Less than a month after we burned Ryan's body and nineteen 
days after the second group had left Pride Creek, I found 
Jake in the woods behind the school after an hour-long 
search.  He was huddled under an old tree, his head hidden 
in his knees.  He looked so small from afar, his black-
clothed form easily missed among the many trees under the 
gray sky.  

It looked like it was going to rain soon.  I zipped up my 
navy fleece jacket and headed toward him.  I would have run 
in relief if I hadn't been mad at him.  When I got closer, 
I could hear his sobs.  I sped up after seeing his 
shoulders shuddering.

I was about to say his name just as I heard a quiet, "Go 
away, Jessie," between sniffles.  

I couldn't see his face, and I knew something had terribly 
upset him, but I was also angry that I'd been stood up.  I 
continued my approach and I stopped in front of his knees, 
waiting for him to look up at me.  When two minutes had 
passed with no movement from him except the occasional 
shudder, I placed a hand on his shoulder.  

His head jerked up and I gasped at the sight of his tear-
stained face. "What part of 'go away' don't you 
understand?" he demanded, an agonizing expression marring 
his features.

I stepped back quickly.  I was hurt and angry, and 
responded back accordingly.  "Don't you tell me to go away!  
Do you know how worried I've been?  I was ready to alert 
the others--"

"Nothing's happened to me.  I just needed to get away," 
Jake interrupted, his calm tone bringing back the fear I'd 
had of his disappearance to the forefront.

I took a moment to regain a balance between anger and 
relief.  Seeing silent tears continuing to stream down his 
face, I asked, "What's wrong, Jake?  What's happened?"  

A streak of lightning flashed across the sky followed by 
the sound of thunder in the distance.   "The group got back 
this morning.  Trent's dead."

"Oh my God!"  I covered my mouth with my hand, preventing 
the scream from coming out.  My knees buckled and I knew I 
couldn't stand any longer.  I sat down in front of him on a 
patch of newly sprung weeds.  My hands clawed at the little 
green pests, taking my revenge for a world they had no 
control over.

"When?" I was able to ask after I recovered from the shock.  
I no longer needed to ask how.  Everyone's deaths could be 
traced back to Them.

"Last night," he answered.  He started to say more, but 
nothing came out of his mouth except a whimper.  I wrapped 
my arms around him and we cried together in mutual grief.  
I whispered reassuring words to him, words I wished I could 
believe in.

I tried to pull away when it seemed like his tears had 
stopped, but he grabbed my shoulders hard enough to hurt, 
and so I stayed.  After many minutes I attempted to pull 
back again to no effect.  "Please, Jake.  Let's go.  It's 
starting to rain," I implored him.  He remained silent, but 
I felt him shake his head "no."  And so his head remained 
on my shoulder, my collar wet with his tears and rain, 
which was falling steadily now.

We were shivering in the downpour, our arms around each 
other, our jackets soaked through, when our comforting each 
other turned into something else.  I was about to lift my 
head from his shoulder and wipe the raindrop that was 
tickling the side of my neck on its roll down when I 
realized that it wasn't rain.  Jake was kissing his way 
down my neck.  It felt so good, I almost forgot where we 
were.  The sudden sound of thunder reminded me seconds 
later.

"Jake?" I mumbled into his jacket.  "What are you doing?"

"No, don't say anything," he rasped.  He unzipped my fleece 
jacket, his lips continuing their assault, moving down to 
the V of my damp sweater.  I moaned into his shoulder in 
spite of myself.

His hand wormed its way underneath my chenille sweater.  I 
gasped at the feeling of his cold hand on my stomach, but 
it soon dissipated, and all I felt was an intense heat 
radiating from his hand.  God, was he ever warm!

I'm not sure what made me do what I did next.  Maybe it was 
the grief.  Maybe it was the cold.  Or maybe I just lost my 
mind.  I wondered briefly if the rest of him was as warm as 
his hand, and before I knew it, I'd relocated my right hand 
from his shoulder to underneath his shirt.  I was surprised 
when I felt cold instead of heat on his stomach.  My hand 
explored his abs, circling to generate some warmth.

