Copyright: May 2000 Ginger

THIS STORY IS WRITTEN FOR PLEASURE AND IS NOT INTENDED TO INFRINGE ON ANY PREEXISTING COPYRIGHTS THAT MAY BE VIOLATED. FEEL FREE TO SHARE WITH FRIENDS, BUT NOT FOR PROFIT.

THIS STORY IS FICTIONAL, A WORK OF THE WRITER'S IMAGINATION. THE CHARACTERS AND INCIDENTS USED IN THIS STORY ARE PURELY FICTIONAL AND ARE NOT BASED ON ANY PERSON AND/OR PERSON'S ACTUAL EXPERIENCES.

Title: Voices On The Wind

Author: Ginger

Fandom: Emergency!

Part 1/4

Rated: Slash (in relationship only)

Pairing: Johnny/Roy

Archive: Yes

Content Warning: PLEASE BE AWARE, THE FOLLOWING STORY INVOLVES THE DEATH OF A MAIN CHARACTER. This story also involves a loving relationship between two men. If either of these types of stories do not appeal to you, please do not read any further.

Author's notes: This story takes place in the world I have created for Johnny and Roy. It is a future story and takes place approximately 35 years after their relationship began.

VOICES ON THE WIND

by Ginger

Roy DeSoto stood in front of the bathroom mirror. He gazed at his reflection as he thought back to his glory days. The scars were the only thing that looked remotely the same as they did some 35 years ago. The rest would be unrecognizable to that 30 year old paramedic he once was. His hair was now thin, where it once was thick, gray where it once was sandy blonde. His eyes, though still blue, lacked that crystal clear quality they once had and now sometimes seemed as gray as his hair. The muscle tone that had once been kept up by constant work outs and physical activity was now all but absent and of course with the lack of activity, the pounds crept on. Not that he would be considered overweight, but he was far from his prime form.

Sometimes it was almost painful to look at this reflection that met him in the mirror. It wasn't that he was a vain man, it just reminded him of all the years that had past and everything he had lost. He missed the old days, the camaraderie he found at station 51 and at Rampart Hospital. Some of his fondest memories revolved around these two places and now, both were gone.

Station 51 had been demolished and a new, state of the art station built with the newest equipment and best trained men. The station was renamed station 95 when the districts were restructured due to the increasing population and the introduction of the 911 emergency call system. The station now had 2 separate dorms since the amount of female firefighters and paramedics had increased and the crew now numbered 10 with two engines being housed there.

Rampart Hospital was hit hard with the onslaught of HMO's in the healthcare field. Patient census decreased as a new, more modern facility was built no more then 10 miles away and eventually they closed their doors for good. The building still stood, it's empty, hollow halls now just a ghostly reminder of days past.

Roy was brought back to the present by the sound of coughing in the other room. That damned cough, would it ever end. Quickly, he ran a comb through his hair, trying to cover the spots that were now vacant. Even though his partner didn't even know who he was at times, he still wanted to look his best. If he had changed enough over the years to make himself look twice when he passed the mirror, the form that occupied the bed in the next room was now almost unrecognizable from years past.

As he walked through the darkened room, the stench of antiseptic and urine assaulted his nostrils. The pile of dirty sheets from the night before sat in the corner waiting for the laundry and a pile of clean sheets sat on the dresser. He only had to change the sheets once last night, so his washing duties would go quickly today.

He hurried over to the hospital bed that now replaced their king sized bed as an exceptionally violent bout of coughing erupted. Damn this cough. Hasn't he been through enough already? Reaching his arm around the weak shoulders of his partner, he lifted his emaciated body to a sitting position to help alleviate some of the torture the frail body was enduring.

Reaching to the nightstand, he took the damp cloth that sat there and wiped the sickly face that rested on his chest. Could this be the same John Gage that had walked into his recruiting office some 40 years ago? It hardly seemed possible. That strong vital man of yesterday was no more. In his place there now lived a breathing skeleton, no more then skin and bones. His flowing dark mane, now snow white. Two years previous, a stroke had left him paralyzed on the left side. Several subsequent strokes had caused brain damage that left the once vibrant, fun loving John Gage a bed ridden invalid.

"Damn it, why don't you just take him!" Roy cursed through clenched teeth as he tried to comfort the decrepit form he held in his arms. Finally, the coughing fit ceased and he lowered his body back down onto the bed, pulling the quilt up around his thin shoulders.

