The Secret Logs of Mistress Janeway
by NovaD

Note of What Has Gone Before: Every seven years, Vulcan males are compelled by the phenomena known as Pon farr to seek a mate.  Vulcan engineer Vorik's attempt to mate with Torres resulted in her manifesting the symptoms as well. With Janeway still recovering from the effects of a near fatal shuttle crash, Chakotay attempted to resolve the situation.

Captain’s Personal Log:

I was amazed that with all of the hormones raging, I had nothing to do with the cause or the solution to Ensign Vorik and Lt. Torres’ problems. This was a rare opportunity where the skills honed in my hobby would have served well in my duties and I was kept utterly out of the game. It was all Chakotay’s fault. That mother hen was still coddling me -- even after the canoe ride on the Holodeck (his skin tastes even better with a liberal coating of champagne, but I digress.) He and that blasted Doctor had limited my duties.

Then there was my Chief Medical Officer and head of security paying an impromptu visit to Barrows. I didn’t know where to begin about that.

I was reading over the post-mortem about the away mission in my Ready Room when the Commander returned. He seated himself and waited for acknowledgment. I opted not to give it.

"You’re still angry," he said.

"Fine work, Commander," I said. "When will we get underway?"

"Seventy two hours," he replied. "Kathryn, talk to me, please."

"It seems we’ve covered everything for now," I replied. "You may go."

"Kathryn, you’ve been through so much..."

"Stop!" I said. "Stop hiding behind that."

"I’m not, Kathryn," he said gently. "I was deeply concerned for you. The Doctor and I thought..."

"Oh, yes, the Doctor. You, he and Tuvok certainly have gotten good at seeing into intimate matters," I said with a calm I did not feel.

"I did not cause the action taken by the Doctor," he said. "I was told of the intent after he went to Tuvok. In the interest of fairness to you and the Mistress, I thought I should go as well."

"Why wasn’t I invited to this party?"

"You know Tuvok better than I. He viewed it as a security matter," he said. His eyes pleaded with mine. My heart tugged, but I wouldn’t budge. "I shouldn’t have worried. Mistress Barrows is an amazingly persuasive being."

"So, am I still too fragile or off balance for command?" I asked.

"We wanted to give you the time to heal. Left on your own, you’d push yourself to exhaustion or worse," he said. "I didn’t think you needed the extra stress of coping with one of your slaves running amok sexually. If you were drawn into that on the planet, you may not have been able to keep the relationship quiet. I wanted to shield your privacy and theirs."

My anger was doused almost instantly. Chakotay was right. There was no denying it. The situation had almost spiraled out of control. All of Voyager would know about the Mistress if I had gone down there. I certainly didn’t want that. Everyone of the away team was mortified enough.

"Am I forgiven?"

"Maybe," I said.

"I’ll take the lash, if you want," he said. There was a twinkle in his eyes.

"You want to please me, talk to that Doctor and tell him I’m clear for full duty," I said. "I only died a little. I’m not an invalid."

"Done," he smiled.

I stood and stretched. Chakotay was standing waiting for my embrace. A sigh escaped me as soon as my body was flush with his. "I’m trying to work up here while imagining all sorts of things in great detail."

"Did you want a log?" He asked, nuzzling my neck.

"You pervert, you got to watch," I murmured. He was biting my ear by then.

"Not much happened. By the time I dumped Tuvok, Vorik had showed up," he said.

"Poor baby."

He kissed me deeply and thoroughly. Chakotay was an incorrigible bastard. I should lash him after all.

"Let’s go to my quarters," I whispered against his mouth.

Chakotay rested his forehead against mine.

"What?" I demanded.

"I have the last shift tonight," he said.

I moaned.

"I’ll have to come to you in the morning," he said. "We’ll have until second shift."

"I’m hungry now," I wailed.

"You’ll think of something," he smiled. "But save some of that fire for me."

Chakotay kissed me again. His hard mouth slanted across mine. His tongue raked mine while he pressed me close to his body. Had his heart slammed or was it mine? I pushed away.

"I’ll be waiting," I said. "I hope you’ll be ready."

I charged out of my Ready Room completely out of sorts.

"Janeway to Paris," I said.

"Paris here," he replied quietly. He sounded weary.

"Tom," I said gently.

"Mistress," he sighed. "How may I serve?"

"I’m coming to your quarters," I replied.

"Yes, Mistress," he said. "Thank you."

"Don’t undress," I added.