My hand dropped when his touched my breast through my bra.  
If he hadn't been supporting me with his left arm around my 
back, I probably would have fallen as well.  I grabbed his 
shoulder again, lifting my head up from his body.  I stared 
at the bark of the tree behind him, letting myself feel 
only what his hand was doing.

I didn't realize that at some point I had closed my eyes 
until they blinked open when he pulled my body flush 
against his.  Our eyes met, and I almost retreated upon 
seeing the intensity in his.  I knew he knew I could feel 
how hard he was, and I wanted to bow my head in shame.  I 
didn't care about salvaging our friendship or keeping 
things as they were--I wanted him (despite our friends-only 
rule, even if it meant losing him).  I no longer cared 
about the consequences.  I was through pretending.  And I 
knew that he could sense it.  So I didn't break our eye 
contact.

We headed for each other's mouths at the same time, missing 
at first, kissing the corners of our lips.  We adjusted 
pretty quickly, thrusting our tongues into the mix as soon 
as possible.  When we paused for air, I leaned back, and 
Jake let me go.  I went falling back into the wet leaves.  
My head hitting the not-so-soft earth brought me partly 
back to my senses.  The rain had stopped, but the chilled 
air remained, making me shiver.  We were outside in the 
woods!  We needed to get out of the elements; we needed to 
find somewhere warm.

I had no sooner untangled my legs than I felt him down 
beside me, reattaching his mouth to mine.  Raindrops 
showered upon my face from his wet hair, reminding me of 
the chill.  I tried to pull him on top of me so that he 
could protect me from the cold, but my fingers kept 
slipping on the wet nylon of his jacket.  On my second 
clawing, he got the message.  As his weight settled on me, 
I let the outside world fade away.  All that existed was 
Jake and I.  All we needed was each other.  I left my eyes 
closed and pretended that it was more than a respite from 
the pain that we were offering each other in the wet 
leaves.

-----

I got back to my room later than usual.  It was raining 
outside, and my hair had gotten wet.  I was careful not to 
get any water on the carpet, leaving my boots on the small 
mat just inside the door.  I was weary, and my stomach 
growled for attention beyond a gentle reminder of needing 
nourishment, so I left the laces hanging from the boots, 
snaking towards the carpet, dragging in the puddles not yet 
soaked into the mat.  I would deal with them later...or 
maybe not.  

God, I was tired.  It had been a busy day at the clinic.  
Geoff broke his leg in a fall during morning patrol, 
Melanie burned her hand in an accident in the kitchen, 
Lexi's fever wouldn't go down, and the stomach flu was 
going around.  I looked around my room as I removed my 
coat, debating whether to fall into bed immediately or find 
something to eat first.  Indecisive, I walked over to the 
window to look outside for now.

It had rained for the past three nights.  I had never seen 
rain like this.  The rain pounded on the windows as if it 
was alive and its life depended on it.  Lightning lit up 
the already-bright sky, and the thunder that followed it 
vibrated my window shutter.  I pressed my forehead to the 
cool glass, closing my eyes.  Less than a minute passed 
before the rumbling in my stomach convinced me.  A decision 
made, I stuffed my feet into a pair of fuzzy slippers and 
left my room with nothing but food on my mind.  

"Hey!" the familiar voice stopped me before I made it to 
the stairs.  "Where are you going?"

I turned around to see Jake coming out of Amy's room, and 
my mind instantly starting spinning.  Why was he on our 
floor?  What was he doing with Amy?  In the two weeks since 
we'd moved beyond friendship, we hadn't talked about our 
relationship.  We were essentially friends with privileges, 
and I had no hold over him.  So why was I feeling so 
possessive suddenly?  

"Jessie?" he questioned my silence as he approached me.

"I'm hungry," I said simply.

"God, so am I."  He pulled me towards him in a flash.

It didn't dawn on me until he released me, when the pain 
registered on my consciousness.  He'd kissed me so hard, my 
teeth hurt.  Why did it always seem as if he kissed me like 
he meant more?  All thoughts of Amy flew out of my head.  
"For food!"  I couldn't help smiling.

"Ah, I think I'll accompany you to the kitchen then.  It's 
time for a snack break anyway."  Jake threw his arm around 
me as we headed for the stairs.  "I was waiting for you.  
We're playing Monopoly at Amy's."

