I awoke suddenly in the middle of the night, aware that something was wrong. My ears registered two things immediately: the incessant pounding at my door, and the shrill scream of a smoke alarm. I scrambled out of bed, almost tripping on the slippers on the carpet as I ran for the door. The door crashed open before I got there, and I only heard "Thank God!" before I was crushed by Jake's embrace. "I was so worried. Why didn't you come downstairs?" His voice was rough as he spoke into my hair. "Downstairs?" I mumbled, confused. "The fire alarm! It's been ringing for half an hour! We evacuated to the lobby." The sleepiness left abruptly as panic set in. I tried to disentangle myself from Jake. "There's a fire?" "No, a false alarm. It's likely a short. We're looking into it." Mulder said from the doorway. He was holding an axe in his right hand. I realized for the first time that my absence must have caused more than a little concern. Jake's tear-stained face confirmed it. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to worry everyone." "Didn't you hear the alarm?" Jake asked incredulously, swiping at his face. "I was asleep. I didn't hear anything," I admitted, starting to feel defensive. I could feel the anger underneath Jake's next words. "Did you take something?" "I'm pregnant, not stupid! And I've always been a deep sleeper!" The alarm drowned out most of my shouting, but I think my anger was evident. I stormed out of the room, not waiting to see if Jake and Mulder would follow. Four hours later when the sun rose, painting the sky several brilliant shades of orange, the screaming ended after Keith figured out the fire alarm system. Needless to say, it was not going to be an ordinary day of work, except for those assigned to security, and we were finally allowed back upstairs to our beds. I was not surprised to find Jake following me to my room. I was surprised when he grabbed my duffel and started emptying my drawers into it. "You're moving in with me," he stated when I tried to stop him. "The hell I am! Get away from my dresser!" I tugged my green sweatshirt out of his hands. He stopped packing for me, but didn't look up from my clothes. "Please, Jessie. I'd feel better if you were with me. Think about the baby." "You think I can't take care of my baby?" I could feel the blood rushing through me, as I prepared to explode. "I didn't say that, Jessie." "You don't trust me to take care of the baby!" "You didn't hear the alarm," was all he said. I couldn't say anything to refute him; instead I stood in front of him steaming in silence, cursing him in my mind. "What if it was a real fire, Jessie?" 'Then the baby and I would've burned!' I yelled at him silently, wanting to spite him. There was nothing I could say aloud except what was hardest to say. I remained silent. He resumed packing and after a moment, I crumpled to my knees sobbing, "Sorry, sorry." "I'm sorry, too," he said, putting his arms around me, letting me cry all over his shirt. "Hey, it won't be so bad living with me. Besides, my door isn't broken!" he remarked. I wiped my tears with the back of my hand and looked at my door. It really was a lost cause; the axe had destroyed the lock completely. I could only imagine the intense fear that had led to such damage. Jake and his father had done that to get to me, to ensure my safety. "Thank you," I sniffled, feeling the tears start anew. "Thank you for coming to get me." "I'd never leave you, Jessie," he said, squeezing my hand. "Promise?" "I promise." ----- It was Jake's stumbling that woke me up. And his words that awakened me to the truth. I had never seen him so distressed before, and realized what it was when he neared the bed. "Have you been drinking or did you fall into a vat of alcohol?" I jokingly demanded. In the week since I'd moved into Jake's room, I'd become accustomed to his bi-weekly routine of hanging out with his co-workers after their evening shift, and that alcohol was sometimes involved. Instead of a laugh or even an excuse, he responded in a pleading voice, "Oh, Jessie. Please. There's something I need to tell you." I sat up in bed, unsure of what was going on. "I killed him, Jessie. It's my fault," Jake admitted. "Jake? Who did you kill?" "My brother." I couldn't help the gasp that came out of my mouth. I covered my mouth with my hand, so that nothing else would escape. "I killed him," he repeated. I removed the hand from my mouth. "What are you talking about?" I asked slowly. "They took him because they thought he was me. I was supposed to be taken. He'd still be alive if it wasn't for me." "Oh my God. I think I understand now--" Jake exploded before I could continue. "Don't tell me you understand! You don't!" I felt myself backing towards the headboard, away from him and his anger. "Do you know how it feels, Jessie, to be