TITLE: Shadows: Broken 
AUTHOR: Spooky's Girl 
DISCLAIMER: They're not mine, they belong to the XF god CC, and it's probably a 
good thing they do cause believe it or not, he treats them much nicer than I 
usually do RATING: PG-13 
CATEGORY: UST, hint of MSR, angst
SUMMARY: A shell of her former self
SPOILERS: possibly some of season four, mainly season 5 with Christmas Carol and 
Emily
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This is the fifth vignette in a series of nine.  Basically 
simple summary, one vignette per season, a reflection of sorts of Mulder's 
impact on Scully's life.  A complete list of titles in the series can be found 
at the end of the vignette.
THANKS: To Nancy for the beta, and to Ashley for allowing me to continue with 
the idea even though she had the same one in mind.
FEEDBACK: As always, I love feedback...that and chocolate are the necessary 
ingredients to life, and yes, I do respond back to it 
denisegilliland@hotmail.com 

~*~*~*~

She's broken.

That's the only way to describe the shadow of the woman I have sitting in front 
of me, broken, shattered, nothing reminiscent of her former self.  There is 
nothing in her to remind me of who she used to be. She's empty.  And it breaks 
my heart to see her this way knowing I have caused it, and there's nothing to do 
to fix it, it's too late.  It was too late the first day five years ago, and 
it's still too late today, although if I could turn back time and redo it all, 
I'd do everything in my power to prevent this from happening again, even though 
I do know it's useless.

She sits battered and beaten, not physically though, I'd be able to help her if 
it was physically, but once again it's mentally, emotionally, and now 
spiritually.  She has been put to the test, she's passed, yet failed due to my 
involvement, and never once has she put any of the blame on me, although we all 
know that's where it falls.

Yesterday was a life-threatening illness, stealing her strength, her fight, and 
her will to live.  We won, but not without a substantial cost, which is what 
we're facing today.  Her abduction three years ago has never totally 
disappeared, with one obstacle passed, another one arises, and never allowing us 
to truly forget what a cost on her life my presence has been.  In the beginning, 
I cared too little, willingly taking her in even though I knew of the 
possibilities.

Now I care too much, and it's much too late to push her away from me.  I've done 
it once; I can never do it again.  Instead I just watch the destruction that my 
life has on hers.

Today, it was a girl, three years old.  Although it seems we've known her for a 
lifetime, she was taken only a handful of days after we met her, another 
invisible scar that will last forever.  It's another shadow that will haunt us 
for the rest of our days.  I accept the burden this is presenting to me, I fight 
it too, desperately wanting to change the future I know it will hand down to us.  
It's our fate to suffer; that I have just figured out.  She does not believe in 
fate, she will reject this explanation, as I am trying to do, however, how can 
one reject fate?  We're destined to suffer; I'm destined to destroy her.

And I will cause further destruction.

I held in my hand the one thing that could save them both, my partner and the 
little girl, and I didn't offer it.  She doesn't know this; she was already 
resigned to letting the little girl go as much as it pained her to do it.  I can 
only think of the venom that will be directed toward me when she finds out that 
we could have done so much more than we did.

Instead we will move forward as we always have, I'll find other ways to hurt 
her, and I'll still never let her go.  I'm a selfish bastard, but she means too 
much to me to do otherwise.  One day I'll make things right for her, or I'll die 
trying.  Until then, we continue this vicious downward spiral we seem to be in.

~*FIN*~

Shadows: It Begins
Shadows: Darkness
Shadows: Discovery
Shadows: Reflections
Shadows: Broken
Shadows: Destinies
Shadows: Freedom
Shadows: Breakaway
Shadows: It Ends