As we walked I berated myself for the little instance of 
jealousy.  I'd talk to Jake about us...eventually.  I 
would.

-----

"Are you all right, Jessie?" Dana asked on the other side 
of the bathroom door.

I wiped my mouth with the scratchy paper towel and replied, 
"I'm fine, thanks."

"Are you sick?" 

I opened the door to her concerned face.  "I think I 
might've caught that flu," I admitted with chagrin.

"Oh no, do you want to go home?" she asked as we walked 
back down the hall to the clinic.

"No, there's nothing to do there anyway.  I'll let you know 
if I'm feeling worse later."

Dana felt my forehead.  "I don't think you have a fever.  
Let's take your temperature."  She headed for the counter.

I sat down heavily on the bed in the middle of the room.  I 
didn't think it was the flu.  I'd been sick for a few days 
now, and was starting to suspect something else.  I was 
late, something that rarely happened to me.  God, what if I 
was?  We hadn't been careful the first two times...

I needed to know for sure.  "Dana, I think I will go home," 
I told her.  "Maybe I can sleep it off."  I rose from the 
bed with a purpose.  I'd stop at the drug store on my way 
back to the hotel.  I'd know for sure by tonight if I was 
lucky.

"I hope you feel better!" Dana called after me as I left 
the clinic.

-----

"What am I going to do, Amy?"  I paced back and forth in 
front of where she sat at her kitchen table.

She rubbed her forehead with the back of her hand.  "Can't 
you take care of it yourself?" 

"You're kidding, right?  The only person that can help me 
is Dana."  I stopped in my tracks.  "And you know I can't 
ask her!"  I resumed my path.

Amy thought silently for a few minutes.  "Jessie, maybe you 
don't know Dana as well as you think.  Why not try asking 
her?"

"To help me kill her first grandchild?  Are you crazy?"  

She ignored my words and pulled out the chair beside her 
instead.  "Stop!  Sit down.  You're giving me a headache."

I slumped into the seat and immediately felt the 
desperation settle, unable to escape since I was no longer 
walking it out.  

"Do you think she would know it's Jake's?" Amy asked me.  I 
hadn't even opened my mouth to reply when she spoke first.  
"Sorry.  Stupid question."

"Tell me again why you can't just have this baby?" she 
asked in a defeated voice.  

I looked in her eyes for the first time since I'd arrived 
at her place.  She knew the circumstances we were living 
in, the uncertain future we all faced, yet if she were in 
my place, she'd be willing to risk everything.  She'd lost 
Ryan, someone who she'd imagined having a baby with.  She'd 
lost her chance.  I had been given one, and I didn't want 
it.  I saw the anger and jealousy behind her supportive 
stance.

To my utter embarrassment, I began to bawl.  Amy 
immediately wrapped her arms around me, whispering words of 
comfort.  Realizing how great a friend she really was only 
made me feel guilty.  And only made me cry harder.

----

"Are you feeling better today, Jessie?" Dana asked when I 
walked into the clinic the next morning.

"Yes, a bit better, thanks," I replied, shucking off my 
jacket and crushing it into a loose ball.  I threw it 
towards the usual corner of the counter where it wouldn't 
be in the way.  

"Lots of rest and fluids--the best cure."

I gave her a neutral expression, not quite able to master a 
smile this morning.  I felt queasy, but I didn't let it 
show on the outside.  Inside, I prepared myself for 
confession.  "Dana, I--" I began, just as she spoke.

"You missed Suzanne this morning," she said.

"Oh, what was she here about?" I asked, relieved for the 
extra time to get up the nerve to tell her my news.

"She wanted to know if we'd be able to handle births in the 
clinic."

I nearly fainted.  I held on to the counter and controlled 
my breathing.  "As in babies?  Is she and Lance--"

Dana chuckled.  "No, no.  She thinks Jasmin might be 
pregnant," she explained.  Jasmin was the cat Suzanne had 
taken in.

"What did you tell her?"

"Well, I have delivered a baby before, in a hurricane no 
less, so I told her not to worry.   She can bring Jasmin in 
if she anticipates complications, but I don't think she'll 
have any problems.  I'm sure that cat survived much more 
before we got here, so a pregnancy should be easy for her."