replaced as your mother's first thought? That's how my brother felt when I came back to live with them: that I had ruined his life. I was theirs. He was only the replacement, the substitute. And I could feel his pain. You don't know how it feels. You have no idea..." He crumpled to the ground. "Jake? I don't understand. What are you talking about?" I whispered. "He was adopted," he started, then backtracked, "My mother put me in protective custody before my first birthday. There had been an attempt to kidnap me. I didn't see my family again until I was almost four." I didn't know what to say, stunned by his revelation as well as questioning just how much he'd had to drink. "Do you know why I go by my middle name?" he asked, changing topics abruptly. After a pause, I shook my head in the negative. "No, you never told me." "I got used to it after two years of living as Jacob Hale. I never hated 'William.' Do you know why I was cyberschooled? No, unlike you, it wasn't my choice. It wasn't safe for me to go to school! God, I wished so hard to be normal! You're lucky you can't hear them all the time. Do you know how fucking depressing some of these people are? If they're waiting to die, they might as well head south now! No use waiting for summer when the Blague will come and get us all!" I plugged my ears to Jake's rambling. I could see his lips continuing to move, the negativity spewing forth. "Shut up!" I screamed at him until his lips stopped moving. He stared at me, blinking rapidly. I picked up my pillow, clutching it to my chest, and got out of bed on the other side. "I'm sleeping at Amy's," I said quickly, and fled the room. ----- "Nooooo!" I was awakened by my own scream. My eyes scanned the room but could not see beyond the darkness. My heart was beating so fast, I thought that I would explode with all that blood rushing through my body. My hands clutched at the damp bedding. I was scared to look down; scared to move an inch. I was afraid of my own body. I wondered what time it was, but didn't have the nerve to move my head and find Jake's watch on the bedside table. I vaguely sensed that I was lying on my side in the fetal position facing the table; I wouldn't have to move my head much to see if his watch was there or not. But I couldn't. The fear was as real as the mattress I felt under my body. I closed my eyes, trying to slow down my breathing. And I saw it again. The black being rising from my body. The expression on my face, forever left on my corpse. My baby was going to kill me. It was going to rip its way out of my body, below my heart, leaving a gaping hole. It wasn't human. "It is, it is, it is," I whispered to my pillow, trying to reassure myself. It didn't work. I knew that if Jake had been here, he would've been able to. He would be holding me, rubbing my arms, wiping my tears. He knew how to take care of me. He could always help me. He treated me like a partner, never mind the fact that our circumstances had led us here, not our feelings. I know that he felt obligated. He was not the kind of man who left. He had made it quite known to me. There had been no other instances of drunken outbursts after he realized how much he had scared me that time. He had pleaded for my forgiveness the next morning at Amy's door, and I was in his arms before his second sentence. I couldn't lie to myself any longer. We had passed just friendship months ago, and while it took me a bit longer to return his feelings, I hadn't classified it then either. Our reversion back to being just friends couldn't stop the way I felt. I knew what it was now. I was in love with him, and I finally knew it. He had known how he'd felt about me for a long, long time, but I had been in denial the just as long. Only when I realized that I couldn't see myself with anyone but Jake did I look inside myself for the answers, the truth about how I felt. Maybe I needed to let him know how I felt... ----- Planning to do something and doing it are not the same. I had planned to tell Jake how important he was to me for weeks when a situation arose, forcing me to just do it. Suddenly the anxiety that had been plaguing me and causing my procrastination wasn’t an issue anymore. Jake told me that he was leaving. I was at the window. I hadn't been able to sleep and decided to wait for him to return from yet another meeting with some of the other guys. He wasn't surprised to see me up and told me their plans so casually it took a few moments for the words to register. "Dad asked me," was what he said. Apparently Mulder felt that there was reason to be suspicious. We hadn't heard from the Blague in two months, and the fear surrounding the eerie calm was starting to surpass the relief. Jake said he was invited to be on the team, but we both knew the truth. He was the team. Without him, the trek south would