TITLE: Healing Together

AUTHOR: Kylia

DISCLAIMER: Nobody belongs to me, unfortunately. They belong to Joss & Mutant Enemy, and a few other people I don’t know.

RATING: NC-17 - eventually

SPOILERS: BtVS Season 4; AtS Season 1; To Shanshu in LA

CATEGORY: Angel/Xander; Willow/Spike

SUMMARY: Willow, Spike & Xander go to LA to help Angel after the events in the season finale’.

DISTRIBUTION: Fire & Ice Fic, DBX, if they want it, anyone else, ask, and you shall receive

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Just so you know, Angel’s soul was anchored during the soul restoration in "Becoming 2". Why? Because I say so. Giggle. Do to this fact, we’ll probably have to bypass the events in "Eternity". I have nothing against Angelus… I adore him actually, but he just wasn’t wanting to cooperate with this fic. Maybe next time.

DEDICATION: To anyone who is brave enough to read my first attempt at A/X :).

HEALING TOGETHER

By Kylia

Willow stood up and headed for the door. She stopped when Giles called her name.

"Willow? I was wondering… could you maybe not mention this trip to Buffy?"

Willow turned around. She frowned slightly, but nodded. She could understand how Buffy might react if she knew where she was going and why.

After she had left Giles she didn’t waste any time. She practically ran over to Xander’s house. Knocking once, she let herself into the house and made her way down into the basement.

"Xan? You here?" She called.

"Where else would I be?" He asked crossly. He wasn’t really upset with her, just his life in general.

Willow entered what one could laughingly call Xander’s living room. Xander was sitting on the couch, attempting to look bored, but Willow had known him for too long to believe that was the cause of his attitude.

"Where’s Spike?" She asked, hoping to draw his attention away from whatever he was brooding about.

"Shower." He motioned to one side of the room.

Willow nodded as she walked over to the couch and pulled her old friend to his feet. "Come on, get packed. We’re taking a little trip."

"What?" Xander asked, slightly confused. "Where? And why do I have to go?"

"LA There’s been a bit of an accident. Delia’s in the hospital, or she was." Willow told him, carefully to leave out the explosion.

Xander looked up sharply. "What happened? Is… she okay?" Xander hesitated, realizing what he almost said.

Willow smiled softly at him. He wasn’t fooling anyone. Okay, well maybe he was fooling everyone, but then, she wasn’t everyone. "Yeah, everyone’s fine, but they need some help, so we’re going to go and give it to them."

"Who needs help?" Spike asked as he came down the stairs, wearing nothing but his jeans, only partially buttoned.

Willow picked up one of his black T-shirts which we’re strung over the couch, and tossed it to him. "Get dressed. You’re driving."

Spike raised his scarred eyebrow. Willow rolled her eyes. "There was an accident. Angel’s building was destroyed. They need some help. Apparently Wesley and Cordelia were hospitalized."

"Wesley and Cordelia? But Angel… Deadboy… he’s okay?" Xander asked nervously.

Spike smirked as he threw his shirt on. "I’m sure Peaches is fine. He’s thick skinned." He turned to the redhead. "And why exactly am I going on this little adventure?"

Willow grinned at the vampire. "You’re driving." She smiled sweetly in that way that infuriated him.

He growled. "Fine. But I am Not staying with the pouf once we get there!"

"I’m sure will work something out." She grinned suggestively at her lover before turning back to Xander, who hadn’t moved since Willow had pulled him off of the couch. "Get packed. We’ll leave as soon as the sun sets."

Xander was frozen in place. He shook his head. "No, You guys go on. I’ll stay here."

"Nonsense. You’re going." She told him soundly, her resolve face firmly in place.

"Why?" He asked quietly, not really wanting to have this conversation with Spike a few feet away.

Willow clasped a hand on his arm. "Because, you’re needed." She told him simply.

Xander looked up into her green eyes and nodded, accepting that for once, that might have been true, but even if it wasn’t, it was nice to hear. He walked over to his dresser and started to pull out some clothes.

Willow turned towards spike, who was pulling on his boots, and winked. Spike had to hold back a chuckle, at what he knew was another one of Willow’ s attempts to fix Xander’s strained relationship with the brooding vampire.

****

Cordelia hung up the phone and turned to Wesley. "She’s on her way."

"Willow? Is she coming by herself?" The former watcher asked.

Cordelia snorted. "Spike let her come here, by herself for who knows how long? Not likely." She smiled, imagining all the bickering Willow was going to be subjected to on the two-hour drive.

"So, Have you told Angel Spike’s coming? I imagine he’ll have to stay with him at his new place."

Cordelia shook her head. "No, he doesn’t have enough room. He’s only got one bedroom, and I don’t think he really wants to share a bed with the bleached wonder. Besides, I have room. He can stay with Willow in my spare bedroom."

