Love And Confusion

by Wadjet

Garibaldi hovered nervously around the comm link in his quarters. The battle at Matok had been ultimately successful, but the casualty count had been high. 500 dead, 2000 wounded and at this point Michael had no idea if Dodger was amongst them. He still had contacts in the military from his wartime experiences as a GROPO, so he'd been in touch with an old war buddy to get a channel through to the Medical Facility on Io where the casualties had been taken.

Garibaldi started to pace the room wondering what the hell was going on. 'Come on, dammit!' Ivanova's face appeared on the link from C&C. 'Susan?' he asked, the desperation evident in his voice.

'We got through Michael. We couldn't get you a direct line, but your friend Master Sergeant Biggs managed to get a look at the casualty list and Dodger was listed among the wounded. As far as he can tell, she's recovering, because she's not on the critically injured list. Does that help?'

Michael breathed a hefty sigh of relief. 'Yeah. Thanks. Man, I've been worried sick about her.'

He sat down and ran his fingers through his close cropped hair. What to do? At least she wasn't dead or critical, he'd never have forgiven himself for screwing her around the way he did, 'or not, as the case may be.' he thought with a chuckle. Garibaldi tapped his link.

'Garibaldi to Ivanova.'

'Ivanova. Go.'

'When are you off-duty?'

'1800, why?'

'You in the mood for cannelloni?'

Susan smiled. 'Sure, Mike. I'll be at your place for 1900, that okay?'

'I'll have the garlic bread warmed and ready.'

Ivanova sat back at her post, dutifully ignoring the looks of suspicion and raised eyebrows from the rest of the C&C staff. They all thought she and Garibaldi were an item. This image didn't sit well with their daily view of Ivanova career officer, Ivanova ball breaker, Ivanova God.

Susan allowed herself a wry smile at their expense. If they ever knew exactly what was between herself and Michael Garibaldi, it would have caused more than raised eyebrows.

Ivanova had fallen in love with Talia Winters almost as soon as she had arrived on the station but it had taken a long time and a tragedy before that love had become a physical relationship between them. A long time and Mike Garibaldi. Ivanova knew that he cared about Talia too, that he needed to make a connection and wanted to make love to her at least as much as Susan did but until that night, Talia had kept them both at arms length. She had shocked them both by seducing first Susan, then Michael. Ivanova smiled when she remembered how awkward and shy he'd been at the start.

She'd found it quite endearing, not like the Garibaldi she'd imagined at all. The entire night had been full of surprises, some merely pleasant, some sensational, like the several exquisite orgasms she and Talia had experienced through Michael's skill and generosity as a lover.

Susan wasn't sure quite when or how it had happened, but at one point in their lovemaking Talia, Michael and Susan became telepathically joined. Ivanova suspected it had something to do with Jason Ironheart's legacy but it was never really discussed afterward. The outcome was that she and Michael had a unique relationship which had grown even stronger through the adversity of Talia's exposure and execution by the Psi-Corps. Besides Sheridan, Michael was the only person on Babylon 5 she felt she could rely on and for his part Michael trusted her in a way he hadn't trusted anyone since Jeff Sinclair had gone. Trust wasn't part of Garibaldi's make up. That

's why he made such a damned good Chief of Security. Ivanova felt proud and honoured to be in his confidence that way and happy to call him her friend.

The rest of her working day seemed to crawl by. Susan hated it when it was business as usual, it made the time drag and she was so looking forward to Garibaldi's excellent food and warm, witty company. She gazed out at the stars and at Epsilon 3 and trying not to look at her chronometer every couple of minutes.

Garibaldi bustled around his favourite place. The Kitchen. There was a place for everything and everything was in its place, just like the rest of his quarters. Michael was a stickler for tidiness and it drove him crazy when the place was a mess. It had been one of the many things he and Lise had argued about back on Mars, one of the things that had made him realise that even though he still thought about her and part of him still loved her, they would never have been able to make it work.

Garibaldi had never really felt love before Lise and hadn't imagined being in love with anyone else. What he'd felt for Talia was different somehow and apart from that one night it hadn't amounted to anything, she'd been too involved with Susan. Then there was Jeff.

He thought wistfully about Jeff Sinclair. What they'd had was quite something. Garibaldi had never had sex with another man before him, and certainly had no desire to have sex with a man other than him. Nevertheless, for some weird reason that he couldn't work out, it felt absolutely right between them. Jeff had a talent for exciting him that he'd never experienced with a woman. Jeff felt different, smelt different, Michael remembered the feel of his hands and his lips, the way they kissed.he shuddered and adjusted his burgeoning erection. 'I really miss you, babe.' he thought sadly.

He continued to prepare the simple meal he had in mind for he and Susan, but couldn't get Jeff out of his mind. The more he tried to concentrate on what he was doing the more persistent the ache in his groin became. 'Dammit,' he thought. 'I'm gonna have to do something about this, otherwise I'll never get anything done.' Michael walked out of the kitchen and into the bedroom, unable to ignore the unrelenting hardness any longer. Divesting himself of his clothes, he lay down on the bed and closed his eyes, caressing his body as Jeff had done countless times. He took his throbbing member firmly in his left hand and fondled it rhythmically, squeezing with every upward stroke. Moaning softly, Garibaldi tried to recall their last night together.

Jeff had been feverish, insatiable, unable to get enough of Michael's body. Stroking faster, and breathing hard, Michael recalled Jeff's touch, revelled in the memory of being inside him and remembered the look of love and desire in Jeff's dark eyes as he had given himself to Garibaldi completely. The delightful picture which invaded his mind of Sinclair's face as he climaxed sent Michael over the edge and his own orgasm took him with the force of a tidal wave. Sweet convulsions pushed his hips completely off the bed as he called out his lover's name.

Garibaldi lay back, spent and gasping for breath, eyes tight shut with his body sheathed in sweat. 'Well, that didn't help much did it, Jeff?' he panted to the empty room. 'I miss you even more now.'

As his breathing became regular and his muscles slowly relaxed, he turned onto his side and cuddled the pillow, the soporific effect of the orgasm spreading sweetly through his body. The only other feeling was the dark, hollow emptiness of being unable to hold Jeff in his arms in the

afterglow.

Michael heard a door chime, somewhere off in the distance. It was getting louder and more insistent. 'Shit!' he exclaimed aloud. 'Susan!' He looked at the clock as he grabbed his robe and pulled it around himself. 'Seven o' clock! Oh man! I must have fallen asleep. Just a second!' He quickly threw on a pair of sweatpants, washed his hands and chest in the bathroom and stepped out into the living area. 'Open!' Susan entered, punctual as always. Her eyebrows raised. 'Am I interrupting something?'

Michael's face flushed with embarrassment. 'Ah, no.. I er, I fell asleep and..' He sat down on the couch, resigned. 'Aw fuck it. I'm sorry, Susan. I started thinking about Jeff, and I kinda got carried away and, well, I did fall asleep. I mean, after, well, you know. God, this is embarrassing.'

Susan knelt in front of him and stroked his tousled hair, smiling. 'Garibaldi, you dumb bastard. I know how much you and Jeff meant to each other. Don't you know how many nights I've gotten

myself to sleep doing exactly the same thing, thinking about making love with Talia? You were

lovers, you miss him. Nuff said. We're buddies, Mike. Better than that, we' re fuck buddies.' Michael chuckled.

'I know you, and I've been there. You have no reason to be embarrassed with me. I'm just sorry I wasn't here to help you out.'

Garibaldi smiled. 'Well, I appreciate the offer, but you just don't have the right equipment, Commander!'

Susan laughed out loud. 'Sorry Garibaldi, not much I can do about it, I got what I got!' She walked over to the kitchen and surveyed the mess. 'Well, I guess dinner's ruined. Hard-on that wouldn't go away, huh?' she grinned.

Michael nodded sheepishly. 'Yep, pretty much. Jeez, I never knew.' he shook his head sadly. 'There's been so much going on around here lately I've hardly had time to breathe, let alone think. It never really hit me before how much I miss Jeff. When you care about someone that much, y'can't just switch it off, can you?' Susan smiled, understanding.

'I'd never wanted a man in that way before. Guys have made passes at me, sure, but I just wasn't interested. I don't know what was different about him. Whether it was his strength, because he wanted me and loved me so much, because he had such faith in me and risked everything to give me a chance. It was just. right. Something that should've seemed so wrong. I've never felt about anyone the way I feel about Jeff. Not Talia, hell, not even Lise. I mean, man, when we.' he swallowed hard, trying to find the words to explain. ' When we were together, it was so good.' It

was as if a dam had burst and all the feelings he'd had about his relationship with Jeff started to tumble out.

He looked at Susan with wide eyes. 'I mean, that guy did things to me and me to him that would have made me nauseous just to think of two years ago. He could turn me on with just a look, or a word. That voice.' The look on his face sent out a silent apology in case he'd gone too far in his description. Susan smiled and waved him off. 'I tell ya, that caused me some interesting moments in a few command briefings. He was such a fucking tease!' Garibaldi laughed at the memory.

