Title: Rampaging Libido 
Date: January 2002
Author: The Pimpernel
Rating: At a guess PG13 for bad words, sexual 
situations.
Summary: Our heroes with no control - never happen.

Disclaimer etc. in part 1

Part 3 of 5

At that point Mulder came back into the living room 
and announced her bath was ready and that he’d go 
get her overnight bag from the car. Scully sipped some 
more of her wine and walked to the bathroom in a 
daze. There were candles and bath salts and a new 
clean soft fluffy towel. Not much he could do with the 
rest of the bathroom but he was trying. Unlike her 
he’d had days to think about this and he’d obviously 
drawn up a plan of attack. She didn’t know whether to 
be touched that he’d remembered and tried for the 
little things to please her or pissed that he thought that 
this sort of thing would make any difference in the 
grand scheme of things. She got in the bath anyway it 
was just too inviting right now. She sighed as she 
wallowed in the hot scented water. Her shoulders, 
tense from doing the autopsies and further strained by 
Mulder’s marriage offer, started to unwind. She had 
another sip of wine. Was she being unreasonable, 
giving Mulder impossible goals. On the one hand she 
wanted the signs of the minutia of daily caring as 
opposed to the grand gesture. And here he was trying 
to show her he could do it and she was irritated, that 
didn’t make sense even to herself. But could he do it 
consistently? That was the bigger question. She 
doubted it but was she really doing him justice? 

Mulder knocked on the bathroom door and asked to 
push her bag through. She felt a fluttering of 
nervousness - no that must be the wine she was 
putting in her empty stomach. Mulder said he was 
going to add the finishing touches to dinner and left 
her to her thoughts again. 

She was an independent person, she liked to do her 
own thing, have time to herself and she was always 
fine when he asked. And Mulder respected that, he 
had his own interests and he didn’t want to interfere in 
her life unless invited. He made few exceptions to 
that. One was during her cancer when he refused to let 
her give up. She took another sip of her wine. She 
opened up the compartment labelled Fox Mulder, the 
one with friend on the front.

Mulder currently in the kitchen would have punched 
the air in glee had he known, but he didn’t. Had he 
known that she was now going though her ‘profile’ of 
him with a magnifying glass and tweezers and that he 
should try really, really hard not to fuck anything up in 
the near future. But he didn’t know that. However, he 
was already on his best don’t be an asshole behaviour 
so perhaps he’d be alright. There was nothing more 
likely to raise Scully’s hackles than to try to be 
something he wasn’t to impress her. 

Scully relaxed in the bath, head lolled back, wine glass 
in hand. The serenity she exuded on the outside 
completely belying the activity within. Her mind 
seemed to have been galvanised. She was comparing 
profiles, his and her ideal one, trying to be objective. 
She wanted trust, truth, honesty and integrity first, 
intelligence and humour a close second. She could live 
without the romance although she had to admit it 
would be nice sometimes. She digressed slightly 
becoming subjective. Thinking about it, she had no 
idea what Mulder was like in a romantic relationship 
he could have hidden depths she knew nothing about. 
He could be quite charming when he tried, although 
given his quirky gift giving of the past it seemed like a 
remote possibility. But in someways it was more 
personal and definitely unique… 

“You almost pruned in there Scully because dinner 
will be ready in ten minutes.” Mulder yelled through 
the door breaking her reverie.  

“The only thing that could get me out of this bath right 
now is my burning curiosity to find out how well you 
cook. So Mulder I better not be disappointed or I’m 
going to be seriously displeased.”

“You have not set your sights too high have you 
Scully?”

“So I should stay in the bath?”

“Do you want me to wash your back?” He rattled the 
doorknob. “All part of the service.”

“No!” she squeaked jerking upright in the bath 
sloshing water everywhere. “I’m coming.”

She realised what she’d said and waited for the 
inevitable innuendo. She was out of the bath and 
drying herself and still nothing from Mulder.