be a suicide mission. I watched him stuff clothes into his pack for less than a minute before I knew what I had to do. Maybe it was the hormones, but I can't put all the blame on that. I did something so incredibly shameful, it hurts when I think about it. He had just zipped up his bag and swung it over his shoulder when I began. "Jake..." "Not now, Jessie. We'll talk when I get back. Three weeks at the most." He gave me a tired look before heading for the door. "Jake," I tried again. His hand was on the doorknob. I had to reach him. I left my post at the window. "Don't go." He stopped in his tracks but didn't say anything. "Please." I couldn't help the desperate tone of my voice. I was less than five feet away from him, almost within touching distance. "You can't go." He made no effort to turn around and face me. "You know I have to," he said quietly. "I need you," I blurted out. The words seemed to shatter the placidity of the night. "You'll be fine, Jessie." His words bounced off the door at me. I wasn't worried about myself. I remembered Brian and Lily's violent deaths. "You can't go," I repeated, trying to shake off my first memory of the Blague's viciousness. "I'll be fine." He finally turned around. It was too dark for me to see his eyes. I wanted to see his eyes. I stepped closer to him, and he mistook my action, giving me a quick hug and a peck on the cheek. "See you," he said before turning back towards the door. "Don't leave me," I whispered, grabbing at him. He looked down where I had captured fistfuls of his shirt. He chuckled as he gently removed my hands from his clothing. "If I'd known this was what it took to get you to touch me, I would've left months ago!" To my horror, I burst into tears. His arms wrapped around me immediately. "Hey, what's wrong? It's only a joke--you know that, don't you?" I closed my eyes and just let myself feel. I let myself relax in his arms. "I can't lose you. Everyone I've loved is dead, and you're not going to be next. I won't allow it," I said into his neck. I heard his amazement in the way his breathing changed. He clearly hadn't expected me to be so open with him. For that matter, I hadn't expected it either. "You don't know how long I've been waiting--" I shushed him by placing my lips on his mouth. He didn't have time to respond to the kiss before I pulled away. I thought the smile on his face could entice the sun to come out at night. He kept smiling as he stepped back from me. My own grin faded with his next words. "When I get back--" I didn't let him finish. I couldn't let him go. I had to finish what I'd started. Before I had known what I planned to do, my arms were around him, my fingers in his hair, and my mouth on his throat. "Jessss," he groaned. I wouldn't relent, kissing my way down his neck, pulling at his shirt with my chin. "I-I've got to meet...the guys." He feebly attempted to disengage himself from me, but I hung on. I knew I had him when he leaned back against the door, trying to catch his breath. Like the hungry wolf that knows not to let go of the weakening buffalo, my hands remained on his body, clutching his shoulders. Seeing that escape was unlikely, I jumped in for the kill, attacking his open lips with fury. He tasted familiar, but I couldn't pinpoint what it was. A sweet, fruity concoction that made me want to drink him up. I kissed him until I couldn't breathe, but he wouldn't let me up for air. He had to respond in kind. When he finally let me go, I thought my lungs would explode. "St-Stay," I panted into his chest. "Stay with me, Jake." He didn't answer as I took his hand in mine and led him to our bed. ----- He was gone the next morning. And three weeks expanded into four, then five. I had no tears left by the time I knew what was going on. Dana and I were returning to the clinic after our lunch break when the news broke. The men were back, minus three. We rushed to the movie theatre, where others were already gathering. "Where's Mulder?" Dana asked frantically, pushing her way to the front of the theatre. With her short stature, I lost her almost immediately. "Please, everyone!" I heard Jacques attempting to restore some kind of order. I was fumbling to the front of the room when I heard it. It was the cry of a desperate woman. The voices quieted instantly with this intrusion. I made my way to the source of the sound. It was Dana. She was on her knees in front of Keith, grabbing at the bottom of his coat. Tears streamed down her face, and this foreign sight nearly started my own. "Mulder asked me to give this to you...if anything happened," Keith said in a strange voice. I noticed for the first time that he was holding out a note, folded into a very small rectangle. Dana stared at the note for a long minute before taking it from Keith's grasp. She tucked it into one of the large pockets