Title:
Author/pseudonym: Caroline Crane
Fandom: Big Wolf on Campus
Paring: Merton/other
Rating: NC17
E-mail: caroline_crane@hotmail.com
Series/Sequel: part 4 of the Citrus series. The rest
of the series can be found at my site.
Other websites: http://www.geocities.com/carolinecrane
Disclaimers: No, I don't own them. If I did I might
actually watch the show.
Notes: This fic is set before all the other fics in
this series; in fact it grew out of one little snippet of dialogue in
"Lemon Lime". The whole thing takes place at summer camp the summer
before Tommy and Merton become friends, so the pairing in this one is Merton
and an original character. If that's not your thing you don't need this to
appreciate the rest of the series.
Summary: Merton's parents send him to computer camp,
where he makes a new friend and learns a few things about himself.
For Emma, who asked so nicely and then waited so very
patiently. Hope it lives up to the wait.
Orange Crush
By Caroline Crane
*Okay, I can do this,* Merton told himself as he
glanced around the weathered cabin. He tossed his sleeping bag and the small
bag of clothes he’d packed down on one of the empty beds, ignoring the rush of
nerves that flooded him as he looked at all the other beds lined up along the
wall. The problem with summer camp wasn’t the unfamiliar surroundings or even
the fact that he was so far from home; both those circumstances could actually
count as good things considering the way things had been going back in
Pleasantville lately. No, the part of camp he wasn’t looking forward to was
meeting the other kids in his cabin. He just wasn’t good at this sort of thing,
he was a loner by nature and no matter how much he wanted to fit in he knew he
probably wouldn’t.
How could he fit in here when he couldn’t even fit in at home with a group of
kids he’d known his entire life? Granted he’d pretty much turned his back on
anyone that had once considered him a friend when he decided to go Goth; the
smart kids took it a lot more personally than he’d expected them to. Not that
he really minded…okay, he didn’t mind most days. Other days it definitely
bothered him, but usually he could ignore the loneliness until it went away.
Besides, only one more year of high school and he was home free, he could go to
any college he wanted and he could start over with a bunch of people that
didn’t remember him as the geeky, scrawny kid that always got picked last in
gym class.
Anyway this was computer camp; the whole point of computers was to keep human
interaction at a minimum, right? So if he acted stand-offish everyone would
just think he was a cybergeek, which he pretty much was if he really thought
about it. It wasn’t exactly something he’d ever set out to become, it was just
that sometimes it was easier to deal with people online than it was to think
about the fact that he didn’t fit in at his own school.
The sound of the screen door slamming startled him, and he looked up to find a
boy about his age walking toward him. Merton smiled nervously as the kid
glanced at him appraisingly, then dropped all his belongings on the empty bed
next to Merton’s. "Hey," he said, his voice soft but surprisingly
smoky. He sounded like he’d spent the night before screaming at a rock concert,
or maybe he was just coming down off laryngitis. "You mind if I put my
stuff here?"
Merton glanced behind him, thinking maybe there was a counselor that he hadn’t
realized was in the cabin standing behind him. When he realized the kid was
talking to him he turned back and shook his head, his forehead furrowed as he
wondered why the kid was asking his permission to claim one of the beds.
"I don’t think anybody’s claimed it yet," Merton said with a shrug.
"I’m Merton."
"Hunter Janssen," the other boy said as he began methodically
unpacking his belongings and tucking them into the cubbies next to the bunk.
"This your first year here?"
"Yeah," Merton answered. He sank onto the edge of his bunk, his own
belongings forgotten as he watched the other boy unpack. There was something
about him, maybe it was the quiet quality of his voice or the graceful way he
moved. He definitely wasn’t Merton’s usual type; unfortunately for him he
generally found himself attracted to the solid, athletic and hopelessly
heterosexual type, but this kid had an almost magnetic quality that Merton
couldn’t quite put his finger on. He shook his head when he realized he was
staring, his cheeks flushing as Hunter turned to look at him. "So…you’ve
been here before?"
"This’ll be my third summer," Hunter answered, dark eyes locked on
Merton for a beat before he turned away again. "It’s alright. Everybody
pretty much leaves you alone if you’re not talking programming."
Before Merton had a chance to answer the door swung open again, and he glanced
in the direction of the group of guys that walked into the cabin. He hung back
and pretended to be busy unpacking his bag while he listened to Hunter greet a
few return campers. It felt weird to be the new guy; he’d known when his
parents offered to send him to computer camp that he was probably going to
stand out but he’d thought he was used to feeling like he was on the outside.
This, though…this was different, maybe because it wasn’t people he’d known his
whole life ignoring him. In a way it was almost more uncomfortable than his
usual routine at home.
"Hey, Merton." He glanced up sharply at the sound of Hunter’s
gravelly tenor, the voice sending an involuntary shiver down his spine that he
did his best to ignore. "Guys, this is Merton. It’s his first year so take
it easy on him."
Merton smiled gratefully at Hunter before he turned his attention to the other
guys, exchanging greetings with them and hoping that nobody would notice if he
didn’t remember any of their names. He tried not to glance over at Hunter as
the rest of their cabin mates fired computer-related questions at him, but his
eyes betrayed him by straying over to the bunk next to his.
