Title: Confession

Author: Sara Archer

Rating: Slash with a G rating

Archive: Yes, please

Notes: This is the first of the E! series that I'm currently working on. This one's just a little PWP, but I promise the rest will be actual stories:-) Since I'm awfully new to posting stories on the web, I haven't yet found a beta reader, so this story is not proofread, which will become painfully obvious as you read it. If anyone is willing to beta for a poor soul, please let me know. I would be very grateful. Thank you.

Confession

Sara Archer

John Gage greeted his return to consciousness with one emotion, confusion. He did not know where he was or how he came to be there. All he knew was darkness surrounded him. Water closed in all about him,

deafening him with it's roaring flood, threating to take his breath away.

He seemed to be jammed against something, but his clouded, pain filled mind could not comprehend what it could be. He opened his mouth to cry out, but a torrent of filthy liquid poured past his lips, choking him.

As soon as his coughing would expel one mouthful, another would rush to takes its place. He was drowning, that he was certain of, but nothing else. His aching lungs were demanding air, but his battered body seemed unable to rise above the flood to give it to them. He began to think he was better off unconscious. His thoughts began to dim once again. He knew he should be fighting against the lethargy that was beginning to overwhelm him, but he could not find the strength to do so.

Just as he was about to sink beneath the rising waters, he thought he heard a sound above the roar of the flood. Was it his imagination grasping for one last straw to keep him fighting for his life, or were those lights moving about in the darkness?

"Johnny!" A voice was calling his name, a familiar voice, A voice he held dearer than his own.

He wanted so desperately to call back but is was all he could do to keep his head above the swirling tide. The lights so very slowly came closer until one beam hit him full force in the eyes.

"Roy, I think I've found him." John tried to put a name to the voice calling, but only a title entered his thoughts.

//Cap!// His mind pleaded where his mouth could not.

A second beam joined the first, blinding the paramedic. A splashing sound signaled the approach of Johnny's rescuers.

"Johnny," the familiar voice once again spoke. "Can you hear me, junior?"

Gage wanted to answer, tried to answer, but nothing more than a faint groan came from his lips.

"It's okay, Johnny, you're safe. We'll get you out of this." A promise he clung to.

Arms came around his waist. John felt his body being shifted, then the pulling began. A white hot pain lance up from his leg, filling his body with agony. His groaning changed to a full fledged scream, and

mercifully the pressure stopped.

"What's wrong?" The person he identified as 'Cap' asked.

"I don't know," the well-known voice replied. "He must be stuck somewhere. Here, you hold him above the water. I'm going to feel down and see if I can find out where."

John felt the warm arms leaving him, and for a moment he panicked as he floundered unaided in the water. Then more arms supported him, keeping him from going under.

It seemed like forever as he waited for the voice to return, and John allowed him thoughts to drift. He could feel the water around him, the pain in his foot, the sensation of his body beginning to shiver with the loss of its heat. Still it seemed so vague and far away, as if he were outside of his body, looking back at it.

The familiar voice drew him back into his pain filled form. "His foot's jammed between the flood grate and the wall. It's in there pretty tight. There's no way to pull it free without him losing his foot."

"We'll have to cut the bolts that are holding the grate to the wall," Cap shouted above the roaring water. "I'll get Marco and come in at it from the other side."

"Cap', you better hurry. He's already in shock, and he's becoming hypothermic. I can't check him out properly down here, and he's fading fast." John knew he should be concerned with those ominous words, but his tired mind couldn't piece together what they meant.

Once again he felt his world shift as he was passed into another pair of strong arms. This embrace pulled him close to something warm, and he weakly tried to bury himself into that life-giving heat.

"That's right, Johnny, you just hold on to me. Cap's going to be right back, and then we'll have you out of this." The voice soothed. "Can I get you to open your eyes? Look at me?"

It was only then that John realized he had closed them to begin with. It seem to take an extraordinary amount of effort to open his eyes even to slits, but when he did, he was rewarded with the welcome sight of a well-known face.

"Roy," the younger paramedic croaked out the name.

"Yeah, that's me." A small amount of relief shown from Roy's blue eyes. "Can you tell me your name?"

"J...John Gage, best p...para...medic in..in LA...County." John stuttered out an attempt at humor.