'It felt natural, but I guess it wasn't, was it? What the hell is wrong with me? I'm not a homosexual. Am I? I still love women. I don't want any other man, I just want Jeff Sinclair and I'm not sure if I can handle it all without him. Then I come to realise I care about Dodger, too. I mean, I guess if we had got together when she was on B5 it would've just been a one nighter, but since she was listed as wounded I've.' He looked up at her in desperation. 'I'm a real mess, Susatchka.'

His use of her pet name tugged on Ivanova's heartstrings. If the others could only see the tough guy now. If they could see his pain, how vulnerable he was. She held him close. Garibaldi didn't let people through his shell often and she felt privileged to be one of the very few.

Even though his relationship with Sinclair had been so complete and so fulfilling, Garibaldi still felt guilty. His Catholic childhood had embedded the doctrine of what was and wasn't acceptable deeper than he'd thought.

It was easy to justify when Jeff had been there. Whenever the doubts surfaced, Sinclair just held Michael in his arms and stroked his hair tenderly, murmuring words of comfort and reassurance.

The sound of Jeff's voice soothed any worry, the touch of his lips and the strength of his embrace had always chased away any concern that Michael had about being in love with him. It had always led to them making love in one form or another and their mutual sweet surrender confirmed that what they were doing could never be wrong.

Susan's embrace gave Michael strength. He was incredibly grateful to have someone to turn to. She was right, they were 'fuck buddies', although he still thought it was a somewhat coarse term for what they had. When the pain got too much, they would get together and sometimes they'd make love, sometimes just sleep in each other's arms. Whatever the other needed, they were there. She held him a long time before speaking.

'What do you want to do, Mike?'

He raised his head, not really wanting to pull away from the security of her arms. 'I don't know. I really don't. I knew I loved him, but it just came home to me how lost I am. I feel desolate without him. I never even got to say goodbye to him before he went to Minbar. He's gone, Susan. Not in the same way as Talia, I know.' Susan flinched, she didn't need reminding how final their parting was. Garibaldi instantly regretted saying it. 'I'm sorry, honey. You know what I mean. The whole thing has knocked me for a loop. I know exactly where Jeff is but I never realised I needed him so bad and there's not a damn thing I can do about it.'

'You could go see him.'

Garibaldi stood and began pacing. 'I guess I could. I know I could. I know he'd be glad to see me. But then what? I have a job here, my life is here. I can't just throw all that away. And do what exactly? It's not like we could get married or anything. Christ, I can't believe I just said that!'

'You could. Same sex relationships aren't unusual on Minbar. I don't think anyone would bat an eyelid.' Garibaldi looked at her intently. 'Come on, Susan. That's not me, you know it's not, and Jeff's an Ambassador for God's sake. And what about Dodger? I feel for the kid, I really do. Never expected that either. I don't know what I want anymore. I certainly don't know what

she wants and I don't know what Jeff wants either. Maybe me and Dodger have got something, maybe we haven't, but when all's said and done, she's a GROPO. I know the drill. Been there, done that, got the commendations. We couldn't have a long term relationship. And this place.' He waved his arms around and repeated himself for emphasis. ' This fucking place. It gets into your blood, doesn't it?'

Susan smiled and nodded. 'Yeah, that it does.'

'I'm only here because of Jeff. When we were on Mars? Jesus!' he shook his head in disbelief. 'You shoulda seen me Susan. You think I'm a basketcase now? Baby, you ain't seen nothin'!'

Ivanova laughed softly.

'I had my head so far in a bottle of booze, you could only see my ass from the outside.'

'Maybe that was the attraction! You do have a cute ass, Mike.' Susan grinned wickedly.

Garibaldi laughed out loud. 'Yeah, maybe. I just. Back then, Lise, my employers, everyone had lost faith in me. Hell, I'd lost faith in me. I just couldn't have given a fuck. I figured I was on a fast track to losing Lise, my job, or even worse causing an accident because of my drinking. Frank had been killed on Europa because of me, the booze had me under its spell, I was a mess. I thought about killing myself more than once. Just never had the balls to do it, and that only made me hate myself even more. I was hurting myself, hurting Lise.Then I met Jeff.' His tense features suddenly softened at the memory of it.

'He knew I wanted out, he knew I was an alcoholic but he never judged me, Susan. He brought me to work with him, turned me around but without any pressure. He accepted me, problems and all. There were never any conditions with him. He made me feel worth something again. I have to admit I was kinda surprised when he got the job here, and so was he. I was even more surprised

when he asked for me as Chief of Security. The thought of it scared me half to death but I figured if Jeff thought I could do it, I could. The rest would come later. If I stop and think about it, I guess I was falling for him all along. It was such an unfamiliar feeling I shoved it away and tried to just pass it off as friendship. To have those kind of feelings for another man? Too fucking weird. Then I came to Babylon 5. Did I ever tell you about the first time we got it together?'

'No.'

'D'you wanna know?' the silent pleading in his eyes made Susan realise it was important for him to tell her. Susan nodded, 'Sure, go on sweetheart.'

Michael sat down in the chair opposite and took a deep breath. 'I'd been in a fight. It was before you got here, Laurel Takishima was still Jeff's XO. Anyways, all my guys had been in a real dust up with some of the dockers. I went apeshit and ended up beating up on them.'

Susan laughed. It was exactly the kind of thing he would do.

'I threw half of 'em in the Brig and then wrote a report all about the whole mess.' 'As you do.' Susan smiled. 'Precisely. Jeff came to see me, see how I was doing. I'd wrenched my shoulder in the fight and he said he'd massage it for me. Looking back, I guess I deliberately missed the look in his eyes when I took off my shirt.

Anyway, he started kneading the knots out and it felt pretty good, then he started kissing my neck, and I thought 'Woah, wait a minute. What's going on here?' Then he starts kissing down my shoulder and stroking down my back and I'm beginning to get really turned on, which totally

freaked me out. I bounced out of the chair mumbling some crap or other and I turned around

and, man, he looked like I'd just slugged him. He was hurt, confused. He apologised for going too far and left. He obviously thought I might feel the same way and if he made the first move, we could maybe, well, you know. That was another time he put himself on the line for me.'

Ivanova settled back into the sofa and sipped on the coffee she'd just fixed them both.

'I couldn't sleep for thinking about it. I was confused too. I mean, he was my best friend, but that didn't mean I had to sleep with him, right? But the more I thought about it, the more I wondered if I really did want him and just didn't want to admit it to myself. I went over and over it in my head.

I couldn't deny the fact that it had felt good in a sexual way when he'd touched me, even before he started to kiss me and when I felt his lips on my skin I could feel it all starting to happen. I don't

even know what propelled me off that chair because I actually didn't want him to stop. I guess that was why. I was scared.

I marched on down to his quarters at like, four in the morning. I just needed to know he was still my friend, still there for me. I felt really bad about upsetting him like that. And if we had sex? What the hell? If he wanted it, well, maybe I wanted it too. I was sure as hell curious. I kinda

blustered in there and said something stupid like, 'Okay, let's go for it', and he laughed. I was really confused by this point. I thought I was giving him what he wanted. So then he said that when it was what I really wanted, when I was ready? He'd know. The way he looked at me. I just saw him in a completely different light. That's when I realised I wanted him, wanted to be with him like I would with a woman, except not like a woman. It's real hard to explain.' he laughed at the unintentional double entendre. 'I just wanted to drown in those damned brown eyes of his, y'know?'

She knew. An involuntary shiver ran down her spine when she thought of Talia 's intense blue eyes and the effect they had on her, especially when they were in bed together.

'Don't let your coffee get cold, costs me an arm and a leg to get this stuff grown y'know.'

She smiled, letting him pause for breath. He took a long gulp and continued. 'Hmmm. Then. Well, then he kissed me. Really kissed me, and bam. That was it. I just. God.' He shook at the recollection of it. 'I grabbed hold of him and just... I'd never in my wildest.well, anyhow, we kinda started makin' out, and he was touchin' me and it felt great. I was really looking forward to finding out what he was like in bed then the damned alarm went off.'

Susan laughed. 'Typical. Perfect timing.' Michael laughed too. 'That never changes, does it? So we went off to deal with this emergency and to be honest, I figured that was that. By this time my

Catholicism had kicked in, y'know you can take a kid outa Brooklyn, but the priests and the nuns? They' re always with you. I'm surprised Jeff was as okay about the whole thing as he was, he was schooled by Jesuits. Mind you, he always was pretty cool.' he smiled. ' My dad always used to call the Jesuits "God's Stormtroopers". ' He laughed. 'They get your soul. I guess rabbis are the

same, huh?'

Susan nodded. 'That's why Jews and Catholics marry each other so often. Guilt. Too many rules and regs. Too many things you can do wrong and lousy consequences to deal with.'

Michael spread his palms out. 'Exactly. So, we dealt with the problem and it got a little awkward for a while, because I was still a little confused. And later on, there I am, lying in bed, thinking about Jeff, realising that I really did want him, like I'd only ever wanted women before. I wanted to hold him and touch him and kiss him and everything else to go along with it, and there's this little bastard angel on my shoulder saying, 'You shouldn't do this, Michael. You mustn't feel this way. It goes against everything you've been taught. It's unnatural, it's an abomination.'

