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Peja's Wonderful World of Makebelieve Import
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Published:
2020-11-04
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2,612
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1/1
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11
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1,349

Just Desserts

Summary:

Evil is vanquished in the most demeaning manner possible...

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

** Friends let me tell you a tale. A tale not of the typical sort, where true loves conquers all, though to some it would seem it did, where evil is vanquished through the actions of some stalwart hero, though it is vanquished. Rather this is a tale where neither hard work, determination or true love is really the determining factors, but rather the sheer perversity of nature which ensures that those that deserves it gets what is coming to them. **

LaCroix stalked into the parking lot of the Metro PD station that his son, Nicholas, played his human masquerade in. He had finally had enough of his son treating him as though he was a fool. Ever since that Valentines Day, where he had trapped Natalie at Azure and demanded his payment for the debt owed him, they had practically been flaunting their ongoing affair.

Nicholas had never actually fooled him with his foolish claims that he did not love Natalie. Instead he had thought that it was better punishment to force Nicholas into having to deny his feelings, hide them from the woman's sight, forcing him to watch as Natalie continued her mortal life and eventually found fulfillment with a normal mortal man. Or if she didn't, then so much the better, for then he'd have revenge on them both, her withering away for a love that would never come to anything.

Instead, while he son probably never realized it, they had continued their little escapades into the dreary world of mortality. Natalie was an ever-present shepherd, leading his wayward son into the light. Each time they would have one of their little -video nights', Natalie would fall asleep against Nicholas, and each time it would take longer for the vampire to awake in his son demanding to be fed. As soon as the female was helpless, it should have bolted forth like a rabid wolf, if not before. Now however, the rabid wolf seemed a rather anemic lapdog for the human doctor. And soon the damage would be irreparable.

Tonight would be the last. For tonight LaCroix would end their relationship once and for all. At one time, he would have settled for Natalie growing old, now all that would satisfy him was her complete, total and gruesome death.

The ancient vampire stole up to the oversized green monster that his son drove. For some perverse reason, he found he wanted to be present for their last few hours together. To that end he slipped the key he had made for his son's Caddy into the trunk lock and slid silently into the coffin like hole.

Nick and Natalie exited the precinct with her laughing uncontrollably. Nick hefted the dingy hockey bag over his shoulder. "A little heavy for you?!?" Natalie quirked her eyebrow at him.

"I have no idea what Schanke keeps in this thing," Nick growled, "but if it's heavy for me, how does..."

"Don't try to think about it Nick. There are some things man, even a vampire man, was not meant to know."" Natalie winked at her companion. Nick rolled his eyes and grimaced as he tried to free one hand and fish for his keys in his pants pocket.

"Let me help, Nick." Natalie sprang to his side and wedged her hand into his pocket. Her fingers wiggling as she strove to snare the errant keys that seemed to be determined to hide behind a loose string and a huge lint bunny. The deeper Natalie fished seemed directly proportional to how much colour suddenly appeared in Nick's face. "Got -em!" Natalie cheered as she pulled the keys from his pocket and looked up at Nick. "Why Nick, you look positively... Healthy."

Nick looked at Natalie; "This thing is really heavy Nat. Could you just unlock the..." Even more colour flooded his face as he saw the self-satisfied grin that graced the doctor's face and he looked away.

"Sure thing", Natalie inserted the key in the trunk lock and turned. The lid sprang open and Nick dropped the beastly bag into the trunk. As it landed there was a sickening hollow crunch and the caddy bounced from the landing. "Something didn't survive that Nick..."

"Yeah, my shocks", Nick grumbled as he walked to the driver's side of the car, and slid into the driver's seat while Natalie made her way to the passenger side. Natalie's door swung open as Nick reached to unlock it. "Uh, Nat... If you had your keys, why did you fish for..."

The smug grin on Natalie's face told him everything he needed to know.

LaCroix had barely been able to roll out of the way when his oblivious son had nearly dumped the foul smelling canvas body bag into his hiding space. That however had been less inconvenient than the results of the hollow crunch. The hollow crunch had been a pill bottle that had been under the falling mass and that pill bottle, having contained Nick's garlic pills, had released a cloud of repugnant, skin burning dust which now settled on LaCroix. Sheer self-control was all that stopped LaCroix from bursting out of the trunk, like the main character of some B-grade zombie matinee.