"Oh god, you've become delusional," Roy teased back, the sobered his tone. "Can you tell me how you got into this mess?"

John's brow furrowed in concentration. It took a great effort to remember climbing down into the sewers to help find a missing boy. Flashes of insight came to him as he recalled finding the boy clinging to a manhole ladder, and Roy's face looking down from the street surface as John handed the child up to him. The younger paramedic remembered a roaring sound and being hit by what felt like a wall of water. Then...

nothing...nothing until he came to pinned against a sewer grate, fighting to keep his head above water.

"I...uh...I guess I d...didn't make it out b...before...Public Works...opened the ...flood gates."John sighed.

"Good guess." Roy smiled, the pushed a wet strand of hair off John's face. "I swear, no one can get themselves into as big of a mess as you can."

"S...sorry," John murmured.

Carrying on the conversation had used up most of the younger man's strength, and he could feel his eyes drooping close. He so wanted to rest now, rest and just forget about how much he hurt.

"Johnny!" Roy shouted, giving the wounded man's body a gentle shake. "Stay with me. Keep talking."

John's eyes fluttered back open.

"Tired," he rasped out the one word complaint.

"I know you are." Roy's tone was soothing. "You have to stay awake though. I need you to keep fighting. Tell me...I know, tell me about that girl you took out last Saturday."

"Not m...much to t...tell." John's voice was growing faint as his shivering intensified.

"Sure there is." Roy sounded worried as he tried to keep his partner from slipping back into unconsciousness. "What'd she look like? Did she fall for the ol' 'Gage charm'? Come on, Johnny, talk to me."

Before he could say anything, John felt as if he were falling away from Roy. He weakly clutched at the arms holding, panicked that he might slip back beneath the water.

"Shhh, I've got you." Roy tightened his grip. "I'm not going to let you go, but you've gotta help me. You gotta keep talking, please."

"Blond," John blurted out, trying to find the strength to do as he was told.

"What?" Roy asked, confused for a moment.

"She...she was blond...blue eyes too. N...no, she didn't f...fall for the...ol' 'Gage charm'." John explained before closing his eyes again.

"Johnny...John Gage...open you eyes," Roy commanded. When his order was not met he once again shook his fading partner. "Don't you do this to me. Not now, damn it. Open your eyes. Stay with me."

John could only manage an exhausted moan.

"John Gage!" Roy shouted, his words filled with panic. "You are not going to leave me now Open your eyes, you stubborn idiot! My whole life has changed because of you, and you're not going to just go off and die on me now! Wake up!"

The trapped paramedic's head lolled over, dropping his whole face into the murky water.

Roy grasped a handful of John's sopping, black hair, and pulled his partner's face back out into the air. The senior paramedic felt desperately for breath sign, but he could no longer feel the chest pressed against his rising and falling. Johnny was not breathing.

"Breath!" Roy shouted directly into Gage's face before lowering his mouth to cover John's.

He exhaled a deep breath directly into his partner's lungs, once, twice... On the third breath, John began to cough, expelling water with every spasm.

"Don't you dare to that to me again." Roy snarled out his frustration at his inability to do anything more for his partner.

"So tired." John mouthed the words without opening his eyes.

"Tough," Roy spat out his anger. "You're going to stay awake and alive I've given up too much of my life for you. My house, my kids, hell, my wife left me because she knew...she understood me better that I did

myself. You're not leaving me, John Gage. You're all that I have left."

John heard the words, but he couldn't focus on their meaning. His tired mind filed them away. He would think about them another time, when he wasn't so busy concentrating on taking his next breath.

A sloshing noise came from somewhere behind the sewer grate, followed by more voices.

"How's he doing?" It was the captain's voice again.

"Not good. We need to get him out right now." Roy answered.

"Marco, you cut that side, I'll get this over here." Cap's strong voice commanded.

John felt a movement behind him, then a vibration shot through his foot, sending a burning pain racing up his leg.

"Nnnnooo!" John shouted.

"Hang on, Johnny," Roy tried to comfort him. "I know it hurts, but they'll be done in a second.

Another vibration...another...another... John cried out, tried to draw himself away from the agony by pressing himself tighter against Roy's chests.

"Almost done." Roy's hand that had been laced in his hair began to stroke soothingly up and down John's back.

