TITLE:  ROMANCING THE EGG
Authors: Scifinerdgrl and RPCrazy
Rating:  PG
Classification:  XRH - X-File/Romance/Humor
Spoilers:  If you think any of these things could happen on the 
show you need help!
Keywords:  Doggett/Reyes, AU, Humor
Summary: In order to marry the man of her dreams Sir John of 
Doggett, Monica must first find a husband for her older sister 
Dana and in doing so must search out the mystical jeweled egg 
that everyone knows about but she. Follow The X-Files cast into 
the land of make-believe, mystery and magic and have a laugh or 
two while you're at it.
Disclaimer: The characters are not ours but all the words are. 
We have received zero money for this fic but gained so much 
enjoyment that money can't buy.
Notes: As with Scifinergrl's and RPCrazy's previous attempt at co-
writing (Kissing Restraint 101), this one started just by accident in 
one of RPCRAZY's interactive fics. Of course being birds of a feather 
when it comes to creativity we just had to continue.
This could have been the replacement finale. :D
Starring: Robert Patrick, Annabeth Gish, Mitch Pileggi , Gillian 
Anderson, David Duchovny
Introducing: William B. Davis et al
Directed by - Scifinerdgrl and RPCRAZY
Produced by - Scifinerdgrl and RPCRAZY
Music Soundtrack by - Harold Arlen, Gilbert and Sullivan
In a blaze of action-packed haze Sir John of Doggett, the manly hero that he
was, is dodging a big boulder that just happened to be running along behind
him. In the nick of time he jumped out of the way into a cave, as it was about
to crush him. He was on his way back home to once again take up residence with
his father after three long years away when he got into this trouble.
He was just catching his breath and looking in the direction of the spectacle
when he felt some hands on his shoulders. He turned around hurriedly with a
very intense expression but before he could do anything to retaliate he felt
some very wet, hot lips on his. They probed his mouth even before his brain
gets around the idea that he's being kissed. Through the euphoria of this
amazing kiss he feels something shoved in his hand. It's in the shape of an
egg. 
"What is this?" he asks. 
"It is a symbol of fertility. I have given you this egg because I want you to
marry me and have my baby." Her eyes are misty and glowing. He can't resist
her. They fall to the floor of the cave and start making passionate love."
Suddenly a swarm of bats flew out of cave and made a black streak across the
sky. Her father, (played by Mitch Pileggi) saw the black streak and knew it as
a bad omen. Bad seed coming from.... He tracked down the source and found his
daughter in flagrante with this strange mysterious hero... e watched for a
moment and couldn't help but marvel at the techniques of this mysterious man.
How does he do that with his mouth at the same time as that with his hands? He
made mental notes for later. He also noticed how fully immersed his daughter
was in the love-making. His fatherly side once again took over from his sexual
masculine side and he went to break up the mambo. 
But as he approached the images of his daughter and her lover fade like a
stone hitting a pool causing ripples. But as the ripples became calm once
again there was no one in the cave at all except an eerie silence.....
As his eyes adjusted to the darkness he saw a dim, flickering light deep
inside the recesses of the cave. He took a few tentative steps toward it, and
the light receded further. He walked faster, and the light seems to get
further and further away from him with every step. He stopped and turned
around, and saw that a boulder had blocked the opening to the cave. He is now
in total darkness except for the flickering light. His shadow, long and
jagged, danced against the boulder as the light moves behind him. He watched
as his shadow got shorter and shorter, yet more and more defined. When it had
nearly disappeared, he turned around and saw the face of his long-departed
wife, the candle in her hand creating a halo as its light danced in the curly
tresses of her hair. She was wearing a flowing white nightgown covered with
swatches of lace that sway gently as she talked. 
"Walter," she said... "It is your turn..."
"Daddy?" Skinner turned from the apparition to see his daughter's shadow close
by. "Daddy, is that you?"
"Yes Monica my daughter, it is I." He turned back just seeing the faint
outline where his wife had been. Regret filled his every being. Memories came
flooding back but he must take stock for his daughter's sake.
"Oh Daddy, I'm in love."
"In love? So it is true. You were in a compromising position with a dark
mysterious stranger."
"Yes, and he's waiting for me to get your blessing."
"Blessing? For what?"
"For me to run away with him, and...." 
"And? Tell me daughter, what do you have on your mind?"" 
"Daddy," she says as the shadow of her hand caresses his cheek. "I want to be
a mommy. I love this man. I love him with all my heart. And he loves me." A
tear rolled down her cheek and splattered on the dirt floor of the cave. He
heard a hiss, and a wisp of steam rose from the spot where it fell...
"Daughter, my precious. You are destined for another. Your mother and I
arranged it, and I promised her -- on her deathbed," his voice cracked as he
remembered his wife. "That I would honor our vow." "But Daddy," she cried out
in joy. "I've fallen in love with THAT man -- the man you promised me to!" 
"No, my princess, you are too young," he says gently. "Your older sister must
marry first. Wait... wait... your turn will come..."
Seemingly unhindered young Monica rushed back to the man of her dreams waiting
in an adjoining cave but he was not there. She frantically searched and calls
his name.
"John! John!" She was only met with her own echoes reverberating off the cave
walls. Was it all just a dream? She searched her memory for some sign that
this was just all illusion but could not find one. 
The feel of his warm body against hers is foremost in her thoughts. She must
have this man no matter what. She must have his child. Like Jan from The Brady
Bunch she swore that the days of living in her sister's shadow were numbered.
If her sister was to be married first then she'll find someone for her.
In her village there were a number of unmarried eligible men. It was but a
matter of choosing the most vulnerable and working her magic.
As she was walking the path to the village, she couldn't help crying. She
found a log to sit on, and as she held her head in her hands, leaning forward,
she let the tears fall, and sobbed. "Daddy, daddy, daddy!" 
"Hey!" she heard a voice cry from the ground. 
She looked down and saw a tiny man, the size of her hand, with a cigarette
hanging out of his mouth. His skin was a shiny, reptilian green, and his hair
was a stunning shade of hot pink. 
"Hey!" he repeated. "You put out my cigarette with your tears!" 
She stooped to pick the little man up. "I'm sorry sir. How can I make it up to
you?" 
The tiny man pulled a tiny pack of cigarettes from his tiny suit pocket, and
with a tiny flick of a tiny Bic, lit a cigarette. "You have something I need."
He exhaled tiny smoke rings. 
"I'm afraid I don't understand," Monica said innocently. "I am but a humble
village girl. I don't have anything to offer you." 
The tiny man took a teensy tiny drag from his teensy weensy cigarette. "I need
a wife. I hear your sister is available." 
Monica was horrified. "Even if I could give you my sister, why would I do
that? She needs a full-sized man because she is a full-figured woman." 
"Are you reneging on your offer to rectify your insult to me?" the little man
said, flicking iTT bitty ash flakes onto Monica's hand. "You don't want to do
that. I assure you. Bring your sister to the bridge over the brook in the glen
by the bend over the hill and dale and beyond the pale. Bring her at midnight.
By midnight the next night she will be my bride." 
Monica put the man down on the ground and said earnestly, "I can't promise
she'll come to see you, but I can promise I'll try." "That's all I ask," the
tiny man said, as he disappeared into the shadows. Young Monica was confident
that she would think of a plan for her older sister Monica sighed and thought,
'Dana won't want to come if I tell her the truth. What should I say?'