“Mulder?”

“Yes”

“You didn’t say anything.”

“I’m on my best behaviour.”

“How do you spell Bureau?”

“Scully?”

“I don’t like it when your not you! How do I know 
you're you if you don’t act like you?”

“Because I’m unpredictable Scully?”

Hmmph she thought to herself. Mulder’s amazingly 
predictable, he always does the unexpected or maybe 
in this case it should be the unexplained.

Now dressed she opened the bathroom door to find 
Mulder lounging against the wall grinning at her.

“Your table awaits ma’am”

So it was the coffee table and the crockery was 
chipped but she had to admit the curry was wonderful. 
Maybe she was just so hungry her taste buds were 
blindsided. She savoured another mouthful. No the 
curry was delicious. Mulder told her about some of his 
culinary exploits at college which made her smile. She 
was actually feeling quite relaxed. Then

“You know Scully, we could buy a house with enough 
rooms so we could both have an escape room so we 
can have our own space if we need it. And we should 
both keep up with some activity that we do apart as 
well as doing things together. There’s no reason why 
we should feel constrained to be with each other 24x7. 
There’s no reason why either of us should feel guilty 
about needing a time out from each other, especially at 
the beginning when there will be a lot of adjustment. 
So long as Paul isn’t totally abandoned we could 
arrange things to suit.”

Ah back to THE conversation, she might have known 
Mulder couldn’t stay away from it long. His object 
was before him and he was going to pursue it to the 
end… and beyond knowing Mulder. Strangely now 
she was bathed, partially fed and watered she wasn’t 
finding the topic quite so stressful. It wasn’t putting 
her off her dinner at all. 

“So in your escape room you can be as slovenly 
chaotic as you like, let your clutter demons cavort and 
rampage to their hearts content, then come back into 
the rest of the house and remember to put your sweaty 
t-shirts in the laundry basket? Not that I’d be doing 
your laundry.”

“That’s worth a try so long as the reverse is true. You 
let your tidy gnomes arrange, categorise, neaten and 
tidy away ‘til they’re rigidly ordered and then come 
into the rest of the house and allow a kitchen chair to 
be slightly squint. Remember we’ll have a baby, you 
can’t just tag and bag it and place it neatly on a shelf, 
there’s going to be some disorder. We’ll share the 
laundry, or I’ll trade you dry cleaning for laundry and 
we’ll get a maid.”

“A maid?”

“I’m trying to be realistic here Scully. Finding time 
for Paul, work, each other and not each other is going 
to be taxing enough without adding the tidying and 
cleaning of a house.”

“But that could work out expensive.”

“We can afford to pay someone else to do it and it will 
be worth it to avoid conflict about whose turn it is to 
clean the toilet. No point in adding any more stress 
and strains to a relationship that’s going to undergo an 
upheaval.”

She looked downcast at that. He hurried to correct any 
misapprehension she might have at his words.

“Don’t get me wrong Scully, I don’t want to lose what 
we have now. In the changes that would have to take 
place I just want to add to what we have. Not take 
anything away. Not radically change something that 
works well, just… expand it.”

She nodded her understanding but gave a huge sigh.

“Mulder you know I can’t make a snap decision on 
this. I need time to weigh all the facts, I need…”

“I know” he said brushing the hair out of her face. “I 
don’t mean to press you but I want to make sure you 
have all the facts, all the options. That you don’t bog 
yourself down with issues for which there are 
solutions or compromises provided we are prepared to 
discuss them. In the beginning I might snarl and growl 
at things but in the end I’ll submit to your domestic 
whip.” 

Her head jerked back in surprise at that.

“You’re going to be a submissive puppy dog 
Mulder?” 

“I’ll roll over and expose all my vulnerable bits.”

“So long as you don’t lick your balls in public or pee 
in the corners.”