'But the little head won out in the end, am I right?' Susan asked with a sly smile.

Michael smiled and nodded. 'Oh yeah. Little head won out all right. Doesn't it always? I went down to Jeff's quarters and he was laid there, sleeping like a baby. I mean just like a baby, curled up in the foetal position. And I felt this rush of. something. I guess it was love, or maybe lust, God, I don't know. I just knew I didn't want to be anywhere else but close to him right then. I lay down on the bed, put my arm around him and went to sleep. Later on he had a nightmare about the Battle of the Line and I woke him up. He was sweating, shaking, he was terrified. I told him

everything was okay, that I was there. I held on tight to him because he was trembling, he was so

frightened and to be honest I flat out wanted to. It just felt so good to hold him in my arms.

He clung to me like a life preserver, like he never wanted to let me go. It was the warmest, deepest feeling I'd ever had. He kissed me again and then we touched each other some and it was great. Then he went down on me. Which was weird at first, I wasn't used to looking and

seeing a man's head down there y'know? I guess at that point I knew it would be okay. I mean, kissing's one thing, but that, well, having a guy do that.I didn't really know before then if it would disgust me or not.'

'I guess it didn't?'

Michael shook his head in wonderment. 'God no, I mean it was fantastic. I never wanted him to stop. He must have done it before, because he was real good, I don't think I was his first. I just assumed I wasn't because he was so confident about the whole thing. I was shaking like a goddamned leaf, just like when I was nineteen and lost my cherry. But then I guess it was

the same, huh?'

Susan laughed.

'He stopped doing what he was doing just when I was on the edge, sonovabitch.' Garibaldi smiled and shook his head. 'Then he told me he wanted to finish it someplace else. So that we could

be 'at one' with each other, he said. It scared me a whole lot to tell you the truth. I wasn't sure I was quite ready for that yet but I trusted him, so I was willing to try just about anything. It hurt like hell to start with, but he was so gentle, trying to make the whole thing easier for me. That made me want to give it to him even more. By the time he was all the way there, it felt fantastic. I wanted him inside me, I needed him inside me. It was crazy. The one thing in the world I'd always thought would freak me out. I really wanted it. If it had been any other man than Jeff Sinclair, I would've ripped his fucking head off. I couldn't believe it. Does this make *any* sense?'

Susan took his hand. 'It's all right, Michael. I understand.' Garibaldi chuckled and squeezed.

'I guess you're the only one who would, Susatchka. I'm not grossing you out with all this, am I?' he asked nervously.

Susan grimaced at him. 'Don't be an idiot Garibaldi, go on.'

Michael took a deep breath. 'The whole thing was pretty intense. He came, I came, but I just felt fine about it. Actually I felt pretty damned amazing, not like I'd just given up my ass to another guy. It felt like I was falling in love with him. I didn't know what to do about it, but that didn't seem to matter at the time. We couldn't get enough of each other,' he laughed. ' Well, you know what it's like. He taught me how to drive him crazy too. It's always good to learn new skills, right? And turnabout's fair play. He made love to me, I made love to him. The first time I was inside him, I felt him just give it up. It felt weird and wonderful. He surrendered completely to me. I guess like I had to him. Y'know you can never just let it all go like that with a woman. It's a different ball game.' Susan laughed, lightening the mood a little. 'You'll have to watch these Freudian slips, Garibaldi.'

Michael joined her. ' Y'know, when guys are together there's always a certain, how can I explain it? Competitive edge. Even with close friends. The only time guys are usually open with each other is when they're drunk, and then it's okay because come the morning, it's all forgotten. I lost all that with Jeff and he did with me. I wanted to be good for him. Do it right. Make it as wonderful for him as it had been for me. It was all new to me and I didn't really know what the hell I was doing but I just did it like I was making love with a woman and went with the responses I got. It seemed to work! Being able to make him feel like that, it just. well, it was just great.

We got together as much as we could after that. Most nights, tell ya the truth. We started off trying to take it slow. I mean, it was a real twist in our friendship, at least to me but virtually every night, either I'd end up going to him or the other way around. Couldn't get to sleep without holding him, making love to him. We did a pretty good job of hiding it, though. Daytime, business as usual, nighttime.God, that first coupla weeks I hardly got any sleep at all! It was our little secret. That is, until you caught us kissing in the Observation Dome. I guess it was my fault. We'd never been able to show anything out in public, which was just about driving me out of my mind. I turned and looked at him standing there gazing out at the stars and I just couldn't help myself. I'd still like to know what the hell you were doing there at that time in the morning!'

'You know me. Never off duty!' she laughed.

Garibaldi became serious. 'I don't think I ever told you how much we both appreciated you keeping it to yourself, Susan. It would have raised holy hell if anyone else had found out.'

Ivanova shrugged. 'People in glass houses, Mike. Talia had been on station about three weeks when I found you two together and she had me hotter than hell. I couldn't stop thinking about her and dreaming about her. I felt like she knew whenever she looked at me that all I wanted to do was take her into my bed and make love to her until she screamed for me to stop.' She grinned

wickedly. 'You can't imagine how satisfying it was when we got together alone for the first time and she actually did! God, what a night that was.' Michael laughed out loud. 'Anyway, you're not the only one who was a virgin in the same sex department you know.' Garibaldi raised his eyebrows.' Oh yeah. I was exclusively straight before Talia. The idea of sleeping with another woman didn't exactly freak me out, but I always figured it just wasn 't me. Just never thought a woman would have the right, how shall I put it? Attributes . How wrong was I?' She laughed. 'Jesus, what is it about this place? Is it something they put in the air recycling unit?' Michael laughed along with her. 'Beats me, bud. You want some more coffee?'

Susan nodded. 'Mike. You have to do something. You have to get some closure on this thing. Take some leave, God knows you've got some coming. Go to Io, go to Minbar. See them both. You have to get this clear so you can get on with your life. Maybe you'll find you can't live

without Jeff, maybe you'll find that this thing with Dodger is just a flash in the pan, maybe you'll

just come on back here and get on with the job. I don't know. But you have to find out Michael. For the sake of your sanity. I care about you too much to let you crawl back into a bottle and hide again, you've come too far for that. Jeff would hate you torturing yourself like this. You know that, don't you?'

Garibaldi pursed his lips and nodded. 'I guess so.'

'Of course he would. Jeff told me more than once how much he loved you and how happy you made him. I guess it was good for him to be able to tell somebody about it and I was happy to be there for him. He was my friend too. It broke his heart having to leave Babylon 5 and go to

Minbar not knowing if you'd make it or not. You didn't see him in that Isolab when you were in a

coma, Mike. He didn't sleep, he didn't eat, he was a mess. He just sat there whenever he wasn't on duty, holding your hand or stroking your hair or your face, not giving a damn if anyone saw him or not.'

'One time I went in there to see how you were and he was asleep on the bed next to you, holding you in his arms. I guess Stephen must have known, because he was the one normally on duty when Jeff was there. Hell, Stephen's always on duty. It was pretty obvious how Jeff felt about you, but to Stephen's credit, he never said a word to anyone as far as I know. If Jeff could have been in that coma instead of you, he would have changed places in a New York minute. Having to leave without saying goodbye tore him up inside.'

Garibaldi sat down again and sipped his coffee. 'I know. He left me a message. Damn, I cried like a baby that night.' Susan knelt in front of him and held his hands. 'You should've called me. I would've been there for you. God, you can be so damn stubborn sometimes.'

Michael smiled and kissed her cheek.' I know, Susatchka. I know.' he said softly. ' It was kind of a shock to me. I hadn't cried like that since my old man passed away. After I finally woke up out of the coma, it was like my whole world had just fallen apart around my ears. The President was gone, Jeff was gone, all of a sudden Sheridan's my CO, and I don't know the guy from a hole in the ground, then I find out it's my own goddamn second that shot me. I almost quit altogether. I just didn't think I could do the job anymore. I certainly didn't think I could do it without Jeff. Then I figured that he knew I could do it and that was enough. I felt I owed it to him to carry on. He risked so much to bring me here, if I'd quit I would've been letting him down, just like everyone else in my life. I couldn't do that. Not to Jeff. I had to stick it out. Now? Shit. I don't know anymore. I guess you're right. I have to find out, otherwise.' he left the sentence hanging

in the air. 'I'll go see Sheridan in the morning. Susatchka?' He looked at her with such naked need it almost broke Susan's heart. 'Please. Stay with me tonight?'

'Don't worry Mike. I'm not going anywhere.'

He wound his arms around her and nuzzled into her hair.

The next morning, Garibaldi strode purposefully down to Sheridan's office. Ivanova was right, as usual. Damn. He hated that.

'Come.'

Sheridan looked up briefly from his paperwork and smiled at Garibaldi. 'Michael! Good morning. Is everything all right?'

Michael nodded. 'Fine Cap'n, just fine, in fact things are so quiet around here just now, I wondered if I could take some leave? Just a coupla weeks. Got some personal stuff to do, off station.' He rocked back and forth on his heels, hands in his pockets.

