" Good morning" Roy DeSoto greeted his friends as he entered the locker room to start theirs shift

"Morning." Johnny mumbled obviously in a bad mood as he buttoned his shirt

" You don't look to happy, what's up?" Roy asked not being able to help but smile at Johnny's frown.

" What's up, he asked." Johnny grumbled as he took a seat in his locker." No I'm not happy. Man Roy, we have to spend the morning with a bunch of screaming ten year olds."

" Oh I see and you don't like this idea." Roy said as if he totally uderstood. Sometimes he would never understand his partner, he knew Johnny loved kids, he thought the world of Chris and Jenny." Come on Junior you know you love kids and look at it this way at least you won't have to worry about getting any more stitches." He snickered as he left the locker room.

Subconsciously Johnny ran his fingers over the twelve stitches in his cheek remembering with a grimace their last shift.

........

Thirty minutes later both the Engine and Squad pulled to a stop in front of Murry's Junior High School. " Good morning boys and girls, I'm Captain Hank Stanley and these are my men. This is our engineer Mike Stoker , he drives the engine and works all of the gauges and nozzles that are needed when we are fighting a fire. These two men are Fire Fighters Marco Lopez and Chet Kelly, they are the men who actually handle the hoses that put out the fire.

"That's my dad, he's one of the Paramedics. " Chrise DeSoto shouted out interrupting Captain Stanley.

" Christopher please let the Captain continue." Mrs Johnson admonished Chris.

"That's perfectly alright , it's to be expected when a fire-fighter has a child in the class. As Chris said, this is hid father Roy DeSoto and his partner John Gage. They are the paramedics with station 51, their job is to treat any person who has been injured and then take them to the hospital." Stanley said smiling at the children.

" What we want to teach you today is that although fire is a very useful tool it is also very deadly and something not to be played with." Mike Stoker said taking over with his part of the demonstration.

All of the children were given a chance to try on the turn out gear as well as sit in the drivers seat of Big Red. As for Johnny and Roy , they demonstrated how they contacted the hospital by doing a calibration check to the hospital. And then allowed each child to listen to his own heart beat and have their blood pressure taken.

Throught the program Johnny noticed that one small girl did not participate. She stood back away from the rest of the children. With a smile Johnny walked up to the girl. " Well hi there." He began stopping when he noticed several large bruises on both legs as wel as her right arm. " What happened here sweetheart?" Johnny asked as he crouched to examine her legs.

With a gasp the small girl pulled away from Johnny and began to tremble when he reached out to touch her. " No don't" She said in a whisper.

Looking up Johnny looked into a pair of terrified blue eyes. His stomach knotted in the fear as he sat there. Something in the back of his mind started begging to be released. Pushing the thought's away, Johnny raised his hands in a calming gesture. " Now there there sweety, I'm not going to hurt you." Johnny said soothingly.

" Becka what's wrong?" Chris DeSoto asked as he ran up to Johnny and Becka seeing the tears in her eyes.

" Nothing's wrong Chris really." Becka said as she wiped her eyes.

" Oh okay come on, I want you to meet my dad. " Chris said grabbing her hand to go find his father. " Dad I want you to meet someone." Chris said stopping at Roy's side. " This is Becka Lynn Williams, she just moved here a few weeks ago. Becka this is my dad." Chris said by way of introduction.

" Becka Lynn, it's so nice to meet you." Roy said reaching out to shake the small girls hand. With a small gasp Becka stepped back away from Roy

" Hey Chris do I get to meet your friend too?" Johnny asked as he studied Becka.

" Becka this is my Uncle Johnny, he and my dad are partners on the squad." Chris said with pride.

" It's nice to meet you both." Becka said with hesitation

" Dad could Becka come to my birthday party?" Chris asked his father looking hopefully between Roy and Becka.

" Oh sure, as long as her parents say that it's okay." Roy said with a smile.

"No Chris I can't." Becka cried turning and then hurrying away.

With a frown Johnny went over to the squad to start packing up their equipment. He knew that Roy and Chris had misssed the fear in Becka's eyes but he hadn't. He had seen that look before he just couldn't remember where. Without warning he broke out in a cold sweat and ran to the end of the squad and vomited his breakfast.

" Roy you'd better get over here Johnny's sick." Mike Stoker called leaving the engine to go to Johnny. He had seen John's mad dash for the back of the squad and could now hear the sounds of retching.

Roy and Chris along with the other members of station 51 ran to the back of the squad where Johnny was kneeling on the ground now suffering from dry heaves. Reaching out Roy attempted to support his partner's head. " No don't touch me." Johny gasped as he continued to choke.

Taken back by Johnny's words Roy stepped back and watched helplessly as his partner gagged. " Johnny what's wrong? tell me what happened." Roy said in concern.

" Nothing's wrong, I'm fine." Johnny snapped as he shakenly go to his feet. Dammit why is this happening now? It only happened at night he thought to himself as he got into the squad.

" Roy is he okay?" Captain Stanly asked having witnessed the whold scene

" He says he is." Roy said with some hesitation

" Dad what's wrong with Uncle Johnny? why is he sick?" Chris asked with tears in his eyes.

" Come on Chris, Uncle Johnny told us he was fine." Roy said soothingly to his son." Then why'd he yell at you? and why wouldn't he let you touch him?" Chris wanted to know.

" I don't know Chris, I just dont know. But I'll tell you what, I'll aske Uncle Johnny to come home to dinner with me and then you can see for yourself thats he's alright." Roy promised getting ready to leave. Getting into the squad Roy studied his partner, his face was pale and drawn and Roy could see that his body still shook. Johnny sat with his eyes closed tight and jaw clenched. Sencing Roy's eyes on him Johnny spoke without opening his eyes. " I'm sorry I snapped at you Roy, I'm okay really."

........

As Roy had promised Johnny came over for dinner the next night. As they sat around the table eating, Chris kept stealing glances at Johnny. " Is there something wrong Chris?" Johnny asked

" No nothing's wrong Uncle Johnny, I was just wondering if.... " Chris trailed off looking uncomfortable.

"Wondering what Chris, how I'm feeling?" Johnny said finishing Chris's question for him. " I'm feeling fine." Johnny attempted a half hearted smile.

" Why are you lying Uncle Johnny? You should tell my dad that your really sick so he can help you. You wouldn't even let him touch you yesturday. Why wouldn't you let him touch you?" Chris demanded in an angry voice.

Johnny shifted in his seat uncomfortable. Dropping his eyes towards the floor he whispered ." I'm not lying Chris, I really do feel fine."

" Johnny you do not have to explain anything, Christopher, you young man go to your room this instant." Joanne said turning to her son as she pointed towards his room.

" Yes ma'me but he did lie." Chris said as he left the table.

" Johnny I'm sorry, Chris had no right to say any of that to you." Roy apologized reaching out to squeeze Johnny's shoulder.

With the look of panic, Johnny backed away from Roy's touch. " NO... No..... he..... had ..... every.....right...." Johnny stuttered obviously very upset.