Everyone told him John should be in a nursing home, but he just couldn't bring himself to do that. He knew enough about patient care to take care of him just as good as any nursing home could and maybe even better. In a nursing home he would just receive care, at home he could receive loving care. He wouldn't let John fade away with strangers being the last people he saw. He wanted him home, where he belonged, where he was loved.

A soft knock drew his attention to the head peeking around the door. A smile crept across his face when he realized who the visitor was.

"Hi Dad," Alyssa said softly, not wanting to disturb John. "Is Uncle Johnny sleeping?"

"Sweetheart, I am so glad to see you." Roy whispered as he hurried over to his daughter. "Yes, he just got settled. Just let me grab the monitor and we'll go downstairs and have some coffee."

"I hope your planning on putting some pants on," Alyssa teased as she pointed to the boxers Roy wore.

"Oh, yes, I guess I should!" Roy grinned as he realized he was standing in front of his daughter in his underwear.

"I'll meet you downstairs. I already put on the coffee."

"Your a good girl, thanks. I'll be right there." Roy slipped on his jeans and grabbed the baby monitor. He never went out of that room without the monitor in his hand. Checking on the sleeping form of John Gage one last time, he gathered the dirty sheets in his arms and headed downstairs.

Alyssa already had two cups of coffee poured when he walked into the kitchen. He kissed her gently on the forehead as he walked past her to the washing machine that sat in the corner.

"Could you take this, sweetheart?" He said handing her the baby monitor. "One of these days I am going to throw it in the washing machine with the dirty laundry."

"Sure Dad. Do you want any breakfast? I could fix something for you."

"Oh, no honey. I don't want you to go to any trouble. There are some donuts in the fridge. I'll just have some of them."

"Dad! That's not a decent breakfast! Don't you want some eggs or pancakes or something?"

"No, really. I just want a donut. I like to dunk them in my coffee." Roy finished putting the sheets in the washer and closed the lid. The machine hummed softly as he headed over to the table and sat down next to his daughter. Alyssa had placed the donut box on the table and they each reached in and took one of the sugar coated pastries.

"So, how are things going?" She asked hesitantly. She came by about once a week to see how her father was doing. She knew she should come more often, but it was just too heartbreaking for her.

"Things are about the same. He hasn't been getting to much worse, but he doesn't get any better either." Roy absently dunked his donut into his coffee as he spoke. "He had a good day yesterday. He seemed to know what was going on and I even got him out of bed for a while and he sat in the chair while we watched some of the ball game."

"Dad, you shouldn't be lifting him! You'll hurt yourself!"

"Lyssie, he can't weigh much more then 100 pounds, there's nothing to him."

"But still, your not getting any younger."

"I may be old, but I am not THAT old!"

"OK, whatever you say." She said with a smile. She couldn't help but worry about her father. He spent every minute taking care of Johnny, she was afraid he was neglecting his own health.

"How are you doing with his feeding?" Alyssa asked before taking a bite of her donut. Roy chuckled as he sipped his coffee.

"He's doing good. Especially vanilla pudding. He loves that stuff. He can't eat much at a time and it takes a long time for him to finish but so far he seems to be getting enough. I really don't want to have to have the feeding tube put back in. He doesn't want it either. That's always my threat to get him to eat if he gives me a hard time."

The sound of coughing erupted from the monitor speaker causing Roy to jump to his feet and head for the stairs before Alyssa even knew what was happening. She followed her father upstairs and stood in the doorway watching him care for her Uncle Johnny.

Roy quickly grabbed some tissues as he lifted the frail form to a sitting position. He wiped his mouth as he coughed up mucus, his pale face turning red in his exertion. After a few minutes the coughing subsided. Roy gently lowered John back down on the bed after fluffing up his pillow. He went to the bathroom and rinsed out the cloth kept by the bed and then bringing it back to the bed, he wiped John's face clean.

"Better?" Roy asked his partner with a smile. The right side of John's mouth turned upwards in a half grin and he nodded his head.

"Good. Are you feeling up to a visitor?" Again John nodded his head and Roy motioned Alyssa over to the bedside.

"Hey there, Uncle Johnny." Alyssa said with a smile as she took his hand in hers.

"Lyssie," John slurred, a sparkle coming to his eyes.