Wesley nodded and turned towards the kitchen table. He picked up the bag and turned back to Cordelia. "Well, I’d better go. I’ll drop off his… dinner, and let him know their coming."

Cordelia sighed as she flopped down on her couch. She hoped she had done the right thing in calling Willow. Angel hadn’t wanted her to. Well, in all honesty, it was more so that he hadn’t wanted to call himself. Ever since he had come back from Sunnydale after that Faith fiasco, he’d been acting strange. Not in general, just whenever someone mentioned his trip. She knew something had happened, but he wouldn’t talk about it, and she got the impression whatever it was had less to do with the blonde Slayer and her commando boy toy, and more to do with something else entirely. She just wished she knew what it was.

Cordelia smiled as she saw a can of coke floating over to her. "Thanks, Dennis." She leaned back into the couch. "Maybe Willow can help me figure out what’s bothering him." She spoke softly, closing her eyes. She needed a few hours of sleep before her guests arrived, and she was sure that once Angel knew they were coming, he’d be over as well.

****

Cordelia opened the door with a smile. "You’re here. And you brought… Xander?" She asked quizzically.

"Good to see you too, Cor." Xander joked half-heartedly as he entered her apartment.

He really didn’t want to be there, The entire drive up there had given him a lot of time to think, and the more he thought about it, the more he realized that coming to Los Angeles was a very bad idea. And he had this sinking feeling that both Willow and Spike knew exactly why it was a bad idea.

"We thought you could use the extra space." Willow told her friend as she entered the apartment and looked pointedly at Cordelia, who was confused for a moment until she realized that Spike was still standing out in the hall.

"Oh… You’re not gonna go all Grr on me are you?" She asked.

Spike snarled under his non-existent breath.

"He’ll behave." Willow assured her friend.

"Okay, come in, then."

Spike sauntered in and took a look around. "Where’s the watcher?"

"*Wesley*, She emphasized his name, "went to our new office. Don’t worry, he’ll be back." S he smiled sweetly.

Spike snorted as he fished inside his duster pockets for a cigarette. When he pulled one out and began to light it, a hand reached out and plucked it from his lips. "What the…"

"Not in here you don’t, mister!" Cordelia pointed towards the balcony.

Spike groaned as he snatched the cigarette back and headed towards the sliding glass door, which led outside.

Cordelia turned to Willow. "I’ll show you to your room."

Willow followed Cordelia down a short hall to the spare bedroom, leaving Xander alone in the livingroom, which was where he was when there was a knock at the door.

Xander, being the only person left in the living room, opened it, and froze at the sight of the person on the other side.

"Angel." He gulped.

"Xander." Angel was the epitome of calm.

"Hi." Xander smiled sheepishly looking down at his feet, feeling incredibly nervous all of a sudden.

"Hi. You came with Willow and Spike?" Angel asked, latching on to any form of conversation he could muster.

"Yeah." Xander’s eyes darted up to look at Angel and for a split second, he was lost there, frozen in a single moment of time. But then he blinked and the moment was lost.

Xander stepped aside, allowing Angel entrance into the apartment. He kept his eyes lowed to the ground, or a point on the wall, the furniture, anywhere but on the vampire standing before him.

"So, I heard about the explosion is everything…" He trailed off and then looked at the vampire once more. "Are you okay?" He asked softly. So softly, if not for Angel’s vampire hearing, he wouldn’t have heard him.

But he did, and his dead heard skipped a non-existent beat. "Yeah, I’m fine." He looked around the room, suddenly aware that the two were alone. "I wasn’t expecting to see you here." He said as casually as he could manage.

Had Xander’s back not been facing the vampire, Angel would have seen the hurt expression cross his face.

"Yeah, well, Will insisted I come." He told Angel, a little more harshly than intended.

And just as Angel missed the hurt look to pass across Xander’s face, Xander missed the flash of pain in Angel’s eyes at his harsh words.

Xander turned to face the vampire. "I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m here. Willow insisted, and I didn’t really argue with her… I just…"

"You just what?" Angel prodded, both hoping and dreading the next words to come out of Xander’s mouth.

"After Thanksgiving… I… I’ve been thinking… and I…" Xander trailed off, not sure what to say.

"Yes?" Angel asked as he placed a hand on Xander’s shoulder, silently pleading with the mortal boy to tell him what he wanted to here.

Xander looked up and their eyes locked. Xander got lost in the vampires chocolate brown orbs, trying to decipher what he saw in them, hoping the next words out of his mouth wouldn’t be his undoing.

It was at this inopportune moment that Cordelia came out of the bedroom.

"Angel! You’re here!"

Xander and Angel jumped apart at the intrusion. The spell broken, for the moment. Xander wasn’t sure if he should be disappointed or relieved.