As for this smoking miniature man surely they wouldn't have a satisfying
relationship. Monica was desperate. If Dana was happy to marry this man five
feet shorter than she, who obviously wanted her, then she would try.
Her legs began to take her back to the village to find her sister but her mind
wanted to go back and search for her lover. Her mind won over and she once
again found herself in the cave where she'd first made love to the mysterious
stranger.
"John! John, where are you?" There was a distant murmur. "John?" She ran to
the source of the sound but could not see.
"John!" 
"Over here." His voice was strained. Monica's heart danced at the sound of
that low, rumble voice. She flip-flopped over to the shadow on the ground and
bent down. Just then she had a terrible shock. It was not her lover at all but
that evil shape shifter Wizard Mulder.
"Ahhhh!" She stepped back in fright.
"Hahaha my lovely dear Monica. I saw you before rolling on the floor with that
man."
"Where is he? Where have you put him?" She was distraught with despair.
"He is in a safe place where only I know where to find him."
"Please tell me where, I want him back. I will do any thing to get him back!
Please!" She fell to the ground sobbing wildly.
"Well come to think of it, there is something you can do for me." Wizard
Mulder rubbed his chin between his thumb and forefinger and spoke.
"What? What? I'll do anything, ANYTHING!" she cried out. 
Just then a swarm of bats circled around the Wizard Mulder's star-studded
dunce cap. He held his arms out to the sides, the sleeves of his cloak falling
almost to the height of his knees. Twelve bats perched atop his arms,
bird-like, and their black fur started to glow. At first they were blue-black,
then merely very, very dark blue, then merely very dark blue, then merely dark
blue, then finally they glowed a beautiful, happy, royal blue. And as they
changed color, their fur changed to beautiful, happy, shiny feathers, and
their lips turned into shiny golden beaks. Suddenly they started singing in
four-part harmony, in very, very high-pitched, birdie voices: 
She'd do anything for him, 
Dear anything for he means everything to her 
We know that she'd go anywhere for his smile 
Anywhere, for his smile everywhere we're sure... 
(Mulder) Would she climb a hill? 
(Bird #1) Anything! 
(Mulder) Wear a daffodil? 
(Bird #2) Anything! 
(Mulder) Leave me all her will? 
(Bird #3) Anything! 
(Mulder) Even fight my Bill? 
(All the birds) What? Fisticuffs! She'd risk everything for one kiss, 
everything. Yes, She'd do anything. 
(Mulder) Anything? 
(Bird #4) Anything for him. 
(Mulder) Would she straighten my brim? 
(Bird #5) Anything! 
(Mulder) Paint her face bright blue? 
(Bird #6) Anything! 
(Mulder) Catch a kangaroo? 
(Bird #7) Anything! 
(Mulder) Go to Timbuktu? 
(All the birds) And back again! She'd risk everything for one kiss, 
everything. Yes, She'd do anything, 
(Mulder) Anything? 
(Bird #8) Anything for him. 
(Mulder) Would she rob a shop? 
(Bird #9) Anything! 
(Mulder) Would you risk the drop? 
(Bird #10) Anything! 
(Mulder) Tho' her eyes go pop? 
(Bird #11) Anything! 
(Mulder) When you come down plop? 
(All the birds)Hang everything! She'd risk life and limb, to keep him 
in her life. Yes, she'd do anything ... 
(Mulder) Anything? 
(All the birds) Anything to be his wife! 
The birds stopped singing and cooed gently, their voices echoing throughout
the cave. Mulder said, "The bluebirds of happiness have spoken. You *are*
willing to do anything for him..." 
"Wait!" Monica yelled out. "We haven't heard from the last bird. What does she
have to say?" 
Wizard Mulder scrunched his face up and looked over along his right arm to his
outstretched fingers. "Where is that damn number 12! Always dozing on the job.
NUMBER 12 !"
A small bird that had been pleasantly snoring to the sweet music was suddenly
jolted awake by the raucous decibels.
"Uh?" She blinked her eyes into focus then `ahemed' when she realized that all
eyes were focused on her.
"Whatcha all starin' at?" Monica who took pity on the bird talked sweetly.
"Oh little bird, what will you have me do to free my love from Wizard Mulder?"
"What? He's done it again? I keep telling him he's gotta stop imprisoning
loved ones. One of these days he's going to have to do his own dirty work!  Oh
well, here goes. She pulled a little scroll from under her wing and let the
edge fall open and read,
"Lovely maiden here's your quest
You don't even have to beg
Come with me on a journey blest
To find the jeweled egg."
"What does that mean?" The little bird just shrugged. Monica turned to the
smug Wizard Mulder and repeated her question a little more forcefully.
"What's all this about a jeweled egg?"
"Yes, it's affectionately called the ... "The Jeweled Egg". Oh heck, I don't
know, never could understand the accent of that damned raven Krycek.
"How do I know all this is true? How do I know that my John is safe?" 
Mulder then produced what looked like a crystal ball from his pocket and
handed it to an inquisitive Monica.
A very quiet plea for help could be heard from inside. Much to her horror,
there inside the glass ball, clawing to get out was her love Sir John of
Doggett.
"Monica, help me please."
"Yes John, I'll help you. She went to kiss the ball but just as she did it was
whisked out of her hands.
"First the jeweled egg!" Wizard Mulder pointed over her shoulder to the exit.
"And take damned Number 12 with you, that's a hon."
Monica turned and ran toward the village, Number 12 beating her tiny wings as
fast as she could to catch up. "Pleeeeaaaaaseeee" wheezed Number 12. "Please
let me rest!" 
Monica stopped running and waited as Number 12 caught up then alit on her
shoulder. "Thank you" Number 12 said. "I'm a little bird and I can't fly as
fast as you." 
"I understand," Monica said tenderly, stroking the top of the little bird's
head. "I'm the youngest in my family too." 
Number 12 cooed and rubbed the top of her head against Monica's cheek. "I will
help you Monica," Number 12 promised, then started crying tiny birdie tears.
"But the jeweled egg is my new baby sister. After Wizard Mulder has the egg,
he's going to take the jewels and make my sister take my job." 
"You mean the other eleven used to help free imprisoned loved ones too?"
Monica asked in horror. Number 12 nodded. "Why that... that.... evil wizard!"
she cried out, stamping her feet. She put her hand under Number 12's feet and
the birdie climbed upon her index finger. 
She held Number 12 in front of her, then said very seriously. "I love Sir
John, I truly do. But I can free him without using you. Fly away, birdie, you
can go free. Go help your sisters, don't worry 'bout me." 
Monica flung her arm to the side, but Number 12 refused to let go of her
finger. She brought the bird back to face her, and said, "Why don't you go?" 
"You proved yourself loyal, by making this quest. 
You proved yourself kind, by your actions toward me. 
You started your journey -- there's still more to go 
If you prove yourself worthy, Sir John you will see." 
"But how? How do I prove myself worthy?" Monica asked. Just then a 
vision appeared, a woman wearing a white gown with patches of lace 
fluttering from it. "Mama?" Monica gasped. 
"Yes, my daughter, it is I. I have something to say to you..."
"Oh Mama! I've missed you so much. Where have you been all these years? Are
you.....?" Monica could hardly get out the words. "...dead?"
Her mother laughed in gentle, silken strains.  "No dear, I'm not dead."
"Then why do you appear to me as if an apparition?"
"That is because I'm not here in body but in soul. My body has been possessed
by an evil creature."
"You mean Wizard Mulder?"