Hunter’s back was to him as he arranged his clothes on the shelf next to his
bunk, dark hair grazing the bottom of his neck as he reached up and ran a hand
through it. He forced himself to turn back to the kid that was talking about
some C++ quirk, feigning interest in the conversation. He couldn’t shake the
image of Hunter’s angular shoulders shifting under his tee shirt, though, or
the graceful way he moved as he unpacked his bag. It was strange and he knew he
was just imagining it, but in a way he’d almost felt some kind of connection between
them from the instant that Hunter first spoke to him.
He didn’t want to jump to the conclusion that it was because Hunter was gay;
the other boy had done nothing to make him think that and if he started
spinning fantasies about his bunkmates he was just going to get himself in
trouble. He’d heard about the legendary gaydar, but he was starting to think it
was just that: a legend. After all, he was gay and he couldn’t tell just by
exchanging a few words with somebody what their sexual preference was. He could
definitely tell when someone was straight, though, and unfortunately he seemed
to be destined to develop hopeless crushes on the straightest guys in school.
Well, if he was honest with himself it was really just the one guy…one guy he
didn’t have a chance in hell with so it wouldn’t do him any good to obsess
about it when he was hundreds of miles from Pleasantville.
"Hey."
Merton jumped at the sound of that distinctive voice close to his ear, and he
turned in time to watch an amused smile tug at the corners of Hunter’s mouth.
"
"Uh…yeah, sure," Merton answered, the shirt he was holding slipping
unnoticed from his fingers as he followed his new friend out of the cabin. This
was bad – he knew it was bad, he had enough experience with unrequited feelings
to know that he didn’t need another crush on top of the one he’d been nursing
for almost two years now. The difference was that Hunter knew who he was,
acknowledged his presence and smiled at Merton like he was glad they’d happened
to meet. It was more than he’d ever gotten from his other crush, and even that
tiny grain of hope was enough to make him walk just a little closer to Hunter as
he led the way to the main building.
~
The worst part of being basically friendless in a high school setting was
mealtime; Merton knew this better than anyone, as he spent most of his lunch
periods during school either in the A/V room watching old sci-fi movies or in
the library pretending to study. He’d learned a long time ago that the
cafeteria at high noon was not the place for a guy like him, so he’d adjusted
accordingly and so far no one seemed to notice. The thought that meals at camp
might be equally uncomfortable had crossed his mind, and as the bell rang for
dinner on their first night he looked up from his bunk with a sense of dread.
Part of him wanted to stay in the cabin and feign a stomachache while his cabin
mates headed for the dining hall.
When he felt the book he’d been pretending to read being tugged gently out of
his grip he looked up, his breath catching in his throat as dark eyes smiled
back at him. "The food here’s surprisingly good," Hunter said, his
gravelly voice just above a whisper so the others wouldn’t overhear him in
their rush to get to the door. Hunter closed the book and set it down on the
end of Merton’s bed, glancing over his shoulder to make sure the others were
gone before he turned back to Merton. "Come on, I’m starving."
Even though he never said the words Merton could see that Hunter knew exactly
why he’d been pretending not to hear the dinner bell, and he found himself
caught between gratitude and embarrassment. They’d sat next to each other
during the welcome speech and then walked back down to the cabin together, but
after they got back Hunter had pulled what looked like a journal and a pen off
his shelf and walked back out of the cabin. When he came back over an hour
later Merton pretended not to notice, keeping his attention focused on the book
he wasn’t reading as he listened to Hunter catch up with a couple guys that
he’d evidently shared a cabin with the summer before.
The fact that his new friend had been aware pretty much the whole time of what
he was doing made Merton’s cheeks flush, but he couldn’t ignore the small
thrill the knowledge sent through him. Then there was the new knowledge that
Hunter’s voice sounded even sexier when he whispered; Merton wasn’t sure he was
going to make it through dinner, let alone two weeks of sleeping in a bed next
to the other boy. He hadn’t been this nervous around someone in ages, and he
wasn’t sure how to react when Hunter took hold of his shoulder and gently
steered him into the line for dinner.
He let himself be guided, first through the line and then to a table where most
of their cabin mates were already sitting. He grinned when they looked up,
sinking into the seat across from Hunter and looking down at his tray so he
wouldn’t be tempted to stare. The guys at the table turned back to their
conversation and he tried his best to pay attention, laughing at the
appropriate intervals as one of them told a story about some girl he’d gone out
with over the summer. As soon as he was done someone else chimed in with a
story that sounded to Merton like it was as fabricated as the first one, and he
lifted his glass of milk to his lips to hide a smirk.
When he glanced over at Hunter the other boy caught his eye and mirrored his
grin, sending another jolt of anticipation down Merton’s spine as he wondered
how someone he didn’t even know could read his thoughts so easily. He managed
to grin back before dropping his gaze to his dinner again, his stomach
fluttering too much to actually do more than push his food around on his plate.
By the time they were done eating Merton counted himself lucky that no one had
noticed his obvious lack of contribution to the conversation; he wasn’t sure he
was ready to come out to a tableful of teenagers he didn’t know. He couldn’t
help noticing that Hunter didn’t have any stories to tell, either, but then
again maybe he just wasn’t the type to kiss and tell. Or maybe he just didn’t
have any stories, which was possible because he wasn’t exactly what most people
would define as handsome.
