Work Text:
Substance/Abuse
By Viridian5
5/29/03
As Beka walked into the Maru, she heard giggling. When she reached the bunk area she saw Harper and some bimbo curled up fully clothed and rolling on one, giggling inanely. Stoned.
He looked up at her and smiled winningly. "Hey, uhm, boss," he said, as if he couldn't remember what he called her, then laughed. "Hi." His eyes had a vague, unfocused look, but at least they didn't have the cataracted appearance Flash gave its users.
But that didn't stop her rage. She walked past him without a word. As soon as she reached the cockpit, she locked the door behind her and dropped into the pilot's chair, her hands clenching and unclenching. How could he? How could he? He was smart, sharp. Why would he want to dull his mind like that? She cared about him. How could he betray her that way?
She wasn't going to go through this again.
She remembered being helpless as Dad wasted away, helpless as he went back out for more poison. Physically and mentally her father had slowly slipped away before her eyes. She'd watched him die. All the pleading in the world, to him or God or the Divine or whatever might be listening, made no difference. Hiding or locking down everything of value they owned made no difference, because cunning still served him. He'd sell anything.
He'd started with the gentler stuff first too before hitting the heavies.
The drugs had had a stronger pull on him than his kids. He'd loved them more.
She realized that someone was pounding on the door and yelling, though the noise sounded soft. Reinforced shielding made a big difference. If Rev were here, he'd tell her to let Harper in, but fortunately Rev was out on retreat. Eventually the pounding slowed and then turned to scratching. She sat and listened, her anger both a fire and cold ash inside her, hot yet also gray.
She'd been helpless before but not this time. Now she had the power and the leverage. Dad had always found people willing to support and coddle him and make excuses, and she knew that she had been one of them. Not this time. Not for Harper.
Taking a deep breath, she opened the door. Harper, on his knees, looked up at her with red eyes and face, a few of his knuckles split and one of his fingers bleeding from a torn nail. "Boss?" he said softly. "I'm sorry, boss, I'll be good, I'll fix it...."
"I don't trust this. Are you coming down?"
She didn't see the bimbo anywhere. Did the chippie think Beka was Harper's angry girlfriend? Not that Beka really gave a shit. But wasn't that just like a pusher to cut out when things got hard....
"No! This is me! I'm sorry." His breathing sounding labored and congested. How long had he been crying? "Whatever I did wrong, I'll undo or never do again. Really. You don't have to throw me away." He was desperate for her to approve of him.
Beka felt clear and cold, powerful, as she stood over him. "I hate drugs."
"I know. I know, but I thought that was just for you and it's not like I have a problem or a habit. It was just once, and only because Ethlyn wanted me to give it a go. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
Dad had never apologized. Ever. She'd loved him, and he'd loved her, but he'd never apologized.
"I told you what would happen if I wasn't pleased with your performance."
"Yeah. Yes, you did," he gasped.
"I'm not pleased."
Shaking, Harper let out a small, squeezed sound of pain and swallowed hard. "Please, boss. Please don't."
Beka started to feel bad about this, but then she remembered all the excuses she'd made for Dad, who'd charmed his way out so often. "What will you do to make it up to me?"
"Anything! Whatever you say. Anything." He burned with sincerity.
She sat beside him on the floor. "You have to make it up to me. I'll let you stay, but if you fuck up like this again, I will dropkick you out an airlock."
Harper put his arms around her neck and clung close, shivering. "Yeah. Yeah, boss. Thank you. Thank you." He set his face against her shoulder, and she felt dampness seep through the cloth.
Feeling warmer, she put an arm around him and petted his hair. This was for his own good. "You remember this."
Things would be different this time. She would make sure of it.
THE END