"Please stop..." John pleaded for an end to his misery.

"One more bolt and you'll be loose." Roy assured him.

One last vibration and John felt his foot come free. He sagged against Roy before he felt more arms supporting him, lifting him. The world seemed to fade in and out as he sensed his body being carried. Words flowed like the water around him. He knew some of those words were directed at him, but he no longer could understand them.

He was pushed up, and suddenly the darkness was replaced with the misery of a flood of light shining through his eyelids. He groaned and tried to turn his head, but the brightness followed him.

"It's okay, buddy." A comforting hand dropped on to his shoulder for a moment, then pulled away. "I'm just going to check you over, then we'll get you to the hospital."

"Roy." John gathered enough energy to whisper the name before the world spun away with a finality that sent John Gage gratefully into the blackness of unconsciousness.

+++++++

If anything, the light had become even brighter when John once again came to his senses. When the glare switched from his left eye to his right, he pulled his head away.

"He's coming around." A new voice made John force himself to open his eyes.

It took a moment for John to pull up the memory of who the man was who was standing over him.

"Doctor Brackett?" The name came out in a hoarse groan.

"Welcome back, Johnny." The doctor smiled "Can you tell me where you are?"

John's eyes scanned around the room for a moment, taking in Nurse Dixie McCall standing behind Brackett, before come back to rest on the doctor's face.

"Rampart?" He made his answer into a question.

"Good. Do you know how you got here?"

"Uh...Roy brought me?"

"Was that a guess?"

"Kinda. I remember...being cold...tired...my leg hurt...water...and Roy." John's eyes closed for a moment, then reopened to see Brackett exchange a look with Dixie.

"How do you feel now?" Dixie turned her bright smile to John.

"Still cold...tired...but I don't hurt anymore" John sighed as he took inventory of the sensations of his body.

"That because we gave you a painkiller for your foot. You may feel cold, but your core temperature is back to normal. I don't think you'll be feeling warm for quite awhile." Brackett explained.

"Mmm," was all John answered with as his eyes closed and refused to open back up.

"I don't think he's up to much conversation right now." Gage heard the smile in the doctor's words. " You rest, Johnny. I'll let the room full of firemen down the hall know that you're going to be fine."

John made no reply. He had already drifted to sleep.

+++++++

A gentle pressure on his hand brought John partially back to awareness. He was still too tired to open his eyes, but he let himself enjoy the comforting feeling of his hand being held.

"Just a couple of minutes, Roy," John heard Dixie call from the doorway.

"I know," Roy's voice answered. "And thanks, Dixie."

"I've been where you are before." The nurse sounded wistful.

"Yeah." Roy's voice sounded equally as sad.

"I'll be back in a little while." Dixie's fading words ended with the soft sound of a closing door.

There was a long period of time where John's only awareness was the feeling of Roy's hand hold his, Roy's thumb stroking lightly across his palm. Then a shuffling sound came to the younger man's ears before he felt a warm breath moving across his cheek.

"You scared me for a minute there, junior," Roy whispered from near his ear. "I thought I lost you."

Fingers lightly brushed across John's forehead, before the hand dropped to his shoulder.

"I don't know what I would have done if you had..." Roy paused as if he couldn't say the word. "Damn it, how is this ever going to work."

Something warm and wet fell on John's cheek, before rolling down his neck to be soaked up by the pillow. It took Him a moment to realize it was one of Roy's tears. Roy was crying, right there, next to him.

John wanted so badly to comfort his partner, his friend. He tried to gather up enough strength to wipe away the tears, say something, squeeze the hand holding his, anything to help the man he had learned to care for through the years. His exhaustion clung to him though, making it impossible.

The air in the room moved and John knew someone else had entered.

"Roy, time to go." Dixie called from far away.

There was stillness in the room for a mere second, then John felt the hand return to his forehead.

"Take care, junior," Roy said. Then in his softest whisper added, "I love you."

John felt the one hand leave his face, the other released his own hand.

//Don't go.// John's mind cried out. //Please, stay.// But the words did not come to his lips.

He heard the door close as he still struggled to say what needed saying.

Just as sleep once again claimed him, he used the last of his energy to force out the two words, "Love...you."

But the room was empty, there was no one left to hear them.

+++++++end+++++++