Title: Lied

Author/pseudonym: Margaret Newman/Mererid

Fandom: Smallville

Pairing: Clark/Lex

Category: Humor, First Time, AU

Rating: R

Status: completed

Archive: Yes

Series/Sequel: no

Disclaimers: Not making any money, I put the boys back when I'm done.

Brief Summary: Clark's attempt at keeping Lex to himself backfires nicely.

Warnings: silliness, some adult language, little sex at the end

Spoilers: none

Beta reader: cjandre

Lied
by Margaret Newman/Mererid

Lex went off to the restroom while Clark waited for the appetizer to arrive. That's when the slinky woman with the massive head of red pin curls came over to their table.

"You must be Clark." She smiled, leaning a hip against the table.

"Yes, I am..." Clark sat back a little, blinking up at the woman. Her perfume was somewhat overwhelming.

"I saw Lex with you... Here it is a Friday night, and neither of you have a date?" She purred a little. It made the hair on the back of Clark's neck prickle. The dress she was wearing was so tight; he wasn't sure how she could breath.

"Well..." Clark sighed, casting a glance over his shoulder. He looked up at the woman, and shook his head sadly. "I don't feel it's right to go have fun when Lex... Well, you know..."

"When Lex what?" Her carefully plucked eyebrows rose up. though not enough to wrinkle her forehead.

Clark leaned forward a little, daring the heavily perfumed air. "His last fiancé-. I shouldn't be saying this. You know how Lex is about his privacy, but..." He sighed dramatically.

"What? I won't tell anyone!" She clasped a hand to her ample bosom.

"His last fiancé... she left him with a little, shall we say, *biological* present?" He whispered, and the woman leaned even more closely. At the word 'biological', she jerked back.

"A... an...?"

"I really shouldn't say." He glanced over his shoulder again, nervously. "But he can't... you know." Clark wiggled his hand. "So, I'm keeping him company. The doctors say he should be okay in a few months. I figure our friendship is worth that, you know?"

"You're such a good friend." She nodded, straightening up.

"Thanks... I'm sorry, I didn't get your name." He smiled charmingly.

"That's okay." She started backing up.

"Don't you want me to let Lex know..."

"No, no. Don't say anything." She turned and hurried away.

Clark smirked.

***

At the Audi dealership, a lovely young Asian woman in a fitted business suit walked over to Clark. He was waiting for Lex who was signing papers on a new Audi Midnight.

"Isn't that Lex Luthor?" She asked Clark.

"Yes, it is." He nodded. "He looks pretty good these days, doesn't he?"

"Yes, he does." She smiled, licking her lips.

"He should be done with physical therapy in a few weeks." Clark nodded. "It's a relief, really. We were worried, you know, after the accident..." He glanced at her. She was staring at him intently. "Oh, I'm sorry. I shouldn't be saying anything."

"No, no. It's okay." She took a step back.

"You won't say anything will you? He'd kill me if I told anyone about the- well. The ahem, accident. He kept it out of the papers, and here I am blurting it out."

"I won't say a word." She shook her head, raising a hand as if taking an oath.

"Thanks, really." Clark looked stricken. "If people found out about...after all he's been through... he'd never forgive me."

"Don't worry, I can keep a secret."

She practically trotted out of the dealership.

Clark smiled, checked his watch, and looked up as Lex came out of the office with yet another set of car keys in his hands.

***

"Clark, stop fussing. You look fine." Lex slapped Clark's hand down from adjusting his tie for the umpteenth time.

"I look stupid." Clark sighed, grimacing. "I don't know why I let you talk me into this." Then he tapped Lex's lavender colored carnation neatly affixed to his lapel. "But you, you look amazing."

Lex had on a dark blue wool suit with a pale pink shirt. It fit him beautifully, accentuating the strong shoulders and the lean body. Clark had given him the carnation as a gag gift, but Lex had insisted on wearing it tonight.

Lex grinned, "Clark, that suit is perfect for you. You should see all the glances that you are getting... and not all of them from women."

"Oh, great." Clark heaved a much-put-upon sigh. "That makes me feel better." His tux was a gift from Lex who insisted that when Clark graduated from the university, he was going to need better clothing as a professional. Clark had given in, enjoying the attention from Lex. (He didn't have to tell his parents.)

"Mr. Luthor." The museum curator's assistant appeared out of the crowd.

"I have to go, wait for me by the Dergo sculpture." Lex instructed Clark before following the assistant towards the podium.

"Which one is that?" Clark glanced around. Dergo who? Or should that be a what? It was hard to tell sometimes.

"The one you said that looked like a alien threesome." Lex glanced back, winking at him.

"Oh." Clark smiled, nodding. "Gotcha."

"Didn't Mr. Luthor bring a date?" A young woman breathed airily at Clark's side. "He looks *so* handsome."