He was slight, angular and a little on the thin side, his pale skin in contrast
with his dark features. There was a hint of old sunburn on the tip of his nose
and in his cheeks, and he had a smattering of freckles across the bridge of his
nose. He had an intensity, though, something Merton was sure would be wasted on
girls their age but would make him very popular once he got to college. He
sighed and told himself to stop trying to figure out details he couldn’t
possibly guess about a total stranger, especially considering none of them made
a difference in Merton’s life. Even if Hunter had stood up on the table and
announced to the entire dining hall that he was gay it didn’t mean he was
interested in Merton; he was at camp to learn about computer programming, not
to start some summer fling with a guy that probably lived hundreds of miles
from him.
After dinner they all headed out to a clearing near the center of camp,
settling on the grass around the campfire some of the counselors were building.
Hunter sat down next to him, and Merton found himself thankful that the sun had
begun to set so that the other boy wouldn’t see him blush as their arms
brushed. If Hunter noticed the contact he didn’t show it, he just wrapped his
arms around his knees and directed his attention toward the head counselor as
he started the evening program. Merton mirrored Hunter’s position and stared
straight ahead, willing himself to focus on the program and not the person
sitting next to him.
~
The first two days of camp were more or less a blur as Merton learned his new
schedule and did his best to catch up with the advance programmers surrounding
him. Every time he started to wonder if he was in over his head his new friend
Hunter was there, smiling or offering soft words of encouragement. In fact he
seemed to have adopted Merton as his personal responsibility, sitting with him
at every meal and making sure Merton got wherever they were supposed to be on
time. They talked a lot during the first two days, mostly about life back home
and what school was like for each of them. Once Hunter got started on a
conversation he was interested in he talked a lot, shattering Merton’s original
impression that he was the silent, mysterious type. There was still something
of a mystery about him, but once he was comfortable with Merton he talked quite
a bit.
His favorite subject, Merton discovered, was his best friend Jeremy. The way
Hunter talked about him almost made Merton wonder what exactly he meant by
‘best friend’, but he couldn’t just come right out and ask if Jeremy was really
Hunter’s boyfriend. As curious as he was about whether or not Hunter was
straight, he wasn’t sure he wanted to know if he had a boyfriend waiting back
home. Merton knew there was no chance that anything would happen between the
two of them, but the fantasy was harmless enough and he didn’t want to ruin it.
Besides, no matter how far out of his way Hunter went to make sure Merton felt
included there was still the question of free time.
Every afternoon they had free time between their last programming session and
dinner, and every afternoon Hunter walked with him back to their cabin. As soon
as they got there, though, he took his journal and a pen off his shelf and left
the cabin again, usually returning just before dinner. When he got back he
acted as friendly and attentive as usual, but Merton couldn’t help wondering
what was in that journal of his. Not that he’d ever actually read it; he kept
his own journal so he knew better than to invade someone’s privacy. Still, he
couldn’t help wondering what it was that made Hunter disappear by himself for
over an hour every day. The other guys in the cabin always included Merton in
whatever they did during free time, so he’d spent his first day hanging out
down at the lake and his second day playing Dungeons and Dragons with a handful
of other campers.
Normally he enjoyed roleplaying and he hardly ever got a chance to actually
play with anyone else, so when the guys invited him to join the game again on
his third day he agreed. For some reason he just couldn’t seem to concentrate,
though, and the closer it got to dinner time the more distracted he got. He
found himself glancing continually in the direction of their cabin even though
it was blocked from their view by the dining hall, and every time he caught
himself he shook his head and forced his attention back to the game. It never
took long for his mind to wander, though, and he found himself glancing
distractedly at the line of trees past the dining hall just as Hunter stepped
out from the woods. He barely managed to stifle a gasp as the other boy looked
toward them, and even from so far away Merton was almost sure Hunter was
looking right at him.
He shook himself again and mumbled some excuse about needing to take a leak,
standing up and hurrying in the direction of the cabins before any of the other
boys could answer. He didn’t even know why he’d gotten up so abruptly, it
wasn’t as though Hunter was waiting for him. There was still at least half an
hour before dinner, though, and he couldn’t help wondering why Hunter was back
from wherever he went so much earlier than usual. That thought made him walk a
little faster, and he reached their cabin and took a deep breath to steady
himself before he pulled the door open.
Hunter was sitting on his bed, his journal next to him as he looked down at his
palm. As Merton inched closer he realized that the other boy was fumbling with
something in his other hand, and he sucked in a sharp breath when he saw that
Hunter’s palm was covered in blood. "What happened?" he asked, a
shiver running down his spine as Hunter looked up at him.
"Sliced my hand open on a piece of glass," he answered quietly,
holding up the hand in question. "Some asshole broke a bottle down by the
river, probably kids out there partying at night."
Merton nodded and closed the rest of the distance between them, watching as
Hunter went back to fumbling with a roll of gauze. "You should clean that
first," he said before he could stop himself. The other boy looked up
again and Merton grinned self-consciously, crossing to his own bed and reaching
into his bag for the first aid kit his mother had packed. "My mom says I’m
accident prone, she wouldn’t let me anywhere near anything resembling
wilderness without one of these."
Hunter grinned as Merton opened the small plastic case and pulled out an
antiseptic towel and a bandage, dropping them on Hunter’s bunk before he sat
down next to the other boy and reached for his hand. He realized too late that
he hadn’t even asked if Hunter wanted help before he took over, but he hadn’t
complained yet so Merton ignored their proximity as best he could and focused
on cleaning the blood and bits of dirt out of the cut before he pressed a
bandage over it and wrapped it with tape. "There you go," he said
when he finished, reaching for the discarded supplies so he wouldn’t have to
look up at Hunter again.
