of the forest and headed back to Lake Town. But on her way back she ran into some difficulties with some highway robbers. Even though she was a good fighter she couldn’t fight seven of them. Just when she thought things were going downhill, someone jumped into the fray and finished off the remaining robbers. She turned to thank her helper when she looked into the eyes of her.
“My elf, you escaped!” She jumped into his arms holding him tight.
“Yes my princess I did. Are you alright?” He asked burying his face into her neck and hair.
“Yes I’m fine now that you are here.” She cried against his chest.
“Oh please!” mumbled the Dwarf. “Could we get going I’ve been wandering for years now and want to sleep in a real bed.”
“Stupid Dwarf,” Legolas shook his head.
“Crazy Elf,” Gimli retorted back smiling.
The three continued onto Lake Town where Mary Sue would introduce Legolas to her dad. Only thing that worried her was dad’s reaction. What would she say, ‘oh by the way dad I meet him in a tower and well we want to get married.’ Yeah that will go over well.
“What is wrong my princess?” Legolas asked concerned
“I’m worried how my father will react," Mary Sue sighed.
“Do not worry because I didn’t tell you I’m Legolas Greenleaf crowned prince of Mirkwood.”
“Prince?” Mary Sue stammered.
“Yeah and did I mention my best friend is King of Gondor?” Legolas asked gently
Mary Sue shook her head, “No, you left that information out of the conversations we had.”
“Oh well Aragorn is a good friend of mine and so is Gandalf.” Legolas shrugged.
“Oh I see and why didn’t they come help you.” Mary Sue asked hands on her hips
“They didn’t know," Legolas informed her.
“Oh! So you’re a Prince?” Mary Sue suddenly realized the implications
“Yep," Legolas smirked at her.
“Well that changes everything. Dad should be thrilled," Mary Sue smiled brightly.
And right she was -- Dad was thrilled. He was happy someone was willing to marry his wayward daughter. The wedding was grand elves, men, dwarves and hobbits all attended. The King of Gondor stood next to Legolas, a place of honor and friendship. Legolas had finally found his true love. As they stood side-by-side taking their vows, their love could be seen by all. And they lived Happily Ever After – well, until their first fight.