“I told you, I’m house trainable for the right incentives 
but you can’t expect me not to be territorial especially 
where other males are concerned. It’s instinct when 
there’s something worth protecting.”

She didn’t have an answer for that. It’s late she 
rationalised, I need sleep. As if reading her mind 
Mulder said

“Your exhausted Scully, let’s get you to bed.”

“But the washing up?”

“I’ll do it. Go get ready for bed.”

“But you cooked, I should...”

“You should get ready for bed. Exceptions can be 
made in a sharing relationship don’t you think?”

“I thought you said I had the whip hand?”

“You do that’s why I’m going to be doing the washing 
up barefoot in the kitchen while you laze about in 
bed.”

She went to the bathroom to clean her teeth, there was 
a flaw in that logic somewhere and hadn’t she been 
going to drive home? She was too tired to think about 
it.

She changed into her pyjamas and flopped face down 
onto the bed with a groan. Her shoulders still ached, 
the bath had helped and the wine. She had to admit 
that she was feeling better than if she’d just gone 
home on her own. She’d probably be fine after a good 
night’s sleep.

The bed dipped and she was about to turn to see what 
Mulder wanted when hands were placed on her 
shoulders and started to massage. Her heart was at it 
again.

“Just wanted to give you the full Domestic Mulder 
repertoire available to the working wife whose 
autopsied out. Your shoulders are still tense aren’t 
they?”

She thought she probably nodded but also groaned as 
he loosened a particularly knotty bit and she was 
somewhat lost in the bliss of relaxing muscles. Her 
brain on the other hand had frozen in indecision. She 
should stop him, it was too good. It was too functional 
at the moment to be sexual but Scully had a sensitive 
back and the situation could rapidly change if Mulder 
changed the pace and force of his hands once her 
muscles were relaxed.

“You know Scully, I would really have preferred to 
have tried to integrate ourselves slowly so we had time 
to adjust and rearrange. More like normal people with 
dating and canoodling and fondling and being together 
at weekends before we went the full hog but as usual 
life doesn’t turn out like that for us. What do you say 
to a free sample Scully?”

“Free sample?”

“The full Mulder but no obligation to buy. For a 
limited period only of course.”

“Tonight wasn’t a free sample?”

“Just the advertising. The free sample comes with all 
the additives, good and bad.”

She moaned again as he hit another knotty bit. “And 
what are the additives?”

“Play house with me for a few days and find out.”

“We’ve played house and niggled at each other the 
whole time.”

“That was work and there was no sex to lighten the 
mood.”

She tried not to splutter.

“And there’d be sex with the free sample?”

“Certainly. That’s one of your issues isn’t it, 
wondering whether we’d be sexually compatible. I 
don’t think there’s going to be a problem but you 
might and if you’ve got too many issues you’ll think 
it’s too risky and step back. Well with a free sample 
you get to identify the risks from the issues thereby 
making your choices clearer.”

“And what if I don’t like the free sample?”

“If you’re not impressed with the free sample, I guess 
you go back to your old product and I go to plan B.”

“And will my old product still be available?” There 
was no way she wanted to risk what they had… wait a 
minute was she even considering this?

“Yes. I guess it will undergo the new improved 
labelling, Paul’s bound to cause some changes after 
all, but it will still be the old product under the 
packaging.”

“I wouldn’t want to risk everything…”

“No chance. We’d work it out Scully.”

His touch had turned gentle, it was causing goose 
bumps. Gone was her tiredness as the adrenaline 
coursed through her system. And the body parts were 
at it again. She could practically hear them chanting 
sex, sex, sex. They were certainly buzzing with 
excitement. This was pathetic Mulder strokes her 
gently and talks about sexual compatibility and she 
hears herself thinking prove it, prove it now.

