Trust

by katarin_moonstar

This is my response to the drabble challenge. This is a kind of sequel/companion to Annaliisa's drabble response. I read it and was inspired. I got to thinking that there are two sides of every story, so I decided to write Dick's side. Sorry Annaliisa for not asking to use your storyline.

Cannon Notes: Obviously takes place after "The Killing Joke" and "A Death in The Family". In case you don't know Jason Todd was the 2nd Robin and he was killed by the Joker, Babs is Barbara Gordon (aka Batgirl) and she was paralyzed by the Joker. (That Joker isn't a very nice fellow)

Trust

by katarin_moonstar

He doesn't trust me anymore. He doesn't need to say it, and I doubt he ever will. But I'm a detective, trained by the very best and I know what distrust looks like. Everything in his manner and body language screams it while he speaks to me just like he used to.

So he doesn't trust me, huh? Well I guess that's fair because I don't trust him either, I can't. I can't trust him not to act like a father instead of a lover. I can't trust him not to treat me like a child, despite how old I am or how often I'm right. He has to see me as the
ever present boy-hostage, and I haven't been that in years.

It's not as if he's a very good father either. If he were maybe Tim wouldn't be so distant, and maybe, just maybe, Jason would be alive.

It's not that I blame him for Jason dying, but I do blame him for making Jason feel like he had to go half way around the world to find a home. The only problem with blaming Bruce for that, is that I have to accept some of the guilt for myself on that one. If Bruce had been a better father and if I had been a better brother. We all always stressed that we were a family, but how often did we act like it? I was never around and that had to have killed Bruce inside. I was never around and because of that Babs never felt welcome anymore. We all alienated each other and we didn't even stop when Jason died. It wasn't enough for his broken body to be carried out of the wreckage of yet another of the joker's twisted schemes. It wasn't enough that Babs was shot through the spine and paralyzed. We all still kept avoiding and alienating each other.

I think that's why I'm trying so hard with Tim. Like I can fix all my colossal mistakes in one, perfect sibling relationship. I can't and nothing will ever fix all of this.

I said that I couldn't trust Bruce not to be my father, and that's true. Unfortunately, I can't trust myself not to want him to daddy me. Everything was so much simpler when that was all we were. Alfred and Bruce and Dick. Living in the manor and being one family. But I can't trust myself with that anymore. Maybe I never could.

So that's it. It's a little longer than the challenge was for, but I kinda liked it, so I didn't shorten it.

-Katarin

P.S. I don't think I need to say this because it should be obvious, but, Annaliisa, I thought your piece was very well done and extremely well characterized.

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