Title: Of Men and Monsters

Author: Jessi B.

E-mail: shadowrider@blomand.net

Fandom: Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter

Pairing: Asher/Josh Blake

Rating: NC-17, adult language and situations

Summary: Josh Blake's POV, he's got powers of his own, and a secret....M/M Slash

Notes: A fic I wrote a bit ago, just went through and hopefully yanked out a bunch of the errors.



Of Men and Monsters
By Jessi B.

I cried out as I climaxed, my seed coating my stomach, a low moan behind me and the sudden heat inside me, told me that my new "friend" had too. The man rolled off me, still breathing hard. I rolled over on my back and watched him start to get dressed, tossing my money on the shabby bedside table that had probably seen hundreds of such transactions.

"It was fun, kid," He grinned down at me, zipping his jeans. I didn't answer, just watched him walk out. I looked up at the ceiling of the cheap motel, contemplating the ugly yellow as my eyes filled with tears. I reached shakily for my jacket on the floor, tugging out my cigs and lighter. I let the tears flow freely down my cheeks as I lit up, drawing a deep breath of the poisonous smoke into my lungs. In a few minutes I knew I would get up, take a scalding shower, then dress and go home to be yelled at by worried parents. But I'd still come to the same bar tomorrow and pick up a woman, probably a man, and let them use me like a common whore again. At least this guy paid me.

"Why?" I screamed. Beside me a cheap little painting snapped and broke to pieces. I snubbed the cigarette out on the ashtray conveniently floating to me. It landed with a crash on the floor as I stood. As long I was doing this.I wouldn't think. Thinking was bad. It meant the nightmares could follow me into the waking world. I didn't like that.

*****

I got home just as the sun rose. I didn't look up as I parked my cycle in the garage, even though I knew Dad was there at the door. He glared at me, and my Mom broke into tears.

Peachy. Leave it to mom to be dramatic.

"Josh," my father said, following me into the living room. "We realize that your powers are something you may need help dealing with."

Well, that was new. Mom basically gave me a lecture on ignoring them, Dad seemed to agree. Though, from what I heard, he did the same thing to Anita. Took her to some relative and told 'em to help her control it. See also, make it stop.

"So, we've decided to take you to visit your sister." I looked at Dad blankly for a second. He had to be kidding. Hell, how'd he get Mom behind this? The same woman who was currently considering not inviting Anita for any more "family" gathering? God, is she lucky. You think after making ONE perfect kid, she'd leave the rest of us alone. No such luck.

"We'll leave tomorrow," Dad continued, "it'll give some valuable family time together too, I'm thinking of calling your sister Andrea...."

God, please, have mercy.... I'm gonna die. Or at least wish I were dead.

*****

Andrea couldn't come. Thank you, whoever is actually listening to me up there. The fact still remains I'm stuck in a car with my parents. For hours. Mom had started whispering to Dad after the first hour of failed conversation. I don't think she honestly realizes what I can do now. It's a simple matter to whisper into her mind, to hear her arguing over what they were doing. Dad seems to think that if I see how well Anita controls her powers I'll be influenced to do the same. Or that Anita could help. He apparently doesn't appreciate the difference between an animator and a telekinetic. Oh well, maybe I'd get lucky and could sneak away to some parties.

The hours drag by in the car and I let my head lean back, feeling my eyelids drifting closed.

Blood.

It was everywhere, the sticky redness of life. Life. There was none here. I'd made sure of that. The bodies around me seemed to multiply and I found my self running, trying to get out. Running over bodies, slipping in blood, a cold hand caught my ankle, yanking me back....

"Do you actually think I'd let you leave Joshua?" The eyes glowed with a life that didn't belong there and the voice...it was...

I didn't realize I was screaming, pleading, until my father's strong hands shook me awake. I let myself have a moment of weakness and clung to him, needing the warmth he gave for a moment. Then I pulled away, forcing a laugh and telling him I was just dreaming. He nodded but his eyes were worried. Sometimes he suspected that my nightmares, my new attitude, had something more behind it then my powers. God, I hope he never figures out the truth.

"We're here," he said nodding towards the house where Mom was talking all friendly like. Apparently she's "forgotten" to call like she told dad she would. I sympathized; Mom did shit like this a lot. Some days..

"Hi, honey," Dad smiled, moving to hug Anita. A slight smile broke across her face as Dad hugged her.

"Hi, Daddy, I wasn't expecting you." she trailed off as she glanced at me. I returned the look without emotion. My tight black jeans and death-metal shirt bugged Mom too, the Doc Martins matched and were easy to get on and off. I'd cut my hair close to my head, harder for people to grab it. I reached into the pocket of the leather duster that fell to my ankles, I'd snitched it from a "friend" who forgot it. His loss. I flicked out a cig and lit it. Anita's eyes were curious, worried. Wonderful, just what I needed, more concerned help.

"Josh..." she said hesitantly. I nodded at her, breathing the smoke deep into my lungs. I released it slowly, watching her, listening to Mom tell me what a nasty habit I had, and saw something in those brown eyes. I could feel the power rising off her, and her eyes said she'd done things too. I knew those eyes, the haunted, slightly scared dead look you could see only if you looked. I usually saw them in my mirror though.

"Anita." I nodded.

"I don't let people smoke inside," she said after a moment.

"S'ok," I returned, "I'll smoke it here."

*****

I listened as they talked around me. I didn't care though; I listened because when I was listening I wasn't thinking.

"I can't really help Josh," Anita said shaking her head. I smirked, big surprise. "Animating is a lot different from the kind of power he has, I could recommend some people though...."

"That would be good, dear," Mom said eagerly. Anything to make me "normal" again. "Josh isn't in school now. Maybe he could stay with you for a while."

"Now, Judith, I'm sure Anita...." Dad started.

"I'm sure she wouldn't mind helping with this...family matter." Mom said sweetly. I sighed and watched the fish. I could feel Anita trying to think of a way to not get stuck with me; not her thoughts, but the emotions were like a perfume in the air. Mom was just as determined to pawn me off till I was fixed. Her country club friends just wouldn't accept her if there were another freak in the family. Dad felt helpless and powerless.