on her lab coat, swiped a hand across her eyes, and stood up. "Please excuse me," she whispered, before running for the door. I didn't stay to hear the news; I didn't need to be a mind reader to know that Mulder and Jake were gone. I suppose I was in shock. All I remember is the way my heart felt. I had just recently reconciled my feelings for him but hadn't made it known to him directly. I had intended to tell him I loved him that night, but it just never happened. Now it was too late. I went back to the clinic and finished sterilizing the instruments in the second drawer on the left-hand side. ----- Things were worse than we thought. Either They were developing resistance to the cold or taking advantage of the warmer weather and testing out moving farther up north. Whatever the case, They were getting closer. Keith said we needed to start moving yesterday. They were using us to create an army, infecting those captured so we could incubate soldiers for Them. Prisoners were transported to army bases where upon their deaths their killer progeny began "military training." They would kill us as training for Their soldiers--soldiers in a war with the rebel aliens, with Earth as the battleground. We all knew that couldn't happen. Mulder, Jake, and Geoff had sacrificed themselves to the cause. We would not give up. We did the only thing we could do. We packed up and headed north. The night before we left, I could hear the others' thoughts in my head. My gift had returned, signaling the closeness of the danger we were in. It was especially hard to shake off the thoughts of those most desperate, the ones wishing for death before They eventually caught up and claimed us. I finally understood how hard it must've been for Jake to filter out everything he heard. ----- I suppose it was due to the fact that I hadn't grieved, or maybe I had truly gone insane, but on the second day of our walk up north, I just stopped. By now, I was showing, and a few stopped to wait for me, but I told them I was just taking a rest, and that I'd catch up in a minute. After ten minutes I resumed walking--back the way I'd come. I'd come to the conclusion that Jake, Mulder, and Geoff were still alive, that they had escaped from the base in Calgary and would be looking for us in Pride Creek. Someone had to go back and tell them where we were. I'd wait for Jake at the courthouse, our usual place. For the first time in days, I felt alive. I walked briskly, feeling none of the fatigue that had been plaguing me earlier. "Jessie! Jessie!" I heard behind me, but I ignored the shouting. The sound of someone running on gravel came from behind me, but I continued walking, not looking back. A minute or so later, the follower caught up. "Jessie, where are you going?" the familiar voice asked tightly, slightly out of breath. I turned around to face Dana. She didn't look angry, just stern. "I'm going to find them," I said simply. "We didn't leave a note for them in Pride Creek." Her face fell, and her eyes filled with water. The sunlight made them even more luminous, and I thought about how pretty she would look if she was smiling. She reached out and took my hand, rubbing her other hand lightly up my arm. "Sweetie, they're gone." I jerked my arm away from her. "There's no proof of that! Keith said they had to leave them! They might still be alive!" A few members of the community who had started down the gravel to meet Dana and me stopped in their tracks upon hearing my words. They advanced no more, unsure of the situation but not able to look away either. "Jessie, that's not likely," Dana said quietly, tears streaming silently down her face. "Mulder and Jake are both immune." And they were useless if they couldn't be hosts. We both knew that. I didn't realize that I had lost feeling in my legs until I was already on the ground. I looked down confusedly to find that my shirt was wet. Had I been crying? I touched my face to confirm the wetness. "I can hear everyone, but I can't hear him," I whispered in a broken voice. "Why can't I hear him?" "Oh, Jessie." Dana wrapped her arms around me. "Yes, I can hear what you're thinking," I said into her shoulder. She stiffened upon hearing my confession, then after a moment, relaxed again. We stayed in our embrace for a long time, alternating from crying to comforting each other. "You're going to save us, Jessie," she told me when we broke apart. "You know that don't you? And I'll be here for you. We all will." "I know. Thank you," I said, even though the only person I wanted wasn't going to be there ever again. ----- It took us almost a month to hit the 60th parallel. Even though I had stopped hearing the thoughts of those around me two weeks earlier, Dana and Jacques felt that it would be safer continuing farther. We eventually settled in Big Buffalo. The existing