"Yes, Uncle Johnny, it's Lyssie." She said as she stroked his hand. "I hear you got to watch some of the game yesterday." John grinned and nodded his head. "That's great but don't let my Dad push you too much. You know what a slave driver he can be." John laughed, his eyes twinkling at Alyssa's comments. Talking was difficult for him and when he did talk he was hard to understand, but he was able to express most of his emotions through his eyes.

"I am not a slave driver!" Roy said in defense of himself as he moved to the other side of the bed and sat on it's edge. "I just make sure what needs doing gets done." John looked at Alyssa and rolled his eyes.

"I know, Uncle Johnny. We both know better than that." They all shared a laugh as Alyssa and Johnny sided together. After visiting for about a half an hour, Johnny began to yawn. Alyssa took this as her cue to cut her visit short.

"Well, I better get home. The kids will be home from school soon. Today is a half day."

"'Kay," John mumbled as he smiled and tiredly blinked his eyes.

"Yeah, it's about nap time anyway." Roy said as he got up from the edge of the bed. "When you wake up we'll have lunch, OK?" John nodded his head.

"Pudding," He muttered with a grin.

"For dessert. You have to eat some other things too." John made a face then laughed, as did Roy and Alyssa.

"Bye-bye Uncle Johnny." Alyssa said as she leaned over and kissed his cheek. He grunted his farewell and was sleeping before Alyssa and Roy left the room. When they reached the bottom of the stairs, Alyssa turned to her Dad. She could see the concern in his face and went over to him pulling him into a tight hug.

"I am so sorry you have to go through this." She said sympathetically.

"I'm not going through anything, Johnny is." Roy said sadly.

"Dad, don't play innocent. You are going through this right along with him. How long has it been now?"

"About 2 years. I don't know how much longer........" Roy's voice trailed off as he turned away from his daughter trying to hide his pain.

"Dad," Alyssa began in a soft voice. "If this is getting to much for you maybe it's time to..."

"NO! I will not put him in a home."

"But Dad, you didn't let me finish."

"But that's what you were going to say, wasn't it?"

"Well, yes but you have to think of yourself here too. I worry about you."

"I'm fine, Lyssie," Roy said, lowering his voice. "I need to do this. I can't stand the thought of him not being here with me. I have to keep him here, as much for me as for him. Can you understand that?"

Alyssa hung her head in defeat. "OK Dad. I'll back off. But you better take care of yourself too. You can't take care of Uncle Johnny if you let yourself run down."

"OK, I promise. I will take care of myself. Now you better get home and take care of my grandchildren. They shouldn't come home to an empty house."

Alyssa laughed. "Dad, they're practically grown."

"Well, maybe Katie and Sarah, they're 17 but Jon-Jon is only 12. You better keep a close eye on that boy. He's a little to much like his namesake."

"Yes, Dad, I will." She stretched up and kissed his cheek.

"Oh, and Lyssie, try and stop over more often, OK? I haven't seen Johnny light up like that in a while."

"Sure Dad. I'll do that."

"Maybe you could bring the kids over, too. I think he would like to see them."

"OK. Maybe this weekend."

"Thanks honey. I know he'd really like that." Roy hugged his daughter before she turned with a wave and left. He stood at the door and watched until she drove off before he walked back into the kitchen to finish the laundry.

******************

"No!" John screamed. Speaking was not easy for John but when he wanted to really make a point he seemed to manage just fine.

"Come on, John. You have to eat!" Roy insisted as he attempted to get another spoonful of chicken baby food into John's mouth but he was met by tightly clenched lips.

"Stop acting like a child and eat!" Roy insisted. John shook his head, no. "You are being totally unreasonable." As Roy tried to force the spoon into John's mouth, John smacked it away with his right arm sending baby food flying all over Roy's face.

"You son of a bitch!" Roy exclaimed as he wiped the pureed chicken out of his eyes. When he cleared his vision he could see John laughing harder then he had seen him laugh in 2 years. He smiled at his partner in spite of what he was laughing at.

"Oh, you think this is funny? Well, what do you think about this?" Roy took his finger and smeared some of the chicken on John's nose and chin. "So, How do you like it?"

"Still don't!" John quipped back with a grin as both men laughed.

"I don't believe this. Two grown men having a food fight." Roy said as he took a napkin and wiped off John's face as well as his own.

"Pudding." John said, his eyes sparkling mischievously.

"OK, OK. I get the idea. You want your pudding." Roy gave in and began feeding John the pudding he had prepared for his dessert. John ate willingly and finished the whole bowl. As Roy was putting the last spoonful into his mouth his eyes began to blink.