"I'm leaving," I said standing. I felt their startled glances follow me as I stalked out. Thank God I convinced them to hitch my cycle up behind us. I started un-hooking it, needing out as quickly as possible. I got it off the trailer in only a few seconds; the powers had some perks. I was strapping on my helmet when Dad yelled something at me from the door. I drowned him out with the roar of the cycle.

I rode as fast as I could, away. I needed out. It didn't take too long to make it to the seeder section of town. If there was one thing I was good at it was meaningless sex.

The bar was full of neon and lust driven men and women. A couple of twenties to the bouncer got me in. The bartender asked for ID, I flashed him my fake, he grunted and gave me a beer. It didn't take long, a burly man and a few questions later I was walking to a nearby motel. Ahhh.Just like home. It didn't take much to satisfy my "friend". A quick blowjob and I had another hundred bucks.

I lay on the bed after he left; the ceiling was yellow here too. Do all the cheap motels have yellow ceilings? Is it just the cheapest paint or what? I smoked another cigarette before returning to the bar. I made another three hundred dollars before the night was done. Not bad I guess. I stopped and got something to eat at an all-night place. I watched the sunrise through the dirty windows as I polished off the eggs, bacon, and toast. I drank three cups of their acid-like coffee and then left to see what fate had been decided for me.

Anita was up when I got there, and my parent's car was gone. Peachy.

"Josh?" she stood at the door, waiting. I nodded, pulling my cycle up against the garage. "Where have you been?" she asked as I dropped onto the step beneath her and lit a cigarette, watching the wildlife start up in her yard.

"Out." I answered breathing in my fix. "So, they stuck you with me? How long?"

"A few weeks....Listen Josh, I know it's gotta be tough...." She said hesitantly. She was trying; I'd give her that.

"Yeah," I said blowing a smoke ring. "Can I park my bike in the garage?"

She sighed and moved inside to open the garage door. Tough, yeah, it was real tough.

*****

I glanced up as Anita entered the kitchen looking groggy. I had made coffee, after a bit of messing with the stuff. My sister the coffee gourmet.

"Afternoon," I said handing her a cup, sugared and creamed.

"Mmmm...." Not a morning person, good, me neither. She sipped, looked surprised and glanced at me.

"I remembered from the last family thing, I hid in the kitchen with you, remember?" I smirked, sipping my own cup, straight black. I used to like a lot of sugar and cream, now I liked the bitter taste. She nodded slightly, looking thoughtful.

"I'll see if I can find someone to help with your abilities, I know a few people...."

I nodded absently, sipping my coffee. The phone rang then and cut off any further conversation. I listened absently as she talked, seemed somebody needed her to meet them. Good, maybe I could get away for a bit. A few minutes later she came in, gulping her coffee down.

"Josh..." she looked hesitant.

"I can take care of myself if you need to go...." I said before she could finish.

"I know but...I'd feel better if you came with me..." I raised an eyebrow as she disappeared to dress. She was really worried. Why? I mean what did she expect? I shrugged and finished my coffee, rinsing both our mugs.

*****

We arrived at "The Circus of the Damned" a while later. I raised an eyebrow. It was closed, but Anita had a key. Again I raised an eyebrow. Oh well, her life, none of my business.

I followed her as she wove through the hallways until we reached what looked like a sitting room. A well furnished sitting room. I was getting vibes everywhere. Regular people put out little vibes. These weren't little vibes.

Peachy.

"Ma petite," The voice came from the big vibe coming through the doorway. Correction, the HOT vampire coming through the doorway. I blinked a minute as my extra senses caught something. A thread stretched between the new arrival and Anita. Another thread came from both of them and went to parts unknown. Intrigued, I ignored them a moment and sent a feeler along the same path.

I couldn't help but smirk softly. The being on the other end was also making his way here. And, from what I got, had the hots for Anita like Fangboy did. I zoomed back in on reality as Anita explained who I was.

"Richard's here," I said settling in a chair to watch the fireworks. I saw Anita blink at me a moment as the said man walked in. The ties practically crackled with energy. Neato. Fangface, sorry, Jean Claude looked at me strangely. God, but this was amusing.

"Josh..." Anita began, ignoring both of her men a moment. "How did you...?"

"Followed the thread." I shrugged laying my head back. The ceiling here was stone. A cold gray stone.

"You what?" she asked.

"Your..." I stopped, looking for the words. "Your auras are tied up together, it's like rope stretched out between you." I started counting the stones in the make up of the ceiling.

Fang and Wolf were giving off surprised vibes, Anita's were shifting from surprised to shocked.

"I didn't realize you were that strong..." she said after a moment. I shrugged. A human walked in from a doorway, nodding respectful to Anita and Richard.

"Jean Claude, Asher sent me to tell you our gu...." His voice stopped suddenly. I jerked my head towards him as his vibe changed completely. No, it couldn't....

"Hello, Joshua...." The voice was cold, older than death and so fucking cold. I was standing before I realized it, a wave power slammed into me, almost taking me to my knees.

"Who..." Anita was lifted up and thrown back. I reach without thinking, altering her direction. She hit the couch with a soft thud. Power rolled around me as both Jean Claude and Richard's power rose to the new threat. IT ignored them.

"Did you think I'd forgotten you, Joshua?" Power rippled around me, a chair was ripped to pieces. I saw the pieces rise around me, I batted them away with my own power, IT laughed. A shard of wood slammed into my shoulder. I didn't scream as my blood gushed out. I wouldn't give IT the pleasure.

"You need to be punished, Joshua," IT hissed. A force ripped my jacket away. No, not this...not...

"You disobeyed me...." My arms were jerked up, my feet left the ground. Vaguely I felt a power struggling against IT. A sharp piece of wood ripped into my back, I didn't scream. Not even when the shards began a close dance around my torso, slicing like tiny knives.

"Just give into me Joshua, then this will end...I'll take away the pain...."

IT slid softly around my mind, seeking entrance. I closed myself off and forced my head up.

"Fuck you."

IT laughed.

"Soon, Joshua, soon, you'll be mine...." IT dropped me; my feet hit the ground as the power left the body in front of me. The shell fell back. Dead. I didn't have to check to know. My legs gave out and I fell to my knees. I felt tears squeeze out of my eyes as the darkness and pain, old friends, claimed me.