" No Johnny , no my ten year old had no right." Roy stated becoming increasingly concerned about Johnny. He knew that the only time Johnny stuttered was if he was upset or scared and the look that filled his eyes told Roy that he was scared.

" Yes..... he.....did......I .....did.....lie." Johnny whispered his stutter becoming more pronounced with each word.

" It doesn't matter what he thought." Joanne declared upset by the fact that Johnny had become so uncomfortable.

" I..... gotta.... go....thanks....for ....dinner...." Johnny managed to get out as he fled from the DeSoto home.

Roy gave Chrise fifteen minutes and then went down the hall to his room. " Chris we need to talk." Roy called as he tapped on the bedroom door. Getting no answer Roy opened the door and went in. Chris was laying on his stomach sideways across the bed and it was very obvious that he had been cring." Crying is not going to get you out of trouble Christopher." Roy declared sternly.

" I know it won'l but you always taught us to tell the truth and Uncle Johnny lied to you. Not just yesturday at the school when he was sick, but tonight too. " Chris said as new tears formed in his eyes.

" Chris whether you think Uncle Johnny lied or not, it is not your place as a child to say anything to him about it. You made Johnny very upset." Roy explained

" I didn't mean to hurt Uncle Johnny but he's just like Becka is. He's so sad all the time and he was afraid of you yesturday and tonight when you went to touch him." Chris said sadly.

Roy took a moment to think about his ten year old words. He knew Johnny had been afraid of him tonight by the way he backed away and by the fact that he stuttered. But had he been afraid yesturday also and he had missed it." Chris I don't know about Becka but I don't think Uncle Johnny was afraid of me" Roy said hoping to convince himself as wel as Chris

" Yes he was, Becka does it to. She lies when you know that she is sick and says she isn't , and just like Uncle Johnny when someone tries to touch her she acts scared. " Chris finished his worry in a whisper.

" Chris, I know that you are worried about Uncle Johnny and Becka but that still does not give you the right to call him a liar. You are grounded for one week, bed time is an hour earlier and you owe Johnny an apology." Roy said

...........Two Days Later......

Two days later Roy entered the locker room hoping to talk with Johnny and get to the bottom of what was bothering him. He stopped short at the sight of his partner. John Gage looked as if he hadn't slept in days. His eyes were rimmed with dark circles and his face was pale and drawn. He sat in his locker with his head resting against the side and his eyes closed. " Morning Roy." Johny greeted without opening his eyes knowing that his partner stood there watching him.

" You dont look so good, You okay?" Roy aske das the warning flags started going up.

" Yeah just didn't sleep very well. " Johny said brushing off the concern." Is everything okay with Chris?"

"No not really, he's pretty worried about his Uncle Johnny as well as his friend Becka." Roy told Johnny as he opened his own locker.

" He doesn't have to be worried about me, Why is he worried about Becka?" Johnny asked feeling an unusual sort of fear for the child.

" It seems that Becka acts just like you do, or at least that's what Chris told me. He said that she also lies about being sick, she won't let anyone touch her either and that she is sad just like you are." Roy watched Johnny with building concern as his partner's face turned a shade paler. if that was at all possible and he dropped his head to look at the floor.

" Tell Chris I'm fine really. Please don't let him worry about me." Johnny almost begged

" Sorry buddy, I dont think that that is possible."

........MeanWhile........

Meanwhile across town, Becka Williams stood in front of her bedroom mirror crying. How was she going to explain a black eye to Chris DeSoto. Turning sideways she looked at the blood red welts on the back of her legs. " Why does he hate me so." She wimpered as she began to cry harder.

Knocking softly, Chris hoped that Becka was feeling better. He had been worried when Mrs. Johnson had said she was sick and had offered to take her her school work so he could check on her. " What do you want?" Buck Williams snarled at the sight of the young boy on his porch.

" I'm a friend of Becka's and since she wasn't in school today, I brought her her work, and wanted to see how she was , and to aske if she could come to my birthday party and...." Chris DeSoto was spitting out nervously.

" She's fine, she'll be back in school Monday. I'll take her school work and I doubt if she can come to your damn party, now leave." Mr. Williams growled slamming the door in Chris's face.

" Who was that daddy?" Becka asked once her father had closed the door.

" Some boy from your class, he brought your school work and wanted to know if you would come to his birthday party." Becka's father snapped while slamming the hard books into her enough to cause her pain.

" Can I go?" She asked fearfully.

Buck Williams didn't know what to do. He knew that if he kept refusing to let Becka do things, and kept her home from school to often some busy body would start asking questions just like in the last town." You can go, but if you say one word about what really happened to your face you'll be sorry."Mr. Williams threatened menacingly.

" I won't , I promise daddy." Becka said running up the stairs to pick out an outfit for the party

..........

Becka had dressed carefully for the party wanting Chris to think she looked nice. With a nervous smile she walked into the DeSoto's back yard. Fearfully she looked around at all the people there." Becka you came." Chris shouted with joy running over to her.

" Hi Chris, I didn't know there was going to be all these people." Becka whispered nervously

"They're just the guys my dad works with." Chris said

" Hey Beck, what happened to your face?" Johnny asked as he reached Chris and Becka. He had noticed Becka's face the minute she had walked in

"It's nothing, I'm really clumsy and I fell." Becka said nervously.

" Are you sure that's what happened?" Johnny asked reaching out to check Becka's face.

Moving back from Johnny Becka looked around fearfully. " Chris this wasn't such a good idea, I have to go." Becka said moving towards the gate. Her father would be mad if someone found out. She had to get out of there before Mr. Gage asked her anymore questions.

" Becka wait please." Johnny called going after Becka. He didn't know how he knew but he knew she didn't fall. Once Johnny reached the front of the house he stopped short as he saw a very large man grab Becka's arm and force her into a car. " Back off buddy and let the girl go." Johnny spit with anger seeing the fear in Becka's eyes

" It's okay Mr. Gage, this is my father." Becka said as she tried to stop her tears.

" Well if your're her father , you'd better take her to a doctor, she's going to need exrays on her face." Johnny told Willams authoritatively.

" Just who do you think you are to give me orders and what did she tell you about her face?" Williams growled glaring first at Johnny and then at Becka.

" She claims she fell, but I don't think that's what happened. I'm a paramedic and I"m trained to notice these things." Johnny said feeling his anger and fear building.

" Well Mr. Paramedic, I think if you know what's good for you you'll start minding your own business." Williams snarled as he took a step towards Johnny raising his fist in a threating manner.

Johnny toook an involuntary step backwards and panic filled his eyes. He could feel the cold sweat running down his back and his stomach was rising into his throat. Normally he would never be afraid , but he was and he didn't know why.

with a laugh, Buck Williams stopped and studied the young man in front of him. He would have never suspected to see that look in someone his age's eyes but it had been there. Panic had filled every ounce of the guys eyes as he had advanced on him and he had seen that look that he often seen on his daughters face cross the young man's face. That look was fear." Something tells me you got some secrets hiding way down deep boy. If you don't want me to help you relive that fear again mind your own business." Williams sneered at Johnny then turned and got into his car.