Dana had delivered a baby before!  I could do this, and I 
would be in good hands.  I would tell her.  I would tell 
her that I was pregnant, and that I needed her advice.  
"Dana, I have--" I stopped mid-sentence as the need to 
throw up became urgent.  

"Jessie, are you all right, you look a little--" I heard 
Dana begin as I clamped my hand over my mouth and ran for 
the bathroom.  

I couldn't tell her.  After getting sick, I felt absolutely 
awful, and all I wanted was to go home.  I didn't refuse 
when Dana urged me to go home and rest, reminding me to 
drink a lot of fluids.  I welcomed the reprieve.  I'd think 
about what to do and who to tell later.  

-----

As I stood waiting for Jake in front of my door, it seemed 
as if my heart was pounding so loud I could hear it 
thundering in my ears.  I had decided that I needed to tell 
him, especially since I had made a decision.  I had only 
told him to come over after work, not giving him any hint 
as to how important it was that I talk to him.

I was semi-conscious of my foot tapping impatiently in time 
with my heartbeats, making a percussion duet out of my 
nervousness.  I waited for what seemed like minutes--it was 
probably seconds--then gave up on waiting for him to show 
up and headed for the stairs. 

As I neared the fourth floor, I had to stop for a breather.  
My heart had been in turmoil for the past two days; now it 
was telling me that I was getting too old for this. It felt 
like someone had reached inside my chest and given it a 
squeeze.  I briefly wondered if I was too young to suffer a 
heart attack.  I would have laughed if I hadn't been so 
nervous.  It was probably then that I began to realize that 
my heart was telling me I wasn't physically worn out--I was 
emotionally drained.  

I felt anticipation at the thought that Jake might be 
excited and anxiety that he might not.  Mixed emotions 
warred inside me, threatening to make me physically ill.  
Overall, the feeling was one of dread, one that I wouldn't 
wish on anyone.  

Oh God, what am I doing?  What if he doesn't want this?  

Before I knew what I was doing, I was going back downstairs 
again.  Instead of going back to my room, I found myself in 
the hotel lobby.

"Jessie!  How did it go?" Amy rushed over when she saw me.  
"What did Jake say?"

I waved her away, telling her Jake and I hadn't talked yet, 
and that I was going for a walk outside because I needed to 
stretch my legs.  

"I'll come with you," she offered.

"Thanks, Amy, but I'd rather go alone, if you don't mind."

She let me go, knowing I needed time alone to think.  I 
walked out into the fresh air.  The breeze was a cool one, 
and I suddenly recalled that I would've been outdoors with 
Mrs. Charles about this time if I were still working at the 
hospital, if They had never come.  I would've never met 
Jake; I wouldn't be in this situation.  The tears started 
up fast and I quickly walked away from the hotel, out of 
sight of its windows.  

A loud barking from behind me made me stop, but I didn't 
look back.  One of the stray dogs in town cut in front of 
my feet and stopped several feet ahead of me.  "Hi," I said 
to the dog, in spite of my tears.  I walked up to him, 
knelt down, and gave him a good pat.  "I haven't seen you 
in awhile."  He looked up at me and licked my hand.  "Has 
someone been taking care of you?"  

Could I take care of a baby by myself if Jake didn't want a 
child?  'He'd never leave you alone; he doesn't seem the 
type,' my mind supplied.  But how well did I really know 
him?  My future came crashing down on me again, and the 
tears flowed like a flood.  I ran from the dog.

I found myself at the back of the courthouse.  I sat down 
in the grass, trying desperately to stop crying.  My shirt 
was getting pretty wet in the front, and I didn't want to 
go back to the hotel looking the way I did.  I was sobbing 
so loudly that I didn't hear footsteps approaching.  I was 
crying into my lap when I suddenly saw a pair of boots in 
my field of view.  I looked up quickly, standing up at the 
same time in case of danger.  

Jake was standing against the wall.  I couldn't tell what 
kind of expression he had on his face.  He was standing 
half in the shadow.  He said in a deep, controlled voice, 
"I take it you didn't want it to happen this way."

I sat back down.  "What?"  I was confused.  I swiped at the 
wetness on my face.