As it was the master vampire was forced to lay as quietly as possible in the trunk while he scratched at his irritated, raw skin, as the doomed lovers made an interminable amount of stops along the way. All of this just served to heighten the ancient vampire's anger and gave him motivation to refine his murderous plans.

"Why didn't we stop and drop that bag off at Schank's, Nick?" Natalie asked as they rode up the elevator, "I mean we went right past their house."

"Myra has a -special' evening planned for my partner," Nick grinned impishly, "wouldn't want to interrupt." His arms were full of bags of Chinese food and munchies, while Natalie only carried a small overnight bag and the bag from the video store.

"Ohhh....", Natalie grinned, "Good, he was getting a little too intense there for a while."

"Yeah, he's the main display person for Myra's lingerie show." Nick's grin got bigger as the elevator stopped and Natalie slid the gate open. Nick stepped out and turned towards the lady coroner again.

"He's the what?" Natalie's eyes widened. "And why wasn't I invited? And how do you know all about this?" Natalie followed him off the elevator and into the kitchen where he moved to deposit his load.

"In no specific order... You heard me the first time, I know because I intercepted your invitation from Myra," With this comment Natalie's face took on a very annoyed cast. "And after we had discussed it, Myra and I decided you would have more fun having a special movie night with me, then watching Schank turn seven shades of red, especially since Myra's taking pictures." Natalie strove to continue to be upset, but it crumbled quickly as Nick started to pull the variously sized and shaped Styrofoam, tin foil and cardboard containers from the bag, smiling boyishly. Nick continued conversationally, "You know this stuff smells pretty good tonight."

"Really," Nat smiled evilly, "Then maybe you should try some..."

"There is a difference between smelling good, tasting good and being able to keep it down." Nick said uneasily as he moved to the cupboard to get a plate for Natalie. He could already see where this was going.

"Taste is linked to how things smell," Natalie advised Nick.

-Don't tell me that Nat... With how good you smell all the time, I don't need to know that you'd taste that good too.' Nick thought ruefully.

"Besides the Chinese believe that food is medicine..." Natalie continued.

"Alright already! I'll have some..." Nick sighed and pulled another plate from the cupboard. A small plate. Nick loaded Natalie's plate with all her favorites. For himself he very carefully chose whatever smelled the best to him. He handed her plate to her and then moved to sit down in the living room in front of the TV. After his huge production number of sniffing every dish, and poking each piece, Nick wound up with some Shanghai Noodles and Szechuan Beef that he slowly consumed. He was suprised to find that it was not only staying down but also actually tasted pretty good even if he still craved an A-positive chaser. Even if he regretted it later it was worth it just to see the beaming look on Nat's face now. For now however they both settled back for a Vincent Price movie fest.

LaCroix had his work cut out for him trying to push past the large duffel bag to reach the latch on the Caddy's trunk. The General's body felt like someone was slowly grilling him and no matter how much of the damage his body repaired more occurred as the garlic powder was now ground into his clothing. After less than a minute of trying, his patience ebbed and a vicious kick to the metal panel forced the latch to pop open.

LaCroix rose from the trunk and stalked outside, small wispy clouds of garlic powder floating about him. His blood shot eyes gazed upward and his body followed only to have wind whip his already ulcerated skin and release a fresh storm of garlic that seemed content to whirl around his torso. LaCroix's attention was so distracted by the new burning in his eyes and throat that he plummeted to the ground only to land with a sickening crack as his leg folded underneath him in precisely the wrong direction. His blood-curdling roar turned into a hoarse gargle as he expressed his indignation to the world through his garlic-seared vocal cords. Pulling himself upright he limped towards the stairs. He would not be moved from his murderous path as he slowly climbed even though his body no longer had enough blood to allow him to heal his wounds properly and being under the constant threat of releasing a new storm of garlic by too rapid movement.

The master vampire finally came to the fire door and silently opened it using keys he had acquired to his son's loft. Nicholas was so distracted by Natalie and the movies, that LaCroix was certain that his errant son would never notice his entrance. He slipped into the loft and stood silently for a moment drinking in the scene that would mark the end of Nicholas's quest for mortality.