" Johnny what was that all about, what secrets do you have?" Roy asked Johnny quietly. He had seen the entire confrontation between Johnny and Williams.

Turning, Johnny stared mutely at Roy for a moment before rushing to the curb to vomit. " No more please." Johnny whispered collapsing to his knees.

" Johnny?" Roy called stepping towards his friend. He had been startled to see the look of fear plain on Johnny's face when he had turned and looked at him. He stopped when Johnny's back stiffened and he pulled forward.

...Two Weeks Later.......

" Good morning." Roy called out stopping short in order to study his partner and friend who stood in fron of the counter holding a cup of coffee. Johnny was beyond exhausted it showed in every line of his face. He was pale and his eyes were so rimmed with dark circles they looked blackened. His eye's were closed and Roy realized that it was with great effort that Johnny was standing on his feet. With a sigh Roy quietly approached Johnny and layed his hand on his partner's back " You okay Johnny?" He asked with concern.

Startled Johnny flew back away from Roy's touch . With a gasp his eye's came open and darted around the kitchen nervously.

" What's with him? He's been acting like that since he came in here this morning. " Chet asked Roy in a whisper. Glancing at Johnny he noticed that his eyes had closed again and that his coffee cup was now tilted downwards far enough to spill " Hey Gage, you going to wear that coffee or drink it?" Chet asked reaching over and pushing the bottom of Johnny's cup upwards.

With a panicked gasp. Johnny dropped his coffee cup and backed away from Chet. In his mind he was no longer in the kitchen at station 51, but rather in the kitchen of a small ranch in Montana. Once again he was eight years old and facing a very enraged Morris Gage. " Why you good for nothing son of a bitch, how would you like to be wearing that coffee." He heard his Uncle screaming at him just before he shoved the mug of steaming liquid into young Johnny's bare chest.

" Oh God no please don't , dont come near me." Johnny screamed as he pushed past Roy and Chet and fled from the room.

Hank Stanley stood in the doorway in shock as Johnny ran by." What the hell happened in here?" He demanded to know.

" I'm not sure Capt , I'll go make sure he's okay." Roy said shaken by his partners actions.

Entering the locker room, Roy found Johnny sitting inside his locker, his knees drawn up to his chest. He had his arms wrapped around them tightly and his face was buried in his arms. His body shook uncontrolably. " Hey Johnny." Roy called softley not wanting to startle his very frightened partner. when he received no responce he took a step towards Johnny's locker

With a gasp, Johnny drew his knees tighter to his chest and whimpered in fear. " No don't , just stay away." Johnny's voice was so small and frightened that it was barely audiable.

" Easy buddy, I just wnat to make sure your okay." Roy said soothingly.

" I'm fine." Johnny gasped stopping to swallow back his tears. " Please leave me alone." Johnny beggedAs he heard the locker room door close Johnny gave inot the sobs that were controlling him. the memory had been so real that it was tearing him apart. " Oh God why am I so afraid." He whimpered.

Roy stopped just outside the door and listened as Johnny gave into tears.

With tears of his own he went back into the kitchen

.....Two Hours Later....

Two hours later Johnny came back into the dayroom, his head was down and his shoulders stooped. " Chet , Roy I'm sorry for screaming at you like that." Johnny whispered not raising his head

" Hey that's okay man, no harm done." Chet said reaching out and slapping Johnny on the back.

With a terrified gasp, Johnny shot into the corner throwing his hands up over his head he began to shake all over again

" Real smooth Chet." Roy snarled stepping in front of Johnny he spoke as soothingly as possible. " Johnny come on buddy relax, no one is going to hurt you. "

It took several minutes but Johnny's shaking finally slowed and then stopped. Dropping his arms he closed his eye's in embarrassament. " I'm sorry.... I.....don't .... know... what's wrong... with... me.... I guess.. I'm just..... tired." Johnny stuttered out.

" You don't have to be sorry pal, Why don't you go lay down in the dorm for a while." Captain Stanley said compassionatly.

Very slowly Johnny made his way to the dorm. He had just cleared the room when all eyes turned toward Roy. " Roy , do you know what's going on here Pal?" Captain Stanley asked not even trying to hide his worry.

Roy sank into a chair at the table and sighed." Capt. I'm not sure really, what I am sure of is that Johnny is afraid of someone or something. He only stutters when he's upset or scared, and from the way he reacted to my touch and Chet's , I'd say he was scared. Earlier this morning after the coffe cup incident I went into the locker room to talk to him and I found him curled up inside his locker. He was....." Roy never got the chance to finish as Johnny's screams of terror rang out.

......

Johnny was locked in another nightmare and didn't know how to make it stop. In this one, Morris Gage was going to teach him a lesson for accidentaly ruining a pack of cigars. " I'll teach you to be so clumsy you worthless half breed." Morris growled as he grabbed Johnny and began to drag him towards the bathroom.

" No, no.. no ....please I'll be more careful." Young Johnny begged knowing what would happen in the bathroom. He pulled frantically at his Uncle's arm trying to escape.

Pushing Johnny into the bathroom, Morris Gage gave the boy a sick smile and then laid his lit cigar against Johnny's bare leg.

"NOOOOOOO........" Johnny screamed in agony bolting upwards on his bunk.

Roy rushed to his side and grabbed his flailing arms before he could hurt himself.

With a whimper, Johnny pulled away from Roy and curled into the corner of his bunk." No....no.....no.....no....please don't hurt me anymore." Johnny sobbed still caught in his nightmare.

" Johnny come on buddy your okay. No one will hurt you, I promise." Roy said soothingly reaching his hand out tentatively towards Johnny's back.

On contact Johnny screamed and drew further into the corner of the bunk. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to do it." He cried.

" Shhhhh.... I know you didn't and everything will be alright." Roy kept saying over and over until he could tell that his words were sinking into Johnny's terror filled mind. Very gently Roy laid Johnny down onto his side and began to rub his back.

Just as Johnny was slipping into deep slumber Roy heard him mumble. " No more please. I can't take anymore."

...... Several hours later........

Johnny woke up and made his way to the rec room, he was nervous and agitated and didn't know why.

" Feel better Johnny?" Mike asked

" Yeah, yeah. " Johnny said as he paced around the room letting his eyes dart nervously.

" Hey John, we saved you some dinner, Why don't you sit down and I'll get it for you." Marco offered hoping to get Johnny dropped into a chair. within seconds his leg started to bounce up and down in agitation and he moved around in his chair nervouly. Scowling at Johnnym Marco growled. " Jesus Gage sit still. What's the matther with you? it's bad enough that we've only had one run today, and that this rain is keeping us cooped up inside, without haveing you bouncing all over the room."

Without answering, Johnny resumed his nervous pacing. He made one more trip around the rec room and then would drop back down into his chair and bounce his leg up and down. By the thrid trip around the room he had added drumming his fingers, keeping in perfect tempo with his bouncing leg. Glancing at Marco, Johnny frowned and got back up out of his chair to make another pass around the room.