"Thanks," the other boy said, and Merton was thankful that he’d
turned his back so Hunter wouldn’t see him bite his lip to keep from asking him
not to whisper like that. There was no way his friend could know what his voice
did to Merton; he’d always had an active imagination and with the help of the
internet he was pretty sure what went on between two guys, but the sound of
Hunter’s voice made him want to do things he hadn’t even let himself think
about yet. Thinking about stuff like that just got him in trouble back home,
and there were enough rumors about him at school without letting himself get
caught up in hopeless crushes and staring too long at guys that definitely
wouldn’t appreciate it.
"Don’t mention it," he finally forced himself to say, casting a quick
glance over his shoulder just so Hunter wouldn’t think he was deliberately
avoiding eye contact. "At least my mom didn’t waste her money on the first
aid kit, right?"
"Yeah, I guess so," Hunter answered, the amusement in his voice
evoking a sigh from Merton that he had to struggle to stifle. "Say, I was
thinking…usually during free time I go down to the river and write in my
journal. It’s quiet down there, I don’t even know if anybody knows it’s there.
It’s about a half mile through the woods, but if you wanna come with me
tomorrow…it’s pretty cool down there, I think you’d like it."
Merton swallowed convulsively and took his time putting the first aid kit back
in his bag before he turned to face Hunter again. He was sure he was blushing
but he couldn’t help it; he’d spent the past three days wondering what it was
Hunter did all afternoon and now he was being offered a chance to see for
himself. Compounded with the way Hunter was looking at him as though he was
almost nervous about Merton’s answer, the whole thing was starting to feel
oddly date-like and Merton wasn’t sure whether to be thrilled or terrified.
"Yeah, that sounds fun," he finally answered.
"Cool." Hunter grinned up at him as Merton smiled nervously.
"Listen, Merton…"
Whatever he’d been about to say was lost as the door to the cabin banged open
behind them, both pairs of eyes turning in the direction of the intrusion in
time to see their counselor walk in.
"Hey, guys," he said, glancing curiously between the two of them
until his eyes fell on Hunter’s hand. "Hunter, what happened?"
"Nothing, I just put my hand down on a piece of glass," Hunter
answered. "It’s just a scratch."
"You should go let the nurse look at it anyway. The camp’s got rules about
that stuff, it’s an insurance thing."
"Yeah, okay," Hunter said, standing up and casting a quick glance at
Merton as he followed the older man out of the cabin. As soon as they were gone
Merton sank to his own bunk, his knees suddenly weak as he told himself not to
start spinning ridiculous scenarios about what Hunter had been about to say
before they were interrupted.
~
By the time the next day’s afternoon session was over Merton was about to crawl
out of his own skin; he couldn’t remember ever being so nervous about anything.
The fact that Hunter wasn’t acting any differently than usual just served to
increase his frustration, and he kept reminding himself that this wasn’t a
date. Chances were that Hunter just felt sorry for him, after all Merton had
practically run after him as soon as he caught sight of him the day before.
Maybe he was just taking pity on Merton and sacrificing his time alone so
Merton wouldn’t feel left out.
"Hey, you ready?"
Merton shook himself out of his reverie at the sound of Hunter’s voice, smiling
nervously as he stood up to follow the other boy out of the computer room. They
crossed the lawn in the direction of their cabin in silence, but when Hunter
didn’t stop to pick up his journal Merton bit his lip and told himself it
didn’t mean anything. It made sense that he wouldn’t want to write in his
journal while Merton was around, nobody liked an audience while they were
putting their private thoughts down on paper. He followed Hunter through the
trees, glancing around at their surroundings as he wondered how the other boy
had found the river in the first place. There was no actual path, just a
winding route through the trees that Merton was starting to think was leading
them nowhere when he finally heard the sound of running water in the distance.
A few minutes later he found himself standing on a steep river bank, looking
out over eight feet of water that was probably at least as deep as it was wide.
"Wow," he breathed as much to himself as to Hunter as he took in the
trees surrounding the clearing and felt a cool breeze hit his skin.
"I thought you’d appreciate this place," Hunter said, sounding
pleased with himself as he sat down under a nearby tree and set the sodas he’d
brought with them down on the grass. Merton glanced over his shoulder and
grinned, forgetting to be self-conscious as he sank onto the grass next to
Hunter and drew his knees up to his chest.
"So this is what you do every day," he said, flushing as he realized
he’d said it out loud.
"Yeah, it’s a good place to think," Hunter answered, leaning forward
so their shoulders were almost touching as he passed a can of orange soda to
Merton and popped open his own can. "I found it my first year, back when I
was the new kid and I was looking for someplace to lay low during free
time."
Merton’s eyebrows shot up as he glanced over at Hunter; it was hard to imagine
the quietly self-confident guy sitting next to him ever feeling like he had to
hide from anything. "Is that why you…?" He trailed off, his cheeks
blazing as he realized what he’d been about to ask. He already knew the answer,
and it was humiliating enough without forcing Hunter to say it out loud.
"No," Hunter answered quietly. "I mean partly, I know how it
feels to not really know where you’re supposed to be and what you’re supposed
to be doing. But mostly I just thought you were cool. You know you're the only
person besides my best friend that didn’t ask me what happened to my voice like
five minutes after we met? Most people either make a joke about cigarettes
being bad for your health or they ask me if I’m contagious." A bemused
grin tugged at the corners of Hunter’s mouth as he looked out over the river.