"Mulder? He's a pussycat compared with this creature."
"Tell me more Mama."
"He is known as the BradDragon and he resides in the mountains beyond yonder
hills. I am with him because of a mistake I made, a very bad mistake that your
father will probably never forgive me for."
"What's that?"
"I kissed him. I kissed BradDragon and in doing so he whisked me away to live
with him in his castle."
"I don't understand. Why haven't you appeared before me until now?"
Monica's mother just smiled sweetly and said, "You have met a man and you have
made love to him.""
"How? How do you know that?" Monica was a little embarrassed.
"Because the BradDragon granted me only one privilege and that was I could
talk with you when you were no longer a virgin."
"Yes Mama, I love John and I want to marry him and have his child."
"And you will dear, you will but first...."
"First? Anything Mama, I'll do anything." Just then bird number 12 lifted her
fluffy little head and started singing.
"Oops, sorry `bout that, it's bit of a bad habit of mine. I'll shut up now."
*coughs*. Both ladies looked at the bird expressionless then continued
talking.
"Why don't you come home Mama? You don't know how much Diana, Dana and myself
have missed you, not to mention Daddy.""I know little one and I plan to come
home to you very soon but I need your help."
"Yes Mama, what can I do?"
"You will need to find the jeweled egg."
"The jeweled egg? That's what Wizard Mulder wants too."
"You must NEVER give it to him. It is powerful, too powerful for someone with
evil intentions. It is in the possession of the BradDragon. When you find it
then I will be free again to live with you in our family."
"But Mama, John has been imprisoned by Mulder. He will only be freed if I give
him the egg."
"Ah, my daughter, there are other ways Monica, there are other ways." 
With that the apparition began to fade.
"Don't go Mama, don't leave me!" Through what was now only haze her mother's
voice gave one last message.
"The BradDragon has but one weakness."
"Yes Mama? What is it?" The haze had vanished and once again Monica was all
alone with the sleepy bluebird on her shoulder.
Suddenly the sky turned dark, and a black bird swooped down on them. Number
Twelve flew into Monica's hair and trembled against her neck. Monica put her
hand over the tiny bird and said soothingly, "Don't worry Number Twelve, I
won't let this bird hurt you." 
The black bird beat its wings in front of them and squealed, in a high-pitched
voice, "I know BradDragon's one weakness, and I can help you free your
mother.... but there will be a price." 
"A prithe?" Monica repeated. 
"A price!" the bird squealed. 
"A bribe?" Number Twelve chirped, peering out from behind Monica. 
"A PRICE, A PRICE, A FLIPPIN' PRICE" the bird squealed. 
Monica and Number Twelve looked at each other and shook their heads. "We don't
understand you, Mister...." 
"Krycek," the bird answered. 
"Price-check?" Number Twelve repeated. 
"Cry shack?" Monica asked. 
"KUR-EYE-CHECK!" the bird squealed, then shouted to the dark clouds above.
"I'm just a bird whose intentions are good. O lord please don't let me be
misunderstood." 
"Ohhhhhh" Monica and Number Twelve said together. "A PRICE!!" Monica continued
alone, 
"What price?" 
"To find the weakness of this Brad 
You must give up a treasured prize 
And once the treasured prize is had 
The answer be set before your eyes" 
"The jeweled egg..." Monica sighed. 
"What is it with this egg?" Number Twelve asked. "Nobody ever did this for me
when *I* was an egg?" And with that, Number Twelve flew off, followed by the
raven Krycek. The sky grew darker, and the forest started closing in around
young Monica. 
She fell to the ground and sobbed, "What shall I do now?"
As she sobbed in her hands a vision of her loved one entered her mind. John's
lovely face urged her onwards. She had to go on for him. She loved him and
wanted to be with him forever and bring up a family of their own. If the
jeweled egg was what she needed to free him from the clutches of the evil
wizard Mulder then that's what she'd find.
Her resolve strengthened enough for her to stand and begin her journey to the
mountains where she would find the castle of the BradDragon. As she meandered
along the forest path her mind wandered to all the strange people she'd met
that day and what they'd all wanted from her. What was so special about this
egg? No matter what it was the people in her life were more important. There
wasn't much time though. The egg would need to be found, her mother freed from
BradDragon's lair, her lover rescued all before midnight where she was to
encourage her older sister Dana to meet and marry the funny little green
cigarette smoking man.
Her journey brought her to a rickety old bridge. All it took was one step onto
the bridge before she heard some yelling from below and then suddenly what
looked like three billy goats gruff appeared before her. 
The smallest one spoke first.  "Who are you and what do you seek?"
"Before I tell you anything about me I'd like to know your names first and
what happened to the troll?"
"I'm Frohike and these are my brothers Langly and Byers. The troll you say?
That nasty trouble maker Kersh turned us into goats and then told us that if
we wanted to be changed back again we were to look after his bridge until he
gets back from vacation."
"Oh you poor little things. Is there anything I can do?"
"Well there is one thing," said the goat with the long blond hair.
"Don't tell me, the jeweled egg?" 
"How did you know?" said the one with the goatee.
"Let me put it this way, it's the flavor of the day. Let me pass and I will
find the jeweled egg for you." They all got into a huddle and Monica heard
mumbling.
"All right we will let you pass. You have an honest face sweet cake. Just
bring back that egg." The smallest goat Frohike spoke again. As young Monica
continued on her journey she didn't hear them yelling from below.
"Come back, we didn't get your name!"
Monica heard galloping behind her and turned to see the three billy goats
their hooves kicking up dust along the road. She stopped and waited for them
to catch up. 
"Wait," the littlest one said. "We can help you!" 
"Yeah!" said the yellow one with the stringy hair. "Who cares about that
stupid troll and his bridge anyway." 
"If we help you get the jeweled egg, will you help us defeat the evil Kersh
troll?" said the tall thin one with the neatly trimmed goatee. 
"But how do you know I'll be successful?" 
The three goats looked at each other and shrugged. "We don't. But we haven't
gotten anywhere on our own either," said the tall dapper one.
"And we're sick of that stupid bridge," said the blond one. "Frohike's always
stinking it up." 
"Am not!" said Frohike, butting his horns toward Langly.
"Are too," Langly said, then backed up and ran headlong into Frohike's horns. 
The two goats fought rather lamely until the tall goat said, "Hey knock it
off! We have a job to do!" 
The battling goats parted, rather sheepishly I might add, and apologized to
Monica. 
"That's better," said Byers. "Now let's go get that egg so we can defeat the
evil Wizard Mulder. This way!" he shouted as he galloped along the dusty road.
The rest followed him, singing, 
"Follow the dusty old road 
We hear he is a ditz of a wiz, if ever a wiz there was 
because because because BECAUSE... 
Because of the horrible things he does!
We're off to beat the Wizard 
That Evil old Wizard ... Mulder!" 
As they were wending their way down the dusty old road a tiny bird flew into
their midst and landed breathlessly on Monica's shoulders. 
"Shoo!" said the Frohike goat, but Monica cupped her hand around the bird and
said, "Number 12! You're back! What happened?" 
"In BradDragon's lair... 
Your mother's not there... 
He sent you a trickster 
By using her picture 
And sans serif fonts 
It's not the egg that he wants 
He seems to want *you*!" 
"Oh Lordy!" said Monica. "What shall I do?"
......................... 
