title: Outside the Lines 1: Propositions

author: nw's chick

disclaimer: they don't belong to me.

summary: snapshot stream-of-consciousness POV's based on Outsiders #1. Roy asks Dick to join his new team.

Outside the Lines 1: Propositions
by nw's chick
~*~

He came and asked me.

I wish it were actually that simple, although, really, that is all there is to it.

I doubt any of my friends know how easy I am. All he had to do was ask... Not that I would give in right away, that wouldn't fit the image, of course. But he didn't need to beg me, or show off for me. It actually made me... feel guilty, seeing him working the sale so hard. As if I wouldn't be there for him...

Guess I haven't always been. Damn.

I don't want to join a damn team. I don't want to have other people's lives in my hands. Ever again. Bruce could argue that we have people's lives in our hands every night, and that every cop has lives in his or her hands every day, but it's not the same. It's not the same as ordering someone to do something that gets them killed.

And I have enough graves to visit, thank you. I don't *need* this.

Besides, Bruce's idea of a team is a bit different than mine, and I'm not sure I'm capable of doing
things his way. I'm not like him, I can't just pretend that the people around me are just highly advanced tools of the trade. The whole idea of starting this crap over again just doesn't sit well
with me.

But he asked.

I could say no... In theory. But I can't say no to him, not when he came to me and asked.

See, this is the exact reason that Bruce never asks me for anything. It drives me crazy most of the time, but at least I understand it. He knows that I'll always say yes.

Thing is, I never wanted to be a teacher. Everyone always says they want to be a teacher... like when they ask celebrities what they would do if they weren't making millions of dollars, and they always say they want to teach.

I hated school. I hated my teachers. Fascists and snobs, all of them. I never wanted to teach anyone anything.

I mean, it may have crossed my mind from time to time that I would pass on what I knew to my children, but...

Well. Less said about that, the better.

I never wanted a sidekick. I'm still kicking myself over the last time I tried to 'help' out a newbie. I
*don't* *need* this.

Roy said that we started the Titans to prove ourselves, which implies that we are doing this team
thing to help the new generation to prove themselves.

Well, they want to prove themselves, I *still* don't see how it needs to involve me. But he came and asked me.

And I still might have said no... Even though it was him, and he was asking me... But...

I remember standing next to him, at Donna's grave. I remember looking down... Actually, it was all of us. The original five, but we were only four now. Roy had been talking, but I can't for the life of me remember what he was talking about, and I couldn't even hear his voice. I could feel him talking, if that makes any sense, but when I *heard* was Donna.

*Her* voice, asking me who was going to take care of us all now that she was gone?

...I still don't have the answer to that.

So when he asked... Well, I haven't said yes yet.

But then, I do enjoy his sales pitch. And if I enjoy the time he's spending with me, well, everyone has their weaknesses.

Mine's that I'm easy. Thank god my friends don't know it... Although Roy can take advantage of me without breaking a sweat.

This is going to kill me...

~*~

He moves like a cat. It is a joy to watch him in motion. So sue me if I don't announce my presence the instant I'm on the scene. Not like he doesn't know I'm here anyway.

This isn't going to go well. Anyone who knows Grayson at all will know what his answer will be - and I know Grayson pretty well.

Not perfectly, but I've seen the guy naked. Not as naked as I would like, but...

Ok, watching him move may not have been the best idea right before approaching him. It's got me in the mood for a fight, for a confrontation, I want to get in his face, but that's *not* really what I want. I want to impress him, I want to make him see why this is important, I want him to see that *I'm* important.

I've been losing my family since I was born. So has he. We could... need each other.

I'm dreaming, maybe. Maybe. But I never got anywhere in life assuming that I couldn't hack it. He's seen me at my worst, and was still friends with me the next day. That goes a long way in my book. The Titans broke up once, and we damn near lost track of each other. Granted, I didn't *let* him get away completely.

I've seen him naked. I'm not about to let him go completely, *ever*, even if I never get to...

I *know* I'm never going to get his sweet ass under me. Let me lay it all on the table. He's off limits, with the bright flashing lights directing you away and everything. He doesn't let people get close. That close. At least, not me.

Thing is... He's not Bruce. He's never gonna be the Bat. People used to say he would, but not him. He's not the ice-cold bastard that Bruce is. I respect the man, but he's got a stone-cold heart, and Dick will never be like that.

And... I'm worried. I know he buried a part of himself with Donna, and he blames himself. It wasn't his fault, but he's never let that stop him before. And I know that things with Barbara aren't going how he wanted them to. Don't know exactly what the sitch is, but I know how it goes with him.

He's all about intensity. About going all out. He loves every second of it, and he never quits. Never takes a break, because he's having too damned much fun, even when he looks like he being an anal jackass. He needs someone who gets that, who goes all out with him, who's ready to storm the castle just for fun at a moment's notice.

I'm *not* saying I'm Mr. Right, and Babs was Ms. Wrong. I know he's kinda a hard boy to live with. He's really not the sort of person who handles being coddled to, but he's the type to make a girl worry, sometimes.

And if things are going south with her, and things with the Bat are as they always are, and the Titans are no more and Donna's in the ground, well, who's gonna be there for him when he falls? Even he falls. Wouldn't believe it if you saw him move, but he does.

I first came up with this idea when we were standing by Donna's grave, just the four of us. I was talking, and goddamn it if I can't remember a damn word I said. Probably there was a 'the' in there, and likely an 'a.' 'Fuck' woulda been a popular choice, too.

But I was standing there, yakking like a twit, and I was watching Dick. He was just... staring at the ground. And I knew what Donna woulda said just then... One of us had to keep an eye on him.

Girl woulda nominated me, too. She always did like to make trouble for me.

So, I'm keeping an eye on him. Making sure he doesn't get *too* wrapped up in this dark justice crap. Getting him out of the house and making him be social.

And watching him move. Damn, he knows I've been watching all this time...

Wonder if I can casually work in some touching?

...Ok, so this isn't altruistic. I've seen him naked. I don't expect to become a saint anytime soon.

I'd miss the sex too much.

Ok, I'm *definitely* getting *at least* an arm on him before I'm gone tonight...

~*~

end

notes: this will *possibly* be the first in a series based on the new Outsiders book. for those who aren't reading, the Titans have broken up (at least, the old team did, now there's a new Titans team...) and Roy is starting a new team, the Outsiders, i guess, with mostly new people, plus Dick. as this will be canon-based fic, i just wanted to make a note of it. given that this is canon-based, the obvious question arises... how canon based is it? well, obviously, i'm taking some license as this is slash, but how closely i will follow canon remains to be seen... as yet, i intend to follow up each issue of Outsiders, *maybe*, depending on many things not the least of which would be continued interest in the book. so, as far as canon goes... maintaining Outsiders canon will be the first objective, then developing the roy/dickie angle, then other comic canon that supports the book and relationship. everything else is up for grabs. ^_~