"Sometimes I think that’s the only reason Jeremy and I became friends in
the first place."
Merton swallowed the urge to blurt out that he thought Hunter’s voice was sexy,
knowing how well that would go over considering the circumstances. Besides, it
was enough that he’d somehow done something the other boy considered noble
without even realizing it. "Yeah, well, he’s lucky to have you for a best
friend."
Hunter smiled and picked up a rock with his good hand, tossing it into the
water before he answered. "I used to think he was the only person in the
world that really got me, you know? But even he doesn’t know everything."
He paused and let out a small sigh, dropping a second rock back onto the ground
and leaning back against the tree to look over at Merton. "Some days it
sucks to be a freak."
"Tell me about it." Merton smiled at the soft laugh that escaped
Hunter’s throat, venturing a shy glance at the other boy before he turned back
to the water. "I don’t even have a best friend, not since I dyed my hair
black and starting dressing like this." He looked down at his Misfits tee
shirt and black jeans, smiling wryly as he remembered his mother warning him
about how hot he was going to be wearing black jeans out in the sun. She was
right, of course, but while they were sitting in the shade next to the river
with a cool breeze blowing he didn’t even notice the summer heat. "The
kids at my school don’t get it, I guess. Most of my old friends just act like
I’m not there anymore."
"I know the feeling. Half the kids at my school treat me like I’m not even
there, I guess because they’re not sure how to deal with me," Hunter said.
"I live with my grandparents in a really small town, the state took me
away from my mom when I was a baby. I don’t really remember it but my grandma
says she was crazy, didn’t notice the cord from the blinds in my crib or
something. I guess I got it wrapped around my throat, almost choked before
somebody found me and called an ambulance. Caused permanent damage to my vocal
chords, obviously. Everybody in town knows about it, and even now that I’m
seventeen nobody really knows how to act around me. Like I’m damaged in the
head instead of just my voice. Maybe because my mom’s nuts they think I’m gonna
go crazy too."
Merton leaned back, swallowing his shock at Hunter’s story before he answered.
"That’s stupid," he finally said. "I mean just because something
happened to you when you were a little kid doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong
with you now." He felt guilty for thinking Hunter’s voice was sexy now
that he knew why it sounded the way it did, but he took comfort in the fact
that at least he hadn’t said it out loud.
He was rewarded with an almost shy grin from the other boy, and he smiled back
automatically. It was strange how comfortable it felt to sit there pressed
close to someone he’d only known for a few days, exchanging secrets as though
they’d been friends all their lives. Still, he hadn’t really confessed
anything, at least not anything important. His biggest secret was still locked
carefully away, and he wasn’t sure if admitting the truth to Hunter would ruin
the bond they’d begun to form or just make it stronger.
"I guess it would help if it was just the thing with my mom," Hunter
said, drawing Merton’s attention back to the boy leaning against his shoulder.
"I mean Jeremy knows that story; like I said, everybody in town knows that
one. I don’t think he’d want to be my friend anymore if he knew the rest."
"The rest?" Merton prodded, his heart in his throat as he told
himself again not to jump to conclusions. That was quickly becoming his mantra
where Hunter was concerned, but he couldn’t imagine another reason that any
sane person wouldn’t want to be friends with someone like Hunter. Then again,
even that reason wasn’t a very good one as far as he was concerned.
Hunter flushed and looked away, staring out at the river as he cleared his
throat and inched a little further away from Merton. "Forget it, it’s not
important."
"Yeah, sure," Merton said, frowning as he watched Hunter pull away
from him. It was the height of summer and it had to be at least 85 degrees
outside, but suddenly the shoulder Hunter had been leaning against felt almost
cold. "Trust me, I know what it’s like to have people avoid you. Most of
the kids at my school would probably steer even clearer of me if they knew I
was gay."
It was a calculated risk, one Merton hadn’t even realized he was planning to
take until the words came tumbling out of his mouth. The weird thing was that
it felt good to say them, like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders the second
he said it. "Huh. I’ve never actually said that out loud before."
The smile he was rewarded with made it worth the risk, and a moment later
Hunter leaned a little closer and dropped his damaged voice to a conspiratorial
whisper. "Me either."
Merton laughed then, a combination of nervous tension and almost hysterical joy
at finally just saying the words out loud. "You…you should…try it,"
he gasped as he tried to catch his breath. "It feels…actually pretty
good."
Hunter’s grin brightened as he watched Merton laugh, and he took a deep breath
and cleared his throat. "I’m gay," he said, smiling as Merton laughed
even harder. "Wow, you’re right."
"Told you," Merton said as his laughter finally subsided. He reached
for the can of soda Hunter held out to him and took a sip, choking a little as
he tried to swallow and breathe at the same time.
"Geez, don’t choke, I don’t want the only person in the world that knows
I’m gay dying on me," Hunter said, his eyes sparkling with mischief as
Merton shot him an exasperated look.
When Merton finally found his voice again he sighed and looked over at Hunter.
"You really think Jeremy wouldn’t understand if you told him?"
