Note of What Has Gone Before: When Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay contracted a lethal infection, their only solution was permanent exile on the idyllic planet christened "New Earth."  As they negotiated their personal boundaries over time, they were suddenly propelled headlong back into their old lives after the crew returned with an unexpected cure.

Captain's Personal Log:

I hadn’t slept through the night for the entire week after our return to Voyager. Part of it was the barely audible hum that the ship made. The woods on New Earth were very still at night. That was part of it, but only part of it.

I was in personal turmoil that I hadn’t experienced since the early days in the Delta Quadrant. There had been so much I had let go of and re-thought during my months alone with Chakotay. My life had been turned around, and I really didn’t mind.

Upon our return, I had to re-think yet again. I couldn’t go back to the way I felt toward him before we were infected. Yet, I didn’t know how to go forward. The same walls that kept me forever slightly aloof from my crew, kept me from him. He was the one person who could have helped me sleep, but I couldn’t allow myself to go to him.

All I could do was remember what we’d shared. Each time I closed my eyes, I thought of that tub he’d made for me and how we’d taken to using it together. I would lay on top of him in the deep, steamy water watching the sky and listening to the wind in the trees.

"This is better than a sonic shower," he would say in my ear. He wasn’t talking about bathing. He had me in such a way that all his favorite parts were accessible to his roaming hands.

"I can see that I’ll have to bathe alone if I want to get clean," I said breathlessly as one of his hands toyed with my nipples and the other stroked me between my legs.

His response would usually involve turning my body to face him then sliding me down onto his hard, thick penis. To his credit, Chakotay would bathe me afterward, dry me then carry me to our room where he would kiss me and hold me until I was asleep.

The woods were an erotic playground to that man. When I finally gave in completely to him, he took great pleasure in finding meadows to spread me out on or trees to take me against. I had grass or splinters in all sorts of unlikely places. I had given up on underwear after he ripped two pairs. I wouldn’t have been surprised if we eventually ditched our clothing all together.

My subjects would have been shocked at how long it took to get that way between us. They probably thought we were humping like rabbits moments after Voyager left. I couldn’t face intimacy right away. I felt too vulnerable. Chakotay was, as always, patient and quiet. He helped me face our situation and a fact that I had long avoided. There was no going back to Mark. Too much had happened, and it was unfair to think he could wait forever. With all my barriers gone, Chakotay had taken firm root in my heart.

But upon my return, I am isolated from everyone. I could not face my Circle. The Mistress wouldn’t come out. Her enthusiasm was blunted by the trauma. My subjects tried to help, but I was shut off. I knew it hurt them, but there wasn’t much I could do.

On the tenth day of my personal hell, I got a summons from the Doctor. It was annoying because I was fairly sure of what it was about. Chakotay had been threatening me in the most subtle of ways about my neglecting my physical well being.

"Yes, Doctor. I hope this is important," I said.

"It is. I’ve had visitors who expressed concern about your health," He said. The tricorder was out before I could protest.


"A delegation. I thought an epidemic had erupted when I saw all of them," he said. "You are suffering from anemia, physical exhaustion and anxiety. In short, you could be declared unfit for duty right now."

I sighed. "What can I do to prevent this?"

"Let them help you," he said. "I’ve been briefed on everything and approved it."

"Do I have a choice?"


Mr. Kim was at my door at 1700. I allowed him to enter, but not remove his clothes.

"I’m here to serve," he said with some confusion.

"Whose idea was this?"

"Mr. Chakotay," he replied. "But we all knew you were unhappy. Please, allow me to serve."

I sighed. "Sweet Harry. I know what you’ve been through for me. That’s why I’d hate to disappoint you. My passion isn’t in this right now."

"That doesn’t matter," he replied. His voice was just above a whisper. "I need to serve. I need to make sure that you’re alright."

I sat down. I didn’t quite know what to say or do next. He knelt before me.