" I said give it a break." Marco growled again ready to explode if Johnny made one more noise." That's it, I'm going to tie you into that chair if it's the only way to keep you down." Marco snapped grabbing a dish towel he advanced on Johnny

Johnny swung towards Marco as if realizing for the first time that he was in the room. His face paled and he took several steps backwards. In front of Johnny no longer stood his friend Marco Lopez with a dish towel in his hands. but instead he saw Morris Gage with a rope in his hand. The memories of the day his Uncle had tied him to a chair and then beat him until he couldn't move flooded Johnny's mind " Don't touch me." Johnny whispered moving back more from Marco,

With a glare Marco took another step towards Johnny.

" I mean it , touch me again and I'll kill ya." Johnny spat as fire and fear fought for dominance in his eyes. With a final look at Marco he stormed out of the day room pushing Roy and Captain Stanley in the process.

All eyes followed Johnny's retreating foot steps with a mix of shock and anger. " I never touched him." Marco said with obvious anger over being threatened by Johnny.

" Marco please let me talk to him, something's wrong, very wrong. I'm sure he didn't mean what he said and will apologize when he calms down. " Roy half promised as he left the room once again in search of his partner.

Roy's first stop was the locker room, not finding Johnny there he headed for the dorm. As he pushed the door open he could hear Johnny sobbing. Going fully into the room Roy stopped and his heart broke for Johnny. He was curled up on his right side in the fetal position with his face buried into his pillow as he wept. " Johnny , you alright?" Roy asked once again that day.

It was several minutes before Johnny's voice barely audible ansered " No."

" Please Johnny what is it." Roy asked

Sitting up, Johnny forced a smile and turned towards Roy." Nothing's wrong Roy, I'm just great, I feel fine." Johnny lied as he jumped up off his bunk and pushed his way past Roy.

Reaching out Roy grabbed Johnny's arm.

" Don't." Johnny cried pulling from Roy' grasp and backing away.

" Johnny, I thought we were better friends then that. I thought you could trust me enough to talk to me." Roy said softly.

" There's nothing to talk about really Roy." Johnny said rushing for the dorm door.

" John if your sick maybe you should go see Dr. Brackett, I'll go with you." Roy suggested

" There's nothing Brackett can do for me. Johnny said becoming panicked.

" He's a very good doctor you know that Johnny maybe he can help." Roy said coaxingly.

" No one can help me Roy." Johnny whispered as he walked out of the dorm.

Now for the first time in the last three weeks Roy replayed Chris's words over in his head. Uncle Johnny won't tell you the truth about being sick and hi's afraid of you.

Was Johnny afraid of him.?

Roy was never so glad to see a shift end as he was this last one. After Johny's last outburst the rest of the crew tip toed around him afraid of setting him off. Roy felt for Johnny he knew that Johnny tried to never show his emotions of feelings to people and to have him loose it three times in one shift had to be tearing him apart.

Joanne DeSoto watched her husband stop his car and then just sit there. " Hi honey, how was the shift?" She asked leaning into the open car window.

"Jo, I don't know what to do." Roy said in a whisper.

" Well start by coming inside and then tell me what is wrong." Joanne said softly as she led roy from the car

" This last shift was real bad one for Johnny." Roy stopped and wiped ineffectively at the tears forming in his eyes. " He was so upset all throught the shift he lost it twice. Once with Marco and once with Chet and if that wasn't enough embarrassment for him he had a horrible nightmare."

" Do you think he's sick?" Joanne knew that Johnny had put up his wall again over the last few weeks but she hadn't realized that it had gotten this bad.

" I'm not sure. He's been so edgy and everytime someone goes near him he withdraws. I tried to get him to go see Brackett and he refused. How do I help him Jo, How? Roy's concern for his partner and best friend was almost more than he could handle.

" Be there for him." Joanne stated taking Roy in her arms

........

Roy finally convinced Johnny with the help of his children's pleas to see their Uncle Johnny to finally come to dinner. He wasn't sure how he was going to convince Johnny but he knew that seeing Brackett was the right thing for Johnny to do. Upon arrivall Joanne could immediately feel Johnny's tention he stepped back away from he when she went to give him a kiss on the cheek, and didn't even respond to the kids the way he normally did. going into the kitchen so she could hide he tears, Joanne cried.

" Noney are you alright?" Roy asked as he wrapped his strong arms around his wife's waist

" Roy do you remember my cousin?" Joanne stopped to turn and face Roy." She died of a brain tumor last year at the age of thirty and she had a lot of the same actions that Johnny has now." Her words were spoken quietly

Roy could feel the nausea rising in his stomach at the thought of Johnny possibly having a brain tumor, and of his losing Johnny'y friendship when they had just gotten it going. " Honey?" Joanne questioned with her one simple word.

" I don't know, but one thing I do know is that Johnny will go to see Brackett even if I have to get Capt. to make it a direct order." roy said with conviction

As the evening preceeded Johnny seemed to relax a little, seeing his chance roy plunged ahead with his plan to convince Johnny to see a Doctor.

" Hey Johnny, have you given anymore thought to seeing Brackett?" Roy asked

" I told you I don't need to see Brackett, Roy I'm fine really." Johnny's posture had stiffened and his voice had dropped to a whisper.

" Your not fine Johnny, and last shift proves it. I don't want to fight with you, I want to help you. If you don't want to see Brackettt, I'll go with you over to Harbor General." Roy offered in the most soothing voice he could

" I said I was sorry for last shift, what more do you want?" Johnny whispered

" I want to know that you are going to be alright." Roy responded.

" Please leave it be." Johnny begged as he raised his head.

Roy was now even more upset to see tears in Johnny's eyes.

" I can't Johnny because I'm afraid for you."

When Johnny left the DeSoto home he found himself driving around aimlessly. Before he realized where he was he was pulling to a stop in front of the William's home." I don't know how Ms. Becka Williams but you are the source of my nightmares." Johnny said to himself as he sat and watched the Williams home.

Upstairs in that same house someone else was watching." Oh Please Mr. Gage , you have to help me. I can't take anymore." Then watching Johnny pull away she cried. " No.......no......don't leave.......come back...come back....." Her voice was now in a whisper as her tiny hand cluntched in a fist hit the pane of glass. Then limping painfully Becka picked up her yellow dress and headed for the bathroom.

" Where do you think your going?" Buck Williams growled.

" To wash my dress like you told me." Becka whimpered in fear.

" Yeah well you had better do a good job and you better not ever let it happen again." He snapped smacking her across the face leaving behind a bloody nose. Becka scrubbed furiously at her dress and then began to cry as she remember her father's warning. With one final sniffle she rubbed the very fresh bruises on the back her legs.

..........

Johnny reported for the next shift now beyond the exhausted stage, he was on the verge of collapse. As he entered the apparatus bay he noticed Chet and Marco flee for the kitchen. " Guess I can't blame them, Man I should have just stayed home." Johnny mumbled as he entered the locker room

" Hey partner." Roy called softly as he pushed the door open." Listen Chet and Marco weren't trying to avoid you."

