Title: Spank

by Cassy

Pairing: Spike/Xander

Rating: PG

Feedback: Makes me happy!

Disclaimer: Not mine. No matter how many times I tried to buy them. Joss just won't sell 'em.

Distribution: Want it? Take it.

Summary: Answer to the "Spike gets spanked for his Birthday" challenge at the batpack.

A/N: Thanks to Alex - the fastest beta in the west.

A/N: I wasn't going to submit a fic for this challenge - I had nothing - but then, I was watching Friends and this idea hit me over the head. Hope you all enjoy.

Spank

by Cassy

Spike was bored. He was beyond bored, and yes, he would admit - but only to himself - that he was a little bit depressed as well. The reason? It was his Birthday - well, rebirthday, if you wanted to be technical.

And what was he doing to celebrate? Was he off bathing in the blood of a convent full of nuns? Was he debauching an innocent virgin and then drinking her dry? Was he tangled up in bed with his Princess and Angelus? Or even just his Princess? No. He was pacing back and forth in the living room of Xander Harris' apartment and ... brooding.

"Fuck this!"

Spike snarled and grabbed his duster. He was just about to the door when it opened and in walked the glorified bricklayer himself.

"Going somewhere?"

"Yeah."

"Where?"

"Out."

Spike made a move for the door and Xander blocked him. Spike snarled at him and stepped to the side to go around him. Xander stepped in front of him again. Spike growled at him and vamped out in an attempt to startle Xander long enough for him to get past. Xander just smiled and shook his head.

"If you wanted to dance, Spike, you could've just asked."

"Bloody... I don't want to soddin' dance. And even if I did, you aren't my type."

"No, I guess I'm not. Either way, you still can't leave. Buffy says you're under house arrest."

"What the 'ell for?!"

"Don't ask me. I'm just the warden."

Spike growled his annoyance and stomped back into the living room. Xander sighed theatrically and followed the vampire into the living room. This wasn't exactly how he had planned on spending the evening either. But who was he to argue with the Buffster?

Xander sat on the sofa and flicked on the TV. He surfed around for awhile before finally landing on an action movie and watching the fake explosions and listening to the screams of pain and anguish.

"That's not right."

Xander blinked and looked over at the vampire who had taken a seat on the other end of the couch.

"Huh?"

"The blood. See, that bloke just got stabbed through the throat, and they got him bleeding like he's got a paper cut. A hit like that, he'd be gushin'; I'd know."

"And can I just stop you right there? So not wanting to know just how you would know that. In fact..."

Xander flicked the channel to a mindless sitcom.

"There. No blood, no guts, no violence..."

"No fun."

"Not by your standards. I'm going to shower. Be here when I get out, or Buffy will not be in a forgiving mood when she finds you."

Xander left the room and Spike glared at his retreating back. He contemplated leaving, just to prove that he wasn't a bloody pet, that he wouldn't sit and stay like a good puppy. Then again...

Something on the television caught his attention and he grinned. Yeah, this would be much more fun than strolling the streets of Sunnyhell trying to find something to do.

By the time Xander came back into the living room, freshly washed and wearing loose sweats and a white tank top, Spike was in a much better mood. Something that instantly had Xander nervous.

"What happened while I was in the shower?"

Spike looked at him, pouted in an overly dramatic way and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Why do you always assume I've been up to something?"

"Let?s see? because you always are? A.D.A.M. ring any bells?"

Spike rolled his eyes.

"That was a long time ago. Turned over a new leaf, I have."

"Yeah, sure; whatever."

Xander went back to his pre-shower activity of flipping through the channels, never really landing on anything for more than a minute or two, when he noticed the vampire had moved closer to him.

"Spike?"

"Yeah?"

"Nothing."

Xander decided to ignore whatever it was the vamp was up to and just try to watch the TV. He found a baseball game on and left it there for awhile. Eventually, he started to feel a bit thirsty so he got up for a drink.

He came back into the room, laden down with snacks and a soda and flopped down into his seat. His seat which was now even closer to one William the Bloody.

"Is my couch shrinking?"

"Er, no. Why'd you ask?"

"Is there a spring poking out on that side?"

Xander indicated the other side of the sofa - where Spike had previously been sitting.

"Not that I'm aware of."
"Oh. Then why are you sitting so close to me?"