"I know," he said simply.  

"Know what?"

"I know," he repeated.  "And I want the baby as much as you 
do."

If I hadn't been so shocked, the relief would have 
encompassed everything.  My immediate reaction after the 
initial shock was one of anger.  That bitch!  How dare she 
tell him!

"Amy didn't tell me."  

Before I even opened my mouth to ask him how he knew what I 
was thinking, he spoke again.  "I read it on your mind.  
You weren't in your room, and I was worried..."

I had no words for him.  After minutes of silence, he came 
closer to me and knelt down in front of me.  "Jessie, I 
have something to tell you."  He cleared his throat.  "I 
can read people's minds."

My head was spinning.  Were They close?  Why couldn't I 
hear anything then?  

He continued, "I've been able to do it all my life.  I've 
learned how to turn it off and I don't usually invade 
anyone's privacy.  When we met in the library in 
Wilhelmina, I didn't know if you were dangerous.  I just 
wanted to make sure, and then I realized that you could 
hear, too."

"Only when They're around," I whispered.  Oh God, if Jake 
knows, who else knows?  Will they suspect why I can do it?

"No one else knows," he assured me.  "I don't know why your 
ability didn't appear before Their arrival, but maybe the 
trigger was different for you."

I closed my eyes.  "I don't want to talk about this."

"We need to talk about it now, or we never will.  I don't 
care if you need to yell at me.  I promise not to get 
offended."

"It's not that simple," I told him.  I looked up directly 
into his eyes.  I thought I saw something deeper than I'd 
ever seen there, and I quickly looked away, my heart 
suddenly beating faster.

"Yes, it is."  He took my hands into his and held them 
together.  "I've waited for you forever," he said to me in 
a voice so gentle that it hurt my heart to hear it.  "I 
knew there had to be others like me out there..."

"You bastard!"  I tore my hands out of his and sprung to my 
feet.  "Is that why you were interested in me?  Because we 
have this sick thing in common?  So you can study me?  I 
don't want to know where it comes from!  It's not human!  
It's not natural!  And oh my God, now our baby..."  Tears 
tumbled out of my eyes repeatedly.  I couldn't see 
anything, but tried to run away anyway.
	
"Jessie!"  Jake ran after me.  He grabbed my arm and pulled 
me back to him with such force that we fell onto the grass.  
I cried softly into his shirt.  We lay there for a few 
minutes.  I sobbed quietly while he held me gently.  "It's 
alright," he finally said.  "I know you're scared, but it's 
going to work out for us."

I looked up to see him turned towards the wall.  He was 
staring at the "William luvs Jess forever" pronouncement 
painted there.  We were silent for another couple minutes 
before he looked down at me and spoke again.  "We'll be 
fine."  

-----

After almost a year of not wearing skirts, I felt foolish 
and self-conscious in the rust colored shirtdress I'd taken 
from one of the boutiques on Main Street.  But it hadn't 
seemed appropriate to wear jeans to dinner either.  Jake 
and I were meeting his parents for a late dinner in the 
dining room; we were going to tell them the news.  

I was beyond nervous.  Mulder was only an acquaintance, and 
as well as I knew Dana, I didn't know how she'd react.  My 
own mother had been pregnant with me when she married my 
father, and learning that he wasn't my biological father 
had only increased my admiration for my parents.  Mom had 
been willing to be a single mother before she met Dad--
would she have approved of my decision if she were still 
alive?  Even though Jake told me that his parents weren't 
married when he was born, I couldn't help but worry.  Jake 
and I hadn't talked about marriage, much less our plans for 
tomorrow.  The here and now was more important to us than 
what might happen with us in the future.  

"Ready?" Jake asked as we descended the last step onto the 
main floor of the hotel.  I straightened my dress one more 
time and nodded.  He grabbed my hand, and we walked into 
the dining room.

"There they are."  Jake led us to his parents.  We had 
converted the dining room into more of a cafeteria, so the 
kitchen workers left food out buffet-style during 
mealtimes.  Dana and Mulder were sitting in a corner, away 
from the food and the few people that were still mingling 
after supper.  Dana sipped a glass of water while Mulder 
chewed on a breadstick.

