Title: Thoughts from the Dark Side
By: Jolee Patkai
Characters: Cigarette Smoking Man
             Dana Scully
             Fox Mulder
                   Walter Skinner
             Alex Krycek

*All characters are property of FOX and 1013.  Story line is strictly from
my own imagination.


Dark Days:

     Funny how memories come back to haunt you when you're at your
lowest.  Strange how, upon looking back, everything seems so simple.  If
the truth were known, nothing is ever so simple as it seems.  If I take
nothing else from this drama called my life, I'll take this.

     People fear me...yes, it's true.  I am to them, what nightmares are
to sleep.  I am the darkness that comes at them from behind, sneaking up
quietly, without warning.  I can't blame people for seeing me as such. 
Haven't I spent my whole life building this image?  Haven't I taken for
granted the power such an image warrants?  Of course...just as anyone
would, anyone who is hungry, anyone who has gone without, anyone who
wants substance.  I am not ashamed of my image, of what I've become,
and I will not apologize for taking what I could from this life.  

     What makes us who we are?  For me, it was a battle called
childhood.  Why do you seem surprised?  Do you imagine I have always
been a man with possessions? A man of confidence?  It was not always this
way, although, seeing the expression on your face, I see you don't believe. 
Never mind...I'm not here to convince you of anything...you can go
whenever you like...you are not a prisoner here.  Far from it...

     Childhood is a battle to everyone..not just me, alone.  It's how you
respond to it that makes the difference.  I simply chose not to.   I let it take
me over and pull me down.  It made me cynical and hard, afraid to give
love and unable to receive it.  You see, somewhere along the way, I was
broken.  No other way to describe it..broken!  I'm not looking for
sympathy, God...no!  I have survived this long because of my defect.  So in
a way, I am thankful for it.  You've got that look again, you don't believe
what I tell you...but, no matter! As I said, I don't need your acceptance!

     My life has been full of different forces.  Forces that took me in
many directions, often at the same time.  Knowing whose side to be on
meant the difference between life and death, and no matter the side I
chose...life was my compass.  To you, my life is one of depression and
loneliness...but that's just your assessment.  It isn't mine.  I chose this
life...can you say the same of yours?  Did you take control of your life,
using forces to your advantage, to finally end up here, with me?   I think
not.   You are here purely by chance.  You chose the easy path...but
looking back, I see choices made for you by others retarded your growth to
bigger things.  Yes...I think you rather envy me...my selfishness, my ego.   
I don't want your envy!

     
     Chess...a very intriguing game, wouldn't you say?  Do you
play...no?  Oh, well, no matter.  Suffice is to say, that chess is a game of
life.  Imagine this planet, Earth, as the playing board...and people we
interact with, the chess pieces.  If you can do that, you can win the game! 
Come now..surely you see the similarities?  All my life, I have moved the
people I have known in a certain pattern, until now, I'm at checkmate.  I
guess it all comes down to reading the play, knowing strategy and how to
manipulate the pieces, if you will.  No matter how self-important we
become, we are all just pieces to be moved and captured.  Like I have
captured you, as a matter of fact.

     You know, I could never have chosen better players in this game. 
Walter Skinner, Fox Mulder, Alex Krycek..all made the play so very
worthy.  I drew great pleasure from battling these great men..but compared
to you...they were pawns.  And now as my life comes to an end, there are
only two pieces left on the board.  The King and the Queen.  Why do you
look so shocked?  Surely you know why I brought you here?  I grow tired
of the game...I've conquered everyone worth my time and effort.  Tonight,
I've come to claim the prize.  
                                             
     I've watched you for more years than you could possibly imagine. 
Since you were a little girl, running wild with your brothers.  Watched you
as you grew into a young woman, full of promise and sparking of rebellion. 
You were always restless, unable to settle.  Relationships were hard for
you to build.  Afraid of taking what you wanted, you let others take
you...powerful men who used you and sucked your vitality from your body. 
You were like me in that way..never committing and never receiving lasting
devotion from anyone.  That's why you came when I summoned you.  It's
useless to deny to me what I see plainly in your eyes.  Don't even try..I'm
much too tired to play that game!

     I'm dying....dying, and soon there will be only one piece left on the
board.  I would have it no other way!  You may not believe it, now, but
your whole life has been pushing you in this direction, to this end.  There is
no other ending.  What is it I am seeing in your eyes, now?  Tears...why? 
Have you looked into your very soul and discovered what I've always
known?  You are just like me....alone and lonely...wanting what people like
us can never have...because, you see, we are broken.  Our souls have
cracks too big to fill.  We hurt those we touch, we can't help it.  This has
been our way to independence.  Here, take my hand...take the hand of a
dying man...and help me to cross over into oblivion.   I challenge you to
say I'm wrong...deny me this last comfort...your soft white hand...so cool
in my own.  I know you won't deny me...how could you, when you know
all I have said is the truth?  I know how sacred the truth is to you!

     Ahh...I see, that's the way it is to be, is it?  You refuse my hand,
retreat from my touch?  It was my touch that gave you life..but how soon
you forget.  Maybe I misread you, but I'm an old man and my mind will not
change.  Whatever you do now, whatever you say, changes nothing..for I
know you better than you know yourself.  I know the truth, Dana....

     Looking down at the dark shadow that was the man, she felt tears
flow steadily down her face.  Even with death at his door, he could not ask
for forgiveness or admit guilt for his many sins.   Even when faced with
watching him die, she couldn't bring herself to offer her hand in comfort,
for in doing so would be like kissing the devil himself.  Turning away from
the bed, she walks to the door.  Slipping quietly through, she closes it
gently.  Closing the part of her life where nightmares come from.   She was
sure she would never look at a chess board again without remembering this
night.  Why he chose her, out of all his pieces to be his Queen, she didn't
know.  She didn't want to understand.   She felt soiled and somehow
violated.  With a shudder, she leaves the apartment complex and heads
home.  Home to reality and a new beginning.  The truth was still out
there...she just had to know where to look for it.

     Wetness covers his cheeks.  Surprised and wondrous at the same
time, he lifts a weak hand to touch his face.  Was he crying?  He had never
cried a day in his life..never knew how.  Somehow this woman had reduced
him to this.  Emotions he had never before felt, he was feeling as he lay on
his deathbed.  All because of her....his Queen!  The game was
over...finished...and she had won.  Checkmate......


THE END