Sheridan looked slightly quizzically at him. He'd checked Garibaldi's record. He hadn't taken any leave in the almost two years he'd been on Babylon 5. 'Sure, Michael, that shouldn't be a problem. Just tell us where you'll be in case of an emergency and you can go off duty immediately.'

Garibaldi replied with a curt nod.

'Are you sure you're okay?'

'Yeah, thanks Cap'n, I'm fine. I'm planning to go to Io and then on to Minbar the week after that.'

'A trip to Minbar, huh?' thought Sheridan. 'That's fine. Look Michael, if there's anything you want to talk about, anything at all, my office door is always open. You will remember that, won't you? I want to be as accessible as Commander Sinclair was.' The Chief found it hard to suppress the laughter that rumbled in his chest. 'As accessible as Jeff?' thought Garibaldi gleefully. ' Now that's comedy. It wouldn't do to make a habit of screwing your CO, now would it, Mike?'

Garibaldi shucked the holdall onto his shoulder and boarded the transport to Io. He'd managed to find out exactly where Dodger was, and thank God, she was okay. A little bruised and battered, but basically okay. As he settled himself into his window seat and closed his eyes he tried to remember the evening they'd shared before the battle.

The kid was fun to be with, that was for sure. She'd pursued him shamelessly and Garibaldi couldn't help but be flattered. He was a good looking man, he knew. Going a little thin on top, maybe, a little grey around the temples, but still fit and powerful, with a body that he was

justifiably proud of. It had certainly had a dramatic effect on Sinclair. He'd been particularly keen

on his chest, if Garibaldi remembered rightly, and his muscular thighs. Sinclair had spent a lot of time around those. Jeff. Again. 'Goddammit, get out of my head, Jeff. A hard-on on a transport I don't need.' he thought, becoming agitated and shuffling in his seat to get comfortable again. 'Once six is six, two sixes are twelve, three sixes are eighteen. ah, that's better. Down, boy.'

The trip was long but Michael didn't mind. He always found hyperspace fascinating and beautiful, when they jumped back into normal space again he was almost regretful. The food was appalling, same old, same old, but at least he could understand what the stewardesses were saying without a translator. He was grateful that Babylon 5 was an Earthforce station and English was the universal language. He didn't think he could cope with learning a new language at his age. At his age. That brought a smile to his face. He wasn't even forty, but had packed enough living and enough screw ups into those years for a hundred regular lifetimes.

Dodger was at the arrival gate to meet him with a smile as wide as all outdoors, the highlights of her red hair shimmering in the artificial light. She looked stunning, and it quite took Garibaldi's breath away. She had on a cobalt blue dress with a very pleasing split up the left side and heels

which made her long, slender legs look even longer. Michael was impressed. He was surprised at how pleased to see her he was.

She threw her arms around him and her mouth enveloped him in a warm, wet kiss that seemed to go on forever, her tongue lashing around the inside of Garibaldi's mouth, which before this point had felt like it was full of sand. 'Not backward at coming forward, this girl.' he thought, remembering their last encounter. She broke the kiss eventually, leaving Michael panting for breath.

'Damn, Garibaldi, are you a sight for sore eyes!' she grinned.

He grinned down at her. 'You too, Dodge. You look great.'

She twirled and preened, enjoying the compliment. 'Why thank you. Didn't expect to see me in a dress, huh?'

Garibaldi shrugged. 'Well, ah, I.' Dodger punched him playfully on the arm. 'You think I'd meet a gorgeous guy at the spaceport in my fatigues? Jesus, Garibaldi, I am a woman you know?' Garibaldi raised his eyebrows and nodded. 'That much I know. C'mere.'

He folded his long arms around her and squeezed. 'Mmmm. You smell good.' His eyes met hers and he kissed her, softly, first the bottom lip, then the top. Small, delicate kisses, then opening his mouth, his lips enfolded hers and he poked his tongue playfully inside. She melted and Garibaldi chuckled against her lips, a deep throaty sound which reverberated through their joined mouths and made Dodger quiver with delight. It made a nice change for Garibaldi to be in control, maybe she wasn't quite the feisty broad she made herself out to be.

They eventually parted and Dodger leaned up to whisper in Michael's ear. 'If you want to get out of this spaceport without being ravished, Garibaldi, we' d better make a move right now.'

Michael laughed and took her hand. 'C'mon, let's go.' She led him out into the light and he looked around. It had been a long time since he was on Io and the memories weren't necessarily good ones.

He'd been a GROPO himself then, young, idealistic, naïve and in the middle of a war. It was just before the Battle of the Line, and he'd returned from one of the outer colonies where their regiment had taken some heavy losses. He remembered he'd never felt so tired in his life and

he'd seen more death and more blood than a kid of twenty something had any business seeing. He

sighed deeply in unison with the hiss of the transport coming gently to a halt.

'Our stop Garibaldi. Michael? Are you okay?'

Dodger's concern shook him out of the memory. 'Hmm? Yeah, sorry Dodger. I'm fine. Is this us?'

'Yeah. You looked very far away for a minute there. Not missing Babylon 5 already are you?'

Garibaldi laughed and put his arm around her. 'Me? Nah. Come on, I'm on vacation.'

Ambassador Jeffrey Sinclair sat behind his desk on Minbar, looking around at his still new surroundings. The Minbari had welcomed him warmly, but everything was so different to anything he'd experienced before, the culture, the weather, the food, the language. Oh God, the language. He was trying his best to learn Adronato, but even with his talent for languages it was a slow and painful process.

The office was large, he felt lost in it, and although it had been decorated precisely to his taste, it didn't feel like home. Not yet anyway. 'Why the hell have they sent me here?' he thought angrily. ' I should be back on Babylon 5, I belong there. It's my station. And dammit, I miss you. I miss

you so much, Michael.'

Rathenn, his Minbari liaison entered the room and bowed low. 'Ambassador. Good morning. I trust you slept well?'

Jeff chuckled. 'I wouldn't exactly say "well", better perhaps. It's taking me a while to get used to the angle of the beds here. I don't suppose it would be possible to get me a regular human bed?'

Rathenn smiled sympathetically, he had come into contact with humans before and knew that their custom was to sleep in a prone position. The Minbari believed that to sleep in such a way was to invite death, but understood that sleeping at a 45 degree angle would probably take a little getting used to. He nodded. 'Of course, Ambassador, I will arrange it immediately. We do wish to make you comfortable. I apologise if our customs have caused you inconvenience. I have brought your schedule for today. More Adronato lessons I'm afraid.' He smiled. Jeff groaned. 'I'm sorry Rathenn, it's not like I'm not trying, I'm just finding it very difficult.'

'Adronato is a difficult language, and we do appreciate your efforts. Your meeting schedule is fairly light, so you should have some time to yourself today. You seem troubled, Ambassador. Is there anything I can do to alleviate your discomfort?'

Jeff sighed and shook his head. 'Just taking some time to adjust. Thank you for your concern. If there is anything I'll let you know.'

The tall Minbari bowed and turned to leave. 'Actually, Rathenn, there is something you can do for me. Get me a channel to Babylon 5.'

Michael and Dodger entered the luxurious room in the Hilton Interplanetary. It had been a long time since he'd taken any leave, so Garibaldi had treated himself with first class travel and five star accommodation. Dodger looked around approvingly. 'Mmmm. Nice billet, Garibaldi.'

He set the travel bag on the floor, removed his jacket and flopped onto the bed, exhausted. Dodger leered at him, enjoying the view, his dark chest hair visible through the open neck of his red shirt. It was a sight which offered infinite promise. 'Comfy bed?'

Garibaldi nodded, eyes closed. 'Mmmm.' In a second, Dodger was on top of him, kissing his neck. 'Mmmm.' muttered Garibaldi. 'That's nice. Keep goin'.'

'Hmm?' she questioned, attention firmly focused on the soft skin below his earlobe.

'Dodger?'

'Hmmm?' her lips never left his skin. He pulled her away and for a second she panicked, thinking he was going to turn her down and break her heart again. He looked deeply into her eyes. 'Be gentle with me, it's been a long time.'

She gazed back at him, registering how blue and beautiful his eyes were and scrutinising every line of his handsome face. 'Goddamn but you're gorgeous.' she thought, a rush of heat flooding to her groin. Garibaldi's eyes twinkled and his face suddenly broke out into a boyish grin.

Dodger laughed out loud as he flipped her over onto her back, chuckling mischievously. 'Garibaldi! You bas.' she was silenced as his mouth found hers.

When he finally broke their kiss, Michael leaned up onto his elbows and looked at her. 'What's your name?' he asked quietly. Dodger looked puzzled. 'What do you mean? You know my name.' Garibaldi shook his head. 'No, I don' t. I know your nickname. I want to know your name.' He

was in deadly earnest and Dodger was touched. 'Liz.' she replied softly. Michael smiled. 'Liz.

Hmmm.' He turned his attention to a particularly sensitive spot just where her neck and shoulder met and Dodger sucked her breath in, feeling the tingle of arousal coursing though her.