Tom was waiting for me in his civvies with a chilled glass of wine. His shirt was open to the chest. He looked tired, but I felt the adrenaline coursing through him. My decision was correct. I accepted the glass then walked around him. My cherished rogue was trying to breathe normally.

"Are you displeased with me?" he whispered. "I couldn’t take advantage of her. She wasn’t really willing."

I sipped my wine. Then I petted his hairy chest.

"Far from displeased," I said. "It just seems to me that we’ve both been stoked with no hope for release."

His eyes were glowing with intensity. "No hope, Mistress?"

"It would be inappropriate."

"Isn’t the Circle about fulfilling fantasy?" He asked quietly.

"Yes," I replied.

"I want what I didn’t take," he said hoarsely. "That’s my fantasy."

I threw the glass aside, then jumped on Tom wrapping my legs around his waist. I bit his neck hard then sucked his skin.

He gasped then with a great show of strength hurled me several feet to land on his bed. I hit the mattress hard enough to drive the wind out of me for a moment. Tom pounced on me straddling my waist to unzip -- no tear apart my uniform.

When I got my breath back I began to rip at his clothes. He took me by the hair then viciously yanked my head back.

Tom bit my neck hard. I cried out briefly. He kissed the bruised flesh. I raked my nails down his chest. The fight began anew. This time we ripped each other’s clothes off completely. Tom was still primed from the away mission. He pinned me quickly. It was no small effort, but he did, straddling my upper thighs. His erection was nestled in my muff. My wrists were in one large hand over my head.

His kisses this time were even hungrier when he wasn’t nipping at my earlobe or tugging on my lower lip. The free hand was ruthlessly pinching my nipples. I started to struggle, but was shoved back with delicious brutality. Tom shifted his weight one way to maneuver my right leg over his shoulder -- then the other way to get my other leg over.

His mouth swooped in on mine again as he pushed deep inside of me. I was taking a delightful pounding, but I met every stroke while our tongues battled.

My orgasm was explosive, but Tom’s was so fierce that I feared he’d shoot the top of my head off. We were in a sweaty, sticky heap at the end. Tom gently disengaged from me, cleaned me off then settled beside me to hold my still trembling body.

"Thank you, Mistress," he said.

"When did you gain such control?" I asked. My slaves continued to surprise and confuse me. Tom had become an iron man and Kim the loose cannon.

"I’d say when I received my 200th lash," he said drily. "But I also remembered what I lost by crossing the line. Do I serve you through the night, Mistress?"

"No, pet," I said. "Let’s eat together after a shower. You have to heal my lovely bruises before I return to my quarters."

"Yes, Mistress."

"Will B’Elanna be alright?" he asked "Really alright?"

"Yes, pet. She will. In time, she will come to me. Then, I’ll guide her back. She was violated. She has to recover from that."

We didn’t move for a while. I entangled with him to kiss him gently. He seemed to need a little tenderness. I was still amazed at how boyish my highly sexual Second One still seemed. I kissed the dark bruise Torres left on his fair face. Then I kissed his thickly lashed eyelids. He sighed when my mouth cover his again. When I raised my head, he smiled at me.

"Let’s get some dinner," he said.

I didn’t go back to my quarters. I was tired, but my mind was still racing. Inevitably, I found myself at the Holodeck.

"Janeway program Barrows One," I said.

"Program in progress," the computer replied.

"That figures," I said then entered.

I was still jolted when I saw her in the youthful form she continued to assume. Barrows motioned for me to sit by her. She was watching a viewscreen. The Doctor was still trying to figure out why his holoprogram failed with Vorik. The Mistress was highly amused.

"It isn’t that I didn’t think it would work at all," she said after switching the screen off. "I did a lot of work on the subroutines to infiltrate that Vulcan tart’s image on the off chance that he would succeed. How often do we get a chance at having a Vulcan?"

I sighed. "Why do you want to torment him?"

"He started it," she replied. "Besides, the stubborn thing should come to me with such matters."

"I know what you mean," I replied. "Ironic, isn’t it."

"Too much so," she replied.

"Permission to ask a question, Mistress."


"What did they say to you when they came?" I asked. "If you want to tell me."

"Of course, I do. I won’t keep that secret." Barrows activated a viewscreen. "Observe."

Tuvok had came in first with Chakotay close behind, then the Doctor. Tuvok and the Doctor had tricorders out.

"According to the readings," Tuvok said. "There is no presence of an alien entity like the one took the form of Marayna."

"There are no life readings either," the Doctor replied.

"Gentlemen, you really should be addressing Mistress Barrows directly," Chakotay said.