Mulder was trailing his fingers up and down her back, 
a swirl here and twirl there. Her skin was starting to 
tingle. As before Rational Scully took timeout to 
remonstrate with the body parts, this was not the time 
yada, yada, ya. The straws had been drawn earlier, the 
crowd kept Rational busy while a small shadow edged 
towards libido’s door. It was only a small body part 
but somehow it found the strength to unlock the door. 
Unfortunately, it couldn’t open the door which was 
practically fossilised in place. It tried to whisper 
through the door. Then it heard Rational winding 
down in her diatribe and it slunk back into the crowd, 
shrugging its shoulders when the rest looked at it 
expectantly. 

Libido had heard the lock click open and looked at the 
door hopefully. She heard the scrabbling at the handle 
and then the quiet whispering. She could not quite 
hear what it said, she debated with herself for a 
moment and then decided it was intriguing enough to 
go investigate and risk disappointment again. She 
pushed her considerable bulk off the bed and ambled 
towards the door.

Rational noticed the unlocked door mid sentence. 
“Who did that?” she demanded somewhat rattled. 
There was a shuffling among the body parts, they 
looked sheepishly at each other and shuffled their feet. 
Then Rational connected with the fact the door was 
still unlocked and the handle was moving. She rushed 
to the door to slam it shut. She repeated her question 
more insistently, glaring at the assembled body parts. 
The body parts whimped out, that voice meant trouble 
for someone and it wasn’t going to be them. There 
was more shuffling of feet and then in best school 
yard style, they parted to reveal the offending body 
part with an ‘It was the clit wot did it’. 

Meanwhile, Libido heard Rational outside the door 
and was about to sit down again a gathering black 
cloud of disappointment over her head when she 
realised that the lock had not snicked shut. She 
reached out a tentative hand to the doorknob and 
quietly, tensely, sweat forming on her brow in 
concentration she cautiously opened the door. She 
only opened it a fraction and stepped back nervously. 
A moment ticked past, then a second, she allowed 
herself a small smile of hope and took a couple of 
steps back. She broke into ungainly forward 
movement and launched herself at the door.

Outside, Rational had pinned the guilty part with a 
gimlet stare and started marching forward, 
menacingly. The clit stood it’s ground, it could feel 
the excitement coursing through the body. It might be 
receiving mixed signals at the moment, the surge of 
hormones telling it one thing, Rational telling it 
another but it hadn’t been out to play for ever such a 
long time and it really wasn’t feeling co-operative, it 
was feeling positively rebellious if not down right 
bolshie. But Rational was bearing down on it saying 
things like for the good of the whole, blah, blah, blah. 
It’s ‘friends’ had deserted it and it was just thinking 
that all was lost it’s eyes flitting everywhere looking 
for escape, trying to avoid Rational’s icy stare, when it 
noticed the door was slightly ajar. Unfortunately, it 
was unable to hide the tremor of excitement that went 
through it at that moment. A slightly puzzled look 
came over Rational’s features. This body part should 
be shaking in terror but that hadn’t looked or felt like a 
frightened clit. Then she realised that it had glanced 
too long behind her. She turned round and saw the 
door ajar. 

A slow motion picture would show Rational’s sudden 
panic face; Libido lurching a step forward, Rational 
turning, raising an arm; Libido gathering speed taking 
another step forward body wobbling; Rational taking a 
step forward; Libido hitting the door still gathering 
momentum; Rational reaching for the lock; the door 
being flung aside, hitting the wall and disintegrating 
into a thousand fragments; shock on Rational’s face 
just before the Libido hit her full on flattening her to 
the ground as Libido steam rollered on. 

The body parts cheered and told the Libido to run. The 
Libido needed very little encouragement, she had 
copious amounts of energy built up over the years. 
When she felt the clit twitch the engine had been 
engaged, the Libido may have been fat and unfit with 
years of stored frustration but she had the potential 
energy of a super nova. The force was so big that the 
door had been ripped from its hinges as it shattered 
into the wall. As the dust settled Rational was left on 
the floor staring up at a lonely hinge which swung 
squeakily backwards and forwards before it gave up 
the screw and dropped to the floor. 