community was deeply grateful for more medical staff. Dana and I were assigned to the hospital that had been set up inside the school. We shared a trailer that had neither electricity nor running water, but we soon got used to it. We made the trailer our own cozy sanctuary, even setting up a nursery. Even though it was summer, the weather was cool, reminding me of spring. Putting on the extra layers in the morning, I'd wonder if summer would ever come; I missed the hot weather, even if I would've been more uncomfortable in my pregnant state. The never-ending spring was too dreary, never failing to bring to mind the last season I experienced with Jake. Dana and I kept alive the memories of the men we had lost. In the evenings after supper she'd tell me these wonderful stories--adventures, really--that she and Mulder had lived when they'd been younger and working for the FBI. I'd read one of the poems from one of Jake's books, analyzing it afterwards saying, "Jake interpreted it this way, but I think..." I think this routine helped us find closure gradually. There were days when I just suddenly felt like crying. It seemed to come out of nowhere. It seemed to me like knowing Jake had been a dream; that it had been so long since he was gone, I should've been over it already. And although I'd always have our spring in Pride Creek, I could never have Jake again. I supposed that the tears served as a reminder to me that it was not over yet. And I feared that it would never be. I would be fine, then suddenly I would blink, and in the next second, torrential rains would be in my emotional forecast. I usually poured my heart and soul out in the floods that came. I didn't do anything lightly lately; why should I be surprised to find the same situation when it came to crying? Dana rarely cried, or if she did more often, she hid it. She likely preferred to keep her emotions to herself, giving off the impression of admirable stoicism. I felt like a wreck compared to her, but respected the way she chose to deal with her losses. When she did break down, it was surprising, yet almost expected. I had been at the laundromat. Well, actually, it was more of a classroom in the school--the only building with power and water--that featured two old sets of washers and dryers leftover from former home economics classes. It was my day-off, and since I had gotten up early, I decided it would be laundry day. Waiting for the dryer, I sat on an uncomfortable plastic chair in the next classroom, skimming a textbook I had found. The noise prevented me from staying in the laundry room. I heard the footfalls of someone running in the hallway, but assumed it was just someone on their way to the gymnasium. When I heard the clanging sound of washers and dryers being opened, I rushed back to the laundry room, hoping to thwart a thief from taking off with me and Dana's clothes. I did a double take when I saw Dana on her knees and sobbing; wet clothes spilled out of the dryer and onto the floor in front of her. "Dana?" I approached her immediately after coming to my senses. She reached up and grabbed the hem of my shirt, so I embraced her as well as I could from my position in a sideways kind of hug. I could feel the side of my shirt dampen with her tears. "What is it?" I asked gently, stroking her hair lightly. "I lost it," I heard in her muffled answer. "It?" "I forgot to take it out of my pocket when I put the jeans in the wash bag." I couldn't help the big smile that found itself on my face when I realized what she was talking about. "You're in luck, Dana! I always check the pockets before I do any laundry!" I said excitedly, pulling away and reaching into my own pocket. I took the small piece of paper out and put it in her hand. She stared at the note for a moment before crying openly and trying to thank me at the same time. I only smiled and handed her a partially dry towel. The smile remained on my face as I started picking up the clothes on the floor. I had been tempted to read the note when I'd first found it, but upon reading the opening of "Dearest Dana," I'd folded it back up. It wasn't for me and I didn't want to violate Dana's privacy. So I pocketed up her last letter from her husband with a good feeling in my heart. ----- In late November, almost five months after we had arrived in Big Buffalo, I was waiting for Dana at the hospital when the news broke. I was due any day now, and so was relegated to staying at home instead of working, but leaving the trailer daily for lunch with Dana broke up the monotony of my mornings. "I think one of the newcomers knows you, Dr. Scully," Sean, one of the nurses, announced, entering the hospital. "He just asked if we had a doctor by your name here." Dana dropped the chart she'd been holding. "Who?" Sean took of his coat. "One of the newcomers. There are four