" Sure they were Roy, they think I've gone craze, hell I think I've gone crazy." Johnny sighed as he scrubbed his face." You know were I spent last night Roy?" Johnny looked at his partner with eyes filled with pain."

" Come on you two, the Chief just walked in." Mike Stoker called

" Oh man." Johnny groused as he buttoned his shirt while running to line up for roll call.

" Nice of you to join us Gage." Chief McConikee comented as Johnny slid into line

" Yes sir." Johnny mumbled dropping his eyes

" What was that son? Look at me not the floor." He ordered now standing directly in front of Johnny.

" Looking up Johnny paled and took a step backwards." I....said....yes...sir.....sir....."Johnny stuttered feelling his stomach becoming even queasier.

" Very good, very good that's what I thought you said." The Chief smile and extended his hand to Johnny.

Johnny looked at the Chiefs out stretched hand and could feel the palms of his own hands become clammy. taking a deep breath he wiped his hand and raised it at the same time he raised his eyes. Panic filled him as he bolted backwards almost falling in his haste.

" John?" Captain Stanley questioned

" Sir." Johnny whispered now sweating heavily.

" Shake the Chiefs hand Gage, he's a busy man and has stuff to do." Stanley ordered his tone of voice a mixture of concern and anger.

" Yes Sir." Johnny's words were mumbled as he attempted once more to raise his hand forward. his entire body shook with fear as he faced Chief McConikee. " No." He whispered before bolting for the locker room.

" I'm sorry Chief, I just don't know what has come over him lately." Stanley started to apologize

" Nonsense Hank, it's quite obvious he's ill. I know Gage, he's a good man. DeSoto go check on that partner of yours." The Chief ordered

Roy didn't have to look far to find Johnny as the sounds of retching floated out of the latrine." Dammit this is getting way out of control." He cursed

Johnny sank into a sitting position once his vomiting was complete. " Please let it end." He begged as tears flowed down his cheeks

" Johnny you okay?" Roy called into the stall.

Standing, Johnny shakenly exited and went straight to the sinks to splash cold water onto his face without acknowledging Roy.

Sighing Roy watched as Johnny's body still shook." Johnny it's time to stop saying your fine, If I have to I'll get Capt to make it an order for you to see Brackett." Roy said knowing that his words would not sit well with Johnny. But he also knew that there was no backing down.

" You have no right."Johnny whirled around to face Roy. " I'm not sick." He continnued as the klaxons sounded

........

Station 51 possible jumper, Murry's Junior High, Murry's Junior High school, Time out 11:08, blared from the speakers.

Johnny threw Roy a glare as he slid into the passenger seat of the squad, His mind turned wondering how he could get around talking to Roy. He didn't have long to comtemplate his problems as they pulled up to the school

A group of teachers and students stood on the sidewalk, watching a young girl inch her way across one of the upper tiers of the utility tower." John, Roy you'd better move it." Stanley shouted, as the paramedics jumped from the squad.

Roy and Johnny were securing their safty belts when one of the teachers ran up to them" It's Becka Williams, I thought she had gone to the bathroom, and then the next thing I know she's up there." The distraught teacher explained, winging her hands.

" Yes ma'me, everything will be alright, Now step back and give up room to work." Roy assured her calmly.

Roy and Johnny made short work of climbing the tower. They stopped and backed off as Becka screamed and took a step to the edge. " How do you want to work this ?" Roy asked Johnny quietly.

" You go down to the tier below us, I'll work my way out to her and then we can lower her to the ground." Johnny kept his voice low also.

As Roy climbed back down to the lower tier, Johnny inched very slowly towards Becka, talking to her the whole time. " Becka it's Johnny Gage, Do you remember me sweet heart?"

" Please Mr. Gage just leave me a lone, I dont want to live anymore, I just want to die." Becka sobbed.

" No you don't sweety, no ten year old wants to die. You have a lot of stuff to do in your life yet." Johnny spoke as soothingly as he could

" No you just don't understand I hurt to much, I can't get him to stop hurting me, He hates me so much." Becka stopped to wipe her tears."I saw you the other night you know, why didn't you come and help me?" Becka asked

" I'm sorry Becka, but I'm here now. I want to help you." Johnny stopped as Becka took a step out." Becks could we talk, I know how you feel." Johnny tried moving forward a little more.

" No you don't no one does, I just want to go and be with my mommy." Becka cried.

" Honey I do understand more than you could ever know. I know the kind of pain your suffering, I've been there. Come with me we can call your mommy for you." Johnny offered reaching out for Becka

" No you can't, she's in heaven." Becka's words were whispered, seconds before she stepped from the tower as the crowd below screamed out in total panic.

" NOOOOOOOO........" Johnny screamed lunging forward and grabbing Becka's arms. " Hurry Roy, I cant hold on for long." Johnny grunted against the strain in his shoulders, as Becka fought and screamed

" LET ME GO.......LET ME GO.....PLEASE I WANT TO DIE."

The trip down from the tower was done in silence. Becka had laid unmoving, sobbing quietly as they lowered her in the stokes. Johnny made the trip in the ambulance with Becka feeling he had failed her. Afther all he should have done more. He had been there himself.

" Treatmeant room 3 Johnny." Dixie ordered, as they wheeled the guerney in.

She followed Johnny and the attendent in the room,preparing to help tranfer Becka to the examining table. At first touch of their hands, Becka started screaming and pulled away flying into a corner. " Please downt hurt me." She whimpered.

" Shhhhh Becka, no one is going to hurt you , I promise." Johnny soothed

Johnny came in from the left as the ambulance attendent circled to the right. No one knew exactly when she had grabbed the scapel, but as the attendent grabbed her, Becka lashed out opening his arm.

" Dixie you two have to back off. " Johnny said urgently."Please just leave Becka and I alone."

" Johnny that's not such a good idea." Dixie said worriedly.

" It's fine Dix." Johnny assured.

Once Dixie and attendent left the room, Johnny sat on the floor crossed legged watching Becka." Becka I know your scared, remember I told you that I know what it's like to be that scared? when your to afraid to close your eyes, but to afraid to leave them open. When you don't think the pain will ever go away, when they wont let the pain go away. When you want to cry, but your afraid that if you cry it will get you another beating. I know the hurt Becka, I've felt that kind of hurt." Johnny opened a small part of his sould for this child that was suffering as he once did, and still did.

Becka stopped her sobbing and scooted a little closer to Johnny." You do know, How come you know?" Becka wipped her eyes and looked at Johnny." Who hurt you Mr. Gage?" she whispered

Johnny was torn, he wanted to help Becka but he didn't want to remember the pain. Looking into Becka's needing eyes once again he saw himself there, and just knew he had to tell her. " Becka when I was very little my parents died so I was sent to live with my uncle, he didn't like me and made sure to remind me of that fact everyday. I carry alot of scars to remind me even today, not just here Becka." Johnny ran his hand across his body. " But here and here also." Johnny laid his hand on his forehead and then across his heart, opening his arms he motioned Becka over.

