TITLE: Remember Me AUTHOR: Spooky’s Girl DISCLAIMER: They’re not mine, never were, never will be, thank God for that cause CC usually treats them nicer than I do. The song used also does not belong to me, I could never write a song this beautiful. It’s called Dante’s Prayer and it’s composed and sung by Loreena McKennitt RATING: PG-13 CATEGORY: MSR KEYWORD: angst SUMMARY: She felt broken, like she was torn apart in a thousand pieces, seven hundred of them being her heart, the rest being her soul. SPOILERS: Season 9 ‘Nothing Important Happened Today’ that’s about it AUTHOR’S NOTES: I tend to use quite a few of Loreena McKennitt’s stuff in my fics these days, it’s all so sung beautifully and I can’t help but be inspired by it all. If you know any of my previous works I’ve had stuff inspired by her songs The Lady of Shalott”, “The Mystic’s Dream” and to some extent “The Highwayman”. This one is certainly no exception and is just as beautiful as the others. It was running in my head for about four days before I put it down on paper and took a look at the lyrics, I knew it so suited S9 with Mulder’s absence and I wrote about three different fics with it and finally this was the one that stood out among them all, the others just didn’t work. So I hope you enjoy it, it wasn’t easy to write. Writing to all of Loreena’s songs are difficult, it’s hard to write something that does the song justice, and although I know this is fanfiction, I certainly hope it attempts to. THANKS: Nancy, who is both my beta and cheerleader on this fic and would not let me throw it out at any cause…as well as to Steph, who in a way forced me to finish and cheered me on as I went too. FEEDBACK: as always is welcomed and cherished and I do respond back too denisegilliland@hotmail.com When the dark wood fell before me And all the paths were overgrown When the priests of pride say there is no other way I tilled the sorrows of stone The air was cold, damp; unfriendly as it blew into the empty apartment; brushing past the white sheer cotton drapes covering the open window. A thin blue light emanated from the street, making the room seem darker than it was. It was exactly how she wanted it, no joy, no happiness, only loneliness, and her head spun with it all. She welcomed the spinning; it put perspective on this hellish nightmare of hers. The world had disappeared; she was trapped in a tiny room, just her. Mulder was gone, everybody was gone, and they’d left her alone with her thoughts, with her sorrows, with her own self-pity. The walls were closing on her, screaming her name over and over, taunting her, driving her to the brink of insanity and back again. She felt broken, like she was torn apart in a thousand pieces, seven hundred of them being her heart, the rest being her soul. He was gone; he left her. He did this to her knowingly. He knew how she’d feel, he knew about the demons that haunt her, they’re the very same that haunt him, he knew it all and he left her. They both knew he would, it was only a matter of time. There were warning signs everywhere pointing them both in the same direction, no other options given. So they took the only direction they could, he’d go and she’d stay, alone. But not totally alone, he did leave one part of him behind, one small fragment of hope. He sits before her oblivious to the world, oblivious to his surroundings, oblivious to what the fatherless future holds for him. He’s an innocent, never meant to be, and now never meant to leave. She holds him, cradles him close to her chest as if he’s the only precious thing left to her, he is the only precious thing left, and she will not let him go too. He will be here tomorrow, and she will be there with him. I did not believe because I could not see Though you came to me in the night When the dawn seemed forever lost You showed me your love in the light of the stars He held her the night before, warmth, comfort, and security. They knew what was to come, and because of that, he held her tight. Through his arms she could hear all the emotions running through him, they coincided with hers. They left the past behind them, they left their fears, their tragedies, and they left everything behind them but themselves. For one night they just lived. They were everything, and they were each other, nothing more and nothing less. Eight years to get to this point only to have it taken away, but she wouldn’t exchange the previous night for five lifetimes of everything going right. She was happy, she was content where she was, she was content with her job, with her sorrows for they all brought her joy, they brought her the man she was with. His hands were cool from the midnight air blowing on them as he held her in bed. They were silent, no words needed to be spoken; however they both knew what they were saying. The night was cold, although neither felt it as they lay with each other in the quiet. Both were contemplative, although they thought of nothing but themselves, how they felt when they were with each other, and even more so, how they would survive without each other. If it weren’t for the warmth of his arms as he kept her close, that thought would have chilled her to the bone. No doubt she’d feel it the next morning when he was gone. Everything that needed to be said was