"Hey, I was wondering when you guys would get here.  I'm 
starving," Mulder said in place of a greeting, waving to 
the empty chairs.

Jake looked at his watch.  "We said eight didn't we?" he 
asked as he sat down beside his father.

"Yes, eight," Dana replied, frowning at her husband.

 "Hi Dana, Mulder."  I took the seat next to Dana.  She 
smiled wholeheartedly, and I wondered whether she'd feel 
the same after we told her the news.  Jake and I had agreed 
to tell them after supper, but I wasn't sure that was a 
good idea anymore.  Could I make it through supper?

"I'm so glad Jake came up with this idea," Dana said to me.  
"It's nice to see each other outside of the clinic, isn't 
it?  We should do this more often."

"At an earlier time," Mulder added.

I put on my best pretend-everything's-all-right smile.  
"Yes, it would," I agreed.

Dinner went very well, considering I didn't throw up on 
anyone.  Dana noticed that I didn't eat much and asked 
whether my stomach was still queasy.  "Just a bit," I lied.

While Mulder and Jake were working on second helpings of 
dessert, Dana and I went into the kitchen to make tea.  "Do 
you want some 7-Up for your stomach, Jessie?" Dana asked 
from her place in front of one of the fridges.  "Or I can 
make you some ginger tea if you'd like?"

"The ginger tea sounds great, thanks."  I took cups and 
saucers down from the cupboard and put them beside the 
teapot.

"I've really enjoyed dinner tonight," Dana told me as she 
prepared the tea.  "It feels almost normal.  When the boys 
... when Jake was younger and brought a girl home, Mulder 
teased him to no end, but at least we knew how serious 
things were.  I can tell Jake likes you very much.  And if 
you two make each other happy, then I'm happy."

I didn't know what to say.  Did she know just how serious 
things were between Jake and me?  Would she still be happy 
after she knew the truth behind our dinner?  I put on my 
pleasant smile, trying not to shake as I placed the cups on 
a tray.  My anxiety returned twofold.  I didn't want to 
disappoint Dana.  

She seemed oblivious to my distress as she took the tray 
and started out of the kitchen.  I took a deep breath 
before following.

Jake and Mulder were laughing about something when Dana and 
I returned to the table, but they did not share with us.  
Perhaps they were feeling things were almost normal--like 
Before--as well.  

I looked over at Jake to catch his eye, but he was busy 
stirring sugar into his tea.  I unclasped my hands under 
the table and picked up my tea, blowing the surface to cool 
it before taking a small sip.  When I put my cup down, I 
felt Jake's tap on the top of my hand.  I turned my hand 
palm up so we could hold hands. 

Jake cleared his throat and waited for his parents' 
attention.  "Jessie and I have something to tell you," he 
said without wavering.  I was glad he'd decided to break 
the news, because I wouldn't have gotten the nerve to do 
it.  I squeezed his hand and he continued, "We're having a 
baby."

Mulder coughed loudly, clanging his teacup on its saucer.  
We should've waited until they'd swallowed, I remember 
thinking at the time.  Dana sat stock still, her cup in the 
air.  After a second, she slowly placed her tea down.  
"Oh," she said.

"I'm sorry, are you alright, Dad?" Jake asked Mulder.

"Some warning would've been nice," Mulder remarked before 
taking a drink of water.  "Congratulations," he said after 
swallowing.  I wasn't sure if he was being serious or 
sarcastic.  "Hey, Scully, we're going to be grandparents!"

Dana came out of her daze.  "Oh my God," she said.  She 
stood up from her chair and I didn't know what to expect, 
anticipating the worst.  Her sudden embrace had me relieved 
beyond words.  "Oh, Jessie, I'm so happy for you," she said 
into my shoulder.  I hugged her back, feeling the water 
welling up in my eyes.

When Dana finally released me to give her son the same 
treatment, Mulder reached across the table to take my hand.  
"Welcome to the family," he said with an amused grin.

-----

Not having to keep my secret around Jake released a burden 
I hadn't realized was so heavy.  He likely felt the same, 
as he was able to tell me how he'd known about Them before 
their arrival, how he and his parents were able to travel 
up so quickly, and how he'd known to avoid Calgary.  