'You liked that, huh?' he breathed into her ear. 'Yes. God, yes.' The mischievous twinkle appeared in his eyes again and he smiled. Placing kisses periodically up and down her ear, he continued to

whisper. 'Do you want to know what I'm gonna do to you, Liz? I'm gonna kiss you all over, then I'm gonna slide myself inside you and fuck you nice and slow. I'm gonna make you moan, and beg, and scream out my name when you come. I know you've had to wait a long time, but believe me it'll be worth it. Can you handle it? Hmm? You ready for me?'

Dodger mumbled incoherently, panting. She was more excited than she could ever remember. As his rumbling, sexy voice vibrated against her ear, all pretence at toughness melted away in the warm wetness of his tongue and lips. It had been a long time. She'd been thinking about Mike Garibaldi more than she'd meant to over the past six weeks while she recovered. His arms,

those broad shoulders and great ass. After he'd rejected her on Babylon 5 she hardly dared think that they'd ever meet again, but she was thrilled when he called and said he was coming to stay for a while.

Her breath caught as he slipped down the strap on her dress to explore her firm body better. He pulled it down to expose her right breast, her nipple hard and red. 'Ooh yeah, I like that.' he said

approvingly, voice low and lustful. She felt the surge of wetness between her legs as his hot tongue grazed it. 'Oh, Jesus. That's good, that's really good. Suck it for me, Michael. Please!' she moaned. He stopped abruptly and Dodger's mouth opened to cry out at the injustice. Michael rose then and began to undress, while Dodger lay back, arm behind her head, smiling and enjoying the floorshow.

She shivered with anticipation as Garibaldi's muscles rippled in the act of removing his shirt exposing the thick, dark, curls that she loved so much. His eyes never left hers as he smiled, eyes shining with lust, and unfastened his pants. Slowly, teasingly, drawing down the zipper to reveal

the hard bulge she'd felt a few moments before. When he finally took off his shorts she gasped at the sheer size of him, momentarily nervous at the prospect of having him inside her.

He lay beside her on the large bed and leaned over to draw down the strap on the other shoulder. Her dress slipped down her slim body easily and Michael's eyes widened when he realised she hadn't been wearing underwear. The soft auburn curls of her bush were so inviting and the

musky scent emanating from between her legs was intoxicating. He stroked the hair, softly, yearning to just dive down there and thrust his tongue inside her but he was determined to take things slowly, relish every touch. After what had happened back on Babylon 5, he needed to make it up to her, make sure she had the most sensational night of her life.

His lips and tongue traced wet patterns over her smooth skin, one moment dipping into her belly button, next gently biting and sucking her nipples, then licking the sensitive area behind her knee or the crease of her elbow. Dodger moaned at each new caress. She couldn't remember it ever being this good before. Garibaldi seemed to know just what would drive her wild without being asked, when to stop, when to bite harder. It was fortunate that he knew what he was doing, because at that point Dodger was barely capable of coherent thought, let alone speech.

'Touch me, Michael, for God's sake!' she eventually begged and guided his hand towards her neglected pussy. He smiled and Dodger let out a little cry as the middle finger of his left hand found her clitoris, stroking the engorged bud gently and rhythmically round and round. 'That's it, baby, just like that. Damn you, don't stop, I'm almost there.' she moaned breathlessly.

Garibaldi moaned too, his aching erection telling him he couldn't wait much longer. He transferred his thumb to her sensitive spot and slipped two fingers inside her. He moaned again as her moist sex threatened to burn him. 'Jesus, you're so wet, Liz, you're turning me on so much I can't stand it.' he murmured. Dodger raised her hips with each thrust, urging him deeper. 'Yes, oh yes, Mike, please. I'm..Jesus!' her body tensed and Garibaldi continued to stroke and slide his fingers in and out of her, feeling her contract rhythmically around them.

Michael's breathing was ragged. ' Baby, I need you. Are you ready? Do you want me?' he growled. 'Yes.' she breathed. 'Do it! Do it, now Michael. Fuck me!'

His mouth clamped onto hers, their tongues lashing against each other in a sweet, erotic battle. She pulled him on top of her and opened her long legs wide to welcome him. He reached between them to guide himself to her opening, then with a loud groan he entered her slowly, trembling with the effort of holding himself back to not hurt her. Dodger cried out with the shock of having something so large invading her, then dug her nails into his back as he began thrusting, the sheer joy of it taking over.

True to his word he was slow, almost completely withdrawing with each stroke, murmuring how tight, how hot, how beautiful she was as her pussy tightened around him. She licked him, revelling in the salty maleness of his skin. She raked his back and bit his neck, causing him to yelp. She needed to consume him. Be consumed by him. He was taking her to places she'd only dreamed of in her wildest fantasies. She was completely full of him and it felt glorious.

Michael's control soon began to slip and he began thrusting faster and harder, quiet, passionate sounds escaping from his throat with each stroke. There was no pretence at making love anymore, they were fucking, pure, simple and wonderful. Dodger lifted herself up to meet him, desperate to find release. The exquisite feeling in her groin grew more and more intense until the crescendo washed over her and she screamed. ' Michael!'.

As her body convulsed around Garibaldi's erection he finally let himself go. He felt himself swell even more and then explode inside her, every muscle in his body taut. He roared loudly as his orgasm overtook him. It was a raw, animal sound, full of power and fury. Afterwards he

collapsed on top of her, breathing hard. 'Jesus Liz. Oh Jesus.'

He slowly withdrew and rolled onto his side to allow her some air, then linked his fingers with hers. Dodger was limp on the bed, exhausted, speechless. After a few minutes recovery she threw her arm across him, snuggling into his shoulder.

'I told you.' Michael said. 'Told me what?' she replied quizzically. He moved over to look at her, smiling broadly. 'I told you you'd call out my name when you came!' Dodger laughed and shook her head. 'You really are a bastard!' That mischievous chuckle again. Her voice became soft and she gently traced the outline of his stubbly jaw with her finger. 'But at least for a little while, you're my bastard. You are something else, Michael Garibaldi.' He smiled and enveloped her in his strong arms.

'Hello Susan.' Ivanova smiled with surprise when she saw Jeff Sinclair's face on the video link. 'Jeff! Or should I say Ambassador Sinclair?' Sinclair laughed. 'No, when it's just you and me, Jeff

will be fine. How are you?'

'I'm fine, Jeff, just fine. Have you seen Mike?' Sinclair looked puzzled. 'That's who I'm trying to get hold of.' He chuckled. 'That'll make a change, huh?' Ivanova laughed. 'So where is he? Why would I have seen him? Is he coming to Minbar?' the excitement in his voice was evident. Susan nodded. 'Jeff.Look, he's not great right now. He's upset, he's confused, he feels lost without you. He's kind of a mess.' Sinclair nodded grimly. 'Tell me about it. He hasn't started drinking again, has he?' Susan shook her head and the relief flooded Sinclair's face. 'I never meant to go without saying goodbye face to face. I couldn't wait any longer, Earth Central were.'

'I know Jeff, it's all right. He knows too. He just misses you. There's something else bothering him, too. A little while ago we had some GROPOS come to the station before the battle at Matok.' Sinclair nodded. 'I remember hearing about that.'

'One of the girls latched onto him, and what with you gone and the business with Talia. Anyway, she and he were going to spend the night together, but he chickened out at the last minute. I guess he had too much going on.' Sinclair felt a sudden and unexpected rush of jealousy at the thought of Michael with someone else.

'He's gone to see her. Try to make up for what happened, see if they have some kind of connection.' The Ambassador looked crest fallen. 'I don't honestly think anything will come of it, Jeff. He loves you. I know he does, but this is something he just has to do. He's coming on to Minbar when he's done working it out.'

Jeff stroked his chin thoughtfully. 'There are some things I just found out and, well, I can't tell you about it.' He laughed, 'and I don't think you'd believe me if I did. I have work to do, Susan, some serious work and it can't involve him. I was calling to see if he'd come to Minbar so that I could explain. I'll always love him, and for as long as I can, I'll be there for him, but we can't be together anymore.'

'Jeff, I'm sorry. You know that's gonna break his heart, don't you?'

Sinclair nodded sadly. 'He's not the only one, Susatchka. I miss him so much. I just wish I could turn back the clock to before the assassination. I never thought I'd ever find anyone like him and even when I did I never imagined he'd feel the same way.'

Dodger leaned up on one arm and looked over at Michael's sleeping face. It had been one hell of a week. They'd spent their days exploring each other's minds and their nights exploring each other's bodies. There was so much more to Mike Garibaldi than met the eye. He was bright,

warm, funny, sexy and great company. She felt a pang of disappointment, knowing that within a few hours she would be waving him away and out of her life, probably forever.

They were two of a kind, she reflected with a wry smile. Both committed to Earth Force, both imbued with a strong sense of duty and loyalty and both able to let their hair down and have a good time. She chuckled softly when she remembered the fight they'd got into in the Cosmic

Kitten bar. The name alone should have made them steer clear of the place.