The imposing castle of BradDragon loomed before them in the distance
surrounded by dark ominous clouds. Why was it that impending doom was always
accompanied by near darkness and menacing music? Monica thought she could hear
the sound of distant strains but just as quickly that notion vanished as the
balmy breeze changed direction.
The image of John's sweet face in her mind gave her the courage to proceed
even though she knew the path was wrought with danger. What did BradDragon
want with her? How did he even know of her existence? Where was her mother
really? How was her lover feeling cooped up in that crystal ball? Why hadn't
she eaten or visited the bathroom all day? Why was her favorite series The
X-Files finishing after only nine seasons? Would her two favorite characters
end up in bed together? All these questions and yet no answers.
The memory of John's supple lips on hers and their bodies entwined as they'd
made scorching love cemented her resolve to find resolution no matter what. 
"Come Number 12, Langly, Byers, Frohike goats we have a quest to fulfill
tonight." One set of feet, three set of hooves and the cooing of a tiny bird
could be heard as they neared the foreboding, ominous, gloomy, portentous,
threatening, worrying, ill-omened, boding evil, menacing ..... 
(Editor's interjection:  Hey RPC cut out the thesaurus crap will ya and get
back to the fic!) 
(RPC *ahem*) ... looking building. 
"Stop calling us goats. These are not our true forms remember sugar cakes."
The bespectacled Frohike responded.
"Well you were the one that pissed Kersh troll off in the first place with
your reply to his << Who are you and what do you seek?>" The gangly blonded
one retorted. 
"Which was...?" Frohike goat goaded, his horns pointed in Langly's direction.
Langly in a mocked voice said,  "With your joke <How many Deputy Directors
does it take to change a light bulb?>"
"Guys please, we need to work together if we're going to get this egg and thus
hopefully change us back to the <normal> people we are." The goateed calmer
animal clip-clopped between the two not afraid to come amidst the dual set of
horns.They backed off both showing signs that they knew that this new form of
theirs was creating havoc with their hormones.
The young Monica had been oblivious to the conflicting banter of her
companions. She'd been daydreaming about her John and their future life
together. She knew that she could not marry until her older sisters were blest
with nuptial bliss but she was ever hopeful. There was a niggling thought in
the back of her mind.
"So tell me Billy Goats Gruff, what do you actually know about this egg? I had
not heard of it until today. Is it really as mystical as people say?"
The blond haired Langly goat had calmed down enough to respond, "You don't
know? I thought your sister might have told you."
"My sister Diana? She's away at college doing her doctorate for most of the
year so I don't often get to see or talk to her." Young Monica looked a little
glum.
"No, not that sister, your other sister Dana." Monica looked a little
surprised.
"The evil wizard Mulder used not to be so evil. He worked in the township with
your sister. They were private investigators seeking out all sorts of weird
and wonderful cases together."
"One day Wizard Mulder went missing," Frohike continued. "A task force was
sent out far and wide throughout the land in search of him but nothing was
heard until months later. He came back a changed man."
"And in his possession he had the jeweled egg." Byers chimed in. "He must have
found out about its existence and gone on a search for it. It has powers of
good and evil. He must have chosen to go to the evil side."
"So why is he still evil? I assume that the BradDragon stole it from him, so
why hasn't he changed back?" Monica asked in all innocence.Just then Monica
felt Number Twelve stirring on her shoulder."I don't like this place Monica, I
feel evil here too just like my previous captor."
They'd all reached the edge of the castle. It was a massive structure built of
gray stone. Against the dark sky it looked shadowy and imposing. A distant
thunderstorm added ambiance to the already creepy atmosphere. Monica felt her
whole body shiver. What was this BradDragon like? How evil was he. Would he
even grant them audience? That sweet face of John's appeared again before her
and gave her the strength she needed to go on.
All of them visibly swallowed then moved over the drawbridge to the gigantic
front door.
"So what do we do now? It's not as though he's going to hear our knocking."
Monica mentioned.
"And there's no door knocker," Byers goat scrutinized the front entrance.
As the little bird fluttered away she said, "I'll look from above for an
entrance."
"And we'll look around for another way in," chimed all three billy goats. 
When all were gone she talked to herself.  "There must be a way in. Maybe
BradDragon doesn't have many visitors. Perhaps he doesn't want people to pop
by. I wonder what he's like. Is he handsome and manly like my John or does he
hide himself away because he's ugly and wimpish? She recalled the rhyme Number
Twelve had recited earlier.
"In BradDragon's lair... 
Your mother's not there... 
He sent you a trickster 
By using her picture 
And sans serif fonts 
It's not the egg that he wants 
He seems to want *you*!" 
"What does he want with me?"
Just then she found something. At the top of her lungs she cried, "Guys!
Guys!" Scurrying sounds could be heard as they all bolted back to the front
entrance.She then pushed the doorbell.
It was a long wait.
"We haven't actually discussed our plan and we don't even know where the
jeweled egg is." Monica thought at the last moment.
The three goats looked at each other and shrugged.
"You guys!" Monica laughed at their clumsiness. "How about you hide over there
and when I'm let inside you can sneak in unnoticed." They all nodded. "Then
you can go on a search of the castle for the jeweled egg." They nodded again.
"Then come back and tell me and I'll work out a way to retrieve it." They kept
nodding. "Well go on then." Monica looked at them with a puzzled expression.
Langly was the first to stop nodding.
"Woah! Must stop doing that. These horns take some getting used to; a little
too top heavy."
"If we do that too often we're going to need neck massages." Frohike looked a
little dizzy.
"I wonder if they have physiotherapy for goats?" Byers mused rubbing his
goatee with one hoof.
"Guys, I hear something. Quick hide!"
The door slowly opened just as a loud thunderclap sounded overhead. [This only
happens in the movies], she thought.
Expecting to be greeted by the master of the house she was surprised to see a
beautiful, blond-haired woman at the door. She was dressed in a long black
gown that trailed behind her along the floor.
"You must be Monica," she said in her velvety voice. "Brad's been expecting
you." Come this way." Monica sensed a little iciness in her demeanor. The
three billy goats crept in almost tripping over each other in the process.
It's amazing the woman hadn't heard their annoyed whispers.
"So you know my name, what's yours?"
"I'm Marita, I'm Brad's sister."
Monica's eyebrows raised in surprise.  "I know what you're thinking, he wasn't
always the way he is now. I'll let him tell you."
They'd reached an imposing looking wood carved door at the end of a long, wide
hallway.  "In here." She opened the door and let Monica walk through taking in
the sight around her. Her mouth opened with amazement and she hardly noticed
his green scaly body amongst the effusion of fiery colors in the room. There
was a common theme here of fire. Her eyes trailed over the walls with their
fire paintings to the massive open fireplace then to the armchair beside it.
She jumped when she saw him but tried to hide her nervousness.
"So Monica, you came." As he spoke smoke emanated from his snout. She tried
hard to see past his dragon like face to his soul and sensed the little bit of
good that still lingered there."What do you want of me BradDragon?""Please
call me Brad. Look Monica, I'll get straight to the point here. I tricked you
into coming here because I want you to be my wife." Her jaw dropped to the
floor never expecting anything like that.
"Marry you? We've only just met, why?"
"The jeweled egg made me like this. I used to be human before I stole it from
Mulder. The egg spoke to me and gave me the choice if I kept it I was to
become an animal, any animal. I chose to keep the egg and become a dragon."
"Why a dragon?"
"Why not? I've always wondered what it would be like to breathe fire." Monica
understood and was impressed. 