"I’ll get you a glass of wine, draw you a bath and get your dinner. Neelix made you Yankee pot roast."

I smiled. "How did he do that?"

"I don’t know," Kim said. "Paris and I have found that not knowing a lot about Neelix’s food makes it easier to eat."

"True." I looked at him for a long moment. "Very well then. Proceed."

The happiness on his face was startling to me. I somehow felt selfish in hiding from them.

Kim started to strip, but I stopped him. "How would you explain collecting a tray from Neelix naked? That might work for Paris, but not for you."

He smiled at that. "I’ll get your wine."

He went to my bedroom first to fetch my robe. The came the frosty glass of white wine. He next disappeared into my bathroom where he ran my bath.

The wine hit me quickly on an empty stomach. My limbs warmed. My face flushed. I began to relax. I allowed Kim to undress me and unpin my hair. He led me to the tub where I slid into the steamy water.

"I’ll get your food," he said. "Be right back."

"I’ll be here," I replied languidly. "Select some music before you go."

"Yes, Mistress."

I wasn’t ready for the title yet, but he was gone before I could correct him.

Time passed slowly. I drifted into a light sleep for a brief time thinking about nothing but music in my brain.

Sometime later, I heard Mr. Kim in my living room. Moments after that, I had another glass of wine in my hand and he was washing my back. I relax further under his touch and allowed him to wash my body. He was deft and efficient, soothing without arousing me.

My Yankee pot roast looked fairly close to the real thing. It smelled pretty good. I inhaled deeply then tasted a forkful. Mr. Kim watched me intently.

"Well," I said between bites. "It isn’t anywhere close, but it is pretty tasty."

He smiled at that. He was feeling more at ease. He tried to sit at my feet, but I indicated the sofa.

"How are my subjects. Have you been training with Torres?"

"We haven’t trained together since you left."

"Why not? I left detailed instructions."

"It wasn’t the same without you. It was like mourning."

I reached out and stroked his face.

"How are they now?"

Kim hesitated. "Holding our breath, Mistress. Waiting for you."

"I am so sorry."

"No, Mistress. Don’t be," he said. "We know you’re in pain."

I was speechless. I just stared at him.

"How else may I serve?" he said. "You look so tired. Allow me to stay the night."

I was uncertain and ready to decline, but when I saw the look of anticipation in his eyes, I couldn’t.

"Why don’t you get your clarinet and your pajamas," I said.

He left immediately.

I pressed my comlink.

"Chakotay," I said quietly.

"Yes, Captain."

"You are presumptuous."

"I know."

"Thank you."

"Get some rest."

"I’ll try. You do the same."

I wanted to say more, but could think of nothing.

"Good night, Captain."

"Good night, Commander."

Moments later, Mr. Kim was serenading me in his pajamas. It was a characteristically happy tune and he looked perfectly adorable. I was drifting off when he finished.

"Take me to bed," I whispered.

His body wasn’t the same, but he was warm and strong. I molded myself against him and felt his arms wrap around me. He sighed in utter contentment as I fell asleep. And I slept through the night.

The next morning, Neelix was elated to see me at breakfast. Mr. Kim had all but stood on his head to persuade me, but once there I was glad and hungry. I worked my way through a fluffy omelette while Harry chatted away about bridge matters. Suddenly, Mr. Paris was with us.

"I have a present for you, Captain. Just what the Doctor ordered for the road to recovery," he said handing me a disk. "The three of us executed the plan. We know you’ll be pleased."

I accepted the disk, and I was intrigued. "If you like it, come to Holodeck Two at 2000 hours," he said. "Just to watch, if that’s what you want."

I nodded.

Chakotay sat down with his breakfast just after Paris and Kim departed. He was preoccupied with a report. I was aware of eyes upon us. This was our first appearance in public away from the Bridge since our return. Sitting apart would look awkward when we rarely had before. I took a deep breath and signaled Neelix for more coffee. Then I walked over.

"May I join you, Commander?"