Xander flopped on to the couch, hoping to avoid any further questions from either the vampire or his ex-girlfriend. Before any could be asked, a familiar British accent could be heard from the balcony.

"Bloody Hell, woman! What did you do with my other pack of smokes?" Spike asked as he entered the apartment through the sliding glass door.

Willow grinned and fished the unopened back out of her own jacket and tossed it to him. Spike grinned back. "Thanks, luv."

This small exchange seemed to break some of the tension in the room, as Spike turned to his Sire. "So, Peaches, heard you had some trouble. How come I miss all the fun?"

*****

Cordelia smiled at her boss, seemingly oblivious to the awkward silence, which had begun to permeate the room. She turned to Xander, who was still slumped against the couch. He looked tired. She frowned as she realized she had nowhere for him to sleep.

"You’ll have to stay with brood boy." Cordelia told him, hoping Xander didn’t make a big deal about it.

Xander’s head shot up. "What?"

"Maybe Spike can stay with me, so Xander could here?" Angel asked, knowing that Xander didn’t want to be anywhere near him. Whatever the boy had been about to tell him wasn’t what he wanted to hear, that much was certain.

"Not bloody likely!" Spike snarled, although he wasn’t really angry. "I stay with Red."

Xander turned his gaze away from Cordelia and nodded sadly.

"Great!" Cordelia smiled broadly. She turned back to Angel. "See? Problem solved. Although I do suggest a trip to the store. I don’t think Xander’s livin’ off of O positive these days."

Xander smiled slightly, not even questioning why the mere mention of a liquid diet wasn’t repulsive. He stood up and turned to Spike. "Give me the keys and I’ll run to the store."

Spike raised an eyebrow. "In my car?"

Xander grinned in away that could only be described as Xanderish. "It’s either that or we repeat that fiasco from last week."

Spike scowled at the memory of being thrown out of the supermarket after a near violent altercation with the store’s manager. "That wasn’t my fault. The chit insulted me Duster." Spike exclaimed indignantly.

Willow laughed at the wounded expression her lover was sporting.

"I’ll take you." Angel spoke calmly, his face an expressionless mask.

Xander turned to look at him. "You sure?"

Angel’s eyes locked with Xander’s. "Let’s go." He turned and walked out of the room.

Xander followed him without another word, leaving the blonde vampire and two mortal women alone.

"Was it something I said?" Spike smirked after the two had disappeared.

Willow tried not to laugh.

Cordelia, not completely understanding the humor of the situation waved Spike’s concern away. "No. He’s been moody lately. Well, moodier than usual. Ever since…" She paused trying to remember the first time she noticed the change. "Ever since he got back from Sunnydale that last time." She turned to Willow. "You don’t think this is about Buffy do you? I thought he was over her."

"I’m sure its nothing." Willow assured her friend. She wasn’t entirely sure what Angel’s problem was, but she had a good idea.

Cordelia nodded. "Okay, I have to go get ready. I have a… thing tonight."

"A thing?" Willow asked curiously.

Cordelia sighed dramatically. "Yeah. We’re going out to some club…"

"I think they call it a date." Spike supplied and then chuckled at the horrified expression, which had settled over Cordelia’s features.

"It is *not* a date." She hissed emphatically before disappearing through the door to her bedroom.

Spike stared after her for a moment before turning to Willow. "And you said he wasn’t insane? Care to change that theory?"

Willow walked into his arms and laughed softly. "So… Xander…" She leaned against his chest.

"And Peaches…" Spike whispered.

"I was right, wasn’t I?" She asked, tilting her head up slightly.

"Yes, luv, I believe you were." He kissed her lips tenderly, all thoughts of his Sire and the mortal boy leaving his thoughts.

****

Xander sat in the passenger side of the car in silence. It seemed to be deafening, like this heavy weight that was drowning out all else. Angel kept his eyes firmly on the road ahead of him, and although his face was expressionless, Xander could swear he was angry. About what, the mortal couldn’t figure out. Unless it was just the idea of having to put up with him for who knew how long.

As they were stopped at a light, Xander had the sudden urge to jump out of the car. He wanted to get far away from Angel. He didn’t know how he was going to stay in such close quarters with the vampire. How was he supposed to deal the object of so many of his thoughts without making a complete fool out of himself? It was quite obvious Angel hated him as much as he always had. Why he had allowed himself to dwell on the simple conversation the two had had back in Sunnydale in a few weeks ago, he didn’t know. It meant nothing. Angel probably didn’t even remember the conversation, or if he did, it was just another irritating event in his latest trip to the Hellmouth.

