COPYRIGHT: NOVEMBER 1999 BY: GINGER THIS STORY IS WRITTEN FOR PLEASURE AND IS NOT INTENDED TO INFRINGE ON ANY PREEXISTING COPYRIGHTS THAT MAY BE VIOLATED. FEEL FREE TO SHARE WITH FRIENDS, BUT NOT FOR PROFIT.

THIS STORY IS FICTIONAL, A WORK OF THE WRITER'S IMAGINATION. THE CHARACTERS AND INCIDENTS USED IN THIS STORY ARE PURELY FICTIONAL AND ARE NOT BASED ON ANY PERSON AND/OR PERSON'S ACTUAL EXPERIENCES.

Title: Awakenings

Author: Ginger

E-mail: kev4ever51@aol.com

Rated: Slash

Pairing: John/Roy

Archive: Yes, HeartAttack

Content Warning: M/M relationships

Awakenings
by Ginger

Captain Hank Stanley sat in his office, his head in his hands. He knew he had to do something, but what? He could not just sit back and let a friend suffer. There had to be a way to help.

He had watched Roy DeSoto's personality change dramatically since his marriage to Joanne had begun to sour. It had become apparent to all on A-shift that there were problems for the couple. Roy's mood darkened when he realized that he and his wife of many years no longer wanted the same things out of the marriage. They had become distant and uncaring toward one another and after many months agonizing over their problems, they decided it was time to separate.

Roy's disposition had stabilized after they parted only to again nose dive when they finally went through with the divorce. It had been three month's since all the paperwork had been finalized and if anything Roy's mood had darkened even more over time.

It didn't help matters, that Joanne had taken the children and moved to the East coast in an attempt to rebuild her own life. This move knocked yet another brick out of Roy's already shaky foundation. He went from being occasionally 'down' to falling into a deep bottomless depression.

Hank had seen all the danger signs and was worried about his friend. He saw him withdrawing, not only from the activities of the station, but from the activities of life itself. He no longer seemed to care about much of anything and Hank could not just sit back and watch this man self destruct. He had to think of something,

"Gage!" Hank called out from his desk. "In my office!"

Johnny Gage looked cautiously around the room. His Captain's summons usually meant someone was in trouble.

"What did you do now, Gage?" Chet questioned as John rose from he seat.

"Nothing, that I can think of anyway."

"Sounds like something to me," Marco warned the paramedic.

"Gage!" His Captain bellowed again and John quickly headed into his office.

"Yes, sir?" he asked as he entered the small room and closed the door behind him. His Captain looked tired he thought as he took the seat across from him.

"I need to ask you a favor." Hank began. His demeanor taking on that of a comrade not a commander.

"Sure Cap, what's up?"

"I'm worried about DeSoto."

"Me too. I think we all are. He's been so out of it lately."

"My concern is that if he doesn't snap out of this depression soon, he's going to become a danger to himself or others. Especially, those who work with him and depend on him being 100% at all times."

"I agree, but what can I do to help? I've tried talking to him but he just shuts me out."

"I know. I've tried too. Maybe if you could get him to get away for a while, you know, a change of scenery. That always helps me to just put all my troubles on the back burner and enjoy myself."

"That's what I do too, but do you think he'll go for it?"

"If he doesn't, I'll make it an order. I can't let him go on the way he is now. It's going to have to be that or a temporary leave of absence. I can't risk my men's safety."

"Do you have any idea's Cap,"

"As a matter of fact, I do. I just got this flyer from the San Diego fire department and they are having a fireman versus policeman Olympics this weekend. It's going to be down in the Mission Bay area and it sounds like it would be a lot of fun. Why don't you two go down for that? It's less
then a two hour drive and there is also going to be a Sportsman show at the Sports Arena. You could hit that too while your down there."

"That sounds great to me, but the question is, will Roy go for it?"

"He better, for his own good and ours."

Just as both men had suspected, Roy was not thrilled by the idea. But once the Captain had made it clear to him that one way or another he was going to take some time off, he went along with their plan. Hank made arrangements for Roy and John to both have the next two shifts off. This would give Roy a much needed rest and escape and it would also give John a chance to try and talk him into getting some professional help in dealing with his problems.

They took off bright and early the day after their last shift and headed south to San Diego. John navigated the Land Rover down the freeway making small talk along the way. Roy only spoke when spoken to these days and even then his answers were short and sweet, mostly consisting of one word sentences. Roy stared out the window watching the scenery go by in silence as John tried to the best of his ability to strike up a conversation.