Despite all the fun they'd had, all the time he was there, she never saw Garibaldi take a drink stronger than water, and when he'd explained about his drink problem she was more than sympathetic. She'd seen too many soldiers go the same way, including her own brother.

Unfortunately he hadn't managed to overcome his problem and had died from alcoholic poisoning after a particularly nasty binge on Proxima. She'd gone to identify Simon's body to spare her parents the pain and it was something she never wanted to go through again. She'd seen death

many times, too many, but that. that was different. To see someone who'd kicked it gave her a good feeling. She suddenly imagined how it would be to have to identify Michael and the sharp pain in her heart caused an unbidden tear to roll down her cheek. She hoped with everything she had that the booze never took hold of him again.

She quickly wiped it away when she saw him stirring, rumbling softly and stretching the kinks out of his muscles. He opened one bleary eye to be confronted by Dodger's happy smile. 'Morning gorgeous!' Garibaldi moaned. 'Mmmm. God, how come you're so damn bright and breezy this morning? I didn't do all that on my own last night, did I?'

Dodger laughed as she remembered their exertions. 'Nope, right with ya, babe.' Garibaldi snorted. 'Humph.' He put his arm affectionately around her. 'I'm not complaining Liz, but it's a good job I'm leaving today. I'm fucking exhausted!'

Dodger laughed. 'Was that 'fucking exhausted' or 'exhausted from fucking'? Enquiring minds need to know. Why Garibaldi, I thought you were Mr Ever Ready!' Michael laughed and pulled her close again. 'Aw Liz. This has been some week, and I wouldn't change one single second of it.' He looked at her and, with a trace of sadness whispered, 'But I guess that's it though, huh?'

Dodger nodded. 'I guess. Look Michael, you know how it is, I'm a GROPO, I have no idea where I'm going to be from one week to the next. I still have a few more weeks sick leave before I'm back on duty again, but I don't know where they'll send me next. Could be back to Earth, could be to Proxima, could be to one of the outer colonies. That's always assuming they don't find another little war someplace to keep us out of mischief.'

Michael sighed. 'Well, to be honest I still have too much crap of my own to deal with right now to commit myself to anyone. Talia's gone, Lise is married now with a kid on the way believe it or not, and you'd think that would be enough to put me off relationships for good, but.'

'Jeez Garibaldi, don't tell me you've got another woman someplace else.' she teased. Michael smiled sheepishly. 'Not exactly, but there is someone else, you're right about that. I just, well, I love this guy and I have to go and work some stuff out with him.'

Dodger's eyebrows raised. 'Him?' Garibaldi nodded. 'His name's Jeff Sinclair. He's was my CO on Babylon 5 before Sheridan came. He's an Ambassador now, and well, I don't know if we'll be

able to make it work or not, he's on Minbar, I'm stuck with B5. And I really am stuck with it. I

gave up one relationship to go to Babylon 5 and Jeff was the one who got me the job in the first place. He helped me clean up my act, get sober, be worth a damn again. I've gotta see him. It's too long a story to explain. And by the look on your face I don't guess you'd wanna hear it anyhow...You can close your mouth now, Liz.'

Dodger shook her head, embarrassed at her reaction. 'Gee, I'm sorry Mike, I guess of all the guys I ever knew that I thought would be least likely to be having a love affair with another man, that would be you. I never figured you,.well.y'know.'

'Gay?'

Dodger nodded, dumbstruck. Michael smiled and shook his head. 'I'm not. I don't even know why things are the way they are with Jeff. It's a one off. He's a one off. But that's not important. Look, I know we can't take this any further Liz, but I just want you to know, on my list of great memories, you and this week are going to be right there at the top. It's been a blast. I'm glad Ivanova persuaded me to go for it and see you again. I meant to call, in fact, I did call but I couldn't get through to you.' She smiled. 'You did that for me? I'm touched, Garibaldi.' Michael

laughed. 'That you are. You are one wild and crazy woman Elizabeth Durman. Anyone ever tell you that?' Dodger laughed and pushed him back on the bed. 'You'd better believe it. Wanna see just how wild and crazy? One more time?'

Garibaldi grinned. 'Just one?'

Later that day in the space port, Michael walked slowly up the ramp to the Minbari transport. He turned, to get one last look at the beautiful redhead he'd just spent one of the most wonderful weeks of his life with and smiled, registering how lovely she was and kicking himself for

not taking the chance to be with her the first time. 'You were great, kid.' he thought, sad that

it was all over. She was smiling too, if anything more broadly than when he'd first arrived, and waving. He was too far away to see the tears rolling down her cheeks and her heart almost breaking to see him go. He'd never know, which was best. Dodger wondered if he had this

effect on everyone he became close to and reflected that this Jeff Sinclair character was a very

lucky man to have Mike Garibaldi love him so much.

Michael settled back into his seat and closed his eyes. The Minbari transport was clean, comfortable and beautiful in a way only the Minbari seemed to be able to make things. The service was efficient and almost painfully polite. Michael didn't have a problem with the Minbari, war was war and it had been over for a long time, but whenever he was around them he was unable to relax.

The only way he could ever describe it was being at Aunt Sophia's house when he was a kid. The place was always so clean and tidy it made him scared to even sit down and she was such a stickler for manners, he'd hardly dared open his mouth. At least he had felt comfortable the

first few times they'd visited, but after having several hard clips around the ear from his mother,

it had kind of coloured things a little. He smiled at the memory. Even though he was a bit of a tidy bug himself, he liked to think that anyone could come into his quarters and feel at home.

'Well,' thought Garibaldi as he settled himself into his seat. 'I guess you could say you've gotten Dodger out of your system, she's a hell of a woman. Just had to be done. Hopefully, she can find someone special and settle down someday, but that ain't gonna be you, buddy. Been fun though. Now it's time to resolve things with Jeff. Somehow. God Jeff, it's gonna be so good to see you again.' He relaxed and allowed sleep to overcome him, thoughts of having Sinclair tightly in his arms sweeping across his mind.

Jeff paced impatiently, waiting for the Sha'dok to arrive. He was excited, jittery, heart going a thousand miles a minute and he reflected with a small smile that he hadn't felt like this since he'd first met Catherine Sakai and had been waiting for Sky Dancer to dock. He had no idea how he was going to tell Michael what was coming. The Rangers, the war against the darkness, his

transformation into Valen. It was unbelievable. If he hadn't read it in his own hand, a letter sent a thousand years in the past, he'd never have believed it himself.

There was only so much he could tell Garibaldi in any case. If Jeff told him the full story, the implications for changing the future were just too high. It wasn't that Mike wouldn't believe him, although it might be better if he didn't, but if he knew how much danger Sinclair faced, Jeff knew that Michael would put himself in the thick of it, just like on Babylon 4 and there would be very little Jeff could do to stop him. He just couldn't afford to let that happen.

It had to be the end for them and he had to find a way to make it easier for them both. He supposed the best thing would have been just to let things slide, get on with his new job and his new life on Minbar and let Michael get on with his life on B5. Jeff couldn't do that. They meant too much to each other, had been through too much together for Jeff not to do this thing in person. Besides, Jeff didn't think he could face what he had to do without being with Michael one last time.

Finally, the Sha'dok arrived and Sinclair eagerly searched the sea of people disembarking for the only person in the universe that mattered a damn to him.

'Michael!' his heart leapt as he found Garibaldi's handsome face in the crowd. Michael grinned and rushed down the steps to meet Jeff at the bottom. Dropping his bag, he enveloped Sinclair in a warm embrace. 'Aw baby, am I glad to see you.' Garibaldi whispered, stroking Jeff's hair softly. 'I've missed you so much.' Sinclair closed his eyes and revelled in the strength of Garibaldi's arms.

Unable to help himself, Sinclair put his hand around the back of Michael's head and drew him forward for a tender kiss. Garibaldi's mouth opened immediately to accept his lover's tongue, a rush of blood coursing through his already swollen cock.

Eventually they parted, a little breathless and slightly flushed with embarrassment at the public nature of their surroundings. 'Come on Michael, I think we'd better go.' Jeff chuckled. Michael

grinned mischievously. 'I think you're right.' His voice dropped to a whisper and he leaned over to

Sinclair's ear. 'Besides, I can't wait to touch you. I've been thinking about your body all the way from Io.' Sinclair shivered with anticipation and picked up Michael's bag.

They stood in the bedroom of Sinclair's ambassadorial apartment, just looking at each other, each greedily drinking in the sight of the other, trembling at the thought of the exquisite pleasures to

come.

'Take off your clothes, Michael. I need to look at you.' Jeff's voice, thick with lust, broke the heavy silence. Michael smiled and began to undress. Jeff soon joined him, ripping off his own clothes with abandon, until they were both naked, their mutual arousal evident.

Sinclair gazed in wonder at the impressive sight of his lover's naked body. 'God, Mike, you're even more lovely now than you were the first time. Get over here.' Garibaldi walked slowly towards him, his powerful chest expanding and contracting as he took deep, open mouthed breaths, quivering. Michael took Jeff's face in his hands and kissed him, softly, then more urgently, their erections pressed together, tongues entwined. Their hands stroked and caressed each other's bodies. Garibaldi caught his breath as Jeff took hold of his throbbing member, then traced a line of sweet kisses down his body to his ultimate prize. Garibaldi moaned as Jeff took him confidently into his mouth, licking and sucking all the sensitive spots he knew so well, as only a lover could know.