I told him about first hearing others when the bees came, 
knowing that Jacques had escaped from Bowden Penitentiary, 
knowing Laird was dead, but only hearing smatterings and 
incomplete thoughts.  

As much as the secret of our abilities being revealed 
helped our relationship grow in a new way, it also moved 
our physical relationship backwards.  Even though Jake 
claimed to tune out others' thoughts, I could never be 
sure.  He'd admitted to reading my mind more than once--how 
was I to know if he was telling the truth?  I didn't have a 
choice in whether I wanted to violate other people's minds 
or not, but he did.  It all came to a head two days after 
we broke the news to his parents.

Amy had decided to resume her self-assigned duty as social 
director, a position that she'd abandoned after Ryan's 
death, and was having a Star Wars movie marathon in one of 
the ballrooms.  Jake and I stayed for seven hours before 
we'd had enough.  If I looked at the viewscreen for a 
minute more, I was sure my eyes would need to be re-
lasered.  All I wanted was my bed and a good night's sleep.

Jake had other ideas, though.  He walked me to my room, and 
when I turned to say goodnight, I found that he had invited 
himself to stay over.  "I'm tired, Jake," I told him, 
toeing off my sandals.

"So am I," he said seriously.  He turned down my sheets.  
"Let's go to bed," he added, waggling his eyebrows at me.  
He started stripping beside the bed.

"It's only been five days.  You can go without for another, 
can't you?"  I picked up his shirt from the floor, feigning 
annoyance, but he broke my concentration, tugging the shirt 
from my hand and pulling me to him.  I opened my mouth to 
protest, and he chose that moment to kiss me.

He tasted like butter popcorn.  Despite my earlier nausea 
from the smell, I couldn't get enough of the taste now.  
His tongue dueled with mine before retreating graciously, 
letting me follow.  He backed us up until he hit the bed, 
and I let him up for air.  I pushed him down on the bed, 
crawling on top of him to claim his lips again.  His hands 
worked at my shirt as I traced meaningless patterns on his 
chest, following my fingers with light, tiny kisses.  The 
removal of my shirt a success, he started in on my bra as I 
let my hand wander lower, stroking him through the denim 
separating me from where I wanted to be.  God, he had to be 
more than uncomfortable in those jeans!

"Dammit!"  Jake gave up on the bra clasp, the elastic on my 
back snapping loudly.  I couldn't help but laugh.  He 
opened his eyes at the sound of my glee.  "That's not 
funny!"

My laughter died as Jake flipped us over so I was on my 
back.  God, his weight on me felt so good.  "You feel 
better," he whispered in my ear before trailing kisses down 
my throat.  I moaned in response.  I hadn't realized until 
now how much I'd missed this the past several days, how 
much I'd missed him, us together like this.  "I've missed 
you, too," Jake said, almost murmuring.  

My eyes snapped open as the realization clicked.  My memory 
filled in past sentences coming from Jake's lips.  Words 
that had once moved me now seemed tainted.  Oh God, he's 
been reading my mind every time we've been together!  I 
shoved him away from me so hard he nearly fell off the bed.

I backed away from him, chanting, "Ohmygod, ohmygod, 
ohmygod..."

Jake was utterly confused.  "Jessie?"  He got up from the 
bed slowly.

"You were reading my mind!" I accused him.

"What?"  I watched as he processed my words and found them 
to be true.  "Jessie, I'm sorry.  I didn't realize.  I 
don't mean to freak you out--"

"You've done it every time!  Every time we've been 
together, Jake!"

He looked honestly shocked.  "I'm sorry," he said again.  
Looking away, he sat down on the end of the bed with a 
defeated look on his face.

We sat in silence for a few minutes.  I felt my heartbeat 
return to normal and my breathing slow down again.  He 
hadn't been doing it on purpose, but he didn't have as 
tight control over his ability as he'd thought he had.  
Still, it felt like mental rape.  And I didn't know if I'd 
ever be able to get over it.

"This is too weird for me," I said to Jake.  "Can you 
please leave?"

He nodded without looking my way.  I watched as he got up 
from the bed, picked up his shirt, scrambled to put it back 
on, and left without saying a word.