said that night, and while it was enough for the time being, it soon became insufficient, failing in its attempt to keep comfort over her and the child in the coming days. Mere words could not offer the sanctity that his arms did that night. Although words would keep her sane, she wanted more; she needed more. She needed him. Cast your eyes on the ocean Cast your soul to the sea When the dark night seems endless Please remember me There was no goodbye, see you later or I’ll call. Nothing to indicate his departure from his life, from his home. He walked out without a second glance back; she let him without allowing him to see the tears gently rolling down her reddened cheeks, using the child as her shield from any gaze he may send her way. The child was her life now. She was intent on doing everything in her power to bring him everything she could to foster him, to protect him from the evils of the outside world. He became her daytime, her morning, afternoon and evening. She held him, spoke to him, sang to him, did everything a loving mother should do when blessed with a child that should never have been. But the nights were strictly reserved for the other, the man who left. Night would come, the apartment would darken and despite the cold air outside, she would open the window, because that’s how it was that last night. The night was hers to mourn her lost lover, the one who gave everything up for her and asked for nothing in return. She relished and dreaded these moments at the same time. Darkness meant she could remember, but there were times she wished she could forget, and those times perhaps scared her the most of all. His final words echoed in her mind as the dawn broke that night, sending hues of orange and yellows sporadically through her bedroom, illuminating anything reminiscent of the dark, as well as indicating the time for his departure. “Remember me.” She’d never forget. Though we share this humble path, alone How fragile is the heart Oh give these clay feet wings to fly To touch the face of the stars Remembering hurt though, remembering brought back both the good and the bad. Remembering brought back the pains they’ve both caused each other, and the fear she felt every time he left her alone on another chase of his. However, this time he wasn’t coming back. She’d never know where he was, or how to reach him, he would be the first to establish contact, but when he would, she didn’t know. The child continued to be her strength, what kept her living from day to day although at times she wanted nothing but to fall into the darkness that seized her at night, to wallow in her despair and reflect upon circumstances that couldn’t be changed. Deep down inside though she knew that even if she could change things, she never would. They were meant to happen this way, they were fated from day one to be apart, the urge to remain together never as strong as the urge to protect each other. She was still his partner, he was still hers, only he'd gone into the final battle alone. They swore once he’d never leave her behind again, this time she stayed willingly. The child was her last chance at happiness, at a life he was never able to offer her before, and she took it. If it ever came down to the child or the man, the man could stay lost and she would never once regret her decision. That didn’t mean that she didn’t miss him though. The emptiness in her heart from his absence increased each day, creating another black hole inside of her, which would remain empty and lifeless until he returned to her. It was only the child that saved her from it. She once relied on the man to keep her sane now the reliance would be on her child, without him, she’d have been consumed long ago. Breathe life into this feeble heart Lift this mortal veil of fear Take these crumbled hopes, etched with tears We’ll rise above these earthly cares He’ll return though, she knows deep inside that he could no longer keep away from her for an eternity than she could him. For years she followed him, she saved him, she brought him back from the darkness that was threatening to swallow him whole; this time it’s his turn. He left her to save her; only in saving her he has destroyed the part he has loved most about her, her sense of self. She’s no longer the woman she used to be. She’s Dana Scully, MD, FBI, mother, but no more is she Scully, the woman who with a single look in her eye could draw him to his knees, with a crook of her finger would be able to move both the heavens and earth for whatever purpose she needed to. She shot him, she healed him, she gave him hell for leaving her and she supported him in everything he did. Most of all she loved him when nobody else would. He could no longer stay away from her than he could stop breathing the air, and they both knew this. They both relied on this one thought to keep them going when nothing else would. He’d return, the very same way he left, silently, without a word during early dawn when the sun rose orange, yellow and gold, spreading its beauty alongside her sleeping body covered in soft ivory, and he’d go to her, holding her like he did that last night when he spoke the words that neither of them would ever forget, that either of them could ever forget. Please remember me Please remember me… ~FIN~