of them. They just arrived in town a few minutes ago. I told them to come here and get checked out first--" Dana was out the door in a flash, grabbing her coat but foregoing her boots. I inwardly complained once again about my inability to run, and waddled out after her. I saw their silhouettes from a distance, approaching the school. I trudged up the street, cursing the snow and my enormity. It wasn't until I saw them stop and shake hands with people that I let myself hope. Could it be? They had the same stature... "Oh my God!" I heard Dana say in front of me. I looked ahead to see that she had stopped in her tracks. I turned to face her. Her hands were over her mouth, and she looked ready to cry. "Dana?" She didn't seem to hear me, starting a sprint towards the newcomers. I turned to face forward and nearly fainted with shock. Ohmygodohmygodohmygod! The four men were closer now, and I could see their faces. The three I recognized, I could've never forgotten: Jake, Mulder, and Geoff! I watched frozen as Mulder and Dana ran toward each other, shouting each other's last names. Their fierce embrace in the street was met with applause from the meager audience that had gathered to witness the happy reunion. I opened my mouth to call Jake, but nothing came out. "Jessie!" He'd spotted me anyway, and was running toward me. I waved stupidly, rooted to the sidewalk. I was enveloped in a cocoon of softness before I could even lower my arm. "You're real! You're really here! God, I can't believe it!" "Believe it," I said into his neck. "I'm here," I was able to croak out before the tears started. "Don't cry," he said, moving his hands from my back to my face, wiping my tears from my cheeks. That wasn't enough for me. I lifted my eyes to his, anxious to see the face I never thought I'd see again close up. Letting our eyes speak for us, I caressed his face slowly. He badly needed a shave, but I didn't care about the scratchy stubble, catching him off guard by touching my lips to his. He returned my kiss eagerly, increasing the intensity with a burst of passion I claimed immediately. I hadn't realized how much I had missed his taste until we needed to part for air. I nibbled on his lower lip and licked his lips for him, trying to keep as much of his essence as I could. I stroked his hair, familiarizing myself with the longer length. We stayed entwined for a long time until he quietly asked, "Is everything okay with the baby?" Pulling away from Jake, I unzipped my heavy jacket and placed his hand on my protruding belly. "Everything's fine," I replied, rubbing his hand over my stomach. He fell on his knees in the snow, wrapping his arms around my girth. "I'm here, Baby," he said, planting a light kiss on my belly. "Awww, that's sooo cute!" I heard someone say and realized that we were being watched. Self-conscious, I tried to haul Jake up from the ground, almost losing my balance. He laughed, getting up off the snow, and brushed off his pants. "Come on, there's someone I want you to meet!" He grabbed my hand and pulled me over to where his parents were talking to Geoff and the fourth man. Dana stopped mid-conversation, running into Jake's outstretched arms when we approached. "Jake!" she cried as she flung herself toward him. I felt the tears start up again as I witnessed their reunion. I rubbed at my eyes before the water could run down my cheeks, knowing that it was useless--my face would be red and raw from crying no matter what I did. Jake and Dana parted, and Jake took my hand once again. We only had to walk a few steps to meet the others. Standing with Mulder and Geoff was a tall, dark-haired young man with a friendly smile. "Jessie, I want you to meet my brother, Ben," Jake introduced me to the stranger. I was speechless. I turned back to Jake, and he nodded before I could ask him if this was the brother that he had thought dead. Ben took my hand. "I've heard a lot about you from my brother. It's nice to finally meet you, Jessie." I nodded as we shook hands. I licked my lips and thought about what to say. "I'm glad," I said. Putting a wide smile on my face, I added, "I'm glad the baby will have so many people to call family!" ----- "What happened in Calgary?" I asked Jake on the third night of his return, as we lay awake on our bed. I was thirsty, but didn't want to leave our room for water, not wanting to disturb Ben, who was sleeping on the couch. I rationalized it in my mind by reminding myself that I really didn't want to visit the outhouse later in the night. For the time being, there were five of us in the trailer. As crowded as it was, I loved it, especially since there was always at least one other person to keep me company when everybody else was at work. Jake turned toward me, surprise evident on his face. He had probably been wondering when I'd ask, but I'd been