Garibaldi leaned back his head, abandoning himself to the sensation of Jeff's mouth on him, the skill with which Sinclair was sucking him, licking him, holding his buttocks tightly. It threatened to send him over the edge. 'No, no, not yet, I want this to last. God, he's so good!' he thought, afraid that he would come too soon. 'Jeff! Baby stop! Please. Y'gotta stop, or I'm gonna come.' Garibaldi breathed desperately.

Jeff stopped momentarily to survey the rapt statement of sweet passion on his lover's face. He dove onto Garibaldi again, wanting to bring him to the peak, needing to and knowing just what would push Michael over into the abyss of ecstasy. He licked slowly around the head, then took him in all the way down to his balls and sucked him hard.

'Jeesus Christ!'

Sinclair was rewarded by Garibaldi's fingers entwining tightly into his hair and pumping his copious orgasm into Sinclair's willing mouth. Jeff cradled Michael's balls gently and continued to suckle softly as his erection receded. Garibaldi bent over and grabbed his lover's shoulders for support, his legs trembling as he tried to recover.' Holy shit, Jeff. Oh God, oh God. ' he gasped.

Garibaldi gently pushed Sinclair away and moved unsteadily over to the bed. 'That wasn't fair. C'mere.' Jeff chuckled as Michael sat on the bed and drew him closer, Sinclair's throbbing maleness now level with his face. Michael looked up at him and smiled. 'I gotta get me some of

this.' He took hold of Jeff's hips and curled his long, hot tongue under Sinclair's balls, making

his lover shake with delight. He licked relentlessly, deliciously all the way along the sensitive ridge, up to the swollen head and into the little dip at the very top, tasting the small, salty bead of

moisture leaking from it, betraying the other man's heightened state of arousal. 'Mmm. You taste

really good, babe. You want it? Hmm? You want me to suck you? I wanna hear you say it, Jeff.' Sinclair was quivering, legs about to buckle. 'Yes.' he panted. 'God, yes, Mike. Suck me goddamn it. Please!' A deep, sexy rumble emanated from Garibaldi's chest as he took hold of Jeff's cock and drew it into his mouth, so hot, so wet, so inviting.

Sinclair looked down at the back of Michael's head as it moved back and forth, sliding Jeff's erection slowly in and out, sucking, licking, softly biting. He was filled with desire for this man,

needing his love more than anything else in the universe. The sensation threatened to overwhelm him and he linked his fingers around the back of Garibaldi's head, beginning to thrust, closing his eyes, ready to give himself up to the orgasm he could feel forming in the small of his back. Garibaldi pulled away then, replacing his mouth with a firm hand and squeezing hard to make

the climax he knew was close, recede. He was getting hard again himself by this time.

'Oh no. You don't get off that easy.' Garibaldi smiled up at him, his eyes twinkling, stroking his own erection slowly with his other hand. 'I want you to finish it inside me. Just like the first time. I've been dreaming about it for so long, lying in bed at night. I've come alone so many times

thinking about you. You know that? Christ, you turn me on so much, I gotta have you Jeff. Right now.' Sinclair shuddered, his cock quivering.

Garibaldi lay back down onto the bed, inviting Sinclair into his open arms. Jeff dived on top of him, thrusting his tongue into Michael's mouth, biting his lips, kissing his neck, his soft moans urging Sinclair on. 'God Mike. I want you so much. I'm gonna fuck you til you beg me not to stop. I want to watch you come.' he growled, pausing to lick and bite his lover's nipples, making Garibaldi cry out. His desperate need threatened to overtake him. 'I'm gonna make you come so hard you'll think the end of your dick is gonna explode. You want that, Michael? Do you? Tell me.' Garibaldi groaned loudly, 'Dammit Jeff, you know I do.'

Sinclair raised Garibaldi's hips slightly and slid a pillow beneath him to allow deeper penetration, then reached across for the lubricant as Michael settled himself onto it. 'You really are beautiful,

Mike.' Jeff murmured, stroking Garibaldi's chest tenderly and drinking in the sight of his compliant body. Breathing hard and with trembling hands, Sinclair applied lubricant to his own throbbing erection and to Michael, working it in gently, sliding one finger, then two into the tight orifice. Garibaldi squirmed with delight, moaning softly. 'Ooh yeah, that's it, right there. Fuck me will you, for God's sake!'

He positioned himself above, unable to remember ever being so hard, so ready, unable to think of anything he wanted more than to be making love to Michael Garibaldi. He paused, briefly, wanting to make the moment last, then guided himself in, inch by delicious inch, until he was all the way inside him, possessing him. Jeff moaned and then leaned over him, taking his weight on his elbows, breathing hard into Garibaldi's ear. 'I've fantasised about this so many times, wanted this ever since I've been here. I've missed you so bad. You're mine, Michael. All mine.'

Garibaldi relaxed his body immediately, surrendering completely to his lover, giving himself up to the sweet sensations beginning to spread throughout his body. The beautiful, familiar feeling

he'd only ever had with this man. Jeff rocked in and out, slowly and shallowly at first, then

deeper, stronger, faster and with rising passion. Michael held Sinclair tightly, moaning and urging his lover on. 'Come on, do it Jeff. Like that. Just like that.'

Garibaldi's hands gripped Sinclair's shoulders as Jeff began to thrust harder, taking Michael inexorably towards his climax. He groaned loudly and looked deeply into Sinclair's stunning brown eyes which were glazed with desire. ' Nobody else can do this to me. Nobody else ever made me feel this way. Never. Only you, Jeff, only you.' Garibaldi pushed up to meet him, squeezing his body in rhythm with his lover's every outward stroke, reluctant to let him leave and mumbling as he felt Sinclair scaling the heights himself. 'Jesus. Oh, Jesus. Don't stop, Goddamn you don't stop!' he begged. Michael closed his eyes tightly and let it go. The orgasm took his breath away, it was much deeper, much sweeter than a climax reached any other way, with any other person. It spread from his centre throughout his body like warm honey.

The luscious rhythmic contractions of Mike's body around his erection, the sheer beautiful sight of him coming strongly over his chest and belly, the knowledge that he had made it happen, watching his lover's face contorted in ecstasy calling out his name, all sent Sinclair rushing headlong into his own climax. It seemed to start from the depths of his being. His back arched and he buried himself with a long, loud groan, while Garibaldi held him tightly. ' Sweet Mother of God! Michael!'

Jeff gently withdrew and lay down onto Michael's chest, arm protectively around him, feeling the soft hair against his cheek. His head rose and fell with his lover's deep breaths as he listened to

Michael's heart beating loudly and quickly. 'I love you, Mike. God, how I love you.' he murmured, gasping for breath. Garibaldi held him tenderly, placing a soft kiss on the top of Jeff's head while he stroked his hair, feeling him trembling. 'I love you too, baby, always.'

Michael couldn't believe how good it was to be with Jeff again. It wasn't just that they seemed physically incapable of leaving each other alone. Thank goodness Jeff had occasional ambassadorial business to attend to. Every muscle in Garibaldi's body ached, it was a sweet

ache, but uncomfortable all the same. It was just great to be with Jeff again. They were so close, closer than he'd ever been with anyone. They laughed, they talked late into the night, they made love, then talked some more. It was almost as if they both knew this was it, that they'd never have this time again and wanted to savour every moment, every glance, every kiss.

Susan had been right about Minbar. That was a damned annoying habit she had. Their attitude towards same sex relationships was completely open, which surprised him. They seemed to be so hung up about everything else. Michael felt totally free, not having to hide his feelings for Sinclair. They walked the streets holding hands, occasionally stopping to kiss each other whenever the mood took them. Even discreetly having sex in the open air a couple of times. That had really been something. Making love with Jeff and holding him close, looking up at a real sky, breathing the fresh air, it was almost possible to imagine he was home. Back on Earth.

No-one ever even gave them a second glance other than to smile, sharing the obvious happiness of the lovers. Michael had spent so long denying the love he felt for Jeff before he had admitted it, both to Sinclair and to himself, having to then keep it a secret from the others on Babylon 5 almost drove him to distraction. He'd lost count of the times he wanted to hold Jeff, touch him. Not necessarily in a sexual way, but just to show his friend and lover that he was there. Give him a hug to help him get through a long, tiring day. Openness like that would have compromised

both their positions on the station. It wasn't acceptable. A brief slap on the shoulder was all

that they could get away with. Michael chuckled to himself. That is if you didn't count the few times he'd manhandled Sinclair into a quiet store room.

Humans still had some way to go before homosexuality became accepted in the same way as the Minbari had and some of the other races were even behind Earth in that respect. To be able to express himself openly with his lover made Michael feel more relaxed and happy than he'd been in a long time. Too long.

But something was going on. Something Jeff wasn't telling him. He had a terrible sense of foreboding, his gut clenching every time he thought of it. And if there was one thing Michael Garibaldi trusted, it was his gut. He decided to get it out of Jeff on his return. Whatever it was, however awful. He had to know.