When they finally arrived in Mission Bay, they found a room in a Hotel overlooking the Pacific Ocean. They were lucky to find a room at all, considering firefighters and police from all over the state had come down to watch and/or take part in the Olympics. They quickly unpacked then headed down to grab some lunch. The opening ceremonies were at 7pm that evening with the actual games starting the next morning at 9am. This would give them some time for a little sightseeing that afternoon before the ceremony began.

John pushed the 'down' button on the elevator as he and Roy stood waiting to go to lunch. Roy looked down at his feet, frowning. The same expression on his face that had been cemented there since the divorce had become final. John's heart was breaking for this man. He just hoped that something would come out of this trip to help him deal with his pain and to get him through this dark time of his life.

*

Johnny Gage sat in amazement at the sound of his friends laughter. It had been so long since he had seen even the faintest glimpse of happiness in this man, let alone a full out belly laugh, that it almost seemed alien. They sat around a table at a small cantina in Balboa Park with a group of fire fighters they had met at the opening ceremonies of the San Diego Firefighters/Police Olympics. Rob, a tall blonde man with rosy cheeks, had just told a raunchy joke causing the whole table to dissolve into uncontrollable laughter, including Roy Desoto. Since they had only just order their drinks, John couldn't even blame the change in his partner on the alcohol.

Rob and his friends, Chris and Jason, had talked Roy and Johnny into joining the "away" team for the volleyball match for tomorrow. They were getting together a team of visiting firefighters and police to play against the locals. John was surprised when Roy agreed without any prompting from him. Then the trio volunteered to show the visiting pair a fun night on the town. Wine, women and song, Rob told them as they pulled out of the hotel parking lot and headed towards town.

Unfortunately for the group, the women were scarce at the cantina they picked. They made the best of it, though and watched a ballgame on the big screen TV in the bar as they threw back many a brew. When the game ended they all piled into Rob's Blazer and headed back to Mission Bay.

"Don't forget guy's, practice is at 8am sharp tomorrow morning." Rob reminded John and Roy as they climbed out of the vehicle.

"Don't worry, we'll be there." Roy assured their new friends as John looked on smiling. When the vehicle pulled away John continued smiling at his buddy.

"What?" Roy asked, confused at the lop sided grin that spread across John's face.

"It's just nice to see you having a good time." John told his partner. Even in the darkness John could see the hint of a blush come to Roy's face.

"Yeah. I guess I am having fun." He confessed. "But you don't have to stare at me like I'm the newest inductee in "Ripley's, Believe it or Not."

"I'm sorry," John laughed. "I'll try not to stare." The pair walked into the hotel, both smiling for the first time in quite a while.

"Bathroom's free," Roy said as he walked out of the steamy room in his shorts.

"Did you leave me any hot water?" John asked, noticing it looked like a new Pope had just been elected in the small room.

"I did my best not to," Roy teased as he stood in front of the mirror combing his wet hair. John couldn't help notice how thin Roy had become over these past months. His ribs showed clearly down his sides, his shorts perched precariously on his shrinking hips. It wasn't surprising to John,
knowing how little he ate or slept these days. Most nights at the station he roamed from room to room, seldom sleeping more than a few minutes here and there. His plate was usually scrapped into the garbage barely touched. John was surprised he had managed to keep as much weight on as he did.

"Well, I guess I better find out for myself," John joked as he climbed off the bed and headed into the foggy bathroom. When he emerged, Roy was already sound asleep in the bed nearest the bathroom, curled up under the covers. John looked at this troubled man. Sleeping, his face showed no signs of the problems he faced in his waking hours. His tousled, sandy hair fell in soft wisps on the pillow and John thought he looked like a little boy tucked in for his nap.

Turning out the lights, John to crawled into his bed. Happy in the thought that just maybe this trip was helping out his friend.

A cool breeze blew across John's face, drawing him out of his slumber. As his eyes adjusted to the darkness he saw that the sliding glass door to the balcony was open. He reached out with his hand and moved the drapes aside to peer out the window. He could make out the outline of a man sitting on the edge of the chaise lounge. Glancing over to Roy's bed, he found it to be empty so he climbed from his bed and went out onto the balcony.