"Getting tired?" Roy asked. John nodded his head "OK. You get some sleep and I'm going to go have my lunch."

Roy juggled an armload of plates, dishes, jars, cups and silverware as he headed downstairs. He told John he was going to eat lunch but he really wasn't even hungry. He was tired, though. Maybe he would take a nap too. After putting the dirty dishes in the dishwasher he carried the monitor into the living room and laid down on the sofa. He listened to the steady breathing sounds coming through the speaker as he drifted off to sleep.

************************

"Roy! Hey Roy!" John called out as he ran down the stairs. Roy sat up on the sofa, startled awake but the calling out of his name.

"Johnny?? Is it really you??" Roy asked, amazed as he saw a happy, healthy John Gage standing before him.

"Of course it's me. What's the matter? Did you hit your head or something??"

"What? No, I didn't hit my head. It's just that you.....I mean....your healthy!"

"Of course I am healthy. Geez! What are you rambling on about?"

"Nothing.....Nothing..." Roy stood up and pulled Johnny into his arms. Tears flowed from his eyes as he held his partner close.

"Roy, what is the matter with you?" John asked, confused as he saw the tears in Roy's eyes as he pulled away from him.

"It's just that.....I love you so much! I don't ever want to lose you."

"Lose me? How could you ever lose me? I am to big to get lost!" John gave Roy a lop sided grin.

"Your something else, you know that?"

"Yep! Well, you keep telling me that anyway!"

Roy pulled John close to him again, kissing him softly on the lips. "I love you." He whispered as he rested his head on John's shoulder.

"I love you, too." John replied wrapping his arms around Roy and squeezing him tight. Suddenly, John's body convulsed as a coughing spell ripped through his body. Roy held him close, trying to comfort him, but the coughing wouldn't stop. Why wouldn't the coughing stop!

******************

Roy's eyes snapped open. The sounds of coughing blared from the tiny monitor speaker. Quickly jumping to his feet, Roy flew up the stairs and into the bedroom to his partners side.

"Johnny, easy.......easy." Roy comforted as he lifted him into a sitting position. John's face was red with exertion and tears ran from his eyes. "It's OK. Your OK." Roy rubbed John's back as he slowly caught his breath and the coughing ceased. He wiped John's mouth off then raised the head potion of the hospital bed a bit, gently laying him back.

"There, that's better." Glancing at the clock he saw that they had been sleeping for a little more then an hour. He let out a sigh, remembering his dream. If only that were true. But the reality of the situation was right in front of him. He smiled down at John as he tried to hold back the tears that threatened to fall.

"You didn't sleep very long this afternoon. Does this mean you'll go to sleep early tonight?" John just shook his head, no and grinned weakly. Roy smiled back as he sat next to John in bed.

"Let's see what's on TV." Roy said as he picked up the remote and flipped the television on. He flipped through the stations until John grunted his approval.

"The Flintstones? You want to watch the Flintstones?" Roy asked him. John nodded, yes. "OK, the Flinstones it is."

Roy leaned back and put his arm around John's shoulder. John rested his head on Roy as they laid together and watched the trouble Fred and Barney got into in the town of Bedrock.

*****************

Chet Kelly paced through the living room of John and Roy's house glancing at his watch every few seconds. His chubby legs walking back and forth impatiently. His fingers running through his salt and peppered hair. He stopped and looked out the front window when he heard a car stop in front of the house.

"Well, it's about time!" He exclaimed as Roy DeSoto entered the house with an arm load of groceries.

"Chet, what are you talking about. I was only gone for an hour." Roy said as he juggled the two bags of groceries on his way to the kitchen. "Is John, OK?"

"How should I know. He wouldn't let me in the bed room."

"Chet, you were supposed to be watching him."

"I tried! He threw things at me!"

"Oh, come on Chet! He can barely lift his right arm and he can't lift the left at all!"

"Well, he does a damn good job at heaving things. He hit me in the head with the TV remote!"

"Well, what did you do to him?"

"Do? Me? I didn't do anything! I just went up there and he took one look at me and threw the remote! Damn near knocked me out!"

Roy had to chuckle at the color red Chet's face was turning as he told him of John's behavior. Roy found it difficult getting out to run errands these days. He used to get home heath aids to come in but John refused to cooperate with them. He had since relied on their friends help but John was getting more and more demanding and insisting no one do anything for him but Roy.

"I'm sorry Chet. He can be a little obstinate these days."