"Thank you, gorgeous," Barrows replied. "I was beginning to think Starfleet had become thoroughly rude. But then Vulcans always were."

"That was not my intent," Tuvok said. "We have come to speak to you about the


"To violate her most private relationship?"

"Not if we don’t have to," the Doctor said. "I’ve become concerned about her strong attachment to you and, more importantly, her dependence upon you for counsel in times of personal crisis."

"That’s what I’m here for, dear ones," she replied placidly. I noticed Chakotay was mesmerized by her serenity and beauty. "But my counsel is about her most personal affairs. I don’t see how it could be your concern.’

"You are a sentient program with access to the central computer on Voyager and a level of control over the Captain’s behavior," Tuvok said. "There is considerable concern that your control would spread to how she runs the ship."

"This could be one huge playground for someone with your history," the Doctor said.

"How droll," Barrows quipped. "I don’t know how such a pair of brains could learn so much and understand so little."

"Mistress," Chakotay said. "Perhaps you should explain it to them. Mr. Tuvok has the authority to order your deactivation. That would devastate Kathryn."

"Point taken, beautiful," Barrows said. "Pull up a chair, boys.’

Chakotay complied. He glanced at Tuvok and the Doctor who remained standing. "This will go faster if you go along with her," he said.

"The thing about being a Dominatrix that really gets her off is having someone powerful surrender the flesh completely to your control," she began. "Just as the kick for a powerful person is to surrender control to the Dominatrix. Without the power to lose or to control, the kick isn’t as powerful. Of course, there are other attractions for slaves and their handlers, but this sort of relationship is rare and amazing."

"You’re saying then that the Captain’s command status is part of the allure," Tuvok said.

"Part of it. I knew Kathryn was a powerful person. I felt it in her bearing when we met on the Enterprise," she said. "My ultimate fantasy would have been to serve under her Command and be her Mistress. But to do so, she must really be the Captain in every sense. I would never interfere in that world."

I could tell by Chakotay’s face that he believed her. Tuvok nodded.

"That makes sense with what I have learned about the practice," Tuvok said. "Doctor?"

"I concur." the Doctor said. "I see no reason at this time to disrupt the relationship, but I will be monitoring."

"I love an audience," Barrows smiled.

The screen went dark. I was speechless. Despite the outcome, I was still annoyed. I felt unnecessarily exposed.

"The more responsibility you have, the less privacy," Barrows said. She was reading me again. "Royalty have the most power in their realm and virtually no privacy. Besides, they really care about you. Even the Doctor carries an attachment for you that is beyond his role. They were concerned."

"I know, I know." I replied. "Thank you for allowing me to know this."

"You’d torture yourself otherwise," Barrows said. "Go to your quarters, find one of your pets and enjoy. But get some rest."

"Yes, Mistress."

Mr. Kim was naked and waiting for me. He wore the collar and leash I had ordered and the dildo gag was in place. He was kneeling by my bed when I entered. My quarters were spotless. His duties after the Bridge were to clean them over and over. Then, I would test his endurance for pain. He had been responding well to training and responding well to discipline. I had realized that Harry functioned well when he had something to focus on to the exclusion of his doubts and distractions.

He crawled to me with the paddle in one hand.

"No, pet," I said. "No punishment tonight. I want you to get dressed then go to your quarters. Try to contact B’Elanna. She may need a friend to talk to. If not, don’t push, just get some rest."

I removed his gag and collar.

"Yes, Mistress."

I kissed his check before he left.

I bathed alone then went to bed in warm jammies and a cup of camomile tea. I slept soundly for all of an hour. Torres woke me when she rang my bell. She looked distraught when she noticed my bed clothes.

"Forgive me, it’s still early and..."

"Come in, B’Elanna," I said gently. "We’ll have tea."

She sat in a ball on my sofa with a cup starring into the liquid.

"Talk to me, dear one," I said.

Torres sighed. "First, Vorik chooses me -- very logically and probably for many flattering reasons -- but he chose and I was forced to live with the consequence of a decision I didn’t make.

"Do you know how I felt when my mind cleared? Four men staring at me wondering if I’d recovered from my rampant lust. Oh, it was all very polite and none of it was anyone’s fault and they were all..."

"Concerned and just trying to help," I said. "I know exactly how you feel, ironically -- a word that I use a lot lately."

She looked puzzled.

"Tuvok, the Doctor and Chakotay went to see Mistress Barrows," I said. "Out of concern for my well being."

"Mistress, no..."