Becka didn't hesitate for a second as she crawled into Johnny's arms and snuggled against his chest. " Oh Mr. Gage I'm sorry." Becka sobbed crying with Johnny, both of them starting to heal together."Why do they hurt us?" Will the pain ever go away? Becka whispered

Johnny held her close and gave the only answers he had. " Honey I dont know why they hurt us, it's a small person that hurts another person especially a child. Your pain will go away eventually. I won't llie to you Becka it never all goes away. the pain that is in our hearts and the fear that is in our heads, they stay for a very long time, but with time it gets easier. Johnny held her and hoped that he wasn't giving promises that couldn't be kept.

Forty minutes later Johnny exited the treatment room beside the guerney carrying Becka, He held her hand and talked to her softly. " I'll be up tomorrow to see you, I promise." He whispered , kissing Becka on the forehead.

Kel Brackett stood beside Roy and Dixie watching Johnny with the battered child. Johnny never stopped amazing him. " I'll tell you Roy that partner of yours never seems to stop amazing me. The girl wouldn't let anyone within a foot of her, then Johnny asked to talk to her alone. I dont know what he said to her, but what ever it was it worked. It's almost like he knew her pain, and was able to give her the comfort that we couldn't. I know that can't be the case, I mean the girl has obviously been abused." Brackett said.

They all watched Johnny as he leaned back against the wall, pale and shakey. Very slowly he sank to the floor drawing his knees to his chest a sob. They watched as he wrapped his aums around his knees tightly and buried his face , giving into tears.

" Oh Johnny." Dixie whispered, tears welling up in her eyes. " Oh God Kel , I think I know why Johnny understood Becka so well, Johnny knows the pain of abuse feels like. "

Roy looked first at his sobbing partner, and then at Dixie and Dr. Brackett. " Dixie how I pray your wrong, but it would explain Johnny's behavior lately." Roy looked back at his best friend sitting in the hallway sobbing." Oh God I want you to be wrong, but deep down I know your're right."

Walking up to Johnny quietly Roy crouched at his side, reaching out he attempted to embrace Johnny and stopped when he pulled away." You okay Johnny?" Roy needed comfort his friend he just didn't know how.

Looking up, Johnny let the tears run down his face. " I dont think so Roy, I don't think I'll ever be alright." He whispered dropping his head back into his arms.

Sparing a glance sideways,Roy found Johnny sitting slumped against the passenger's side window with his eyes tightly closed. He was very pale and still shaky. Roy didn't know what to say to his partner. It was very obvious his partner's hurt was leaving him not only physically drained but emotionally as well

Sensing Roy's eyes on him, Johnny slowly opened his eyes finding Roy watching him with concern. With a sigh he took a deep breath. " Roy I owe you and the rest of the guys an apology. I wish I could explain my actions to you but I know that you'll never understand, so I won't even try." Johnny said in a strangled voice just above a shisper.

Roy studied his partner's drawn and strained face for a momnt , Then speaking in a compassinate and low voice " Johnny what ever it is that's eating at you will keep eating unless you talk about it. And your're right we might not fully understand , but as least we could be there for you. We can listen and try to understand." Receiving no answer Roy glanced at Johnny, the realization of Johnny's fear and pahin hitting him like a slap in the face as he watched the silent tears stream down his partner's face. " Johnny I have to tell you, your're scarring the hell out of me here, And it's not just me, It's Jo and the kids, the rest of the guys at the station all your friends at Rampart. Hell Jo's scared to death that you might have a brain tumer like her cousin had. You need to talk to us Johnny." Roy said in a quiet voice.

A ghost of a smile touched Johnny's lips . He was deeply touched to think that so many people cared about him. Thought Roy's words had been both harsh and soothing Johnny knew they came from his heart. " Tell Joanne she has nothing to worry about, I dont' have a brain tumor. " Johnny whispered in a ragged breath

" Then what is it Johnny? Please talk to me, make me understand." Roy begged reaching over Roy placed his hand on Johnny's shoulder giving him a comforting pat. " If it would be easier on you we could go to the dorm or I could even ask Capt if we could use his office." Roy offered feeling Johnny's pain.

" Roy it would be easier but I owe the guys an explanation as well as you. especially Chet and Marco. I think it's best if I tell you all together." Johnny said giving in

" Are you sure Junior?" Roy asked knowing that the other guys did deserve an explanation as to Johnny's behavior but his concern for Johnny's well being was much more important.

" Hell no I ain't sure." Johnny said getting out of the squad as soon as it came to a stop. " But I'm losing my mind I need you guys now more then ever." With a purpose Johnny walked into the day room before he could change his mind.

" How'd it go at Rampart?" Capain Stanley asked looking at Johnny's tear streaded face to Roy's stony one.

" She's in really rough shape. It turns out her father has been abusing her. You guys should have see her, she has welts on her back and many bruises on her legs." Johnny said dropping his head unable to hold his tears off any longer.

" Well she's going to be okay now isn't she?" Chet asked seeing the tears on Johnny's face.

" It's not quite that easy Chet, even though her father's been arrested she has to recover from the abuse she has suffered and that's going to take a long time." Roy explained as he looked at Johnny's drained face.

" Could I talk to you guys about something?" Johnny started and then stopped. What the hell am I doing, I can't tell them about this. He debated with himself. He could feel the all to familiar knots forming in his stomach.

Stanley looked up into Johnny's eyes and did a double take Johnny's eyes were filled with the look of pleading and pain. His eyes begged for understanding. " Sure Pal, what's on your mind."

" What I have to say is really hard for me, hell I'm not even sure if I can do this and I'm not sure that you guys are going to be able to hear it. So I would appreciate it if you could let me say it all at once." Johnny said swallowing, his throat suddenly becoming very dry.

" If it will help you Johnny then we can hear anything you have to say." Stoker said pushing a glass of juice in his direction

With a grateful smile Johnny took a drink before continuing." Chet what I'm about to tell you guys is a part of my soul. The part that I would rather keep hidden but a part that needs to be let out. I need you to promise me that what I say here today the Phantom won't use to his advantage someday later down the line." Johnny said looking at Chet for understanding

" Hey Johnny, the Phantom isn't even in the room , I'm here Chester B Kelly and what ever you have to say the Phantom will never hear a word of. You have my word as your friend." Chet said with sincerity.

" When I was seven my parents were killed , I was taken in by my father's brother Morris Gage. Oh he didn't want to do it and he reminde me daily of this fact. He said I was nothing but a worthless half breed and that he did not like me. He only took me in because he knew my father would expect it from him. Life with my Uncle was rough, real rough." Johnny stopped as the tears ran down his cheeks. " Damn this is hard." Johnny said before continuing." It was my job to keep the house clean and to cook the meals. I was seven years old, you dont do a good job at seven. A burnt meal or a forgotten piece of laundry wearned me a beating with his belt or often with an old lamp cord, he said he saved just for the occasion. The beationg usually never stopped until I was bloody. He would use any excuse to hit me. He expected me home twenty minutes after school let out, we lived three miles form the school. When I couldn't make it home in that twenty minutes he would knock me up side the head. Now you know how I learned to run so fast." Johnny said trying for humor but having no luck taking a deep breath and letting it out slow. " By the time I had been with my Uncle for a year some of the teachers were questioning my accidents. See in that year, I had had a broken arm a broken nose, more stitches then could be counted and bruises on top of bruises. You learn to lie real well, real fast at a real early age when your afraid for your next breath. So needless to say they called my Uncle in for a meeting to discuss my accidents. Man he was really mad, he glared at me and then told the prinicpal that I was nothing more then a clumsy child. Of course they bought it. Hell man Morris Gage was the Fire Chief for Little Rock" Johnny said taking a shuddering breath as memories of his Uncle came over him.