Hunter’s smile faded as he shrugged, picking up his own soda and then setting
it back down again without taking a drink. "I don’t know, I mean he laughs
at the gay jokes in the locker room but we’ve never really talked about it. One
thing I do know for sure is that he wouldn’t feel the same way about me that I
do about him." A soft, almost bitter laugh escaped Hunter’s throat as he
glanced over at Merton again. "Pretty pathetic, huh? The old ‘fall for
your best friend’ cliché, and I can’t even tell him."
"Not as pathetic as having a crush on the captain of the football
team," Merton said.
He flushed as the other boy looked over at him, shaking his head as he laughed
softly. "Oh man. Sorry, I don’t mean to laugh, it’s just…ouch. The
Captain?"
"Oh yeah, all-star quarterback, most popular guy in school. Beautiful
green eyes, perfect body, this hair that you can’t help wanting to run your
fingers through. All wrapped up in a completely off limits package."
"What’s his name?"
"Tommy Dawkins," Merton answered, a small sigh escaping his throat as
he pictured the most popular guy at Pleasantville High.
"Nice name. You sure he’s straight?"
Merton laughed and cast a glance over at Hunter that let the other boy know
what a ridiculous question that was. "As sure as you are that Jeremy is.
It gets even worse, though."
"How could it possibly be worse than that?"
"His locker’s been right next to mine since the third grade and he doesn’t
even know my name."
"That’s worse alright." Hunter sighed sympathetically and leaned
forward again, tilting his head to look at Merton. "But if it makes you
feel any better you pretty much just described Jeremy. Except his eyes are blue
like yours."
Merton smiled sadly at the irony of meeting somebody like Hunter when they were
both head over heels for someone neither of them had a chance with. "Well
hey, at least yours talks to you."
"Sometimes I wonder if that’s a good thing," Hunter admitted. He
glanced down at his watch and let out a labored sigh. "We should get a
move on if we don’t want to miss dinner."
Merton nodded and stood up, waiting while Hunter pushed himself up with his
good hand and picked up his soda can. They started back toward the woods, but
Merton stopped short when Hunter paused in front of him and turned to look at
him. "You wanna do this again tomorrow?"
"Yeah, alright," Merton answered, mirroring Hunter’s grin as the
other boy nodded and turned back toward camp. So maybe Hunter was hung up on
his best friend, but it felt good to finally talk to someone about his feelings
and even if it was only for a couple weeks, Hunter was the closest he’d come to
having a real friend in a long time.
~
Maybe it was the heat keeping him awake, or maybe it was the fact that ever
since he and Hunter got back from the river Merton hadn't been able to stop
thinking about their conversation. He knew that what happened out in the woods
was huge; it was monumental because for the first time since he’d first started
to wonder whether he was completely normal he’d actually admitted the real
truth out loud. Until that moment he’d still been trying to convince himself
that maybe he was just confused, or maybe he was bi and his crush on Tommy was
just clouding any chance he had of developing more appropriate feelings for a
girl.
When he’d looked at Hunter and said the words ‘I’m gay’ it had felt right,
though; scary in a way he could have predicted but at the same time he’d just
known it was the truth. He knew it changed everything, whether or not anyone
else noticed the difference in him. There was no more hiding from it, no more
telling himself he was going to get over this eventually or maybe his crush on
Tommy was just hero worship or envy that Tommy had the life Merton used to
think he wanted. He knew now that that was just something he’d told himself so
he wouldn’t have to think too hard about the dreams he had about Tommy, or the
jolt of desire that shot straight to his groin whenever Tommy happened to show
up at his locker at the same time as Merton.
Nothing would ever come of it, he was smart enough to know that. Tommy hadn’t
known or cared who he was for over ten years now, there was no reason to think
that was suddenly going to change in their last year of school. In a way that
wasn’t so important, though, and in a way he was almost grateful to Tommy for
being so perfect. Even if they never exchanged two words Tommy would always be
Merton’s first real wake-up call, his first inkling that there was something
about him that set him apart in a completely different way than the black
clothes he wore.
He sighed and shifted onto his side, his eyes falling on Hunter’s back in the bunk
next to his. It was dark in the cabin but the light from a nearly full moon
shone in through the open windows, and he could clearly see Hunter’s bare
shoulders rising and falling as he slept. In a little over a week they’d have
to say goodbye and Merton would be heading back to one more torturous year at
Pleasantville High, but now he had Hunter to thank for more or less the same
reason as Tommy. The feelings were different; his heart didn’t ache when he
pictured Hunter but in a way it was almost better because he knew Hunter, and
he felt an affection for him because of the secrets that had passed between
them over the past few days.
More than that, he still felt a spark of attraction to the other boy, even
though he was pretty sure they were just going to be friends. Then again he
hadn’t really been expecting any of what passed between them that afternoon. As
he let his mind wander Hunter shifted onto his back and turned his head in the
direction of Merton’s bunk, his eyes fluttering open to lock with Merton’s. A
dim voice somewhere in the back of Merton’s mind told him that he should be
embarrassed to be caught staring, that he should turn away and close his eyes
and hope that Hunter wouldn’t bring this up tomorrow. The cabin was so still,
though, and there was no trace of accusation or discomfort in Hunter’s features
as he stared back at Merton. Instead he looked…open, almost vulnerable, and
Merton pushed aside the thought that he should feel self-conscious.