"So will you always be like this?"
"That's the whole point Monica. The only way I can become human again is to
marry." He got out of his chair and faced the fire rubbing his hands together
and warming them up. Just then Number Twelve flew into the room and landed on
Monica's shoulder. Hiding in her hair she whispered in her ear.
"I found the jeweled egg." Monica remained quiet as the little bird explained.
"It's embedded in the head board on the bed in the master bedroom." Monica
then knew what she had to do. She didn't want to marry Brad, she wanted John
but to get John she knew she had to get to that bedroom any way she could.
She slowly walked up to Brad's turned back and ran fingers down his scaly
spine.
"Oh what shiny green scales you have Brad," she said seductively.
"All the better to reflect the flames." He grinned with his dragon mouth and
turned around to face her. She was close now and Brad couldn't believe how
quickly she'd turned around to his way of thinking.
"Oh what lovely beady eyes you have." Her hand reached up and touched his
cheek.
"All the better to bathe in your beauty." She moved in even closer.
"Oh what sweet breath you have." Before he could reply she leaned into kiss
him. It was a rough kiss as opposed to smooth but young Monica tried not to
think of the scales but the emotion behind the kiss, after all, her objective
was to get to his bedroom.
Before long BradDragon got the hint, lifted her into his strong clutches and
took her to his bed.
Number 12 managed to escape unnoticed, flying out the window and then going
from window to window, looking for the three billy goats. Through the kitchen
window she saw a bowl of blueberries... Hmmmm... she thought.... Even though I
eat like a bird, I *do* get hungry.... She backed up and then flew like a
shot, dive bombing into the bowl and coming up with a mouthful of blueberries.
Yummy, she thought. I should tell numbers 1-11 about this. She turned to fly
back to the cave, then noticed something in the pantry... 
It was Marita, and she was looking down, talking in a loud whisper. "Listen,
little man. I don't care who you think you are. I am *not* going to marry you.
Curses schmurses!" and she stomped out of the pantry, slamming the door behind
her. Number 12 almost got shmooshed. 
"Crap," Number 12 thought. "That was close!" She hovered in the air for a
moment, wondering if she should tell someone about the white shmear she left
on the door, then thought... nah. She flew into the pantry. "Hey, Smoky," she
chirped. "It's all going according to plan." The tiny man threw his tiny
cigarette onto the floor and rubbed it out with his tiny foot. "We don't have
much time. If I don't marry by midnight..." 
Suddenly Marita burst through the door. "And another thing, little man..." She
stopped when she saw Number 12. "YOU! What are *you* doing here?" 
Number 12's feathers were a little ruffled by this remark. She flew to
Marita's eye-level and chirped, "Hello, Marita. Long time no see. How's your
boyfriend, eh???" 
"You know very well that Krycek has been turned into a raven!" 
"Yes, pity about that," said the tiny smoking man. "You need a real man..." 
"Hey," Number 12 chirped. "I thought you wanted to marry my sister Dana." 
"Dana, Marita, even you..." he said, a tiny plume of smoke wafting from
between his tiny lips. "As long as I can be myself again after midnight." 
Marita held her finger out for Number 12 to perch on. "Have you seen my
Krycek? How is he?" A lone tear dribbled down her cheek. "Can you take him a
message for me? Oh, Diana, please..." she started to sob. "I miss him so...
Please help me!" 
Sheesh, thought Number 12. What's with all this weeping? "Okay, hun, what's
the message?" 
"Tell him to come here at midnight. We'll get that curse lifted and be able to
marry..." 
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," said Number 12. "Got it." She flew off, and Marita looked
smugly down on the smoking guy. 
Meanwhile, in the bedroom....
Monica skipped out of the bedroom intent on finding John as soon as she could
get to the cave. There in her path were the three billy goats.
"Monica, we have failed you. We cannot find the egg," said the short
bespectacled one.
"No, you don't understand. It's been found and it's truly a marvel."  Monica's
face was all ashine.
"Where?" The long blond haired animal asked.
"In there in BradDragon's bedroom, if you must go in then enter quietly or you
may disturb what's going on there." She smiled and gave a little giggle. "I
must be off to my John, I know where he is and I know he's now free."
"Where can we find you Monica?" asked the goateed goat. 
Monica didn't take long to think. "Meet me tomorrow at twelve noon at the
church. John and I are to be married then." She didn't wait for the response
but ran down the hallway, down the curved flight of steps to the massive front
door. Pulling hard she opened it and ran across the drawbridge on her way to
be reunited with her lover.
She got as far as the bridge when she was stopped by a booming voice.  "Who
are you and what do you seek?" Monica looked around but couldn't see who was
talking in the darkness.
"I'm Monica and I'm on the way to see my lover once more," she said with a
dulcet tone.
"Oh no you're not!"
"And why is that so?"
"Because my dear girl," A short creature appeared before her and she
immediately knew who it was. "To pass this bridge you must find for me the
jeweled egg." Monica rolled her eyes. Why was it that everyone else knew about
this egg all along and she'd had no inkling.
"I do not have it kind troll." She tried to sound affable.
"Then you may not pass until it is my possession." He crossed his arms
resolutely and tapped his foot. Monica felt like making a run for it but knew
it was probably fruitless. Almost immediately she heard what sounded like feet
running along the path from where she'd come.
"Monica! Monica! We have it!" All three Lone Goamen had been transformed back
into their original selves and Monica knew why. They all stopped suddenly in a
bunch when they saw Kersh the troll before them.
"So you're not goats any more. How did you free yourself from my spell? Hmmm?"
"Um," they all looked at each other then to Kersh and Monica. "We prayed a
lot," said Byers in a squeaky voice.
"You have the egg don't you?" His booming voice belied his short body.
"No we don't!" Langly lied.
"Hand it over or I will change you all into frogs!"
"Come on guys, we have what we wanted, let the kind troll here have a little
happiness too." 
Monica spoke reason. Frohike slowly revealed the sparkly egg and handed it to
Kersh who snatched it quickly.In his hand it glowed brightly then a moment
later the light fizzled out and nothing had changed. The look on the troll's
face was bewilderment. He was stunned that he was exactly the same way that he
had been a moment ago. In his confusion Monica took the opportunity to take
the egg from Kersh and then run as fast as she could across the bridge hoping
the Lone Gunmen would follow suit.
Monica really didn't want the Lone Gunmen traipsing along with her and being
present when she and John reunited. On the other hand being the polite person
she was she didn't want to offend.It was when they came to a fork in the road
that she saw her opportunity. The sign in one direction said `The Cave 1/2m'
and the other said `Township 1m'.
"So guys this is where must part company for now. I must go to John alone."
"But?" said Langly.
"But?" uttered Byers.
"But?" exclaimed Frohike.
Monica giggled thinking that these men had probably been goats for a little
too long.
"You may need our help," added Langly.
"Guys," she held up what was in her hand. "I have the jeweled egg. This will
protect me." That seemed to satisfy the three as they were all nodding. "Now
go and promise me you will be at my wedding tomorrow at noon in the little
church on the hill."
"We'll be there with bells on," mentioned Frohike. Monica shook her head and
laughed wondering what other remnants of their time in goathood would remain
with them.
They'd said their goodbyes and as Monica walked towards the cave she wondered
if John would still be there waiting for her. What of the evil wizard Mulder?
Would he still be there too?
As she entered she heard the faint sound of chirping and followed it until she
reached the wizards lair. There perched on a long ledge were Mulder's small
birds numbers one to eleven. She turned the corner and there she saw her man.