The cool night air blew softly off the Pacific Ocean sending a hint of saltiness to the shore. Roy sat huddled on the lounge, holding himself as he gently rocked. He wore only his shorts and a chill was evident in the trembling of his breath. John cautiously approached, not wanting to startle him and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Roy." John said softly as his hand felt the chill in Roy's body. His friend did not respond other than to rock a little faster. Slowly, it became clear to John that Roy was crying. His sobs were barely audible but he caught the slight gasps as Roy tried to catch his breath.

Straddling the lounge, John sat behind Roy, putting his arms around him. He drew his friend close to his chest, resting his chin on Roy's shoulder.

"Ssshhhhh," John comforted. "It's all right. Everything's going to be all right."

Roy leaned back into his friend surrendering himself to John, who's warm hands rubbed the chilled flesh of his partner. They sat there for several minutes, John whispering words of comfort to Roy, as the tears dripped from Roy's eyes onto the hand of his friend.

When the tears subsided, John rose from the lounge and lead Roy into the room. He helped him into the bed and tucked the covers in around him.

"Johnny," Roy uttered softly, yet with a hint of panic, as John was climbing into his own bed. "Please don't leave me, too."

John turned with a tear in his eye and crawled into bed next to Roy.

"Never, partner. Never."

John wrapped his arms around Roy and drew him close. The chill from the night air could still be felt on the shaken mans body as Johnny spooned his form against that of his friend. As Johnny's arms encircled Roy he could feel the tension ease in Roy's body. After a time, the soft, steady
breathing pattern indicated to John that his partner had dropped off to sleep.

Johnny, too, allowed himself to relax and within a short time sleep claimed him as well.

*

Johnny woke to the sound of whistling coming from the bathroom. He rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand in an attempt to wipe the sleep from them. The events of the night before played over in his head. What did they mean? Had he been dreaming?

No, It hadn't been a dream, he realized as he caught the scent that was Roy on the pillow next to him. He breathed in deeply, taking in the perfume of his partner. His feelings for him surfacing as he felt his erection grow. He couldn't let Roy know how he felt about him. He knew Roy was at the lowest point of his life. He just needed to know someone was on his side. He didn't need Johnny and the feelings he secretly held for him adding to his troubles.

John turned quickly on his side as he heard the bathroom door open, so not to allow Roy to see what he was feeling.

"Hey sleepyhead," Roy said cheerfully. "Are you getting up today?" Roy sat down on the bed next to John as he put on his sneakers. His T-shirt hung loosely over his cutoff shorts as he prepared to go to practice for the volleyball game.

"Yeah. Why didn't you wake me?"

"You were sleeping so soundly. I hated to bother you. Hey, are you hungry?"

"Yes, come to think of it, I'm starving."

"Me too. Come on and get dressed. I'll meet you downstairs in the coffee shop." Roy began to get up then turned to John, looking directly into his eyes.

"Oh, and about last night," He said softly. "Thank you." He placed his hand ever so lightly on the side of Johnny's face sending shivers through John's entire body. Roy then rose from the bed and headed for the door.

"Hurry up. I'm starving!" He called out as the door closed behind him. John sat dumbfounded on the edge of the bed. Did Roy actually have the same kind of feelings for John as John did for Roy?

He rolled over burying his face in Roy's pillow. He breathed in deep the sweet aroma as his hand reached down under the covers to relieve himself of the ache that he felt. The ache that he felt so often as he laid in bed at the station, his partner sleeping soundly in the bed next to him.

Roy paced like a caged animal in front of the coffee shop as the elevator doors opened allowing Johnny access to the lobby.

"What the hell took you so long?" Roy asked when he saw his partner step out from behind the doors. John felt the heat of a blush creep into his face.

"I couldn't find my...um...deodorant." Johnny said fumbling for an excuse for his tardiness.

"Well, come on." Roy motioned for John to follow. "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse Chet Kelly cooked."

After devouring a huge breakfast, the pair went off to practice for the volleyball game. Roy played harder then John had ever seen him play before, spiking the ball over the net with gusto. The actual game took place as the first event after the lunch break. In a surprise victory, the away team beat the home team by six points. The home team left the field moaning and groaning over their loss, teasing the away team by telling them they let them win.

The last event of the day long Olympics concluded at 6pm with the firefighters beating the police in 6 out of 9 events. Rob, Chris and Jason had offered to take the pair out again for a night on the town but they declined. The volleyball game had taken more out of them than they realized and all they wanted to do was go back to the hotel, get cleaned up and relax.