*****

I jerked up with a half cry. Please let it be a dream. Please let it be a dream. I was caught gently and held as I struggled in my nightmares.

"Hush, you are safe, child...." I looked into a face, now inches from mine. Half the face was the very picture of perfection; the other half was seared like someone had cried acid on the blonde holding me. His crystal blue eyes offered me the truth, he thought I was safe. I lunged into him for a moment, clinging. I needed to feel the reality of his presence. I didn't care who he was, he was better then the world of nightmares I'd left. He held me, speaking soothing words in what sounded like French.

"It wasn't a dream...." I whimpered, unable to stop the tears as my aches found me. "Oh, fuck, it wasn't a dream was it?"

"Non, it was not a dream," My blonde comforter said softly. I didn't even know him, but I started sobbing desperately clinging to him. He held me closer, a hand stroking my hair. I stayed like that several minutes, till my tears ran out. I pulled away slowly.

"I'm...sorry...I..." I was trembling, I knew it because I couldn't seem to find coordination to wipe my tears away. He said nothing, pulling me back to him gently. I realized I was sitting in his lap on what appeared to be a large canopy bed. In nothing but a bunch of bandages. A hand tilted my face back up and a silk hankie softly wiped away my tears.

"Better?" he asked softly, I nodded slightly. He stood, holding me as though I weighed nothing. I was settled onto a cool bathroom counter a second later. I caught sight of myself in the mirror above the sink I was sitting on, I looked like Hell. My hair was mused, my eyes were red and puffy and I looked paler then a dead man. My chest, back, and shoulder were bandaged in clean white bandages. The spider web of scars normally covered by my clothing was clearly visible now. Long scars went down my arms to join with the scars hidden beneath bandages, my stomach was a mass of small scars and odd symbols. Large matching symbols were carved into my thighs, just looking at them made me think of..

A cool cloth touched my face; I blinked at my vampire. He smiled slightly, gently washing away the traces of my tears. He didn't seem to mind I was naked and being naked stopped bothering me a long time ago.

"My name is Asher," he said softly after a moment.

"I'm Josh," I croaked out softly. My throat felt like a desert. He gently finished his work and picked up a glass of water. I tried to take it, but my hands shook too badly. He gently put the glass to my lips and I swallowed gratefully.

"I know, I am...a friend of your sister," he gently pulled the glass away.

"Sorry...we had to meet like this..." I said, forcing a bitter little smile.

"As am I," I felt his arms around me again and I laid against his chest, enjoying just being held. He put me on the bed and tucked the blankets around me like I was an infant.

"Anita...Is she ok?" I said softly. The canopy above me was a rich black.

"Oui," Asher said softly. I let a sigh out. "If I may ask...What was the...force that attacked you?"

I turned away, feeling my heart speed at the very mention of IT.

"A god...a devil...." I stopped closing my eyes against the memories. "Last summer my mom and dad went on vacation, I had the house to myself, for a whole six weeks. It seemed like such a big deal then. My powers...Anita tell you about them?" He gave a slight nod.

"Well, they'd started showing, mom told me to ignore them. Dad...well, he tried at first, but I brushed him off, I just wanted to be normal.... They were waiting for me when I got back from dropping mom and dad at the airport. One second I was unlocking the door and then.... I woke up hanging from chains in the middle of this big concrete room. There were symbols everywhere and...." I closed my eyes, but the darkness only brought the pictures in my mind out in greater detail.

"Hundreds of bodies.... They were stacked on top of each other like...like wood or something. I thought, at first I'd die too. Unfortunately, I was wrong. I found out they been watching me for weeks...waiting.... I was supposed to be the 'vessel' for their god. I thought it was all a load of shit until.... IT couldn't take possession of an unprepared human for long, IT...IT drained their life energy too fast. IT was building energy with death magic, death and...pain. They were transferring the energy to me, to make it so I could withstand the drain of being...of being IT's vessel. IT came to see me through the victims they kept locked up." I could feel the slow tremors rocking my body; I gripped the sheets, trying to still the fear roaring in my veins.

"I could feel IT the moment IT entered...IT...Fuck, it's like the dark when you're little, you don't know exactly why but it scares you. IT was like that, I don't think anything could be as scary as my first meeting with IT. IT had to break me, you see, so that I could be used, so that my body would be there but...but my mind wouldn't give him troubles. First it was promises, power, girls, etc., then.... Then the real fun started. Whips, the ceremonial symbols carved with razors, knives, acid, drugs that made things hurt worse, drugs that made things feel good, drugs that wouldn't let me pass out, and...." I stopped, I'd never shared this, didn't know why I was spilling my guts now except I'd probably pulled the lot of them into this hole.

"And then IT raped me, never the same body twice, women and men. IT thought I was done then.... Thought IT broke me after.... Fuck, it was the most.... I felt...." I shook my head, feeling tears stream down my face. I hadn't realized I was crying.

"Anyway," I angrily wiped the tears away. "Anyway, when IT got inside my head.... I blocked it and I....I was just so fucking scared I....They'd unchained me so I could 'play' with IT. When IT tried this time I.... I killed them. All of them. I didn't really mean to but.... If any of them were alive IT would have been able to escape.... So, after I killed the body IT was in, I didn't give IT time to recover. I still don't know how I did it to tell you the truth. I felt like it was a dream. I walked out of the room, then went from room to room, just killing them. All I had to do was picture their heart and... squeeze. There... there was so much blood. When I was done, I found some clothes and stole a motorcycle I found in the garage..I told my parents I bought it somewhere later....I figured.... Fuck...." I stopped talking with a sob. Warm arms and a soothing French voice once again surrounded me. I lay against Asher's chest sobbing like I was dying. Maybe I was. He held me, rocking me softly until sleep found me and returned me to the darkness I both longed for and feared.

*****

"He did what he thought necessary," Asher's voice reached me through a haze of sleep. A haze I wasn't eager to break. It was the first time I'd woke without screaming in months. I was warm and I felt safe.

"My God," Anita's voice was soft and horrified.

"No wonder he's...With a secret like that...."