The body parts ran to their stations. Libido was out. 
She was moving as fast as possible away from the 
room, away from Rational. Her momentum was huge 
and she had travelled the equivalent of six blocks 
before she realised she had passed what she was 
looking for three blocks back. The instinct to charge 
forward warred with the curiosity and the head had 
turned back while the legs carried on forward 
progress. There was some scrabbling while Libido got 
her act together resulting in a wide sweeping turn with 
all the grace of a super tanker before Libido headed 
back to what she had passed. She tried to come to a 
halt before the object but it had been a long time since 
she was out and she seemed to have forgotten about 
breaking distances as she screeched passed and had to 
come scampering back looking very much like a fat, 
just exercised cocker spaniel. 

Tongue hanging out, panting away, tail wagging 
excitedly, she observed the object in front of her and 
decided this had been worth turning back for. This 
wasn’t her perfect target but it was close enough. 
Certainly for an under exercised spaniel with the 
possibility of her Rational owner bearing down on it, 
this was a sitting duck. Her eyes brightened, the tail 
wagging became a blur, the spaniel went for the 
retrieve.

What Scully’s libido had found was Mulder’s libido. 
Mulder’s libido was slightly better exercised and had 
not been kept in a darkened room. He was however, 
kept on a tight leash at the moment being held by a 
very smug looking Rational Mulder. Despite his 
leaner, fitter appearance he often found himself bored, 
lonely and frustrated. When he saw Scully’s libido 
charge passed he had picked up his ears which had 
rapidly slumped again as the libido kept going, but he 
couldn’t help looking longingly as she charged into 
the distance. When he saw Scully’s libido turn back, 
he raised his ears again, then his head as she got 
closer. His tail started a slow but powerful wag like 
that of a Labrador’s tail. When he saw Scully’s libido 
screech to a halt, he stood up and took a lot of notice. 
He had almost forgotten what another real live libido 
looked like. The tail started making powerful circles 
causing the whole body to wag, he could have been 
drooling a bit. Rational Mulder held tightly to the 
leash the smug grin was looking a bit worried, he tried 
to pull his libido back a bit. The spaniel did a teasing 
nip at his Libido’s nose. Oh boy would you look at 
that. Not perfect but something he could really get his 
teeth into. Talking of teeth, and Mulder’s libido turned 
round and bit straight through the leash, leaving a 
Rational Mulder staring uncomprehendingly at a limp 
leash. Meanwhile two very deprived libidos were 
tearing round, yelping, playing, growling, nipping, 
rolling and generally doing some very animalistic 
things to each other. 

Some time later Mulder’s libido was lying on his 
back, legs twitching slightly. Scully’s libido prodded 
him hopefully. Not even a groan. Scully’s libido 
shrugged and scanned the horizon, nothing for miles. 
Scully’s libido was on a high, she had had fun for the 
first time in years, she had lots of stored energy but 
nothing to use it on. Considering the amount of 
exercise she had just had and the amount of time since 
she had had that sort or amount of exercise she should 
be feeling a little jaded. She did a poll  round the body 
parts trying to initiate some enthusiasm but all she got 
were groans or sighs. The body was sated. Well 
maybe a nap wouldn’t go amiss. After that maybe this 
new friend would be ready to play again. She looked 
at him a bit more closely, hopefully she hadn’t broken 
him already, the legs were still twitching he was 
probably alright. Scully’s libido sauntered back to her 
bed, tail held high. Rational Scully was sat leaning 
against the wall, head in hands. She hadn’t had control 
of the body for hours. This could be a real mess. As 
the Libido nodded off Rational felt control coming 
back.

She started to try to barricade the door way to libido’s 
room. It was a lost cause and she had something she 
really must do. Rational Scully looked disconcertedly 
at the open doorway then shrugged. She didn’t have 
time to deal with that now.

End Part 3 of 5