He played it beautifully subdued. "Of course, Captain."

We talked about the report he was reviewing. I offered suggestions for revisions while he ate. I ignored the memory of him cooking eggs wearing a barely adequate towel and the flash of heat the memory brought. I finished my coffee then heard myself saying that I’d see him on the Bridge. We parted with ease.

My legs nearly gave way in the turbolift. I was really frazzled and opted to go back to my quarters.

"Janeway to Tuvok."

"Tuvok here."

"Is anything that requires my presence on the Bridge?"

"Not at present."

"I’ll be working in my quarters for a few hours, but I’m available."

"I’ll inform Commander Chakotay."

"Thank you."

I retreated to my quarters. For the first time in nearly as long as I could remember, I was lost in my feelings and couldn’t get anchored. Work would help, I decided. A little scientific research without eyes upon me would help me center. I sat down at my desk and called up some of Stellar Cartography’s work on the sectors that lay ahead.

I was minutes into my analysis when the bell rang. At my summons, Chakotay entered.

He looked at me for a long moment. "This has gone on long enough, Kathryn," he said. "It is time to face this."

I swallowed with difficulty. "How, Chakotay? How do I cope without… being with you? How can we be together? I am the Captain."

"How did you maintain a circle of slaves without the majority of your crew knowing?" He asked simply. He was walking toward me. "You are an amazing being, Kathryn. I believe you can have anything that you want."

"Anything…" I whispered. He was getting closer. I didn’t seem to have the will to move away from him.

"Fighting yourself is causing you pain. You are a formidable opponent," Chakotay said. "Now, you’re hiding from everything. I cannot stand by for this."

He was beside me on my side of the desk. He took me by the waist then lifted me onto the table top. He stoked my face, then put my hands on either side of his.

"Touching me or allowing me to touch you won’t shatter you into tiny pieces," he said. "You are the strongest person I know. Stronger than me."

His lips were so close. I couldn’t stand it.

"Chakotay," I whispered. His mouth covered mine; his tongue was possessing mine. I was breathing with him again. I wrapped my arms and legs around him in that long, heated moment. His hands were ruining my hair.

"I’ve missed you," I said when his lips left mine to attack my neck.

"I’ve been here," he replied. He was getting harder by the second, but we both couldn’t be missing from the Bridge.

"How are you going to work in this condition, Mister?"

"Don’t worry. One hard stare from Tuvok will shrivel any man," he said with a smile. He hadn’t really smiled since we returned.

He hugged me close. "Why don’t you look at the disk. Your little friends have been buzzing about it for days."

"You won’t mind if the Mistress returns?"

"I want you happy, Kathryn," he replied. "Whatever works for you works for me. As long as I get some time."

I kissed him briefly. "Do you think you can concentrate on work?"

"Eventually," he smiled.

We disengaged. I touched my hair. "Thanks for the new do."

"Anytime at all, Kathryn. Anytime."

I fingered the disk Paris gave me, then put it in for a look. Paris appeared on the viewscreen.

"We prepared this record for you, and hope you will be pleased," he said.

They were in Torres’ quarters. There was a blindfolded naked woman chained to a hook in her ceiling. She had a beautiful figure: full breasts, narrow waist, shapely legs and long dark hair. I recognized her as a Maquis ensign who worked in weapons.

"I didn’t plan on this," Paris said. "One day the lady in question and I were fooling around and I spanked her. She went nuts for it, so I told B’Elanna. We thought we’d train her as a gift for your return."

I was impressed. I had sensed that this woman was ripe for dominance in my few interactions with her. I was very interested now.

The first session was light, but informative. Torres paddled the Ensign moderately. I noticed her nipples harden. She arched her firm, nicely rounded ass toward the paddle, not away. She moaned in pleasure when Torres petted her red bottom afterward then tugged on her nipples. They were right, she was hot for it. I found my interest piqued.