"Oui," Asher's voice was close, and gentle fingers stroked my hair.

"God, Asher, what the Hell am I supposed to do..." she sighed, I heard her take a deep breath. "I'm going to see if Irving knows anything about a cult mass-death, do you mind...?"

"Non, I will watch over him...." The sound of a door closing announced Anita's departure. I didn't move a moment, then I opened my eyes and met his crystal blue gaze.

"Thanks, for staying," I said softly, I let myself pull him closer. I had apparently managed to wrap myself rather securely around him in sleep.

"It is...not a problem...." His hand was hesitantly stroking my hair. It was nice. It felt better then sex, this cuddling. Not that sex would be a bad thing with this guy.

"What happened?" I asked after a bit, curiosity getting the best of me. I reached to gently stroke the scarred skin of the right side of his face. He jerked away from the touch as though it burned him.

"Come on, I spilled my guts..." I said. He looked away, features going into a cool mask.

"It...is difficult for me to speak of it, even after centuries...." He spoke finally, eyes distant. His fingers began to stroke my hair again and I leaned into the touch, feeling like a stupid cat.

"At that time, Jean-Claude, my human servant Julianna, and I were very close. Lovers in fact. Jean-Claude was called to his mother's deathbed and while he was away..." Asher's fingers tightened in my hair, not painfully, but his tension, pain, sorrow, filled the air like a bitter-sweet smell.

"While he was gone, we were...abducted by the church. They...they tried to force the demon from me with holy water..." He laid his head back against the headboard.

"And Julianna?" I queried softly.

"They burned her..." I saw tears start to escape his eyes and sat up slowly, looking into his tortured eyes as he spoke. "She was my human servant...I felt her as she burned...Tasted her fear and...heard her scream his name as she died...." Tears flowed down his face, he felt confused, he wasn't much of a sharer either. I moved before he could move away, settling myself firmly on his hips. His eyes went wide as I did.

"You blamed him," I said shortly, leaning forward, I gently kissed the tear trails away.

"Yes..." His eyes met mine, confused by me.

"But she knew you were caught, he wasn't. Above all, you blame yourself," my voice was my own, and not. When you can peek at people's feelings it gets...freaky.

"I...." He turned from me, eyes pained.

"Would she have wished you to suffer so for her, Asher?" I asked softly, turning his face back to me.

"Non," his voice was husky, pained. "She was much like your sister, my Julianna. She would probably roll her eyes at me and...and made some comment about me brooding too much. She would have...have told me she certainty wouldn't celebrate the passing of her love in such a way..." His voice was husky, pained, but oddly happy too. I stroked a scared cheek softly, smiling.

"Listen to what you know to be true, Asher."

"You...Why are you concerned for me?" His eyes narrowed. I chose my words carefully after a moment.

"You held me."

His eyes questioned me and I regarded him steadily. Then I rolled off him, standing on the floor. I began to gently remove the bandages as I turned my back to him, moving toward the bathroom. I glanced at him in the mirror as I slowly unwrapped them, the wounds were gone. I heard him exclaim something in French as I dropped the bandages in the trash.

"IT wanted a strong body," I said without really glancing up. Blood still caked in some places. I needed a shower.

"Did Anita bring my things?" I asked hopefully.

"Yes, they are in the closet." His eyes and voice conveyed no emotion. His aura said I had surprised him with my nifty healing trick. I moved past him, naked and unconcerned of what he thought of it. The closet yielded my suitcase, Doc Martins, and duster. I smiled slightly, pulling them out. I dropped the shoes on the floor, threw the coat across the bed, and put the suitcase beside it, flicking it open. I pulled out a long sleeved black tee and jeans. Being naked didn't bother me, but it seemed to upset others. I turned back to the bathroom, walking in and dropping my things on the counter, Asher watched me silently as I turned to regard the huge bathtub I hadn't paid attention to earlier. It was done in green marble, a dragon head faucet spit out the water, and the handles were bat-like wings.

"Asher...who decorated?" I asked, turning back to him, feeling a smile tugging on my lips.

"Jean-Claude redecorated...he's a bit...eccentric." His smile answered mine.

"It's cute...just really...weird." His chuckle gave me the sense he agreed.

"If you wish to bathe I will leave you...." He began.

"Stay," I smirked at his surprised look.

"I'm not shy, and you've already seen everything," I shrugged, moving to stop-up the tub and start it filling. A little basket of shampoos, soaps, and other bath things sat on the side. I started the water, hot, just barely bearable. I turned back to find Asher holding a green towel and wash cloth to me. Spiffy, the bathroom had accessories. It seemed he was accepting my invitation though, which I was grateful for. As long he was there I had something to concentrate on besides the cold fear gnawing at my stomach. I took the towel and cloth with a smirk and put them on the side of the tub, stepping carefully in, I watched Asher settle on the closed lid of the commode. I settled into the steamy water with a sigh.

"I could get used to this...more relaxing than showers..." I murmured, leaning back against the cool side of the bathtub.

"Oui, it is. Plumbing is among the nicest of modern inventions," Asher agreed. He watched me, those blue eyes curious, questioning. I smiled slightly at him, turning off the water and picking up the rag beside me, using a soap that smelled vaguely like flowers, I lathered it and started washing. I felt a gentle wave of emotion come from Asher that I was quite used to, one he was fighting. Lust. I often wondered why my "friends" found me attractive, even after they saw the ritual, and some not so ritual, scars. I had come to the conclusion it was for the same reason people liked seeing a man, tattooed from head to foot. I was different, strange, something to talk of later. I dunked myself in the water, washing away suds and wetting my hair. Besides, I was having sex with them, some people will fuck anything. I reached for the small bottle of shampoo, lathering my hair. I ducked under the water rinsing my hair, feeling cleaner and thus a bit better. I smiled at Asher.

"I feel half-human now..." He smiled slightly, and I lay back, letting my body relax.

"I'm really screwed, Asher," I said after a moment, looking up at the white ceiling above me.

"What...?" I seemed to have startled him with my analyses.

"The thing after me isn't human, isn't flesh.... How do you stop something with no body?" I closed my eyes and regretted it as the various ways IT used to "convince" me played across the backs of my eyelids.