Roy opened the bathroom door and was met by the aroma of pizza floating in the air.

"Oh, man." He remarked. "Does that ever smell good."

"Well, get over here before it gets cold." Johnny said as he sat on the bed opening the square box. Roy removed the towel from around his waist and draped it over the desk chair. John grabbed a quick peek as Roy scanned the room for the clothes he laid out. He quickly grabbed his clean shorts and slipped them on before sitting on the bed next to John.

"Anything good on TV?" Roy asked as he grabbed a slice of pizza.

"It's a Wonderful Life" is on" John informed his friend.

"In July?" Roy questioned as he accepted the bottle of beer John handed him.

"It looks like it's either that or a Perry Mason rerun." John said as he flicked through the channels with the remote.

"Put on "It's a Wonderful Life" then. I'm not in the mood for a who done it." Roy informed his friend. John switched on the station showing the classic film and they both settled back on the bed with their pizza and beer.

As the credit's began to roll John looked over at Roy, smiling at the sight. The empty pizza box sat on his lap and his final half eaten slice rested on his chest, still held lightly between his fingers. An open bottle of beer was in Roy's other hand and leaned against his leg, threatening to spill as his fingers loosened their grip on it's neck. He slept soundly oblivious to the final sound of an angel getting his wings.

John careful reached over and removed the pizza slice from his hand the placed it in the empty box. He then tossed the box onto the floor on the other side of the room. He cautiously lifted the beer from his grip and placed that on the night stand next to them. John turned off the TV and the
light then removed his shirt, leaving it in a heap on the floor. He was about to stand to get into the next bed when he felt a hand reach over and gently grip his arm.

"Stay." Roy whispered.

He didn't have to ask John twice.

Without a word John removed his sweats, climbed under the covers and slid himself next to his partner. Trepidation filled the air, as their two body's met. Roy reached out lightly touching John's face. He stroked his cheek ever so gently before reaching over and claiming John's mouth with his own. The first taste sent shock waves through both their bodies, igniting the smoldering passion from within. The kiss deepened as they breathlessly fought for dominance, their tongues battling in a duel they were sure to both win.

Hands were everywhere exploring new, yet oh so familiar territory. Roy gasped as John rolled on top of him, the weight of his body pressing their growing erections together. Separated by only the thin material of their boxers, John gyrated his body over Roy's, eliciting deep groans of pleasure from his partner. John was lost in ecstasy as he felt Roy's hand slide under the waistband of his shorts. Strong fingers squeezed his cheeks as John threw his head back gasping in delight.

Roy swallowed hard when he felt John's hand slip down the front of his boxers and latch onto his stiffening shaft. John pumped Roy's member in rhythm with his thrusts as he pressed his own rigid cock into Roy's thigh.

Passion overwhelmed the pair as they yanked off each others boxers, throwing them helter skelter about the room. Roy regained control by flipping John onto his back. Their bodies crushed together as Roy lined up their rock hard shafts. John reached around and placed his hands on Roy's ass pulling him down to him with such force Roy could barely move his hips.

As they rocked together, Roy felt John's penis twitch and heard the cries of pleasure escape from his mouth. This sent Roy over the top as they both exploded their passion onto one another, pumping until every bit of joy was released.

They collapsed in one another's arms trying to catch their breath. Roy looked down at John who smiled up at him.

"Wow!" John said in a husky voice. "That was unbelievable."

Roy's smile disappeared, being replaced by a more serious expression.

"John, I've been feeling things for a while now that I just didn't understand but now I do." Roy brushed some stray hairs off John's forehead as he spoke. "I love you, John. I have for a some time. I hope that you have some feelings for me and tonight wasn't just a mistake for you. But
I'll understand if you don't want a relationship with me."

"Roy, I feel the same way about you. Nothing we could ever do would be a mistake. I love you Roy Desoto."

Roy smiled, his blue eyes sparkling even in the darkness of the room. He laid his head down in the crook of Johnny's neck as Johnny wrapped his arms around him holding him close. They both fell into a restful sleep, secure in the knowledge that their feelings for one another were mutual. Ahead of them was a long hard road, but together they could survive. Their love would grow as their days together passed. Any bad or lonely days behind them, they now had each other. And that was all that they needed.

The End