The rest of the training was by the book: menial chores, physical endurance, lessons in subservience. She responded well, but she was just disobedient enough to require punishment. I was certain she enjoyed the lash. Some slaves do. Torres enjoyed the practice.

"I’m glad we didn’t go through all this, Mistress," Paris said in narration. "I think it was best that we got to the sex part right away."

I sighed. He really had been without discipline for too long. Torres and I would have to thrash him in shifts to bring him back to manageability.

The highlights of the Ensign’s training were very impressive and highly erotic. The disk ended with the blindfolded woman on her knees with her cheek pressed against the carpet coming uncontrollably while Torres paddled her.

"We think she’s ready for presentation to you, Mistress. We hope you are pleased."

I couldn’t guarantee it, but I knew I had to go see. I looked in my closet for The Outfit.

The holodeck program was mine. It was the S&M Club that I attended on Earth. I walked to the throne-like chair in the columned receiving hall and removed the loose fitting dress that covered the Outfit then sat down. Paris and Kim entered a short while later dressed in the manner of the male slaves of the Club: collared, bare chested with a soft leather loincloth.

"Thank you for coming, Mistress," Kim said after they kneeled before me.

"Does the Ensign know who she is facing?"

"No," Paris said. "She will be in the leather helmet with a blindfold. She can only hear when we activate audio. We thought it should be your choice to let her know."

"Thank you," I said. "Take your places beside me. Summon them."

Paris clapped his hands together. A short while later, Torres came in leading the Ensign on a leash. B’Elanna finally completed her outfit. It was a Klingon dominatrix combo that looked stunning and formidable; a cross between a corset and body armor. The Ensign was absolutely divine. She wore a tightly cinched corset that pushed her breasts up and made her nipples jut out.

Her arms were gloved to the elbow. The wrists were cuffed at the small of her back. The shoes had at least five inch heels. She tipped along carefully at the end of the leash with her bare ass arched upward. The leather helmet covered everything but her moist lips which were parted. Her tongue licked them nervously.

B’Elanna stopped and yanked on the leash. The Ensign knelt then put her face on the floor. Then B’Elanna knelt before me.

"You have done well, B’Elanna," I said. "She is quite lovely."

"I am here to please you, Mistress."

I rose and walked around the new slave. I stroked her ass and she quivered. When she started to wiggle, I slapped her twice on one cheek to still her. I tugged her leash until she sat on the back of her legs. I pinched her nipples then pulled them gently. She licked her lips.

"Delightful," I said. "Has she serviced you?"

"No, Mistress," Torres replied.

"Why not?"

"She’s for you," Torres replied.

"No, sweet one. Have her service you all," I said. "You have all been most amazing subjects. I adore you. You helped give me back my ship. You’ve helped to give me back myself. Enjoy her."

"We want to give you something, Mistress," Torres said.

"I will watch," I replied returning to my chair. "Your enjoyment will be a profound pleasure."

Torres touched the side of the helmet. "Can you hear me?"

"Yes, Mistress?"

"You’re very lovely like this," she said fondling her nipples. "You’ve done well, so far."

"Thank you, Mistress."

"You are to be rewarded. You will be allowed to serve."

"Thank you, Mistress."

Torres pulled the Ensign’s leash to make her stand. Torres turned to Kim and Paris. "Bring over the pillows so that the Mistress may see."

They complied. Torres removed her corset and panties. I had missed seeing that body. I still remembered how she tasted and how strongly she convulsed when she came. I reacted to the memory.

Meanwhile, Torres has positioned herself on the large satin pillows spread eagle. The slave was enthusiastically licking and sucking B’Elanna’s clit while Kim helped the Ensign keep her balance. The slave enjoyed her work. She savored every reaction and sought more. I signaled Paris to Torres. He anticipated my command kissing her for a time then sucking her tits. That was enough to send her over. She came so powerfully that she nearly screamed.

Afterward, Torres rolled to the side. I still had my view.

"Pick their positions, Mistress," Torres said. "Front or back."