"There must be a way..." His voice was hesitant though, unsure.

"Maybe, but the question is, will I find it before IT finds me." The warm water was nice, if I closed my eyes, I could almost pretend it was all bad dream.

Almost.

"Then will you simply give up?"

"Of course not, not while I'm breathing. I've seen enough of IT to know it would be a bad thing to give it a permanent body." I lazily opened one eye to look at him, his eyes watched me with the same gaze you give a crazy man. Wanting to help, but not quite sure how to. I smiled slightly. Some days I was quite sure I was nuts, so it didn't bother me.

"Well, it'll work out or I'll kill myself, that's that," I said stretching slightly and reaching to let out the water. I stood, pulling the towel with me as I stepped out.

"What do you mean?" Asher's voice had taken on a worried tone. Sweet really.

"Simple," I said, drying myself off, I ruffled my hair with the towel, it was short enough to dry on it's own in a bit. I started pulling my clothes on.

"IT needs me because IT put so much work into preparing me. If I'm dead, IT's dead." I pulled the long sleeved shirt on. I looked in the mirror; I looked like your average teen again. Sorta depressing really.

"You...mustn't talk that way...."

"Just being realistic. If push comes to shove, I'd rather die then let IT loose on the world," I combed my fingers through my hair till it looked presentable. Turning, I walked to the bed and flopped beside my duster, reaching in I took out my cigs. I sat up and almost jumped when Asher held an ashtray out to me. It was one of those crystal kind that normally sit around for decoration.

"Thanks," I said reaching for it. I lit up, drawing the smoke deep into my lungs. I offered Asher one and, to my surprise, he took it. I lit it for him and returned the cigs and lighter to my jacket pocket. I lay back and took another deep breath of smoke. The ashtray floated to me and I tapped the ash off. I felt the bed dip and Asher settled on my other side so he could use the ashtray. We smoked the cigarettes in silence. I don't like silence. It lets me think. I snubbed my butt out beside Asher's and sent the ashtray to the bedside table.

"Asher...?"

"Oui?" He answered. I rolled over and straddled him, letting myself lay on his chest. I smirked at him.

"Wanna fuck?" I asked. I think he almost died. Well, he was shocked anyway.

"W..what...?" His cultured voice was comically stunned.

"I'm thinking, I don't like thinking. I find you attractive, I want to do you," I smirked, letting my fingers mess with the silk and lace that made up his shirt. "I'm not asking for a commitment, Asher, I want to fuck you, not marry you."

I leaned up and brushed my lips across his, slowly trailing the kisses down his jaw on his scarred side, licking the little ridges the burns made. I heard him moan and felt his hand in my hair. He pulled my head up by what little hair I had, looking into my eyes.

"I.do not think this is...a good idea..."

"Certain parts of you seem to like it..." I smirked, letting one hand trail lower to stroke him through skintight pants. He let out a strangled cry and suddenly I was under him.

"Very well..." His voice was husky and his lips trailed down my throat, teeth nipping softly. I moaned arching into the touch; I let my hands tangle in the silky mass of his hair. My shirt was simply gone a moment later, I was still blinking at him as he lowered his mouth to one of my nipples, suckling softly. I whimpered. His hands moved to pin my wrists above my head.

"Asher..." I moaned, arching upward to try to relieve some of the need building in my groin.

"Josh..." He purred back, hands released mine as he moved lower, one hand undoing my fly. I moaned, reaching out I ripped the cloth of his shirt off with my power. He was surprised for a moment, but moaned as I ran my hands down his shoulders.

"Please Asher..." I gasped, as he pulled my pants lower, then off me. I cried out as his warm hand closed on my cock, stroking me softly.

"How do you taste, I wonder, Josh?" I whimpered as he went lower and his mouth was suddenly surrounding my throbbing shaft.

"Oh God, Oh God...Please, Asher..." I whimpered, bucking against him. I saw him move up and down on my cock, feeling the pressure inside building. He pulled away and for a second simply wasn't anywhere my sex-crazed brain could see. Then he was back, minus boots and pants, holding a tube of lube. The smell of sandalwood filled the air as he squeezed some out and kneeled in front of me again. I tensed slightly, forcing my lower body to relax as much as possible. I squeezed my eyes shut, I almost cried out when I felt a much smaller something enter me. I looked down at Asher in surprise.

"Has no one ever prepared you, mon cher?" Asher asked softly, finger moving softly, searchingly, inside.

"No one's ever...really cared I guess..." I gasped as he hit my prostate, arching into his hand.

"Such a pity..." Another finger joined the first and I arched almost off the bed, crying his name. I seemed to have lost most of my ability to speak, I could only remember the name of the creature giving me this exquisite pleasure.

"Asherasherasher..."

"Oui..." He whispered, voice too calm for my liking. Another finger joined the first two and he began to stroke them in and out. I was moving with them, begging for more, when he finally removed them. I felt empty and deserted. I whimpered a protest and he murmured back at me.

"Soon, impatient one..." His words only barely registered, just that it was his voice. I felt the tip of his hard cock touch my relaxed entrance and push inside before I had time to tense. I gasped, feeling him fill me completely. He was still a moment, letting me adjust, then he moved slowly.

"Please..." I gasped, barely knowing what I was asking for. His hand still covered in lube found my erection and stroked me as he thrust. I reached for him, pulling him down for a kiss. Our tongues battled fiercely and I gasped as his fang pierced my tongue. Asher pulled away slightly, but I wrapped my hand his hair and pulled him back, tasting my blood with him. His mind asked entrance and I opened myself to him.

My world became a kaleidoscope of colors and pleasure. I screamed Asher's name into his mouth. I erupted on his hand and our stomachs and felt an answering warmth enter me. I felt him move and let myself be pulled into his arms, blinking sleepily I snuggled into his chest as he pulled out of me.

"Wow," I whispered softly, kissing his chest. He chuckled, one hand went to stroke my hair. I wrapped my arms around him. This was nice.

"This could quite possibly get me killed, mon cher..." Asher said absently, sounding content.

"Mmmm..." I murmured in reply. I felt heavy and content.