"He does, doesn't he?" Clark sighed, touching the back of his hand to his nose, and sniffing a little. "He's so brave. After Troy, well. We didn't think he'd ever go out in public again..." Then he clapped a hand over his mouth. "Oh god! I'm not supposed to-!"

The young woman's eyes went big.

Clark grasped her arm, hissing. "Please, oh my god, you can't tell anyone I said anything!"

"I won't say..."

"He's worked so hard to keep his relationship with Troy a secret, and now, after..." Clark cringed, horrified.

"Wh-what happened to Troy?" The young woman dared ask.

Clark sniffed again, glancing around. He leaned over and whispered in the young woman's ear, "Kidnappers. We think his father was behind it." Clark shrugged. "But we won't ever know the truth, I guess. The detectives have been stumped."

"Oh." The young woman blinked rapidly. "Oh my."

"He's really quite brave, I think. Going out so soon after..." Sniff. "I'm sorry, I didn't get your name, Miss...?"

"It's okay." She smiled, waving her hand. "Oh, look. There's my date. I have to go..."

She retreated quickly, and Clark smiled, ducking his head.

***

Clark stepped off the elevator at LexCorp, hands tucked down in his jean pockets, backpack dangling off one shoulder. Lex's private secretary was talking nervously on the telephone as he approached.

"Detective Moore, I'll give Mr. Luthor your message." She hung up. "Oh, Clark! I'm so glad you are here!"

"Why?" Clark was instantly alert. Detective Moore? Metropolis police? "Brenda, what's wrong?"

"Oh, it's been insane today! Haven't you seen the afternoon paper?" She grabbed the pertinent section - Dailey Planet, front page - and waved it at Clark. "Lex is going to have a heart attack if he doesn't calm down! You have to do something!"

Clark quickly scanned the headline, "Lex Luthor's Secret Lover Killed By Kidnappers!" He paled and his knees trembled. *Oh, shit*! just did not cover it.

He barely got the first few sentences of the article read when he heard Lex roaring, "Get out! Don't come back until you find the *god damn leak*!"

Matthew Haney, Lex's current personal assistant, came racing out of Lex's office. His shirt was half pulled out of his pants, his tie askew, and his face was white.

"Oh, god! Clark!" He cried when he saw Clark standing by Brenda's desk. "He's going to fire me for this. I swear to god I didn't say anything to anyone. But he doesn't believe me! Clark, you have to go in there. Calm him down! He has to listen to reason."

"Clark!" Lex bellowed from his office, the doors not having closed behind Matthew. "Kent, get your ass in here now!"

Clark, terrified by what he had done and the scandal it had caused, headed bravely into the lion's den. He shut the doors behind him. The room was dark, the curtains pulled and lights on low. The wall of televisions were turned off. Lex was pacing in front of his desk, his left hand rhythmically squeezing a hand weight.

"Lex, I can explain..." His voice shook a little but he walked up towards his friend. Well, after Lex got done with him, former friend...

"You can explain this?" Lex turned on him, grabbing the paper away from Clark. "Someone in my company runs to the press, telling tales about my illness and poor..." He caught himself, shuddering slightly and paling, "my poor Troy and you can explain it?"

"But-." Clark's mouth worked, but words weren't coming out. "I-."

Lex threw the paper across the room. "How dare they go on about my accident! Haven't I suffered enough with physical therapy! And the reconstructive surgery? You know how much I hate hospitals, Clark!"

"Lex, you can..." Clark's brain paused again. He stood there with his mouth open, staring at Lex, and his brain just stopped.

"Yes, Clark?" Lex asked, tossing the hand weight on to his desk and turning to face Clark with his arms over his chest. "I can what?"

Clark shut his mouth and blinked. His brain started moving again, slowly. Troy. Accident. Illness. Physical therapy.

"I can explain." Clark said softly.

"Can you? Really?" He rested his butt against his desk and stared up at his tall, handsome friend.

"Y-yes." Clark nodded. "I-. It's really simple. I just-. I just got tired of people- women- asking me about you. You know, getting me to introduce them to you. You know, for dating. And stuff."

"And stuff." Lex repeated the last, arching an eyebrow.

"Yeah." Clark nodded. "God, I had no idea it would get into the newspaper! I just- I just- please don't hate me, Lex. It's just-. I so rarely get you to myself. I hate having to share you with- others."

"Women."

"Well, yeah." Clark sighed. "You get all intense when you date. Then, you know, like with Marissa, and how she kept complaining about me..."

"She thought we were lovers." Lex nodded.

"It's... She did?" Clark frowned. He hadn't heard that before.

"Yes, she did." Lex smiled, though only slightly. "And just in case you are wondering, she did not leave me with any biological presents."

Clark flinched. "I know. I'm sorry."

"You lied." Lex stood and stalked towards him. Clark gulped. "Admit it."

"But, I-."

"Clark Kent, formerly of Smallville, raised by good Christian parents, lied to innocent -well, let's not take it too far- young women. Lied." He stopped directly in front of Clark.