"Your telling me!" Chet remarked as he watched Roy put the groceries away.

"Come on, let's go upstairs and have a talk with that partner of mine." Roy said motioning for Chet to follow him.

"Oh no, I'm not going up there without a helmet!"

"Oh Chet, don't be a wuss."

"Hey, I'm not wuss! I just don't want to get a concussion."

"Well, I will go first and protect you, OK?"

"I guess," Chet conceded as he followed Roy up the steps. Roy slowly opened the bedroom door and peeked in. John slept soundly as they entered the room. Roy looked at him and then turned to Chet.

"I guess I shouldn't disturb him." Roy whispered. "I am really sorry about the remote, Chet."

"That's OK. I guess I'd be a little cranky in his position too."

"Can I get you a cup of coffee or something?"

"No, That's OK. I have to get back to the city. I have some things to do."

"OK. Thanks again for coming all the way out here to stay with him."

"Sure. Anytime, but next time how about you stay with him and I will do your shopping?" Roy smiled at Chet's suggestion.

"OK, you've got a deal. I'll walk you out."

"No, that's OK. You stay with John. I'll see you later." Chet waved to Roy and left the room. Roy straightened things up in the room until he heard Chet's car door shut then he turned to John.

"OK, you can open your eyes now, he's gone."

John opened his eyes to see Roy standing next to the bed with his arms crossed over his chest. He smiled innocently at the annoyed expression on his partners face.

"You've got to stop doing this John. I can't be with you every moment. I have errands to run sometimes. Chet was nice enough to come all the way out here and you went and beaned him!"

"Yeah!" John giggled.

"It's not funny! Last week you dumped your soup on Marco and the week before that you bit Mike! None of the guys are gonna want to come out here anymore."

"Good," John slurred

"No! It's not good! Damn it John, sometimes I am going to have to go out! I need you to cooperate. Sometimes I just have to.....have to......get away...." Roy's voice trailed off until John completed his sentence.

"From me." John said and hung his head. Roy instantly regretted his words and went over to the bed taking John by the hand.

"No, Babe, not from you." Roy lifted the thin hand and pressed it to his lips. "I love you." A tear slipped from the corner of Roy's eye and dripped down onto John's hand.

John knew Roy loved him. They had been together for 35 years so there was no question in his mind of that. But he also knew that as much as Roy loved him, he despised the illness that had taken over their lives. John felt guilty even though he knew there was nothing he could have done to prevent his condition.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you," Roy apologized as he gently kissed John's forehead. "Forgive me?" John nodded his head and smiled.

"Good. Now I am going to go downstairs and finish putting the groceries away. And guess what I got? Your favorite ice cream. How about I bring you up some?" John smiled and nodded.

"OK, I will be back in a few minutes and I'll get us some ice cream for a snack." Roy walked out of the room and down the stairs. He didn't know what he was going to do. John was right in a way. He did need to get away from him. But it wasn't John, himself. It was the situation. Some days he thought he would just scream. The whole situation was so unbelievably frustrating. Roy wanted to be able to fix things but there was nothing he could do.

The hardest times were the days John was not coherent. His doctor had recently changed his medicine and he had be lucid most of the time, but there had been times that he didn't even seem to recognize Roy. On days when that happened, Roy's heart just broke. He tried to take each day at face value and not expect the best or the worst for the next day. The only thing he expected was to still have John with him.

He fixed two bowls of ice cream, being careful to put John's sugar free ice cream in the blue bowl. This was the only bowl he would eat ice cream out of for some reason. Roy carried their snack upstairs and sat down on the edge of the bed. John smiled up at him as he spooned the cold treat into his mouth. He knew he couldn't make John well, but at least he could be there for him and keep him as comfortable and happy as he could during the time he had left.

*******************

"Hold on tight!" Roy said happily as he carried John's thin form down the stairs. Alyssa was bringing the kids over for the day and John insisted on coming down instead of them spending the day in the bed room. Since he had been doing much better recently and since it was a beautiful day, Roy agreed. The sun was shining, warming the deck they had built on the back of their home overlooking the lake and he thought it would do John some good to actually be out in the fresh air for a bit. Roy had fired up the grill and had the hamburgers ready so they could get going as soon as Alyssa and the kids got there, which should be at any moment.

Roy carried John out onto the deck and placed him in the chaise lounge. He made sure his face was well coated with sunscreen and placed a baseball cap on his head. Not wanting to take any chancing of him getting chilled, he placed a blanket over his lap. John leaned his head back and smiled as his nostrils took in a big helping of fresh air.