"That was...nice..." I sighed, I burrowed against his chest and reach out for the blanket at the foot of the bed. It moved up and tucked itself around us.

"It was..." Asher agreed, hand still stroking my hair.

"I don't want to move right now, Asher. Sex hasn't felt that good in...ever." I finally said. I felt him tense slightly and let my face be tilted up to meet his eyes. The clear blue regarded me in a kind of shock.

"Ever?" He asked finally.

I shrugged and hid my face against his chest as I spoke.

"Sex...feels nice, hurts a lot sometimes, and overall makes me want a hot shower. I can't think much during sex though. That's why I like it. Don't know what's different about you..."

"I see..." He said softly, then his arms tightened around me, I let myself drift off. Content and sated for the first time in weeks.

*****

I woke to the feeling of Asher attempting to move away.

"Asher?" I asked drowsily.

"Oui, Joshua, the sun comes soon, I must go, unless you fancy sleeping with a corpse for the day," he said softly. I tightened my arms around him despite the hated use of my full name.

"Doesn't bother me, Asher. Screwed you, knew you were a vamp then..." I yawned, laying my head back against his chest.

"And my name's Josh."

"Josh...when a vampire rests for the day...Our soul leaves the body, we neither move, nor breath..." Asher sounded hesitant.

"Ok," I said, snuggling closer.

"You still wish for me to stay, knowing this?"

"For the last, fucking time. Yes, " I opened my eyes to glare at him.

"Now hold me and go to sleep...Or when you wake up I'll have painted you up like a clown. I did it once to heavy sleeper at camp."

Asher chuckled and his arms came down around me.

"Oh?" He sounded like he was going to laugh.

"Yeah, the bastard ripped my teddy bear up," I growled into the skin of his chest. His rich laughter rolled around me and it stroked my skin like fur and silk. I shivered, pressing closer.

"Then I must remember not to do such a thing, oui?" he murmured stroking my hair.

"Oui," I answered in a very bad French accent that made him laugh again.

"Then shall we occupy the hours till sunrise?" he asked, hand sliding down my back. I shivered softly and smirked at him.

"Mmmm...and I suppose you're planning on something other then Bible study?" I asked, he chuckled and leaned down to kiss me softly, slowly, not like the frenzied kiss he'd given me earlier. I sighed softly and let my hands tangle in his hair.

"Slow this time..." He murmured, pulling away from me. He stood, holding a hand out to me. Confused I took his hand; he pulled me into the bathroom and started the water in the tub running. I smiled slightly, realizing that we were still covered in sweat and.thicker things. Asher dropping a stack of towels on the side of the tub with a couple of wash clothes. I let myself be pulled into the warm water, sighing contently.

"This is nice...We were pretty...icky, huh?" I said with a half smile. He nodded and settled beside me. I felt a warm wash cloth stroke my chest and sighed, turning into the touch and let Asher bathe me, before returning the favor. Needless to say we weren't exactly thinking pure thoughts when bath time was over.

I found myself straddling Asher, his arms around me as he kissed me. His hand gently stroked my back and lower, dipping into the cleft of my buttocks. I moaned as his finger slipped into me. I clung to him, moaning into the kiss.

"Mmmm.soon." He whispered into my lips, pulling me closer, his lips kissed down my throat, nipping softly, suckling my skin.

"Asher...Please...Don't tease..." I moaned.

"It's called foreplay, mon cher," Asher chuckled into the pulse on my neck. His lips moved lower and I arched up as his teeth gently scrapped my nipples. I moaned, pulling his head back to me, using that wonderful golden hair of his, to kiss him hard.

"Mmmm..." I moaned into Asher's mouth as another finger was slipped into me. He devoured my mouth, breath coming in gasps like mine. I pulled back and mirrored his earlier moments, licking down his throat, nipping gently. He moaned, pulling me closer, as I licked lower, latching onto a nipple and suckling hard. I let myself be pulled back up for a kiss, gasping as he lifted me easily and impaled me on his cock. I moaned, riding him till we both came. I collapsed against him, we held each other for a moment, just enjoying the afterglow. Nice. Then we cleaned up again and got out of the tub. I watched Asher pull his pants on with a frown.

"Where are you going?" I asked, trying to glare. Hard to do considering how drowsy I was. He tossed me a robe from the bathroom. I blinked stupidly at it.

"Put in on, I refuse to sleep in those sheets..." He said, helping me into the green robe. He held up the tattered remains of his shirt and smirked at me, I shrugged sheepishly. I let my self be pulled out of the room and down a hallway to Asher's room. I only really noticed the bed though. It was done in dark blues and looked like heaven, I tossed my robe on a chair and let myself be snuggled into Asher's arms.

*****

I woke with a start to noises outside the door. I blinked; still snuggled against Asher I didn't want to move. So I didn't. I sighed as the door came open and looked over Asher's now prone body, to see Anita stalk in. I blinked sleepily at her.

"Josh...?" She said hesitantly.

"Anita..." I sighed.

"What are you doing in Asher's bed?" she asked, voice hesitant, her aura said she was pissed.

"Sleeping, until you and company decided to party outside the door..." I yawned.

"Just sleeping..." Her tone made it a question.

"In here, yes. We moved because we messed up the other bed's sheets." I answered, laying my head on Asher's shoulder.

"You...had sex with Asher...?" she was shocked and unsure.

"Yeah, I did. If that's it, can I go back to sleep? I'd like to have sex with Asher again later and I need sleep to do that..." I said. I watched her blink a moment, before she turned and marched out. I closed the door with a brush of power, locking it for good measure. Then I snuggled into Asher's cooling arms and went back to sleep.

*****

I woke when Asher did later; he was stroking my hair again. I blinked up at him.

"Bonjour, Josh..." He smiled at me.

"Bonjour, Asher," I smiled back at him. "Anita came in while you were sleeping. She knows we were together..." I said hesitantly.

"Then perhaps we should stay here a bit longer, oui?" He asked, a soft smile belying his worried aura.

"I think we should..." I smirked. "But my plans involve messing up your sheets..."

He chuckled and leaned in to kiss me. We both turned to glare at the knock on the door.