too preoccupied lately to remember. At dinner the first night, Mulder, Geoff, and Jake had told us about staying behind in Calgary to rescue Ben from the ship they found, returning to Pride Creek to find us gone, traveling north to meet up with us, stopping in every town in search of people with information. They'd stayed two months in Fort Vermilion due to Ben being sick, a month in High Level, and another in Hay River. I couldn't believe that they had been so close in the last month. My excitement in their return had overwhelmed me, and I hadn't cared to know the details then. "Are you sure you want to hear about this now?" he asked. "Yeah, I won't be sleeping anytime soon. Baby's too jumpy tonight." Jake turned on his side and placed his hand over my belly. I could feel the baby continuing its gymnastic routine inside me. "God, Baby really wants out!" Jake exclaimed after an especially obvious bounce. "What happened in Calgary?" I asked again in a whisper, reminding Jake to keep his voice down. "We made it to the ship in the morning, but waited until dark to sneak on. Everyone was supposed to be off the ship in fifteen, but I thought I heard Ben in my mind. I had to check it out. Geoff didn't want to leave me alone, so we didn't make the rendezvous. Geoff and I found Ben by accident. He was isolated from the cryopods, in some kind of stasis chamber. We stumbled upon it taking a wrong turn somewhere. I don't know how he'd survived so long. Maybe They hadn't figured out that he couldn't communicate with Them, or that he was only pretending he couldn't. Maybe They thought he could be ransomed later on." "Was it a trap?" I asked. "No, I don't think so. I kept thinking about a malfunction in the engine room, just to keep Them occupied on that side of the ship. I didn't even know if They had an engine room!" "How did you keep Them from hearing your thoughts about Ben?" "I don't know. I tried to act, not think. I didn't hear any of Them worried about him, though." "How did you get him out of stasis?" "We didn't. We couldn't figure it out, but fortunately, Dad came back to look for us. He found us with Ben. He knew which buttons to press. But we couldn't leave until the coast was clear, and They had already figured out there wasn't any malfunction. We ended up hiding on the ship for another two hours. We knew the others had left already; Dad had told them only to wait an hour. Ben was weak, so we had to go slow. You know the rest." "He's better now, isn't he?" "Physically, yes. Everything else, I don't know. As you've noticed, he doesn't talk about his time on the ship much." I grasped his hand in mine. "We'll all help him get better. We're all survivors, aren't we?" "Yes, that we are." He kissed the palm of my hand. ----- A week after Jake returned to me, I awoke in severe pain. I immediately began my breathing exercises, expecting another bout of false labor. I had all but given up on anticipating the baby's arrival. Baby didn't seem to want to leave its perfect world inside me yet. When the pain got better, I got out of bed, and stumbled out of the bedroom. Mulder was sitting on the couch writing in a notebook. He gave me a pleasant smile when he saw me. "Hey, Jessie. You okay?" "Yeah. I think I might be experiencing false labor again." I held on to the armrest of the recliner as a twinge of pain signaled an increasing ache to come. "Do you want me to head over to the cafeteria to grab you something for breakfast?" Mulder asked, putting his notebook down. I looked down at my housecoat and slippers, shaking my head in the negative. I couldn't eat feeling like this. The pain was starting to become unbearable. I sat down in the recliner heavily, grimacing. "Hey, I think we should head over to the hospital." I couldn't reply, concentrating only on my breathing. Mulder grabbed my boots from the rack by the door and changed my footwear for me. "Can you stand up?" he asked. I waited until the pain had retreated into a distant numbness before getting out of the chair. He helped me put my coat on, then quickly put his outerwear on as well. We were only a few steps away from the trailer when the pain returned in full force. I stood stock-still, willing the pain away, as I clutched my stomach. I cried out when Mulder took my arm. I didn't want to move; it hurt too much. "We need to go to the hospital, Jessie," he said softly. I shook my head "no." "I can't. I can't." "I'll help you," he said, putting his arm around me and leading me slowly. I fell to the snow as another contraction hit. Mulder picked me up in his arms and started carrying me towards the hospital. We were almost there when I felt the gush of water flow out of me in a rush. "Oh God! Sorry, I'm sorry!" "What are you sorry about, Jessie?" Mulder increased his pace. "Hold on, we just have to cross the street!" Sean