WRONG NUMBER
AUTHOR: Lorne's Ladylove (aka Jennifer Whildin)
CONTACT: swashbuckler@mindspring.com
SERIES: Angel
TIMELINE/SPOILER WARNINGS: Takes place around the beginning of the third season.
PAIRINGS: Lorne/female
CREATED: December 26, 2001
RATING: NC-17
DISTRIBUTION: Do not distribute or archive without the author's (Jennifer Whildin) permission. HostFic, LoveLorne, AngelHost, UnConventional 'Shippers List, and BaskingInTheArmsOfTheHost are all permitted to archive WRONG NUMBER.
DISCLAIMER: This story, WRONG NUMBER, is (c) Copyright 2001 Jennifer Whildin. All rights reserved. Characters and settings from ANGEL are (tm), (r), and (c) Copyright 2001 Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and Warner Brothers. All rights reserved. No infringement or disrespect is intended.
SUMMARY: Fun on the phone for our handsome Host.
Wrong Number
by Lorne's Ladylove (aka Jennifer Whildin)
"Why are you crying?" Jenny Jones asked her guest amidst audience applause.
"Ok? And that's what it's about," Raymond Moses addressed the audience. He was dressed in his usual army camouflage for Jenny's teen boot camp show. He turned to the barely-dressed teen in the silver hat. "Look at this! Who is this woman right here?"
"My sister," she answered.
"Your sister! Do you care about your sister?"
"Yes!" she whined. "Yop! I..."
"To make her cry, is that how much you care about her, that you wanna make her...look...Look at her! She is...she is tore up!"
Lorne yawned. Yet another JENNY JONES about troubled teens dressed in ridiculous outfits. He rose from the sofa and stretched, and then headed into the kitchen, where he filled a bowl with mini pretzels. He grabbed a cold Pepsi Twist from the fridge, and returned to the sofa munching.
"When we come back, we're gonna meet a 14-year-old who slept with *sixteen* guys, the oldest was *27* years old. We'll find out how her mother feels when we return," Jenny announced.
Hitting a button on his remote, he called up the onscreen TV listings, a benefit of digital cable. He wanted to watch a movie, so he skipped the music, sports, and kids' channels.
"Look at this!" he said to no one, waving his hand in the air. "There's like 60 movie channels, and not a damn thing on any of'em. I'm paying $13 more a month for this???"
He considered putting on one of the music stations, but the ones that played his favorite kinds of music were on a few of the 45 Music Choice channels, which were sound-only, and didn't show anything but black on the screen. Music on its own is fine, but what's the point of music on TV without videos? He sighed.
Maybe I should order a pay-per-movie? he wondered. He could watch Playboy, Spice, Pleasure, and HotNet movies for under $4 each. But they were softcore B-movies; those types of movies already came on the premium movie channels he got 24-7. If he was going to pay more, he wanted hardcore porn.
The phone rang, startling him out of his regret. "Hello? Who? No, sorry, you have the wrong number. That's ok."
He was about to hang up when he heard her say, "I like your voice."
"Uh, thanks."
"Wanna get off?"
Lorne was stunned momentarily silent. Finally: "Huh?"
"Well," cooed the girlish voice, "we don't know each other. I think it'll be fun."
"'Kay," he managed to squeak.
"What do you look like?" Her voice sounded a little funny, but he let it go.
"Wavy brown hair...brown eyes...um...tall..." he lied.
"Mmm! Watcha wearing?"
He put the pretzels by the phone, next to his soda. "Black silk pajamas." He was beginning to relax again.
"I'm wearing a lacy purple teddy, and I have long, soft brown hair and brown eyes. I'm kinda tall, too."
"Sounds good." Lorne began rubbing his crotch.
"Unbutton your P.J. shirt for me." Lorne noticed a slight accent that she was obviously trying to hide, but he couldn't quite place it.
"Ok. Peel the straps off your shoulders while I do this." He heard her moving softly.
"I'm going to lick your nipples," she said to him. "Do you like that?"
"Oh, yeah, baby," Lorne breathed. He gently squeezed and pinched his apple green nipples, which were hard little pebbles.
"Take your shirt off, and I'll show you my breasts," coaxed the woman. Lorne tossed his black pajama shirt to the end of the sofa.
"I have perky tits. I love to play with them. They're very sensitive."
Lorne moaned into the phone. "Fuck I'm horny!" he growled.
"Me, too, hon. I'm going to bite your neck, ok?"
Lorne couldn't help wondering if it was a vampire that had dialed his number. Not that he cared. "Be gentle," he whispered, and she giggled.
Through her words, she teased his neck, gently biting flesh, tracing a moist path to his right earlobe. As she flicked it, his erection grew to maximum stiffness.
His whimper brought more giggles. "Ooh, did I find one of your hot spots?" she teased.
"Definitely!"
"I want to feel your tongue in my mouth." She drew his mouth to hers. "Mmmm." After several moments, she told him to take off his bottoms.
He did so while she slid the teddy down her legs and over her feet. He imagined this mystery woman totally naked before him. "My cock's so stiff," he said.
"How big is it?"
"Eight--eight inches," he stuttered. She'd never believe him if he told her the truth.
"Mmm, big!" She smacked her lips loudly. "Do you like girls who're shaved down there?"
He squeezed the receiver tightly. "Yeah...yeah...a lot!" His other hand was absentmindedly playing with his dick.
"I'm touching myself," she whispered.
"Me, too." His hand stroked a little faster.
"I wanna go down on you."
"Oh, yeah. I'd like that, too, darling."
"I'm taking the head of your cock in my mouth." She enhanced the fantasy by making sucking sounds. Lorne figured she was sucking her finger.
By now, Lorne's hand was brutally beating away.
"And I'm sliding it further into my mouth, as far as I can."
Lorne could hear that her voice sounded different as she struggled to disguise it through her excitement. He smiled and stroked himself feverishly.
She told him how much she loved the taste of him, wanted to swallow his passion, and begged him to come in her mouth.
"Soon, sugar. Soon," he moaned.
"Good. 'Cuz I'm going to come any minute."
"So am I. I'm nearly there, darling."
"I'm so wet!" she cried. "Fuck my mouth, Lorne!"
"Yes, baby! Here it comes! Ohh, shit!" He exploded and growled into the phone.
The lady screamed as she came, too.
They were quiet but for their breathing as they recovered. Finally, the female spoke.
"That was so good. Thanks, sweetie."
"I needed it, too."
"Can I call you again sometime?"
"Anytime, hon."
"Good. Uh, since I misdialed, I need to know what number this is."
Lorne leaned forward, grinning. "You know my number...Fred."
"How--?" she stuttered.
"And you didn't misdial."
*Click!*
Lorne chuckled. Things were going to get interesting.
end