Michael rose as he heard the soft hiss of the door opening. He walked across the room, smiling, appreciating the vision of Ambassador Sinclair in his official robes. 'Christ Jeff, you look fantastic.'

Jeff laughed, recalling the first time they'd been together and Michael had said Jeff needed his

eyes checked when he'd told him how beautiful he was. 'I guess I'm not the only one who needs a sight test!'

'Humph. My eyes are just fine. Especially when they're full of you. Just take the damn compliment will ya? C'mere.' Garibaldi wrapped his arms around Sinclair in a warm embrace and they kissed affectionately. It never failed to send a thrill through Sinclair whenever he felt Michael's lips. 'Hard day?' Sinclair nodded and sat wearily down on the couch. 'I don't know if I'

m up to this job, Michael. I wish I was still back on B5, still with you. Look, there's something I have to tell you.' Michael felt his gut clench again.

Jeff stood and began to pace around the room. It briefly amused Garibaldi how alike they were sometimes. 'This is going to be pretty hard to swallow, Michael, but just hear me out and I'll tell you as much as I can.'

'Okay, I'm listening.' Garibaldi leaned back and crossed his long legs.

'A few weeks after I got here, I found a box. I figured it was just briefings and official papers, but when I opened it there was a letter. To me. From me. It was in my handwriting. I opened it, read it, and what I read, well, I'd never have believed it if I hadn't actually written the damn thing.'

'So? What was in it?'

Jeff sighed. 'It was written a thousand years ago, just after a great war had happened. It appears that some time in the future I go back in time a thousand years.'

Garibaldi shook his head in disbelief. 'That's crazy, Jeff. There must be some mistake.'

'That's what I thought, but there were other things in that letter that just couldn't be faked. Like our relationship, things that had happened on Babylon 5 that no-one could have known about but me.'

'Does this have anything to do with Babylon 4?'

Damn him for being so smart. 'Look, I can't tell you that part. There's a war coming, Michael. A bad one and I've got things I have to do to prepare for it.'

'There's always a war going on someplace. Between who? When?'

'Jesus babe, you're not making this easy for me. I told you it would be pretty fantastic.'

'But what do you have to do with it?'

'Long ago, a Minbari called Valen put together an army. In English they were called the Rangers. It was meant to be an army of light to defeat the darkness that came and threatened to destroy the whole galaxy. That darkness is coming again, Michael. I don't know when, but I know it's coming.'

'That's pretty sketchy info, Jeff. You'd think you could give yourself a few more specifics.'

'That's not all of it, but if I tell you any more it could interfere with the future. Do you understand?'

Garibaldi raised his eyebrows. 'On top of everything else you want understanding? No, Jeff. I don't understand. But then, I guess I don't need to. I love you, Jeff. I trust you. I'd lay down my

life for you in a heartbeat. If you tell me something, I'm gonna believe you. No matter how weird it sounds.'

Jeff smiled, knowing he'd do the same. 'It's time for the Rangers to become a fighting force again. There have always been a few, dotted around the sector and out towards the rim, just watching, waiting until the darkness came again. Now we have to mobilise, recruit more, get them trained. We'll need all the help we can get when this thing starts.'

'And you get to set all this up?' Garibaldi asked.

Sinclair nodded. 'Entil'Zha. Ranger One. That's me. Apparently. That's as much as I can really tell you, Michael. The only thing is, it's important. It's not just you and me involved in this, it's

nothing less than the future of the galaxy and all the races it contains. Billions of lives at stake. You and me, we have to call it a day. After this, apart from maybe an occasional visit or call, we can't be together any more. I want to be your lover, Mike. I want to wake up every morning and see your face on the pillow next to me, Christ knows I do, but it just can't be.'

Garibaldi's heart sank. He knew this was coming, but the fact that there were billions of lives involved didn't make it any easier to bear. Sinclair sat in front of him and held his hands. 'I know this is hard, Mike. Believe me. When I think of the work I've got ahead of me and I try to imagine how to get through it all without you, I get cold inside. But like I said. This thing is bigger than us.'

Garibaldi looked at him, blue eyes shining with tears. 'Not to me, Jeff. Not to me.' He was suddenly desperate to find a way to stay in Jeff's universe, unable to cope with the thought of being permanently without him. 'Is there anything I can do to help you here? I could maybe get

involved with the training, hell I could even join up.'

Jeff shook his head, sadly. 'Your place is on Babylon 5. You were my right hand when I was in charge of the station. It doesn't matter who's Station Commander, Babylon 5 is our station, Mike. We were there at the start, we got that place up and running and dealt with whatever the place threw at us.'

'Yeah.' Michael said with a wry smile.' And that was a lot, Deathwalker, the Docker's strike, the attempt on Kosh's life. We had to re-write the book a few times to make it work.'

'But we did it, Mike. You and me. We helped to shape that place. There's a piece of us in it.'

Michael nodded, understanding completely.

'I need you there. I can't go back because my work is here now, but you can. As much as it hurts me, and God, how it hurts me, you have to go back to Babylon 5. Make sure it keeps going. It's important, Mike. It's just as important in the coming conflict as what I have to do and there's no-one in the universe I'd trust to take care of the station but you.'

Michael sighed, resigned. There was no changing his mind, Michael knew him too well. ' Then I guess we'd just better make sure we make the most of the time we have left.' He ran his fingers through Sinclair's dark hair and kissed him.

Their lovemaking was different now, a veil of sadness covering them both. When it was over, Michael cried. 'Christ Jeff,' he whispered, 'how the hell am I going to make it without you?' Jeff held him, wiping away the tears with his fingers and covering his face with small, delicate kisses, trying to soothe it all away, make it better, knowing that it was impossible.

Jeff looked deep into his eyes, the pain, the love and the confusion he found threatened to break his heart. 'Whatever happens, I'll always love you. You have to believe that. No-one has ever made me feel the way you do. No-one. You've brought me so much joy. I don't think I'd be able to find the strength to do what I have to do if we hadn't had each other. If I hadn't been lucky enough to have you in my life, even though it was just for a short while.' Jeff took Michael's face in his hands. 'I love you so much, Michael. '

Garibaldi put his hand up to cradle his lover's face. 'Show me, Jeff. Show me again.'

Michael stepped off the transport into the familiar bustle of Babylon 5, the hurt, anger and resentment he'd felt all the way back from Minbar threatening to consume him. He looked up to see Ivanova's smiling face greeting him. He wasn't ready for this yet. 'Michael! There you are. Good trip?'

'Humph. Yes and no.' grunted Garibaldi continuing his long stride through the corridor. Susan grabbed his arm to stop him. 'Michael. Are you all right?' He spun around, unable to contain his fury any longer.

'No Susan! I'm not all right!' He slumped against the bulkhead and his voice softened to a desolate whisper. 'I don't think I'll ever be all right again.'

'Do you want to talk about it?'

Michael smiled, appreciating her concern and briefly pulling himself together. 'No, don't worry Susatchka. I just need to be on my own for a little while, that's all. I'll fill you in when I'm

ready. But not right now.'

Susan nodded. 'Okay, Mike. You know where I am. And this time, call me dammit.'

'Sure. Thanks.'

Ivanova marched back to her duties and Garibaldi mooched around the Zocalo for a while, stopping at one of the bars to buy a bottle of what passed for whiskey on Babylon 5. He looked around nervously, fearful that someone may have seen him, quickly shoved it into his bag and went to his quarters.

Surveying his quarters, he remembered all the times he and Jeff had been together here, Sinclair slipping his arms around Garibaldi's waist in the kitchen and biting his neck playfully while he was trying to cook. He looked wistfully at the bed, the floor, the couch, all the places they'd taken each other to seven kinds of ecstasy or just relaxed, watching cartoons, Jeff's head nestled in his lap with Michael stroking his hair.

He removed his jacket, throwing it onto the couch and took a glass out of the kitchen cupboard then sat down at the dining table. Taking the bottle out of his bag, he placed it and the glass carefully and deliberately in front of him and looked at them for a long time. Slowly he unscrewed the top and placed it on the table. He picked up the bottle and sniffed the light brown liquor, feeling the urge to take a drink growing stronger and stronger. Felt the bottle pulling him in.

<Go on, Michael.> it teased, < Just one won't hurt. Even two. It's been a long trip, you've had a shock. You need something to make it go away, just for a little while. Go ahead. You know you want to. Jeff Sinclair doesn't know you like I do, Michael. You're still the fuck up you were on Mars, and Orion 4 and Europa. I know you better than anyone Garibaldi. I'm the only one who'll always be here for you.>

He stood then and walked over to the sink, bottle still in his shaking hand. After standing with it for what seemed like an eternity, he tipped the bottle over and watched as the booze disappeared down the drain.

He looked at the now empty whiskey bottle and hurled it across the room with a triumphant smile, enjoying the smash as it hit the wall. 'There, you motherfucker. I don't need you anymore. If I can get through this without you, I can get through anything.' In that instant he knew that he was going to be okay.

end