He wasn’t sure how long they laid there and looked at each other; Merton
imagined it was only a few minutes before Hunter closed his eyes again and went
back to sleep, but it felt more like an eternity to him. He stifled a sigh and
rolled onto his back, fixing his gaze on the ceiling as he told himself he was
imagining things. No matter what he thought he’d seen in Hunter’s eyes, it
didn’t mean anything was going to happen between them. They knew something
about each other now, that was all. They shared a secret that bonded them in a
way most people couldn’t understand, and Merton didn’t want to run the risk of
damaging it by doing anything either of them would regret.
~
Halfway through the next day Merton was sure that his parents had wasted their
money sending him to computer camp, but every time he tried to guilt himself
into paying attention to the program he was supposed to be working on his mind
wandered to Hunter again. It was funny how much could change in the course of
one afternoon, and even if he never figured out how to make his program do what
it was supposed to do he knew he’d gained something even more valuable from his
summer camp experience.
So he was more than happy to abandon his project when Hunter stopped next to
his computer and nodded wordlessly in the direction of the woods. He was
carrying two cans of orange soda again and Merton had a flash of déjà vu as he
followed his friend past the rows of cabins and away from camp. Merton grinned
in spite of his nervousness and followed Hunter into the trees, his mind racing
as he wondered what the other boy was thinking about what happened last night.
He’d been trying to convince himself all morning that it was nothing, but every
time he thought about it his stomach flipped and he knew that *something* had
happened between them. The fact that Hunter had been quieter than usual all
morning even as he stuck a little closer to Merton was another clue, and he
found himself grinning at the back of Hunter’s head as he followed him through
the woods.
When they finally reached the clearing Hunter sat down under their tree and
opened a soda, holding the other one out to Merton as he sank down onto the
grass next to him. Merton took it and watched as Hunter swallowed the sweet
liquid, mesmerized by the way the other boy’s throat moved as he swallowed. He
realized he was staring when Hunter set his soda down and cleared his throat,
and he flushed and glanced out over the water.
"Look," he began, wincing at the way his voice trembled, "last
night I was just…I couldn’t sleep is all, and I was just thinking. Not about
anything, really, I was just thinking, you know? And I happened to look over at
you…"
A hand on the back of his neck made his voice catch in his throat and he
stopped talking, turning automatically to look at Hunter. "It’s okay,
Merton. I was thinking too."
"Yeah? What about?" Merton asked, his voice barely above a whisper as
he let Hunter guide him a little closer.
"This," Hunter whispered, his breath hitting Merton’s cheek and
sending a rush of desire through his extremities as he leaned forward a final
inch and fused their lips together. His eyes fluttered closed as he focused on
the taste of sweet and citrus and a flavor he could only describe as Hunter,
and he smiled against the other boy’s mouth as he realized that somehow he’d gotten
his tongue in Hunter’s mouth without even realizing it. He registered the sound
of a muffled groan as Hunter’s hand closed around the front of his tee shirt
and pulled him even closer, his heart beating too fast in his chest as his own
hands found their way to the other boy’s waist.
When Hunter’s mouth left his to trail down his neck Merton’s hands took on a
life of their own, sliding under the other boy’s shirt to explore heated flesh.
He wanted to laugh at the taste of orange soda still on his tongue, or maybe at
the absurdity of what they were doing. Hadn’t they just been commiserating
yesterday about their unrequited love for two completely unattainable guys? So
maybe this was what people counted as settling, or maybe it was just mutual
affection or even need, but whatever it was it felt good and Merton didn’t want
to stop.
The mouth that was busy exploring his collarbone made its way back up to his
ear, hot breath and that gravelly voice making Merton moan as Hunter pressed
his lips to his ear. "Have you ever…?"
Merton shook his head, his mind racing as he struggled out of the fog of desire
long enough to register that Hunter was trying to assess if he knew what he was
doing. "No," he said, pulling back and forcing himself to meet the
other boy’s slightly unfocused gaze. "You?"
Hunter smiled and reached for the waistband of Merton’s shirt, yanking it over
his head and then tugging his own off to join Merton’s on the grass next to
them. "Just once, last summer. He didn’t come back this year."
For a second Merton was tempted to ask the kid’s name so he could send him a
thank-you card or a dozen roses just for not coming back to camp this summer.
The thought that if he had Merton probably wouldn’t be in the situation he was
in right now made him laugh, and he shook his head at Hunter’s quizzical
expression. "Nothing, forget it," he said.
Hunter’s smile returned as he leaned forward, pushing Merton back onto the
grass and covering the other boy’s body with his own. Their lips fused together
again as Hunter’s hand slipped between them, stroking Merton’s erection through
his jeans. A gasp escaped Merton’s throat and he thrust up into the
feather-soft touch, wrapping his arms more tightly around the body on top of
him as Hunter worked his zipper down and slid a hand inside.
Merton moaned into the kiss, rocking his hips up in time to Hunter’s strokes.
He’d thought that saying out loud that he was gay had been monumental, but
this…there was no way he could find words for what he was feeling, even if he
had enough brain function left to actually talk. All he could do was rock into
the hand stroking him and try to remember to breathe when Hunter let him up
long enough to gulp for air. Hands pushed his jeans as far down his hips as
they would go, and he felt the shock of cool air against too-hot flesh as
Hunter’s mouth left his and began trailing tiny kisses down his chest.