"Better view of the telly from here. Why, you have a problem with sitting this close to me? Does it ... tempt you in any way?"

Xander blinked. Rewound the last bit of the conversation, blinked again and then looked at Spike in outrage.

"Ewww no! If you're implying what I think you're implying..."

"Me? Imply something? Wasn't doing any such thing. Just thought perhaps my being so close might make you feel like staking me or somethin'."

"Oh."

Xander turned back to the TV and Spike smirked. Then he scooted just a little closer.

After awhile, Xander forgot about how close the vampire had gotten to him, and actually got caught up in the game and eating his snacks. Spike decided it was time to put his plan into action. Operation "Annoy Xander" was about to commence.

Spike darted his hand in front of Xander?s face and then pulled it back. He waited. When he got no response, he did it again. Xander huffed in annoyance and leaned away from him, still watching the TV.

Spike grinned and did it again. This time, he also snagged the bowl of chips out of the human?s lap and set it on the other side of himself. Xander turned his head and glared.

"If you wanted some, you could have asked. And keep your hands away from me."

"Wasn't touching you; why are you so pissy?"

"Because, it's ... annoying."

"Really?"

Xander tilted his head and studied the vampire?s expression. If he wasn't wrong, and he was sure he wasn't, he had detected a note of hopefulness in that "really?".

"Just... leave me alone and let me watch the game, alright?"

"Sure thing, mate."

Xander warily turned his attention back to the baseball game. After a few minutes, Spike was all but forgotten again as he watched and cheered on his team. Then the vampire?s arm was around the back of the couch - right behind his shoulders - not touching him, but still close enough to send shivers up his spine. He sat forward, elbows resting on his knees and continued to watch.

Spike smirked. This was fun. Keeping Xander on guard for no reason, well no reason other than his amusement. He decided to take it up another notch and see what happened. Leaning forward himself, he let his finger move closer and closer to the boy?s face - just about eye level. When Xander flinched and then turned to glare at him, he smiled.

"What?"

"Stop that."

"Stop what? Wasn't doing anything."

"You were so! You were... pointing your finger."

"Was I? Oh. And this bothers you because?"

"It was in my face!"

"It wasn't touching you."

"So?!"

"So, It wasn't touching; you can't get mad."

Xander blinked at the half-assed logic behind that statement and shot Spike another glare before turning his attention back to the television. He was going to make Buffy buy him lunch for the next week for doing this.

Spike was pretty sure Xander would snap soon. He smiled at that thought. It was his plan after all. Make the boy snap. He started moving his hands closer to Xander again. The boy moved away. Spike moved closer, Xander sat back. Spike leaned right into his personal space and started poking the air in front of him. Xander turned red and opened his mouth to yell at him. Spike smirked and cut him off.

"Not touching, can't get mad."

He poked some more.

"Not touching, can't get mad."

Xander reached for him and he darted away. He came right back, though, and did it again. Every time Xander tried to grab his infuriating hands, Spike darted just out of reach before coming back in.

"Not touching, can't get mad."

Spike laughed as Xander leapt to his feet. He darted around the back of the sofa, the human hot on his heels. He spun around and poked at him again.

"Not touching, can't get mad."

Xander did a fairly credible impersonation of his growl and lunged for him. Spike wasn't sure who was more shocked that he actually got him. Him or Xander.

"Now, Xander. Don't be angry. Was just havin' a bit o' fun, wasn't I?"

"Fun? You call annoying the hell out me fun? Never mind. Don't answer that. What the hell is wrong with you tonight?"

"Nothing. Just bored, and I can't go out and it?smybirthdayandIwantedtohavesomefun."

"It's what? Your who?"

"Birthday."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

Spike lowered his head, not wanting to see the look of pity on the human?s face. He yelped in surprise when Xander dragged him down onto the sofa and across his lap.

"What the bleedin'..."

"Shut up. You annoyed me, and now it's time you paid the price."

Xander smacked Spike hard across the backside and then did it again for good measure. Spike squirmed on Xander?s lap and then smiled. This had worked out better than he'd planned.

"How old are you again, Spike?"

"Over a hundred. Your hand'll wear out before you get that high."

"Don't count on it."

Xander grinned and brought his hand down again. Spike squirmed and moaned softly. Yeah, this Birthday might not be so bad after all.

THE END