"I always suspected Tuvok knew that about me. That was fine as long as there was an illusion of privacy, but now I’m keenly aware of it," I said.

"Tell me about it," Torres said. "And I can’t help the nagging feeling that it’s because they’re men that this happened. I know it’s not reasonable..."

"I know."

"It’s just that I’ve been so intimate, but I’ve never felt so exposed." Torres said.

"Because, it was always your choice. You were in control. You’ve lost it. We’ve lost it."

"How is Tom?"

"He’s fine," I smiled. "Mortified for you. Hungry for you -- but he’s fine."

Torres shook her head. "He’s such a trooper."

"Oh yes, always ready to rise to the occasion." I said drily. A surprising gentleman. "Harry is worried."

"I know. I’ll go to him soon, but I can’t take any more sympathy," she said.

"Don’t take any. When you choose to see them, accept no more coddling." I said. "We are Mistresses. We strike fear and desire not sympathy and concern. We will do what we want."

"They will do what we want," she said. The twinkle returned to her eyes.

"That’s Mistress Torres," I said. "Harry needs attention and fulfillment."

"Yes, Mistress."

"And I want a log," I smiled.

I was waiting for Chakotay in my quarters when he got off duty. I was in the Outfit reading serenely when he entered. His eyes drank up my image, but his demeanor was wary.

"You’ve been to see Barrows," he said with a sigh.

"And Torres. We ladies are a little tired of all this benevolent, patronizing attention from the males in our lives," I said rising from the bed to approach him. "You’ve begun to take for granted the formidable force that stands before you."

"That was never my intent," he said.

"Words," I replied. "All of you had the right ones, but that is all that they are."

"How can I prove how much I want you," he whispered.

I glanced below his waist. "That you want me is very evident. That you appreciate what you have is another matter. I suggest you go and wait until the romantic school girl comes back -- maybe in a month or two."

Chakotay looked stricken, but I was not moved. He needed to know how I felt when Barrows called me to tell me about the interrogation. I was violated and angry -- no matter the logic behind the action. I felt dear Chakotay thought he knew me well -- all too well. It wasn’t that I wouldn’t have enjoyed being kissed for hours on end until I was mindless with warmth and longing. I enjoyed surrendering to his powerful body and skillful technique. There was a certain bliss in coming repeatedly beneath him then falling asleep in his arms. But Chakotay had become certain of me, and I found that deadly.

"I am sorry for what happened. It will not happen the same way again." He said. "You have my word. I don’t want to leave. Please..."

"I like hearing you say that," I said. I was less than an arm’s length from him enjoying the heat radiating from his body.

"Permission to speak," Chakotay asked quietly.

I nodded.

"You went to Barrows. You know what she said about the power and surrender," he said. "You are a powerful woman -- the strongest being I’ve ever known. Do you know how much it means for you to give me your body to pleasure? It is beyond my imagination. To let me protect you when you need it -- that trust is more valuable than my life."

Chakotay’s eyes were pained. I couldn’t hurt him. My point was made. I caressed his chest through his uniform.

"I fear losing you to your Mistress," he said quietly. "A part of you that I have barely grasped is slipping from me."

"The tighter you hold the more elusive I become," I said. "Not even Barrows has all of me. The difference is, she accepts that. All you want from me could be yours -- the key is yours."

"Please Kathryn," he said.

"No more talk, Chakotay." I said. "Close your mouth. I am hungry for your strong hands on my skin. I’m hungry for your lips against mine -- for your tongue against mine. I want you to suck my nipples and lick my navel. I want you to fill me with your hardness and make my mind explode with pleasure. Can you do that?"


I set my mouth against his and put my arms around his neck. He pressed my body against his. We maneuvered like dancers to the bed. Chakotay eased me down. There was no move made to remove my clothes. There was just kissing, hot luxurious kissing. He explored then possessed then savored. My mind lost its mooring and I drifted in pleasure.

Vaguely, I heard him ask to undress me. I murmured consent then felt cool air followed by warm fingers across my flesh. They were everywhere it seems. My nipples were hardening under his fingers then his mouth. The warm wetness trailed down my abdomen to my navel. Then further to my clit. He licked at my wetness then sucked at my clit. I was moaning when I felt him hovering over me. He was so hard and full inside me. It was though he touched my core.

I wrapped my legs around his waist and welcomed his ferocious kiss as he moved more and more rapidly within me. My mind did explode with pleasure.

We did that through most of our time together. Neither of us slept, but I needed that connection with him. We could sleep after the next shift. Maybe…

19: Penance