He hissed at the first sensation of wet warmth on his nipple, one hand finding
its way to Hunter’s hair to guide his mouth lower. The hand that had been
stroking him was gone but still he was thrusting up against the body pinning
him to the ground, frustration and desire making it hard to focus on what was
happening. He knew he should be doing something to reciprocate; he was pretty
sure that was how these things worked, but he didn’t really have any practical
experience to go on and he couldn’t get his brain to work with him long enough
to figure out what he was supposed to be doing. Meanwhile Hunter’s mouth was
moving steadily down his chest, lingering over each sensitive patch of skin
until Merton was practically begging for release.
Hunter’s hands landed on his hips to hold him still as he worked his way lower,
trailing wet kisses down Merton’s stomach until he finally reached his
destination. He paused long enough to glance up, dark eyes locking with
Merton’s for an agonizing moment before he grinned and closed his mouth around
the other boy’s length. Merton moaned and bucked against the hands that were
holding him down; it felt as though every nerve in his body was centered in his
groin, everything in him struggling for more of the amazing heat engulfing him.
One word kept repeating over and over in his mind –
more more more *now*, and then Hunter took as much of Merton’s length as he
could and hollowed his cheeks.
He lasted less than two minutes, moaning his release as Hunter swallowed around
his length. When he caught his breath enough to open his eyes Hunter was
kneeling between his legs, a smug smile lighting up his features as Merton somehow
summoned the strength to push himself into a sitting position.
"Okay?" Hunter asked, laughing at Merton’s incredulous expression as
the other boy pushed him back onto the ground.
"Are you kidding? That was…mindblowing," Merton said, his hands ghosting
over Hunter’s skin as the other boy groaned and rocked up against him.
"Can I…?"
Hunter nodded as Merton grinned and leaned forward to fuse their lips together
again. The taste of himself mingled with citrus and sugar on Hunter’s tongue
was intoxicating enough to chase away some of his nervousness at doing this for
the first time; after all enthusiasm had to make up for at least some of his
lack of experience. Finally he tore his mouth away from Hunter’s and pushed
himself back onto his knees between the other boy’s legs, taking a moment to
admire Hunter’s slight frame stretched out for him before he reached for the
other boy’s zipper and tugged his jeans and boxers down his hips.
"Just for future reference, you don’t have to ask permission," Hunter
said as Merton reached out and ran two fingers experimentally up the other
boy’s length. Merton smiled, both at the thought that Hunter wanted this with
him and at the idea that there might be a next time. They still had over a week
of camp left, after all, and the weekends consisted of mostly free time. He
took a deep breath and leaned over, the tip of his tongue flicking out to taste
the tiny drop of salty liquid on the tip of Hunter’s cock. The gasp just that
simple touch evoked from the other boy was enough to encourage him, and he
parted his lips and slid as far down Hunter’s length as he could go.
Thinking was next to impossible with all the new sensations assaulting him, but
he tried to recall what he’d read on the internet about giving head. He experimented
with his lips and tongue, scraping his teeth gently along the underside of
Hunter’s cock and gaining a throaty moan for his efforts. The entire time
Hunter’s hands moved in his hair, petting the back of his head as he whispered
breathy encouragement in that voice of his. Merton had no idea if he was doing
it right or even if there was a ‘right’ way to do this, but when Hunter jerked
against his grip and moaned his name Merton knew he was doing something right.
He pulled back a little as Hunter lost control, swallowing what he could before
he pulled away and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.
As Hunter panted on the ground in front of him Merton realized for the first
time that his jeans were still down around his hips, and he flushed as he kneeled
up and tugged the denim back up. Once his jeans were readjusted he collapsed on
the grass next to the other boy, staring unfocused at the canopy of leaves
above them. He felt Hunter stir next to him and grinned without looking over,
still not quite able to believe that this was
happening to him.
"Merton," Hunter said, his voice soft as he pushed himself up on one
elbow. Fingers carded through Merton’s hair and he turned to look at his
friend, his heart skipping a beat at the other boy’s serious expression.
"I just wanted to say…I don’t know, thanks, I guess. I mean for yesterday
too, I’ve never told anybody any of that stuff before."
"I should be thanking you," Merton answered seriously. "Since we
first met you’ve gone out of your way to be nice to me."
"I thought you figured out by now that I had an ulterior motive,"
Hunter said, grinning as Merton laughed at his joke.
"Point taken." Merton closed his eyes and focused on the feeling of
Hunter’s fingers still moving in his hair. It felt right somehow, relaxing
maybe and comforting in a strange way. A few days ago they’d been complete
strangers, and now that they’d had sex it just felt like getting to know Hunter
better. He still couldn’t get around that – He’d. Had. Sex. With another guy,
like it was the most natural thing in the world. That thought made him grin all
over again because it really was the most natural thing in the world, at least
that was how it felt right now with Hunter’s fingers in his hair and their hips
pressing together.
It wasn’t love or anything, but in a way it was almost better because with
Hunter there wasn’t the aching in his chest like there was every time Tommy
ignored him at school. Part of him was just relieved to know that *somebody*
wanted him, even if it was just friendship or maybe even curiosity. The point
was that they had this… whatever… between them for the next nine days, and that
was more that he’d really hoped for. He opened his eyes again when Hunter’s
hand left his hair, pulling the other boy down for
another long kiss before he released him again. "I guess we should get
back," he said softly.
"Yeah," Hunter answered, sighing as he reached for their shirts and
handed Merton’s over. Once his clothes were straightened Hunter stood up,
grinning as he held out his good hand to help Merton to his feet. "But
there’s always tomorrow."
END