saw us coming and opened the door for us, ushering us towards the bed at the back of the room. "Is it time?" he asked excitedly as Mulder deposited me as gently as he could on the bed. Dana hurried into the room. "How far apart are the contractions?" she asked immediately. "I'm not sure, but they're pretty close together," Mulder replied with a shrug. "That doesn't help me, Mulder. How are you doing, Jessie?" "Okay," I told her. "I need to change. My water broke," I added. "That's okay, sweetie. Let's get your coat off first." She turned to Mulder. "Why don't you go find Jake?" I was shocked and embarrassed all at once. I had forgotten all about Jake! How could I have forgotten? I stopped berating myself and concentrated on my breathing. Everything would be fine. Jake would be here soon and everything would be all right then. ----- "Just one more, Jessie!" Dana was shouting, but I was too tired to push anymore. I was exhausted, it felt like my stomach was being ripped apart from the inside, and Jake's encouragement at my bedside had now become annoying. Had the drugs worn off already? Why did it hurt so damn much? "Dr. Scully!" Sean called from somewhere in the room where I couldn't see him. He approached with a look I had never seen on his face before. He looked worried. He whispered something to Dana and she got the same look on her face. "What is it? What's wrong?" I asked, but neither replied, conferring in low tones at the foot of the bed with Tanya and Simone, the afternoon nurses. "Jake, find out what's wrong?" I implored. "Mom?" Jake called. I could hear the panic in his voice. Dana returned to us with a grim expression. "Jake, Jessie, we think the baby is in distress. We need to rethink doing this naturally." Jake's gasp coincided with my cry of terror. "Get it out! It can't die!" I broke down, cursing my body for betraying me in this horrible way. Jake stared at me in shock, and I knew he could hear my awful thoughts. I prayed that I wouldn't lose the baby; I wasn't willing to trade Jake's return for my baby's life. I couldn't choose between the two. I wouldn't. I'd rather sacrifice myself so that the baby could live. It would have Jake. He would be the perfect father. "I'm going to put you under and perform an emergency C- section," Dana explained. "I haven't done it before, but Simone's familiar with this procedure. You know we'll do our best." She squeezed my hand and nodded to Tanya. I didn't feel the needle at all. The overall pain had numbed, and all I felt was dread and fear. "Don't leave me, Jessie. I swear I'll keep my promise to you. I'll never leave you again," Jake whimpered into my neck. I tugged on his shoulder until his eyes met mine. I love you, I told him silently. His eyes blinked and I saw, rather than felt, the tears fall. I lost consciousness as his lips met mine. ----- I sit in our trailer on the rocking chair Jake found for me, telling our daughter a bedtime story. She was born a healthy 8 pounds, delivered by her grandmother. She has Jake's light complexion and my dark hair. We named her Mina, since Jake and I met in Wilhelmina. So far, she seems as normal as any baby, but Jake and I have discussed the possibility that she will inherit the gift we both share. I never expected to be here. I always thought that I'd live somewhere warm someday. Evergreens and the rocky tundra were never in my long-term plans, but it's become home. I didn't expect to be surrounded by family. Jake, Mina, and I live in the trailer Dana and I used to share now. Mina's grandparents live in the next trailer over, and her Uncle Ben is across the road with Jimmy. It has been nearly a year since Dana and I first came to Big Buffalo, and my mind-reading ability has not returned. We continue to hope that the Blague have given up on us but have not forgotten the shadow that hangs over us every day that we survive. We don't talk about what will happen when the war begins, but about how to live. Now more than ever, I think about the future. Mina's my firstborn, and I tell her that I love her best, but it's not good enough. I want her to have a future. Mina squirms in my arms, reminding me that I'm not done with her story. I smile down at her, reciting the last sentence by heart. "She married the prince, and they lived happily ever after." THE END AUTHOR'S NOTES: Many thanks to the wonderful Angelique, without whose cheerleading and beta help this story might have languished on my hard drive for another two years, awash in commas. There are a few fictional geographical locations in this story. As far as I know, there is no Wilhelmina nor Pride Creek in Alberta, and no Big Buffalo in the Northwest Territories. This is my first story over 12K, and I'm still learning. I'd love to hear whether it worked for you or not. Feedback is appreciated at elsiel@telusplanet.net