"John!" Monica began running towards him but was stopped in her tracks.
"Ah so the lovely lady comes for her man," said the raspy evil voice of the
wizard Mulder. "Not so easily done sweetness." Monica looked over to the not
so happy face of her lover and soon to be husband and then saw his shackles.
"So you've found the jeweled egg and released him from my clutches but that
doesn't stop me using old fashioned methods of imprisonment. Ropes come in
handy for all sorts of things." He said this all too sweetly but in the next
breath his words turned sour. "Now give me the egg as you promised and you may
have him back."
"Monica, don't do it." Her heart fluttered as she heard John's sweet voice.
"In his hands that egg will spell doom for our town."
"But John I love you and want to marry you." His eyes brightened at her
statement but then dulled again.
"Monica, we can't let our love get in the way of the livelihood of all the
people here. I will stay with Mulder. Please go." Monica could tell these
words were hard for him to say but she also knew that the man she would marry
was a noble one who would put others first before his own comfort.
She wasn't going to give up that easily. There were other ways. When wizard
Mulder was distracted a little by the louder chirping of his birds Monica
winked at John who suddenly knew to expect something out of the ordinary
happening soon.
"All right Mulder, I will give you the egg on the condition that you use it
for good not evil."
"Of course sweetie pie," he lied through his teeth.
She reached into her pocket and produced the sparkly, glowing marvel and went
to throw an underarm. Mulder had his hands out to catch it but instead of
going towards him she'd actually aimed for John's lap. It landed perfectly and
Monica saw the wicked gleam in John's eyes.
Just then there was a sudden `poof' and the evil wizard Mulder disappeared in
a cloud of smelly gray dust and in his place was the ugliest, fat pigeon she'd
ever seen. It flapped its wings and then flew over to the other birds and
perched in the place that had been vacated by Number 12.
"Oh John!" Monica immediately ran to her lover and untied him then replaced
the egg in her pocket. "I've missed you." Then hugged and kissed to make up
for all the lost time between them. Monica had pined for his sweet, warm lips
on hers once more and she melted into his strong protective embrace.
"Monica, I've missed you too and I do want to marry you." The pigeon was
making a racket on its perch so Monica just touched the egg and there was
silence. Its beak still moved but there was no sound. The lovers both just
smirked at each other.
"Come John." Monica took her lover's hand in hers. "We have one more task to
complete tonight before I take you to my bed tonight.
As they made their way back to the village neither saw the twelve birds follow
them.
Monica took John's hand and the pair skipped down the road towards town. "Oh,
I'm so happy, John!" Monica sang. "We're together at last!" 
"But where are we going, dearest?" John sang back with confusion. 
"To find my sister Dana. She must be married before I can marry you,
remember?" 
Hearing this, John picked up the pace. "Then, let's go!" As they made their
way back to the village neither of them saw the twelve birds following them.
They arrived at Dana, Diana, and Monica's family home to find Dana sitting at
the kitchen table, weeping. "What's the matter, sister?" asked Monica sweetly. 
"Oh, Monica..." Dana cried. "I'll never find a husband! All the men in town
seem so.... immature!" 
"Dana," said Monica soothingly. "Don't despair. I'm sure there's a man out
there who is mature... and who won't mind your constant weepiness." 
Dana wiped her eyes. "You think?" 
John held out the jeweled egg between the two women. "This egg has magical
properties, Dana. It freed me, and now it can help you find your heart's
desire." 
Monica took the egg from his hand and placed it in Dana's. A wavy vision
floated up from the egg, and Dana could barely make out a wisp of smoke, and a
charming man. Light glinted off the man's eye as he smiled enigmatically at
her. Dana inhaled sharply, and the scent of cloves permeated her being.
Immediately Dana's tears dried and she cheered up. It seems cloves have
magical properties in this kingdom. 
Anyway, Dana got very excited. "This man? Can I meet him?" 
Inwardly Monica was jumping for joy. Outwardly she maintained her poise. "Why,
yes, I think the egg can help us find him." 
Meanwhile, back at the castle, a very impatient little man stood tapping his
foot at the bedroom doorway. "Hey!" his very tiny little voice gave a tiny
little shout that went a tiny little distance. He took a few tiny little steps
closer and shouted a tiny little bit louder. "Hey! What about me!?!?" 
"Did you hear something, my beloved?" Brad whispered into Diana's ear. 
"Only the beating of your loving heart, my pet," whispered Diana. 
Suddenly she felt something hopping up and down on her back. She looked over
her shoulder and saw the strange little man with the strange-smelling little
cigarettes. "Oh it's you!" she said with disdain. 
"I've GOT to get married before midnight! If you don't help me... I'll ....
I'll.... " he stammered. 
"You'll WHAT?" demanded Brad. 
"I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll..." 
"Wrong story," said Diana dismissively. 
"And you're already huffing and puffing," said Brad, flicking the little man
upside the head. "Now, leave us alone!" 
"If you help me," the little man said provocatively, "I can make it worth your
while." 
Brad and Diana looked at each other and shouted simultaneously, "The EGG!!!" 
"Hmmm-hmmm" nodded the little man, flicking tiny ashes onto the bedspread.
Within minutes the three were on their way to town, plotting against John and
Mon. 
Suddenly they heard the beat of twenty-four wings overhead, heralding the
arrival of John, Mon, and Dana, holding the jeweled egg in her outstretched
hand, as if following its signal. Suddenly Dana looked down and saw the little
man. Instantly the jeweled egg began to sparkle and glow, and the little man
started to crackle and grow. His tiny head grew into a normal head, his tiny
hands grew into normal hands, and even his tiny cigarette grew into a normal
cigarette. His skin even changed color to his normal, pallid colorless color. 
"Well, hello, my dear," he said, clove-scented smoke wafting toward her as he
spoke. 
Instantly, Dana felt peace and bliss. Ahhh, she thought. *Now* I know what it
is to be happy. She gazed into the man's eyes and said, "Are you the man I've
been looking for all my life?" 
"None other," said the little, er, normal man smugly. He lowered himself onto
one knee and reached out to take her hand in his. But before he could touch
her, Monica snatched the egg from Dana's hands. 
"Rats!" Brad and Diana muttered to each other. Suddenly a thousand rats ran
over the road, squeaking and leaving icky droppings behind them. 
"HEY!" yelled Monica. "Be careful what you say in the presence of the egg!" 
The smoking man threw down his cigarette and grabbed Dana's hands in his own.
"My sweet, will you marry me?" 
Dana felt her heart go all a-flutter. "Yes, I will marry you!" 
As Dana and Old Smoky embraced and kissed, Monica looked into John's eyes.
Brad looked into Diana's eyes, Diana eyed the egg, thinking, Aw crap! Just
then, the 12 birds circling overhead splattered Diana's beautiful gown. 
John stepped forward and grabbed Smoky's hand, shaking it heartily.
"Congratulations! I'm sure you'll want to make it official right away!" 
"Oh, yes!" Monica added. "Let's go to town and make it official." She grabbed
one of Dana's hands, pulling her along, and the rest followed. 
And they danced down the dusty old road, singing songs and happily turning
pirouettes with each other. All except for Diana who was looking for a chance
to swipe the egg from Monica. Brad stopped her and whispered into her ear,
"Who needs that egg anyway? We have all we ever need right here," and he
touched his heart with his hand, then touched her heart. 