-----

Awkward wouldn't even begin to describe the situation.  
Jake and I avoided each other at first.  We stopped meeting 
for lunch, and I was grateful for the space he gave me.  
Dana wondered why Jake stopped picking me up at the clinic, 
and I lied that it was easier meeting back at the hotel.  
On the second day of our self-imposed distance, I saw him 
sitting in the cafeteria alone, hunched over a bowl of 
chili but not eating.  I didn't need to see his face to 
know how distraught he was.  I sort of wanted to go talk to 
him, but remembering what he was capable of always rebuilt 
the wall.  Neither of us could talk to anyone about it 
without revealing secrets that were safer hidden.  

A week later Dana proposed having another "family" dinner 
soon, and I burst into tears.  Fortunately she chalked it 
up to hormones, but I hated lying to her, using my morning 
sickness as an excuse to postpone any dinner plans.

"Are we crazy to want this?" Jake had asked me before the 
dinner with Dana and Mulder.  Now I wondered whether I was 
the only one who was crazy.  What kind of life would our 
baby have if its parents couldn't be comfortable around 
each other?  Instead of raising the child together, we'd 
have to take turns; that wasn't what I wanted at all.  
Alone or together, those were my only acceptable terms.  
And Jake was the only one I wanted to raise a child with.

Things had been okay before all this mess, when we had just 
been friends.  And could I really fault him for letting his 
hold on his ability slip in bed?  It was understandable 
that one could lose concentration in that situation.  
Didn't arousal and loss of control go hand in hand?  The 
beginning of an idea converged in my head.  Could we go 
back to being platonic friends?  I knew I could do it with 
enough conviction.  God knew how long I'd gone without 
before Jake; I could do it again.

On the tenth day of our separation, I took my lunch over to 
Jake's table and sat in front of him.  He looked up from 
his book with surprise and watched silently as I peppered 
my sandwich.  "I for one am sick of tuna, aren't you?" I 
said as casually as I could before taking a small bite.

"I had the ham," he said, pointing to the leftovers on his 
plate.

"Ah, the joys of canned ham."

"Maybe the next hunting party will be more successful."

"Maybe."  

He had nothing to add, going back to his book.  I continued 
my lunch, feeling stupid.

Some time after I had gotten used to the silence; Jake 
looked at his watch then suddenly asked, "Why are you 
here?"

"Uh--I missed our lunches," the words tumbled out easier 
than I thought they would.  "I miss you."

A smile brightened up his entire face.  "I was wondering 
how long it would take you."

If I hadn't gotten used to him, I would've been angry at 
his arrogance.  Instead I threw my straw at him, relieved 
that the tension was over.

He leaned in over the table.  "Are you trying to start a 
food fight?" he asked conspiratorially.  

"Not at all."  I couldn't help the grin on my face.  
"Whatcha reading?" I asked, purposely changing the subject.

"Oh, you wouldn't like it."  He beckoned me closer.  "It's 
poetry," he whispered, when I was close enough.

"I could learn to like it, I think," I told him.  "Why 
don't you bring it to lunch tomorrow?"

His eyes showed me how pleased he was as he put the book 
into his backpack.  "All right, but I'm warning you, I 
can't guarantee any princesses or happy endings," he said, 
standing up from the table.

"That won't be a problem."

He pushed his chair in and picked up his tray.  "Okay.  
I'll see you tomorrow then."

"Tomorrow," I agreed.

And so our relationship resumed in the form of a close 
friendship.  I was a little surprised when Jake jumped at 
the proposal of reverting back to friends only, but maybe 
he was willing to take anything he could get concerning the 
baby.  We hadn't made the pregnancy public knowledge, so 
only those around us most knew about it, but we knew that 
people would figure it out once I started to show in a 
couple months.

Gradually, I became physically comfortable with Jake again.  
First, he could touch me without me flinching, then we 
could hold hands, and finally, we could hug again.  I could 
almost forget what he had done until Evan and Nick were run 
out of town.  I remembered witnessing him consulting with 
Mulder after Evan and Nick had arrived in town, and Mulder 
frowning at the newcomers.  Jake had known that the two men 
were thieves, that they had no intention of joining our 
little community and becoming valuable members.  His gift 
saved us, but served to remind me why I could never totally 
trust him.

-----