"It is I, mon ami..." Jean Claude's voice came hesitantly from the other side. Asher sighed and pulled away from me, standing, he moved to open the door and let the other vampire in. I knew I'd have to face everything again soon but...Hell, I'm still a teenager, can't I be selfish sometimes? The dark haired vamp looked at me as he entered. I waved. He held up my suitcase and other stuff as Asher shut the door. I smirked slightly and the things floated over to land on the bed.

"Can I help you, Jean Claude?" Asher asked, walking back to sit on the edge of the bed. I sat up, pushing the blankets off and sat cross-legged, going through my stuff. I felt Jean Claude's eyes flow over me, like a hand, for a moment.

"Ma petite...is a bit worried over Joshua..." He said finally.

"Josh, and I'm the one who jumped Asher..." I interrupted as I pulled out a pair of jeans, a long sleeved black tee, yeah I got a million, and socks. I could almost feel Jean Claude blinking at me.

"Pardon?" He asked after a moment.

"I jumped Asher." I said, standing and beginning to dress. Asher had already seen me naked and Jean Claude had interrupted us so I didn't give a shit what he thought.

"Meaning, if anyone should be blamed for corruption of others it's me," I finished, zipping my jeans. I tossed the shirt back on the bed and sat to put my socks on.

"None the less, he was entrusted to guard you not..."

"Fuck me?" I smirked, for some reason I kept startling the poor vamp. I glanced at Asher who was highly amused. "But I had I wanted to fuck him. I practically raped the poor guy..." I said smirking and watching my Doc Martins float off the bed to land beside my feet.

Asher laughed then, falling back on the bed.

"I did," I said, sticking my tongue out at him. "Told him I wouldn't take no for an answer..."

"I see...." I swear Jean Claude looked at us like we were both nuts. I grinned up at him.

"Why? Jealous?" I asked casually, his aura said he was, and that he was worried for his former lover. Jean Claude looked at me like I'd slapped him.

"Don't worry so much. What happens between Asher and me is none of Anita's concern. I've been fucking three to four strangers a night back home, at least this way I'm pretty sure I won't get anything..." I shrugged, reaching for my cigs, they floated to me. I felt Asher move, felt my head tilted up, un-lit cig between my lips. His eyes were worried, full of an unidentifiable emotion.

"Explain." It was a single word, but I could feel his power behind it, Jean Claude was giving me the same almost unreadable look.

"Told you, I don't like thinking. 'Rents don't help, pain did for a while but I always heal, music makes me think more, so I go out and get fucked. Takes my mind off things, hurts, and I can usually not dream afterwards. I like sex with you, like I said not sure why..." I pulled away to light my cigarette, an ashtray I'd spotted floated to me.

" Mon Dieu," Asher said softly. I didn't say anything for a moment; I lay back on the bed, looking at the beautiful blue canopy. I felt something wet trickling down my face, but didn't really realize I was crying till Asher took my cig away and pulled me into his lap. Then I let myself sob into his chest, let him tell me it would be all right, even when I knew better. I wrapped my arms around his waist, needing to feel the solidness of him. I had just admitted to being worse then a slut and he still held me. I vaguely heard Jean Claude say something in French, felt the rumble of Asher's voice as he replied in kind. They conversed a moment in their native language and then Jean Claude nodded and left quietly. Asher held me until I cried myself out, then he lifted me and took me to the bathroom. He cleaned my face and had me blow my nose.

"Why?" I asked, after the moments of silence that ensued.

"Because you held me..." He said, a half smile playing his lips. I smiled back and let myself be pulled into a bath. After Asher helpfully got rid of my clothes, of course.

*****

"I wish I could just stay here forever..." I said softly, watching Asher pick his clothes from his huge closet. I'd ended up in a white dress shirt, modern, none of those frilly things he wears, after he insisted I looked good in it. I did I guess. I lay on my stomach on Asher's bed, Doc Martins hanging off the other side.

"In my bed, mon cher?" Asher teased, buttoning up a frilly, lacey white shirt.

"That too," I smirked. "I mean.with you. I know when I leave this room, I'll have to face IT again...Scary thing is, you make me want to live..." He moved across the floor to kneel in front of me.

"I will take that as a compliment," Asher said softly, kissing me gently. "Come, before your sister comes to see if I've eaten you."

"But you did didn't you?" I leered, kissing back.

"Oui, but I doubt she would like to hear about that..." He smirked, standing. I took the offered hand, then took a deep breath, wrinkling my nose at the cologne Asher had sprayed on me.

"I smell like a girl..." I sulked following him out into the hall.

"Non, you smell nice..." Asher answered, his lips twitching.

"I didn't say I didn't, but I smell like a girl..."

"Don't pout..."

"I'm not pouting, I'm sulking..." He laughed.

I grinned and walked into the living room area I'd been in earlier.yesterday? It seemed so long ago. Anita sat on the couch, her head came up as I entered.

"Josh?" she said hesitantly.

"Yeah, last time I checked," I said, I reached without thinking for Asher's hand. He squeezed my hand reassuringly. I pulled him with me to the love seat and flopped onto it. Asher settled beside me.

"Don't suppose you found out how to kill IT?" I asked, trying not to be hopeful.

"No." Anita said, shaking her head slightly, eyes flickering to mine and Asher's hands. I tightened my grip as a sick feeling rippled through my stomach. Asher was worried; I felt it in his aura. I forced my face back to blankness.

"Don't suppose you have any ideas?" I asked softly. She slowly shook her head. I sighed, I knew a slow tremor was beginning in my body. Asher's fingers tightened on mine. I smiled weakly, and then tensed suddenly as the door across the room opened. I jerked away from Asher, standing as the man pushed the cart in.

"Josh...what...?" Anita stopped as IT filled the room.

"Joshua..." IT greeted. I didn't speak as Anita and Asher were slammed backwards by the gust of unnatural wind.

"Give up..." IT continued, a glass shattered on the tray, I assumed had been food. The shards slammed into my quick shield, they circled and I felt them rip my back open.

"I'll destroy them..." My head came up, our eyes met and I told IT.

"Very well..." IT laughed and the body that held it slumped, then came back up blinking.

"W..what...?" He asked dazedly, before passing out. Alive. IT left early enough. I watched Anita rush to the man's side and to feel for a pulse.