"Oh Brad," she sighed... 
"Oh Diana," he sighed.... 
And they got lost in the woods... and each other...
Monica and John hadn't left each other's sides since they'd been reunited. Now
that Dana and the little green cigarette smoking man and now the bigger CSM
had married that left the door open for their own nuptials. Now that CSM was
her brother-in-law there was something that still niggled at her. She couldn't
put her finger on it. She felt something in the air.
Monica didn't want to leave John alone for one minute before their wedding at
noon the next day. After all she had promised to take him to her bed that
night.
"I must go home first to get some fresh clothes and to tell my parents the
good news. Come with me Monica and I will introduce you to them."
The Doggett castle was a little way out of town on a hill surrounded by
forest. It was very dark and cold by then and John had his arm around his
fianc 's shoulders shielding her from the elements.
Neither of them heard the faint flapping of wings in the distance, it all just
mingles with the thunder.
They came to the large front door with a big Gothic `D' on the front and John
used his key to enter. He hadn't seen his father in three years and he was
bringing home a future wife. How would he react? John was certain that his
father would find Monica as appealing as he.
"Father." John walked up to the dark skinned, dark haired man and gave him a
manly hug and a part on the back.
"JJ, how have you been? I've missed you son." He looked across to Monica.
"Oh father, this is my new fianc  Monica." She couldn't believe it. This man
was dark skinned and John was fair. "Please meet my father `X'." Young Monica
could hardly contain her laughter, not only did this man not look like John's
father but he had a peculiar name. She was dying to ask if his mother was `Y'
but that would be too rude.
"Pleased to meet you sir," Young Monica giggled and put on a cute face. John's
father looked more pleased than either of them expected."I can tell you two
are in love. So when's the wedding?"
"Tomorrow at noon in the little church on the hill." He took Monica's hand in
his and continued, "I've come to pick up some clothes then I'll stay overnight
at Mon's."
"I'll hear of no such thing. You can both stay here, it's late and the
weather's bad out. I'll give Monica the room next to yours." They looked at
each other and nodded.
"So where's Mom?" John asked with a higher than usual voice before they made
their way to John's bedroom.
"She's just catching a few Zs." 
All was quiet in the castle when Monica remembered she had wanted John in her
bed that night.As she got out of bed to go to John she didn't notice the line
of birds just outside her closed window.  She screwed up her face as she
turned the door handle to his bedroom hoping it wouldn't squeak and alert his
parents. She crept over to his bed and slipped under the warm covers and
nestled into her lover's soft body.
"I thought you'd never come." John breathed on her face and kissed her hair.
"I didn't want to worry your parents. I hope they're both asleep now."
"They will be. Monica just hold me tonight?" She found a comfortable contour
against him and rested her tired eyes confirming consent with her actions.
"John? I'm curious."
"Yes Mon?"
"Why has your father different color skin from you and why does he have such
an unusual name?"
Monica felt John's laughter through her whole body and wondered how he'd
respond.
"He's actually my step father and his name is Xavier. My parents divorced when
I was still an infant."
"So who is your birth father? Monica felt his chest heave a little. "What's
wrong John?" It took a long time before he could respond. "John?"
"My birth father is..." He took a few more breaths. "CGB Spender."
Monica suddenly lifted her head off his chest and looked into his eyes in the
opaque light.
"You mean that the man destined for a bout with emphysema and who is married
to my clove-entranced sister is your real father?" Monica felt his head rest
heavily on her head for one moment and knew it was true. "But John, why didn't
you tell me? Why didn't he say something? Why are you a Doggett and not a
Spender? Why is this fic so long? Who are RPC and SFNG?"
"RPC and SFNG?"
"Yes I saw them in your guest book." She felt him shrug.
"I don't know, must ask Dad I s'pose. Huh?"
Monica thought for so long that John believed she was asleep. "Mon?"
"John," she startled him with her sudden response. "Why did you keep this a
secret from me, about your birth dad?" John's adam's apple brushed her
forehead as he swallowed.
"It wasn't a secret, I would have told you eventually. There is still so much
we need to talk about Mon. There will be lifetime to do that."
"So why didn't he give any sign that you were his son?" John's silence didn't
make her want to probe. CSM was obviously embarrassed to have a son who was
dripping with such goodness.
John could tell that his bed partner had more questions as her eyelashes were
tickling his neck.
"Mon I know what you're thinking. Mom and myself inherited this estate from
her dad and my granddad. He was the Duke of Doggett. My real name is John
Spender but the Doggett name takes precedence." She nodded taking it all in.
"John, another question." Still resting her hip on his she rose on one elbow.
"If Dana, my sister, is married to your real father what does that mean about
our relationship?"
John thought for a while, she could tell by the flutters of breaths in her
hair.
"I suppose that means that Dana would me my step-mom. My father would be your
brother-in-law. That would make you my step sister."
"So that means Dana is my sister and step-aunt and your dad is my step uncle?"
"Don't confuse me Monica, we need to get our sleep for the big day tomorrow."
She was then happy to nestle back into his soft chest. He thought about all
that had transpired that day, smiled and then put all the confusion behind him
as he drifted into sleep with his lover beside him in bed.
Finale - The Wedding
The small crowd outside the little church on the hill just before midday
swelled as it became time for Sir John and young Monica to marry. All their
friends were there chatting happily about the impending marriage between these
two popular and now heroic residents of the town.The sky was blue, the sun
shone and all had forgotten about the previous night of rain and mighty
thunder that made the towns folk huddle against each other in front of the
fire.
This day was truly a new day in the town's history that they would remember
back on for many years to come. Thanks to John's and Monica's actions in
securing the jeweled egg and imprisoning the evil wizard Mulder in a bird's
body they were once free again to live the happy go lucky life that only their
grandparents could remember.
Dana and her newly acquired cigarette-smoking husband were the first to enter
the church. They were hit with a wondrous sight. The large stained glass
window at the front of the church let in streams of multi-colored light that
lit the tiny interior like they were in fairyland. Rose petals had been strewn
on the ground and on each pew were garlands of sweet perfumed daphne. The room
looked and smelt like magic.
Diana and Brad were married the previous night by a civil celebrant with just
her father Skinner and his sister Marita in attendance. They made their way to
sit with Dana. The three gunmen in tuxedos and bow ties followed them. John's
father `X' and mother `C' were next followed by Spender and the troll Kersh.
Monica had felt pangs of sorrow for the lonely troll and felt solace in the
fact that he was eager to attend. Many of their friends and neighbors also
attended. Those who couldn't fit inside waited outside to greet the couple as
they left.
When Leyla Harrison walked through the doors she couldn't help but notice the
small grey attractive troll and went to sit next to him. They were an unlikely
couple, but as he was the last single man alive, aside from the former goats,
Leyla was content to take what she could get. She nestled into his personal
space and he looked back with happy surprise.
Spender looked on forlornly.  Everybody else seemed so happy. Just then a spry
young woman sat down beside him and scooched over.  "Kim!" he greeted her
happily.
"Arlene now.  I've just changed my name."
"Any reason?" Spender asked.
"Nope.  I just got tired of Kim... and anyway.  Arlene Spender sounds so much
better than Kim Spender, don't you think?" she winked at him.  It was the
first she'd spoken to him since their high school prom.  "I've missed you,
Jeffrey," she said, planting a kiss on his lips.
He put his arm around her, and throughout the wedding they each thought of
themselves as the marrying couple.  Afterwards, Kim-Arlene caught the bouquet.