"It's nice out today, isn't it?" Roy said cheerfully as John nodded his agreement. "It's been quite a while since I got you outside. I'll have to do this more often."

John felt content as he sat there looking out over their property. He loved this place so much. He and Roy had spent many happy years there. It seemed odd not to hear the sound of horses whinnying in the background, but after John became ill they were just too much for Roy to take care of himself so they were forced to sell them. There were still a few cats running around but they had turned mostly wild and kept their distance. They seemed to have and agreement with Roy, you keep feeding us and we'll catch mice. It was like a business relationship and socializing was not encouraged.

Roy looked up at the sound of a car stopping in front of the house. "We're out back!" He called so Alyssa and the family could find them. They looked surprised as they rounded the corner of the house.

"What's going on?" Alyssa asked as she came up onto the deck.

"I thought we'd have a cook out." Roy said, his face beaming.

"Dad! How did you get Uncle Johnny down here?" Alyssa exclaimed softly, a hint of scolding in her voice.

"How do you think, sweetheart, I carried him." Roy whispered in her ear as he gave her a hug.

"You shouldn't be doing things like that Dad. Your going to hurt yourself."

"I am not and could we please not argue today? I just want to have a pleasant afternoon."

"OK, I'm sorry. But I worry."

"Yes, I know you do and your very good at it, but I am fine. Now where are those grandchildren of mine!" Roy held his arms out to the twins, Sarah and Katie and they came over giving their grandfather a big hug.

"You girls are getting prettier every second." He said as he kissed them both on the cheek. "And Jon-Jon, I think you've grown four inches since I saw you last!"

His grandson smiled a crooked grin as Roy hugged him too. How could he look so much like John? The only relation to him was the name but he swore Jon-Jon look more like a Gage then a Desoto.

"Oh, grandpa I have not. You just saw me last week."

"Well, it seems like you really shot up! Why don't you kids go over and say hi to Poppy while I get the burgers started?" Roy suggested. The three kids went over to John and circled around him, talking cheerfully while Roy busied himself at the grill.

"Couldn't Craig come?" Roy asked Alyssa about the absence of her husband.

"No, he got called in to work. He sends his love, though." Craig was the head emergency room nurse at the county hospital. He worked long hours and was often called in at the last minute.

"That's too bad. I was looking forward to seeing him. I see him so seldom these days."

"Your not the only one. When he is home, he's sleeping so I hardly see him either."

"You two need to take some time off. Go away together. Why don't you plan a little vacation? I'll watch the kids."

"Dad! Don't you have enough just taking care of Uncle Johnny?"

"Believe me, the three kids would be a piece of cake compared to Johnny!" Roy said smiling.

"Hey Grandpop! Look at Poppy!" Jon-Jon called out. Roy and Alyssa went over to where the group sat and had to laugh. Johnny had his hat on sideways and Jon-Jon placed his own hat on his head going the other way. The group giggled as Johnny smiled at the attention he was receiving. The children considered Johnny a grandparent to them just as much as Roy and Johnny loved them like they were his own too.

"Better watch out, Johnny," Roy warned. "Next thing you know the girls will be doing your make-up."

"Oh, we wouldn't do that, Poppy!" Katie said with a giggle.

"Well, he could use a little blush," Sarah suggested with a grin.

"No girls!" Alyssa exclaimed with a laugh. "I don't think Poppy wants a make over!"

"Grandpop, can we take the boat out?" Jon-Jon asked motioning toward the row boat by the lake.

"Sure. But after we have lunch. The burgers should be ready soon." Roy turned his attention back to the grill as the kids continued to entertain Johnny.

*******************

The day had been a wonderful success. John smiled all day, enjoying the company. He devoured the hamburger Roy gave him, being careful to chew the tiny pieces in his mouth the best he could. Roy didn't often let him have foods like that, fearing he would choke, but John did just fine with it.

After lunch, the kids took the boat out in the lake and played soccer, while the adults lounged on the deck enjoying the beautiful day. Roy had told the kids he thought one of the cats had kittens around somewhere, so a big part of the afternoon was spent searching the property for a new batch of kittens. None were found, thanks to the cleverness of the mother cat, who watched the goings on from the safety of her hiding place.

