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I look at them and don't know whether I want to laugh or cry. I was a fool to let him go...no, I was a fool to hold on to him as long as I did. I could never give him the love he needed, could never treat him as well as he deserved to be treated. Logan can give him what I can't, can love him the way I couldn't...I could never see past my own selfishness long enough to realize that I wasn't the only one with needs.
I look at them together and see the happiness on his face that was never really there when we were together. I couldn't admit it then, but seeing the way he looks at Logan there's no kidding myself, no pretending that he was ever that happy with me. Remy's spent his whole life looking for someone who can love him the way he needs to be loved, who can put aside their own needs and just take care of him for a while. I couldn't be that person, as much as I liked to think I could.
I look at them together, huddled on the piano bench, laughing like hyenas and singing Christmas carols at the top of their lungs - Logan off key as usual and Remy in French...something entirely different than what he's actually playing - and can't keep from laughing myself. I never thought I'd be happy to see Remy with someone else...never thought I'd be able to let him go, but I look at them together and know that I was a fool.
I look at them together and realize that I've never seen either one of them so happy, realize that Remy's found what he needed - what I couldn't give him - in Logan...realize that they've found what they needed in each other...realize that I've lost the only two people I've ever really wanted and lost them to each other...realize that I'm happy for them.
I look at them together and see everything that I'll never have, but it doesn't hurt the way it used to hurt...doesn't make that old jealous anger well up in my heart. I love Remy enough to be able to let him go. I never realized that until he gave me no choice but to let him go, until he decided once and for all that I wasn't what he needed...that I could never treat him the way he needed to be treated.
I look at them together and realize that there's more to life than getting what you want. That there is such a thing as happiness that comes from without instead of within.
I look at them together and realize I can finally let go.
I look at them and tell myself "Merry Christmas, girl."
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