I signaled Kim to the front of the slave. Paris at the rear.

"You are a fortunate slave," Torres said. "You get to service one excellent man while another gives you pleasure."

"Thank you, Mistress."


Kim was kneeling in front of her. He guided the woman’s mouth to his erection. I reacted again. I remembered the silky feel of his hardened flesh in my mouth. I could feel him responding to her. I also remembered the singularly aggressive thrust Paris had when he fucked. I could feel it. The slave took it and gave just as much. She thrived on it.

Kim came first, but he had been watching both of us. His eyes held mine when he went over. Paris had been in his own world, but when he opened his eyes and looked at us all, he lost it. He wasn’t that pleased about it either which did pleased me.

I rose as they were scattered everywhere. But before I could indicate my wishes, the slave asked permission to speak.

"Mistress Torres. May I know who your Mistress is?" she asked.

I turned off her audio. "She is courting the lash. A delightful child, indeed. Give her what she craves. Then tell her that she will know me soon and likely regret that she does."

"She’ll want it all the more," Torres said.

I smiled. "I know. Enjoy yourselves and thank you for this indulgence."

"You’re going?" Kim asked.

"Yes. This is all I can do for now," I said. "I will be with you again soon."

Paris smiled.

"I wouldn’t be so happy, Mister. We have a lot of discipline to catch up on," I said.

His eyes met mine filled with mirth and tenderness. He didn’t seem surprised. I put on my dress then left.

I was in a high state of arousal and found myself, after a lot of wandering, in front of Chakotay’s quarters. I rang the bell then entered at his summons.

He was seated at his desk working on some schematics that I didn’t recognize. I didn’t really care. I was looking at him. Chakotay rose and came toward me. My voice failed me. I yanked impatiently at my dress until it fell at my feet. He sank to his knees then deftly removed my panties.

I was gently pressed against the wall near the door for support. He held me with one arm across my waist the way he would when he took me against a tree. Chakotay tasted me groaning with pleasure. His tongue delved deep inside me then swirled outside my lips to my clit. I was moaning. My hands entangled in his hair pressing him closer. He was intense. I saw the pleasure washing over his face as he felt me reaching release. That brought me over.

My legs were weak. I was beginning to slump when Chakotay tossed me over his shoulder and carried me to his bed. I was face down when he removed my corset and bra. Chakotay had a hand in my hair holding me still while his tongue and lips traveled from the back of my neck down my spine. His teeth nipped at my butt. I began to struggle wanting him to end this torture.

Chakotay turned me onto my back so he could watch me while he undressed. He said nothing, but his eyes were as expressive as I’ve ever seen them. Soon, he was thrusting inside of me as his mouth claimed mine. He felt fuller to me. I gasped at the feel as he moved within me. I held onto him and was lost in a familiar surge of intense passion. I was coming in an instant, but I knew he felt it too. He was stiffening as my moans got louder. We went over together.

I was lying beneath his dead weight loving the feel of it. I knew how much I’d missed him, but I hadn’t allowed myself to wonder about how he felt.

"I’ve hurt you, haven’t I? Turning away from you."


"How could I not? I’ve felt your response tonight."

"Let me tell you about an ancient Indian story..."

"Try and I’ll have to kill you," I said.

He laughed propping up on an elbow to look at me. His eyes were shimmering; brimming with emotion. "How could I be hurt when you were in pain. If you didn’t miss me; if you didn’t care, you wouldn’t have been so unhappy. I felt guilty for causing you difficulty."

I was tracing his lips with my finger. "Don’t. I’ve been feeling bad enough for three. I should go."

"Please, Kathryn."

"I don’t have a uniform here," I replied. But I didn’t want to leave him either. Chakotay lowered his head and sighed.

"Get your things and come with me," I said.

"You sure?"

"I’m sure that I won’t sleep without you tonight," I said. "Besides, it’s doctor’s orders."

He smiled again. "Aye, Captain. That it is."

10: Conversations