When all were assembled in walked Sir John and stood at the end of the center
aisle. Gasps could be heard from the women folk at his striking pose. He wore
an elegant black suit with a pale blue shirt with black buttons and a small
navy blue bow tie that brought out the striking blue of his eyes. He was
immaculately groomed and the women looked on knowing that Monica was the
luckiest woman alive.
The clergyman walked out and stood in front of John.
"Nervous?" Chris Carter had been the local clergyman since John was a boy so
was the natural choice to preside over the wedding."A little. I've done this
before as you know but somehow this time is different. My previous marriage
was doomed from the start; I married too young. Now I know my heart and it's
Monica who will reside there forever."
The sounds of the finale song from Gilbert and Sullivan's The Gondoliers could
be heard on the organ and all turned to see the bride enter on her father
Skinner's arm. The gasps this time came from all the onlookers. Monica looked
like a princess in her pink and blue flowing gown. Her tight heart-shaped
bodice was pink and blue swirls and a strap of blue chiffon tied behind her
neck. The underskirt was pink silk and draped over the top were pink and blue
threads of chiffon. Her hair was tied up in braids and in her hair she wore a
sparkly diamond comb. 
John's jaw dropped at the sight of this perfect creature coming down the aisle
in slow motion.Her radiant face expressed so much love for him that he made a
mental note to frame it in his mind forever.
It took an eternity for her to reach him but when she did they gazed into each
other's eyes with mellow smiles and held hands. Skinner went to sit in the
front pew and CC began the ceremony.
"Dear townsfolk, we are gathered together here to join together this man and
this woman in matrimony. We are here to celebrate one of life's greatest
moments, to give recognition to the worth and beauty of love, and to add our
best wishes to the words which shall unite John and Monica in marriage."
John kept looking into his sweetheart's eyes and then looked down to her lips
remembering their warmth and softness.
"Love is patient; love is kind and envies no one. Love is never boastful, nor
conceited, nor rude; never selfish, not quick to take offence. Love keeps no
score of wrongs; does not gloat over other people's sins, but delights in the
truth. There is nothing love can not face; there is no limit to its faith, its
hope, and its endurance."
Monica looked into his pools of blue and trained her eyes over his perfectly
angular face and wanted to kiss him then. Whatever the clergyman was saying
didn't really matter, she knew she loved the man before her with all her
heart.
"Let us now all stand and sing "Young At Heart" As the crowd sang, 'Fairy
Tales can come true it can happen to you.. if you're young at heart...' John
and Monica blew each other kisses and mouthed `I love you'.
The song ended and CC continued,
"Wedding rings are an outward and visible sign of an inward spiritual grace
and the unbroken circle of love, signifying to all the union of this man and
this woman in marriage. You may now exchange rings."
"I John take you, Monica to be my wife. To have and to hold, in sickness and
in health, for richer or for poorer, and I promise my love to you
forevermore." He took her hand in his and as he placed the ring on her finger
she felt the egg, she had in a special pocket close to her, warm up sending a
tranquil glow throughout her body.
"I Monica, take you John to be my husband. To have and to hold, in sickness
and in health, for richer or for poorer, and I promise my love to you
forevermore." Monica produced John's ring and pushed it over his strong, manly
fingers. He knew that in a very short time they would be pronounced married
and his heart skipped a beat.
"I now pronounce you........"
Suddenly there was a commotion at the church door and screams outside then
inside the church. All looked around to see a flurry of beaks and wings and
feathers madly darting every which way. Arms went over heads for protection as
the eleven birds distracted the congregation with their swooped, squawking and
pecking. At the back of the church a bald man with a very large belly took
pictures.
Monica and John looked on horrified at the flurry of confusion. These birds
were disrupting their perfect wedding, what could they do? Monica remembered
back to her girlhood days and made comparisons with the scariest movie she'd
ever seen, Alfred Hitchcock's movie `The Birds". She clung to John who wrapped
his protective arms around her and held her close.
Spender had had enough. This was the opportunity to impress Kim-Arlene with
his prowess. He got his gun out of its holster and started shooting. The
gunshots reverberated around the already tumultuous church. Brad and Skinner
realizing that Spender was missing got out their tranquilizer guns and began
popping off each bird one at a time. When all eleven birds were shot and lying
asleep on the ground and when all the flying feathers had settled the
onlookers began to breath again.
"It's gone!" Monica shouted.
"What's gone?" asked a concerned John.
"The egg, it's gone!" She was feeling over her body while John searched the
ground around her.
"Mon," he said quietly. "I don't see Mulder bird anywhere here." They both
knew what had happened. Seeing Monica's worried face he gently took her chin
in his hand and looked lovingly into her eyes. "We will find him and the egg.
Just now let's concentrate on us and our wedding."
That all made sense so she looked to CC and nodded for him to continue where
he'd left off.
 
"I now pronounce you Sir John and Lady Monica. You may now kiss."
As Mulder pigeon flapped his wings with the jeweled egg in his beak all he
could think about was just getting the hell away from that place. He'd take
his precious egg and make a nest for himself elsewhere if those people didn't
want him to grace their presence. Why wasn't the egg working on him though?
He'd hoped to be changed back to his former evil self by now. Maybe the magic
of the egg needed to regenerate?
He was about two miles from the township flying over a small river when he
felt the egg begin to grow warm. It sent a tingly feeling through his
feathery, flabby body that indicated to his mind that the egg was starting to
work. However it got warmer and warmer until it turned to heat then fire so
much so that Mulder bird had to drop the egg into the water below. He looked
down to it sizzle then sink into the water. He frantically swooped down to
retrieve it but it was too late. He was not a water bird and the egg was too
far down. 
Just then he felt a compelling urge to fly south. He tried to stop by flapping
his wings backwards but he was pushed on.
"That frikkin' egg tricked me!" He screamed as his wings pounded away taking
him onto a town miles to the south. He found himself drawn to a large statue
in the centre of the township. It looked exactly like the clergyman from his
hometown. What was Chris Carter doing here in statued form? He landed on the
stone shoulder and somehow felt at home.
Meanwhile back at the river a swift creature picked up the jewelled egg and
took it to the shore. As the sleek brown turtle crawled up onto dry land it
changed. It morphed from brown to pink skin, from shell to clothing. There
stood Sharon Skinner Monica's mother, the jeweled egg in her hand. She
instinctively knew that this belonged to her daughter and would take it to
her. She felt overwhelming relief that once again she would be reunited with
her family and her loving husband Walter.
Epilogue
John and Monica cuddled together in the glow of the crackling fire.  Although
they'd been together before, having just officially consummated their marriage
made each a little more thoughtful. 
"When those birds flew into the church," Monica whispered, staring at the
ceiling.  "I was afraid we were going to be parted again."
John pressed her fingertips to his lips then said, "Me too, darling."
"I don't think I could bear that," she said, her eyes misting up.
He raised himself up on an elbow, then stroked her face as he looked into her
eyes.  "Yes, you could, my love."  He kissed her fingertips again as she
smiled at him.  "You are a strong woman.  That's what I love about you.  No
matter what happens to us..." He kissed the palm of her hand this time, then
continued, "I know I can trust you, and trust IN you."  He leaned over and
gave her a brief but soft kiss on the lips.
Monica stroked John's hair with equal tenderness.  "And I trust you too. 
Completely."
The End
--RPcrazy and Scifinerdgrl