"Yes." Clark nodded in defeat, ducking his head. "I lied. I'm sorry. I couldn't stand the thought of introducing you to another interested woman. And now look at all the trouble I caused."

"Yes, let's look at it. Or let us look at it this way... You could have just said something to me." Lex poked him in the chest with an index finger. "You could have said 'hey, Lex, date me instead'. But did you? Nooo... You make up stories," He kept punctuating his words by poking Clark in the chest, "about me being diseased, injured, almost widowed."

Even though Clark knew that his skin was impenetrable, Lex's poking still hurt, and so he kept stepping back every time he was jabbed. He ended up trapped against the double doors of Lex's presidential suite.

"Lex, please. I'm-." Clark stopped and frowned. "'Hey, Lex date me instead?' Oh yeah, like that would ever happen. I know you had a wild youth, but really, date me? I'm guy for one thing."

"Really?" Lex smirked, stepping close to Clark. A mechanical pencil jabbed Clark in the ribs.

"And I'm from Smallville for another." He grimaced but Lex wasn't stepping away and the doors weren't giving.

"Yes, yes, indeed. A telling point."

"And, you know, the 'not of this world' thing." Clark huffed, raising his chin a notch. He had told Lex, in his final year of high school, his great, terrible secret. How had Lex reacted? He had nodded and said, "that was my second guess, after the mutant idea."

"Yes, that would really stun my dad." Lex nodded. "Not the guy-guy thing. Been there, done that. Not the Smallville thing. Please. The alien thing would do it." He glanced down Clark's body. "You don't have like, you know, two penises or something? If I fucked you, would you get pregnant?"

Clark blushed furiously. "No, I do not have two penises. I'm quite normal human looking. Although I have been told that I am very well... formed." Lex just gazed at him, waiting. "I don't know about the pregnant thing. It's not like my body came with a manual, you know."

There was a knock on the door on the other side that made Clark jump.

"Mr. Luthor? The press conference." Brenda called out.

Lex glowered. "Yes, Brenda." He shouted.

Clark cringed.

"Lex, really. I'm so sorry. I never thought-."

"Is that it, Clark? You never thought what your words might do? No wonder I suddenly couldn't get a date. One week I can't relieve myself without some woman trying to hit on me..." Clark knew the incident he meant. A woman had actually followed Lex into the restroom at a sushi bar and had tried to wheedle a date out of him then and there. "And the next week, nothing. Absolutely. Nothing."

He waved his hands as he stomped back to his desk.

"Well, it's over now, Kent. I have to come clean and tell the world. Troy is dead, savagely beaten by kidnappers. My penis has been successfully re-attached. The antibiotics have worked miracles." He grabbed an edition of the newspaper, his leather-bound notebook and
stomped back towards the office doors. "Open them, Kent. I have work to do."

"Lex..." Clark sighed, shoulders drooping. There, he'd done it. Finally. Ruined the best friendship he'd ever had. Lost the one person he loved more than anyone else in the whole world.

Lex glowered at him.

Clark turned, and opened the doors.

And froze.

"HAPPY APRIL FOOL'S DAY, CLARK!" It was like the entire company had gathered in the presidential lobby. But Chloe and Pete were there, too. They all had copies of the newspaper.

***

Discarded clothes littered the floor of the master bedroom in the penthouse. Sneakers that, despite being only a month old, looked well worn and old had been kicked in two separate directions. A backpack tossed down, books dribbling out. A black silk tie looped around the
closet doorknob. A sock dangled from the oval mirror.

The duvet and top sheet had been ripped away from the bed. Pillows askew. Two bodies, both of them male, tangled up on the mattress. There was much gasping and moaning. The moist sounds of flesh rubbing against flesh.

"Harder, harder..." Lex cried hoarsely. His legs were spread wide, one ankle hooked over a broad, muscular shoulder, one foot planted on the mattress to help him push up, *up*.

"Lex..." Clark breathed into his neck. He rubbed, grinding, his erection into Lex's abdomen. Lex's leaking cock slid against his. The sensations were overwhelming. He knew he couldn't last much longer.

"Come on, Troy, faster!" Lex growled, struggling to increase the movement of his lover's hips.

Troy?

Clark froze. He stopped his grinding. He stopped his rubbing. He pulled his head back and glowered down at Lex.

"Excuse me?"

Lex grinned, eyelids heavy with lust. His lips were red and swollen, well kissed.

"You don't think I'm going to let you forget that any time soon, do you?" Lex chuckled.

"How much more can I apologize?" Clark huffed, which was decidedly difficult in the throes of passion. Sweat dripped off his face onto Lex.

Lex arched his hips against Clark, his left foot hooking around a muscular thigh.

"Oh, Superstud. I think we'll figure something out." Pause. "You know, since I'm finished with physical therapy..."

END