"He's alive..." I said softly. I felt Asher removing my shirt and blinked up at him. His worried eyes met mine and I let myself be looked at, let myself be prodded and checked, let Asher clean me and make me eat. Because I knew all too soon it wouldn't matter. And later that night when I lay down with Asher, I clung to him like a frightened child.

*****

I woke sometime the next day. I stroked Asher's hair and watched him a few minutes, before standing and dressing quietly. I stole a silky white dress shirt from Asher's closet, enjoying the feeling of it and his scent around me. I used the expensive pen and paper from Asher's desk to leave him a note. Then I walked out, pulling my leather duster on. I found the way out easily enough, and a few minutes later I was walking away from the circus.

I only stopped once at a drugstore as I made my way to the seedy hotel across town.

I paid for my room for the next few hours and settled down with a glass of water and slowly swallowed two bottles of sleeping pills. I then smoked four cigs as I drowsily waited. The door opened and a stranger carrying IT entered and smirked at me.

"Ready to surrender then, Joshua?" IT asked, probing my mind. I opened myself freely.

"Yes...just don't hurt them..." I said, making my voice low and frightened. It wasn't that hard. IT entered my mind and the man walked out, looking dazed, the door to the room shut itself. Then I clamped down. IT didn't have a chance to move away again as I held it within my mind. And I was dying.

My body was weak; I could feel heaviness settling into each limb. However my mind wasn't, and I held IT trapped. I smirked and let darkness claim us.

*****

I opened my eyes slowly. The light was too bright. I reached without thinking to check on IT. IT was gone. I felt a rush of half memories, IT struggling to make my body heal. IT screaming curses as IT faded away slowly, bit by bit. IT's memories becoming mine; I shoved them into the corner of my mind to deal with later. A hazy memory of Asher cursing me in French made me smile slightly. I sat up slowly, feeling like Hell. This looked like a hospital room. The drafty paper gown cinched it. However, it seemed.off somehow.

It was too quiet. I heard voices coming down the hall. They passed me though, and I sighed, switching off the I.V. and pulling it out and off. I stood slowly and carefully, opening a couple of drawers till I found my clothes. I dressed slowly and carefully too, I felt exhausted. I didn't like being a strange place alone though. First, I find Asher, then find out what happened, then slept for a year. I hesitantly opened the door; a lot of were-animals were around. Peachy, I picked a direction and started walking. I found a door outside pretty soon and revised my list, drink, fuck, and cig. I was beginning to shiver and I knew it wouldn't be long till I couldn't hold the memories back.

The walk took a while and I hated it. Each step reminded me that I was tired, that I hated this, that I was going to fuck some nameless stranger.I shivered, tucking my hands in the pockets of my duster. The bar I finally came to was just a block from a motel and a sex toy shop. Potential if I ever saw it. Getting in was easier then usual, the guy bouncing was getting a blowjob by an over eager fifteen or sixteen year old girl trying to get inside. I settled on a barstool, flashed the ID and got a shot of vodka. The burning began to numb me somewhere after the third shot.

A man beside me made a few clumsy attempts to pick me up. I told him I'd do him for a hundred bucks and he agreed. I let him lead me to the motel, let him get the room, then let him fuck me. It hurt, and it felt good, it made me want Asher. Afterwards, he tossed the twenties on the bedside table and left. The ceiling here was white, an off-white from years of grime. I lay in the wet sheets for a few moments more, then stood and walked to the bathroom, turning the shower on as hot as I could stand it. I was concentrating on the heated water scalding my skin as I washed, which is why the curtain being pulled open shocked the Hell out of me. Asher's blue eyes caught mine with an angry gleam, he stripped and stepped in beside me. I turned and lay against his chest, he held me for a moment, then took my washrag and began cleaning me. I sobbed as he did, unable to stop the seemingly endless flow.

"I'm sorry...I'm sorry...." I gasped out as he turned off the water, he said nothing, reaching for me he pulled me into his arms, kissed the top my head and held me. We stood there till I couldn't cry and then Asher helped me out and handed me a towel. I dried myself off, not looking at him. I finished drying and walked towards the doorway to get my clothes. Asher stepped in front of me, he held up the crumpled twenties from the bedside table.

"You sold yourself for this?" He asked, his voice was cold, but his aura was spiked with anger. He'd pulled his pants back on, but that was it.

"Yeah..." I said softly, turning away from him. His hand caught my chin and turned me back.

"What did he get for it?" He asked, eyes flashing.

"A blowjob and he took me up the ass..." I said looking at the floor.

"Why?" He hissed. "Why do this? Why degrade yourself?"

"Because..." I tried to move past him, but he caught me, forced my eyes to his.

"Why?"

"Because...because...Fuck Asher, it hurts so much to think...I don't WANT to remember, but every single time I get a free moment it pops right back into my head...I just want it to END!" I screamed. His arms moved around me, held me as I shook, I didn't cry, for once I was out of tears.

"You must confront it, mon cher, or you will never be free..." he whispered into my hair.

"I'm scared..." I said after a moment.

"I know...but I will be with you, you will not be alone..." He answered, gently stroking my hair.

"Promise?" I asked hesitantly, arms tightening around him.

"Oui..."Asher said, stroking my back.

"If you promise to stop...this." He motioned with his eyes to the room. I hesitated, then nodded slowly.

"Ok..ok...Just...don't leave me?" I asked, sounding the most pitiful I think I ever had.

"Never..." He said softly, fingers stroking my hair. I nodded and let him go so we could get dressed. He watched me as I buttoned the shirt I stole from him earlier, a fond half smile playing his lips. I smiled back, hesitantly. I tried desperately to sort out what I felt for the vampire. Lust? Definitely...but there was something else there too.

"I think," he said softly, walking to my side," I could learn to love you Josh Blake..."

I flushed for the first time...in a long time, looking away.

"You shouldn't, I'm a lousy catch." I said softly. His arm went around my waist and he smiled softly.

"Oui, but then, so am I..." With that, he pulled me out the cheap motel door, we walked away from the room, and with each step I felt a little better. A little lighter. Asher's arm was around my waist; IT was dead...Life was good.


END