Hank Stanley looked into Johnny's pain filled face realizing for the first time why it was so hard for him to shake the Chief's hand . It wasn't out of disrespect, but out of pure fear. Looking at the rest of his crew he knew they understood also.

" The ride home was very long.My Uncle kept telling me how I would be sorry for embarrassing him like that and how he knew he had made a big mistake taking my worthless ass in. Once we got hom he dragged me into the house and tied me to a chair, man I was scared, more scared than I've ever been. I begged him not to hurt me but he just laughed at me and punched me in the back of the head. I don't remember much after he started punching and kicking me, at some point I must have lost consciousness cause the next thing I knew I was waking up on the floor after my Uncle threw a bucket of water in my face. I was lying on the floor and I hurt. But it was nothing compared to how I felt after he got done with the belt it was almost a week before I could get out of bed." Johnny stopped at the sharp intake of breath and turned to find Marco was white as a sheet with tears in his eyes.

"Oh Johnny God I'm so sorry." Marco whispered. " I know you are Marco and I'm sorry for what I said to you but it wasn't you that I saw that day." Johnny explained before returning to his story." After that my Uncle started spending more and more time at the fire station leaving me alone. I didn't care at least there was no more beating durning that time. Then one morning I got up and he was back, he was pissed because his breakfast wasn't ready. I kept saying I was sorry afraid of what was coming. Anyway I was carring a mug of hot coffee over to him when I spilled some of it, Man he went nuts. He asked me if I'd rather wear the coffee and then shoved the cup of hot coffee into my bare chest. I wear the scars from the third degree burns I received that day. " Johnny said as he opened his shirt to show his friends his chest. He looked at Chet wanting him to understand.

Chet's stomach churned at the sight of the burn scars that covered a portion of Johnny's left shoulder and chest. " Johnny I would never hurt yuou, I hope you know that." Chet said as his eyes watered

" I do Chet now. " Johnny assured " Okay well to make a long story short, I was eleven when I decided one day I wasn't going home from school. instead I went to a neighbor's house to play. My Uncle came looking for me and when he found me he dragged me out of Mr. Anderson's house kicking and screaming. Mr. Anderson called the cops. It took them three hours to respond by the time they did, I was unconsious and in deep shock from my wounds. My Uncle stabbed me, broke my leg, fractured my skull along with six ribs. Doctors didn't think I would make it through surgery, but I did and then I spent three months in a coma." As Johnny finished he laid his head down on the table his body shook from all the memories.

" Johnny, why didn't you come to me when you first started to remember?" Roy asked quietly as he laid his arm across Johnny's shoulders.

With a gasp Johnny jerked back away from Roy's touch. Seeing the hurt in his friends eyes Johnny hung his head " I'm sorry Roy, I wanted to. I just didn't know what was happening to me. All these nightmares were going through my head and I didn't know what they meant. At first I thought that they were just because I was upset about seeing Becka that way. But then I kept seeing myself in my dreams I was scared. When I was holding Becka by the arms after she jumped I looked down into her eyes and saw myself." Johnny said wipping tears from his eyes.

" Everything's alright now Johnny, you got her away from her father and she'll go to a foster home and be able to forget everything that happened to her. " Chet said

" Forget, you think she is going to be able to forget. This isn't some toy she lost this is a part of her soul she lost, she will never forget. Oh she might be able to push the memories to the back of her mind like I did in time , but she will never forget." Johnny said in defeat

" Your not sure about that Johnny she could." Mike said

" I'm sure Mike, more sure of this than anything I've ever been sure of . None of you guys know what it's like to wake up at three o'clock in the morning screaming in terror. Your in a cold sweat and your heart feels like it going to beat through your chest. You run from your bed and lose what you had in your stomach and then spend the rest of the night crying and yet you have no idea why. I hope none of you guys ever have to know that fear." Johnny said in a very small voice.

The guys sat helplessly watching Johnny draw his knees to his chest and cried heart wrenching tears. They all wanted to help him but non of them knew how. " You know Johnny we understand Becka may not ever forget. If anyone should know my God it's you. but I still have to believe that she is better off. Now she'll go to a foster home where at least she wont be abused." Captain Stanley said trying to give confort

" Better off Capt? Oh yeah she might not get beat every day, but she wont be better off. She won't have the most important things in life. Like hugs and kisses good night. There wont be anyone there to tuck her in at night or wish her a happy birthday, there wont be anyone there to just tell her I love you. If she's real lucky she'll be able to stay in one home for more then a month." Johnny said without raising his head

" I don't understand Johnny , why wouldn't she stay in the foster home on a permanent basis?" Roy asked confused

" She's a battered child Roy, we carry a not only physical but emotional scars . It takes a special person to take in a battered child, most foster homes don't want the added work that come with a battered child. Not only will Becka have to heal from her wounds but she will go to a home where she knows no one, she'll be all alone with complete strangers and be forced to see a shrink." Johnny said sadly.

The next morning Roy found Johnny sitting in the day room drinking a cup of coffe. Roy quietly studied his partners exhausted face. " Did you get any sleep?" Roy asked quietly

" No not really, I guess demon's ruled again last night." Johnny sighed tiredly

" Hey Pal, how you doing?" Stanley asked as he and the rest of the guys strolled into the room

" Still a little shaky I guess Capt, you want to hear something dumb? I'm scared to go home, I'm afraid to be alone." Johnny said softly.

Roy looked at his partner and best friend with tears filling his eyes." Hey Johnny how about if you come over to my place, Jo can make us some breakfast and you can use the guest room to crash." Roy offered

With a small smile Johnny realized he had the best friends a guy could ever ask for.

" Johnny I know that none of us can ever fully know what it's like for you but I wanted you to know that I"m here for you. Man all I've been able to think about since you told us , is how bad your life must have been and how lucky the rest of us really are. One thing I do know is that when I leave here I'm going straight over to my moms and give her a hug." Chet said hoping Johnny would kow that he really did care.

" Thanks guys." Johnny said

........

An hour later Roy and Johnny walked into the DeSoto kitchen to find Joanne sitting at the table enjoying a cup of coffee." Roy what's wrong?" Joanne asked noticing Johnny's pale and drawn face and Roy's equally concerned one.

Glanceing at Johnny, Roy wasn't sure how to begin

" Could you tell her everything Roy, I'm going to go use that guest room of yours now." Johnny said as he started to walk away.