Xander had heard about Angel’s run in with Riley, and had had to suppress a smile at the thought of what Angel could have done to Riley, had he wanted to. Of course he couldn’t tell Buffy he would have paid good money to see that confrontation. She wouldn’t have understood. Hell, he didn’t even understand it himself. Although, these days he understood very little, especially where he himself was concerned.

His life had seemed to make less and less sense as time went on. Although he had gotten quite good at suppressing any detailed thought on the subject. All that had changed in November, when *He* came back. He, being the vampire he was seated next to now.

Angel had come back to Sunnydale after some friend of his had had some Buffy related vision. He had wanted to make sure she was all right. Xander wasn’t sure why the idea that Angel had come running back to Sunnydale for the Slayer had bothered him so much. At the time it had seemed almost natural, and later he had written it off as a reaction to the bizarre case of syphilis he had contracted.

It wasn’t until alter, when he had replayed that entire evening over in his mind had he realized that the wounded and sick feeling he got in the pit of his stomach at Angel reaction to his accusation that he was evil, didn’t have anything to do with his illness. He had hated the momentary wounded look in Angel’s dark eyes. But then the vampire had seemed to be more irritated than anything. Not that Xander could blame him for his irritation.

Once his fever had broken, and he had returned to his normally witty self, Xander couldn’t help the thoughts that seemed to linger in his head. He had made the accusation without really thinking. His mouth had seemed to move of its own accord. And the irony was that he didn’t really think that was the case. He hadn’t believed that Angel was evil. He hadn’t been afraid for his life. He had known that his soul had been restored permanently two years previous when Willow had risked her life to complete the ritual. Although Xander wasn’t entirely certain who knew that. Willow had told him, privately. Xander knew that Buffy and Giles didn’t know, and it was unlikely that Angel himself had known if Buffy had been kept in the dark.

Now that Xander was spending so much time musing about Angel, he stopped to think why it was he himself hadn’t told the vampire’s soul was his, completely. Some would most likely believe that it was jealousy. That he didn’t want Angel and Buffy to get back together. Thinking over it now, as he sat in this car, in silence, with the vampire in question, Xander couldn’t disagree with that theory. However it wasn’t Angel he had wanted to keep away from Buffy.

He chanced a look at the vampire. He was watching the road ahead of them as they turned down a side street and pulled into a parking lot. His face was the ever-expressionless mask. His eyes dark as they concentrated on driving, or thought about something Xander wouldn’t even hazard a guess at.

Xander shook his head slightly and turned his own gaze back to the outside world as the car came to a stop. Nope it wasn’t his desire for Buffy, which kept him from sharing his secret. But maybe it was time he told him the truth. Maybe if he gave Angel what he wanted, he wouldn’t wonder why he hadn’t told him before.

****

Angel scowled as he watched the mortal youth walk into the supermarket. What the Hell was wrong with him? He knew he had been short with Xander earlier, and the silence of the drive had only served to make things worse. He wasn’t really irritated with the boy. He had no right to be. But watching Xander and his Childe’s obviously familiar banter has struck a chord within the older vampire. Something he wasn’t even sure he wanted to recognize much less acknowledge. He felt something inside him rail at the closeness between Spike and Xander.

Angel knew there was nothing romantic between the two. Spike was completely in love with Willow. And besides, why should he care if they were involved? Why indeed. The very idea that Xander had feelings for Spike sent a wave of a long repressed emotion through him. Jealousy. Jealousy and something else. Hope.

If Spike, why not him?

Although he knew he was thinking ridiculous thoughts. It made no difference whether Xander was open to a relationship with another man, or a vampire. The fact was that Xander’s feelings for Angel bordered on hate. Despite the fact that they had seemed to clear some of the air just a few weeks ago. Maybe that whole visit to Sunnydale was nothing but a bad dream. Maybe Angel hadn’t gone running to Sunnydale to apologize for something he had no business apologizing for. Maybe he hadn’t run into Xander on the street. Maybe they hadn’t ended up in some coffee shop talking about everything and nothing for two hours. Maybe Angel hadn’t left that night feeling better than he had in months. Maybe it was a terrible, terrible dream. Because if it was real, and Xander didn’t really mean some of the things he had said that night, then maybe he was still in Hell.

That was the only explanation for the forgiveness Xander had offered him that night, only to be followed by this trip to Los Angeles. A trip Xander obviously hadn’t wanted to make. He was here because Willow had made him come. Not because he wanted to be here. Not because he cared. Yep, this was Hell.

Angel ran a hand through his hair as he climbed out of the car. He was not going to sit in his car, brooding. No, he had plenty of time for that…later. Who knew how long Xander would be staying with him?

That decided, Angel walked the short distance to the store, and braced himself to slip into the ‘cryptic guy’ routine he had been accused of so long ago. Surely it was better for everyone to think he was a brooding ponce, as Spike liked to say, than for them to know the truth?

PART 4 SOON