Nick watched Natalie while they -both' watched Edward Scissorhands. As Nick watched Natalie he had a flash of insight. -She must feel like Vincent's character in this sometimes. Working so hard to fix me, taking pride in our accomplishments and yet racing an ever present clock counting down.' Nick looked at Natalie and decided to be more cheerful, positive even. For her sake if not for his own. Picking up his chopsticks, he clicked them together as though they were fingers to capture her attention. When she looked over at him and caught his evil grin as he began to advance on her chopsticks extended. "Nick, what's gotten into you..." Natalie looked at her vampire friend as he twitched the very pointed, Japanese style chopsticks at her. "No way, Knight! You are -not- tickling me with those things! They're sticky with Szechuan sauce." She scooted backwards until her butt hit the arm of the couch. "Nick, please... No" Natalie was giggling and kicking out at Nick, until her frantic movements unsettled her from where she had perched. Natalie felt herself falling backward and reached out.

Nick saw that in Natalie's desperation to escape his sticky instruments of tickle torture that she had over balanced herself backward and her head was hurtling towards his hardwood floor. Flinging the chopsticks aside, Nick grasped and caught Natalie's outstretched hand.

It was the perfect opportunity and LaCroix moved forward as Natalie toppled backwards over the arm of the couch. So focused was LaCroix on his goal that he paid no attention to the two slender sharp, wooden missiles that his son had carelessly, with force dictated by his fear of Natalie hurting herself against his hardwood floors, tossed into the air. Thus he looked nearly as baffled as his son often did when the projectiles hit their mark as dictated by fate.

In his weakened condition even the ancient vampire could not resist these tiny arrows, stumbling backwards he hit the loft wall. A chain reaction then ensued. As the vibrations from LaCroix's fall rattled the wall, it in turn rattled the decorations on Nick's wall, which happened to include Joan of Arc's cross. It in turn happened to be right above Lacroix's head, and it having been disturbed by the vibrations in the wall caused by LaCroix's fall, fell, landing on LaCroix's prone form.

What happened next could not have been predicted, but as fate would have it... We'll you'll see.

As the cross met LaCroix's already garlic tortured flesh, and compounded; improbably; by the two sticky slender stakes that had managed to pierce the elder vampire's heart, a spontaneous; as most of them are; combustion occurred. The flame started from where the chopsticks protruded from his body, still coated slightly in the extra spicy sauce and leapt over his form until it hand engulfed and consumed him. All the while LaCroix sat with the most incredibly astonished look on his face, as though his head had been hit by a falling brick.

Nick caught Natalie's hand and felt his breath catch in his throat and his heart pound in his chest. "You scared me, Nat."

"What can I say?" Natalie shrugged as she allowed Nick, now chopstick-less to pull her upright on the couch. "I'm a klutz. Beside Nick what was all the racket?"

"I didn't hear a thing..." Nick looked at her, then around the loft, then shrugged.

"Too absorbed in rescuing me, eh?" Natalie shook her head, "Why are you so flushed Nick?"

"Ummmm..." Nick's eyes dropped a little to where Natalie's blouse had popped a couple of buttons and she was showing more than normal cleavage.

"Hey..." Natalie started, about to reprimand Nick for his abnormally bad manners. Then she noticed two things. One Nick was flushed, very flushed, humanly flushed and secondly, Nick was -more- than flushed. Now Natalie's eyes fixed on a spot other than Nick's eyes, it was bigger than she had imagined and it was still restrained. She forced herself out of the trance that was so tempting at this moment, "Nick. Arm. Now."

Nick, still fixated by his view, complied. Natalie took Nick's arm and with an expertness that comes from years of practice until something is second nature, not conscious thought, took the vampire's pulse. This was Nat's second shock of the night and she toppled onto the floor, landing on her butt, and nearly bouncing out of her blouse and bra, thus improving Nick's view and his reaction ten fold. "Nick, you're human," Natalie managed to stammer.

"I am?" Nick looked shocked for a moment, then grinned and said, "Yeah, I am." This wasn't exactly the reaction Natalie had expected from Nick after being released from his eight hundred-year curse. However in a split second, Natalie didn't have time to complain either, she was scooped into Nick's arms and he carried her to his bedroom.

** We will leave you here gentle reader, for we all know where this will lead to. In some cases things are best left unsaid and to the imagination. Thus it was that true love won out, through sheer luck otherwise known as fate and evil did get what was coming to it, in a manner most humiliating. **

Notes:

This orphaned work was originally on Pejas WWOMB posted by author Tabby Kat.
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