" Junior if you need anything, anything at all you know all you have to do is ask." Roy said to Johnny's retreating back

" Roy please tell me what's going on, Johnny looks so sick." Joanne said feeling her fear rising

" Oh God Jo, you have no idea, I had no idea he was hurting so bad." Roy bagan as a tear fell down his face.

" Honey." Now even more scared Joanne wrapped her arms around her husbands waist.

" You know how we've all been really worried about the way Johnny's been acting? It turns out that Johnny was abused as a child by his uncle, he broke down and told us all about the life with his uncle last night. God Jo, the things he told us were horrible it makes me sick to think about the pain that he suffered as a child and is still suffering. His Uncle almost killed him." Roy said as his tears flowed at the memories of Johnny's painfull words.

" Why din't he tell you weeks ago?" Joanne asked now her tears mixing with Roys

" Honey, Johnny had no idea what was happening to him. He locked these memories away for so long that when they first started to surface th thought that is was because of his concern for Becka." Roy said taking a deep rugged breath

" You mean Chris's friend Becka Williams from the party? Why was he concerned?" Joanne stopped realizing where her husband was telling her." Oh God no you dont mean."

" Yes Jo, Becka was abused by her father. Jo she jumped off the utility tower yesturday, and if Johnny wouldn't have caught her she would be dead right now." Roy said sadly glancing towards the guest room door hearing Johnny whimper out in his sleep. " Johnny said yesturday when she jumped from that tower he saw himelf in her eyes. She's in real bad shape. So terrified that someone will hurt her. Johnny said she has welts on her back and several large bruises on her legs. At the hospital she wouldn't let anyone near her and even sliced an ambulance attendent with a scalpel when he went to grab her. Johnny finally got her calmed down so they could treat her.

" What can we do to help honey, not just Johnny but Becka as well?" Joanne asked and then began to cry harder as Johnny started to whimper louder in his sleep

" I don't know, Dammit I'm so angry. Jesus Christ listen to him Jo, he can't even sleep without being terrified. I've spent weeks watching Johnny sit inside his locker and draw his knees up to his chest as he shook and cried. He was so frightened of me that he whimpered when I touched him. God Dammit Jo, I'm a paramedic, I'm suppose to help people and I can't help my best friend much less a ten year old girl." Roy said standing up to go and try to quiet Johnny's screams of fear.

Johnny finally slept the exhaustion away waking ten hours later to the smell of Joanne's lasagna

......The next day......

Johnny was so excited about what Joanne and Roy had told him, If everything worked out the way they had it planned Becka would go from the hospital to there home. Johnny walked quickly through the lobby of Rampart General, in a hurry to give Becka the much needed good news. He stopped short and with a smile he went into the gift shop.

Ten minutes later he caught up with Roy and Joanne outside Becka's room.

" There you are, first you walk ten miles ahead of us then you disappear so we can't fing you, just what do you have in the bag? Roy asked his curiosity getting the better of him.

" A gift for Becka." Johnny announced pushing the door open." Hey Bec, I told you I'd be here, and I brought some friends with me. " Johnny said dropping the bag onto Becka's lap making her jump

" What is it Mr. Gage?" Becka asked shyly

" Open it and find out." Johnny gave Becka his famous Gage smile

Becka peeked into the bag and her eyes filled with tears." Thank you it's the nicest thing I've ever gotten. " Becka cried pulling a stuffed monkey from the bag and instantly pulled it to her chest hugging it tightly.

" You're very welcom, my friends you remember them, Chris's mom and dad well they want to talk to you about something." Johnny sat on the edge of Becka's bed and held her hand. Being surprised that she didn't pull her hand away.

" Becka first we want you to know that we are very sorry for everything that has been done to you and we know how scary everyting must seem especially right now. But we talked it over and if it's okay with you we would like you to come and live with us." Joanne moved up to Becka's bed beside Johnny as she spoke. " But that's only if you want to.

Roy then walked up to the other side of the bed. " Becka it's not going to be easy but as God as my witness. You'll never be hurt again."

As Becka heard those kind words, she hung her head to cry. But these were not tears of pain but tears of joy. She didn't know what to say for her nightmare was ending.

SIX MONTHS LATER

"Your cheating Gage, I saw you give the ball to Jenn and Beck." Chet whinned

"Chet oh please, whinning is so unbecoming." Johnny threw his back and roared

Jennifer DeSoto and Becka Williams DeSoto laid down on the ground,giggling and pointing at Uncle Chet

"It's good to hear Johnny and Chet going at it, and believe me I never thought I would ever say that." Stanley said coming up to stand beside Roy and Marco.

" Johnny is looking really good and it looks like Becka has come along way." You know,For awhile there I didn't think I would ever hear Johnny laugh again, and as for Becka I didn't think I would get the chance to hear her laugh.You see, She was so scared for the first three months. At first we put Becka in Jenny's room, but we had to move Becka into the guest room cause it was affecting Jenny to much when Becka woke up screaming from nightmares. Joann and I took turns sleeping on the floor in Becka's room and that seemed to help. She still has a lot of troubles, like the other night she spilled her milk and she totally lost it she threw herself on the floor screaming and shielding her head terrified that I was going to beat her.Took us more then an hour to calm her down. Jo told me that one day she caught Becka playing with one of Jenny's dolls. From what Jo said, Becka was pretty rough she was yelling and hitting the doll.and it didn't seem to affect her when her dad died." Roy finished watching Becka walk up to Stanley

"Hi Uncle Hank.You still gonna give me a tour of the station. " Becka said with a smile.

"You bet I am, so tell me Pumkin how are you doing?" Hank asked pleaced to see a smile on her face

"I'm doing really good,Mr. DeSoto, I mean my dad says I'm better, I guess I should feel sad that my real dad was killed in jail, I wanted to cry when I found out but I couldn't maybe because he wasn't my dad he was my father and that's all. He hurt me real bad, and Uncle John says that the hurt never goes away but it gets better with time.You know what I delieve him."Becka said as Johnny walked up next to her

"Hey Beck how would you like to go with me and Uncle Chet to the funny car show tomorrow."

"I would like that, if it's okay." Becka said hanging her head as fear tried to once again take over.

Roy still seeing Becka struggle went and crouched down in front of her." Please Becka don't be scared anymore. We love you Becka and that's all that matters. Becka looked into Roy eyes and a feeling she had never felt came over her.

"I love you too dad." Becka whispered wiping her tears of joy away. " Does this mean I can go with Uncle Johnny and Uncle Chet?"

"Yes you can go Becka." Roy said giving his daughter a hug

As the rest of the guys watched, they realized that this was truly a new beginning for everyone. They knew it been really hard for both Johnny and Becka, but they knew that them talking to each other was helping them both heal.

Roy stood up and sent a silent prayer upwards,

"Lord thank you for looking after Johnny and Becka, and helping them understand each others pain so that they can heal together. And I know in my heart they will keep safe through you Lord . And now Lord I pray for all the other Johnny's and Becka's out there who are still waiting for their pain to end

Thankyou Lord for allowing me to understand that only

"Through The Eyes Of A Child" we may fully understand the power that your love has to offer.

Amen

THE END