As evening approached, Roy decided it was time to get John back upstairs. He carefully lifted him and carried him back upstairs as Alyssa watched. It made her nervous when Roy carried John around. She was so afraid he would hurt himself or both of them if he were to fall, but Roy was right, there wasn't much to John and he seemed to have no problem handling him.

"Can you hang around for a little bit?" Roy asked Alyssa. "Let me get him cleaned up and in bed before you go."

"Sure Dad. Do you need any help?"

"No, I can manage."

Alyssa went back downstairs as Roy began to tend to John. He fixed a warm basin of water and carried it back to the bedside. He knew after all day John would need washing and as he undressed him and removed the adult diaper he wore he found he was right.

"Well, at least we know your kidneys are still working fine," Roy joked as he removed the soiled garment. John blushed a bit. This was the worst part of the whole situation for him. At first, he was able to still control his bladder but recently he had not been doing good and Roy was forced to use the diapers all the time. He often teased John calling him Houdini because it seemed no matter how secure he made the garments, John was able to wiggle free and wet the sheets anyway.

After bathing and shaving John, Roy put fresh sheets on the bed and clean pajama's on John. He combed his partners hair then stood back and smiled.

"There now, your all spiffed up. I'll call Alyssa and the kids up to say goodnight." Roy went to the door and called downstairs to his family. They all came up and gave John hugs and kisses good-bye before turning to Roy and doing the same.

"Promise me you'll take care of yourself too?" Alyssa whispered to her father as she hugged him one final time.

"I will sweetheart." Roy responded softly before kissing her forehead. Everyone gave one final good-bye to John before leaving for the night. When they had left, Roy looked over at John who was yawning and blinking.

"That was a big day for you, wasn't it?" Roy said as he sat down on the bed next to his partner. John nodded his head in agreement. "You didn't have a nap all day. You should sleep tonight."

"You...tired?" John slurred.

"Yes, I am tired. That was a big day for me too! I think I will get a shower and turn in early. Do you want the TV on for a little while?" John nodded that he did so Roy picked up the remote that was now taped together, ever since John threw it at Chet, and flicked the set on. He flipped through the channels until he hit a game show John liked then kissed his forehead before getting up to get ready for bed himself.

By the time he locked up the house and showered, John was sound asleep. He turned off the TV set and climbed into the twin bed he slept in on the other side of the room. He found that is he left the head of the bed elevated a bit, John didn't wake up coughing as often so he had gotten in the habit of doing that. He pulled the covers up and rolled onto his stomach. He was exhausted and sleep came quickly. He just hoped John slept through the night so they could both have a good night's rest.

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The warm days of summer slipped into the cooler days of fall. John had continued to do well for many weeks but just as the first cool breezes of fall started to blow through the trees, he made a turn for the worse. The cough that he had been plagued with for months had turned into an upper respiratory infection which turned into pneumonia.

He seemed to recover from the pneumonia, but it left him in a weakened state. The doctors thought he had possibly had another stroke, but it was difficult to tell since there had already been so much damage done. Roy continued to care for him at home. They had both signed living wills years before and neither wanted extreme measures taken when the time came, so Roy didn't see any reason to keep him in the hospital.

*************************

Mike Morton was his doctor and he came out to the ranch daily to check on him. He made sure Roy had everything he needed to take care of his partner. Mike often tried to talk Roy into bringing John into the hospital or putting him in a nursing home but Roy continued to refuse. Mike did not argue the point. They both knew John didn't have much time left.

John's moments of being lucid were few and far between these days and he didn't even seem to realize Roy was there let alone any visitors that might stop by. The guys from station 51 continued to stop by, as much for Roy as for John. Alyssa came more often, however she didn't bring the children much since they were upset by John's condition. Chris, Roy's son, still lived back east, but he called often to speak to his father and to inquire about John's condition. He and his family didn't have much opportunity to visit John and Roy. He owned his own business and could never seem to get away. Roy only got to see them about once a year and he missed seeing his two grandson's growing up. They were now both in college and were on the deans list. He was very proud of them but wished he had been as close to them as he was with Alyssa's kids.

John had been restless all day. Roy feared he was taking a turn for the worse and remained close by his side. He kept the TV on all of John's favorite shows, even though he never opened his eyes. He talked to him and stroked his arm, making as much physical contact as possible. He wanted to be sure John knew he wasn't alone.

Around 8pm Roy got up to get a shower. When he returned to the bedside he was surprised to see John's eyes open.

"Hey, there." He said softly, smiling at his partner. "Did you decide to wake up?" John did not respond except to continue to look at Roy. "I was just going to get you ready for bed." Roy informed him as he began his nightly ritual of bathing and changing John. John continued to watch Roy and did not take his eyes off him the entire time. When he had finished, Roy sat on the edge of the bed and put his arm around his partner.

"How about we watch some TV?" Roy suggested and began to reach for the remote.

"No," John grunted. Roy was surprised to hear John speak. It has been quite some time since he'd had enough strength to do this.

"OK, you don't want to watch TV. Do you just want to go to sleep? I'll go get in bed too," Roy said and began to get off the hospital bed and into his own.

"Stay." John slurred as his right hand weakly held onto Roy's arm. Roy suddenly flashed back to a time many years ago when he had been in pain and John had been there for him. He had asked John to stay with him and they had been together ever since.

"Of course I will stay," Roy said softly, as he sat back down on the bed and gathered John up in his arms.

"Don't forget........love you," John said weakly looking up into Roy's eyes.

"I won't," Roy whispered. "I'll always love you." Roy rested his head on John's and held him tight. He kissed his forehead softly as he rubbed his arms. Roy could feel the life force slowly leaving the frail body next to him. First John's eyes closed, then his breathing slowed. Roy held him throughout the night, never leaving his side. A little after 1 am John took one final breath and he was gone.

Roy continued to hold him, not wanting to let go. Finally, he called Mike Morton to come over and make it official. When Mike arrived, Roy still sat on the edge of the bed holding John in his arms. Mike helped Roy over to the other bed and went about his work. When he had finished his examination he turned back to Roy.

"Come on. Let's go downstairs." Mike said softly as he took Roy by the hand and led him out of the room. Mike began to turn out the light but Roy stopped him.

"No, " he whispered. "John likes the light left on." Mike looked at Roy and nodded his head.

"OK, we'll leave it on."

*****************

The next few days were a blur to Roy. They had already made all the arrangements ahead of time in regard to their passing, so all that needed to be done was a call to the funeral director. John was cremated and they held a memorial service for him at station 95, the past location of station 51. John was well liked and it was heavily attended. Many of his fellow firefighters and paramedics spoke his praises and gave their condolences to Roy and the rest of his family who flew in for the service. His brother Billy and sister Mai attended the service and sat with Roy. Chris flew in for the service with his wife and of course Alyssa and Craig were there with their children.

Roy had made a small clay urn and John's ashes were kept securely on the fireplace mantel next to Roy's favorite picture of him. Alyssa wanted Roy to sell the ranch and move in with her and Craig, but Roy refused. He was still able to take care of himself and had no intention of leaving his home.

The winter was long and lonely. The days seemed to be endless and Roy ached to have John with him again. How could he ever go on without him, he wondered? On more then one occasion he had wished he had died along with his partner, but then he thought of his family and his grandchildren and knew he still had a lot to live for.

The first signs of spring began to emerge as leaf buds appeared on the trees around the ranch. The birds began to busy themselves gathering bits of twigs and grass to build their nests and the squirrels and deer scampered around the property playfully, happy for the spring to finally arrive.

Roy woke from a dream, and knew what he had to do. He showered and dress as usual but this morning he did it earlier then usual. He walked downstairs and took the urn down from the mantel. Carrying it carefully, he walked outside just as the first rays of the sun began to peak on the horizon. He walked to the far side of the lake, to the highest point of their property. Looking out over their home, he took the lid off the urn.

"You came to me last night, Junior, to tell me it was time to let go. I know you are right. I miss you so much, though. It's hard to do this, but I know it's what you want. And all I have ever wanted to do was make you happy. You are in my heart and my soul and I will love you forever."

A soft breeze began to blow, signally to Roy the time had come. As the tears rolled down his cheeks he sprinkled John's ashes to the wind and watched as they blew across the lake, becoming part of their home. Nature seemed to remain silent for a moment, paying their respects to the new soul that had just joined them.

Roy watched as the sun came up over the trees and the new day dawned. He had finally found the strength to go on without John. He didn't know how much time he had remaining on this earth, but he knew he would enjoy the time that he had left. Then, when his time was up, he looked forward to spending eternity with John.

Roy slowly walked back to the house to begin his new day.

Roy turned one last time before entering the house and looked out over the lake.

"Don't have to much fun without me, Junior."

Johnny's spirit smiled down at Roy.

"Don't worry, Pally. I won't."

The End