Title:  It's My Pain Too
Author: Tiffany
Email: Starbuck83@yahoo.com or emily_scully@angelfire.com
Rating: G
Archive: Let me know if you want to put this anywhere...I'll probably
say yes, I just like to know where it's going.
Spoilers: William
Content: Scully/Reyes friendship
Summary: Missing Scene from William, Reyes' POV

Disclaimer: All the X-Files characters (all the characters in this
story) belong to Chris Carter and Fox, not me...unfortunately!

***This is a sequel to my other story, "I'll Be Here." *** My other stories are available at http://www.angelfire.com/ms/xaccess ***


"It's My Pain Too"

     I expected her to cry, to shout, to do...something.  But she just
stood there.  After giving William one last kiss, she signed the final
paper and let the women put her baby into the van.
     I remember standing there next to Dana.  She had asked me to come
over, so that she wouldn't be alone.  She didn't say it in so many
words, but I felt it.
     When the women were locking William into the car-seat I felt
sick.  It felt so wrong.  He wasn't even my child but tears fell down
my cheeks.  I think I cried because Dana couldn't.  She just stood
there, stoic.  I think that if she had let a single tear fall then,
she wouldn't have been able to stop.
     Dana should be at home right now, tending to William.  She should
be living a good life.  She would have been a wonderful mother; in
fact, she was for a few sweet months.  But then reality caught up with
her...with us.
     And now...now she's standing outside her apartment building, in
the exact same spot she was standing when the women drove away with
William.
     I still can't believe it...or at least I don't want to.  That
night, after we all came back from the hospital, Dana said something
about never being able to protect William.  I had thought it was her
tiredness speaking.  But then morning came.
     I had woken up before her, made breakfast.  When she wandered out
of her bedroom, I could still sense the same feeling that I had felt
the night before.  She was troubled.  I silently handed her a cup of
coffee and we sat down.
     After what seemed like ages she looked up at me.  Her bright blue
eyes had become dull, almost gray.  "Monica,"  she licked her lips.  
"I'm giving him up."
     I was confused.  I think in the back of my mind I understood, but
I didn't want to believe it.  "Wh-what do you mean?"
     She closed her eyes.  "I thought about it all last night.  I
can't protect him.  Not now, probably not ever.  THREE times now
they've gotten to him, and he's still a baby!"
     A lump was forming in my throat.  "Dana..."  She grabbed my hand
from across the table.  Her grasp felt so needy, yet so strong.
     "Monica...I am giving him up for adoption.  There's nothing else
to do now."  I could hear her voice waver.  "I love my son Monica, but
what kind of mother would I be if I kept exposing him to danger? I
want...I NEED to make sure he is safe.  I just-I just don't think he
can be safe with me."
     I wanted to argue, to shout, to tell her that she couldn't do
this...but I knew that she had to do what she had to do.  I will never
pretend to understand everything she's been though.  I know that she
found a child once, a child who was biologically her daughter, and
that this child died soon after.  I also know that Dana had been
declared barren, unfertile.  William was her miracle baby.  Knowing
all that, I knew that she would never just decided, without VERY good
cause to give William up.  From the look in her eyes, I knew her mind
was set.  So instead of challenging Dana, I decided to be her friend.
     "Dana...let me help."  She brushed away the lone tear that had
fallen from her eye.  "I know someone, an old friend who works for a
private adoption company.  I know it's okay, safe to go through."  
She tilted her head as if telling me to go on.  "You can screen
couples yourself, look at their profiles, their history.  You can
decide who can keep William safe."  After a moment of silence I felt
her squeeze my hand, still linked with hers.
     Her eyes said volumes, but all I heard were two simple words:  
"Thank you."

*****
     That was almost a week ago.  Now there is one happy couple
welcoming a new baby into their homes, Dana's baby.  And I'm left
standing here with a woman who has had to deal with more tragedy than
everyone else I know, put together.
     I want to hold her.  I want to make her pain, the pent-up tears,
the anger all go away.  She needs some happiness in her life.  The
night William was born, after we'd gone to the hospital, Dana had this
amazing glow about her.  She was...happy.  But now that glow is gone.  
I've seen it dim slowly over the past few months, after Mulder went
away.
     I honestly don't know want to do.  Dana's hurting, hurting deep.  
But I don't know how to fix this, fix her.
     "Monica..."  I've been so busy staring into the night sky that I
hadn't noticed Dana move beside me.  "Monica, would it be okay if I
stayed at your place tonight?  I don't think I can..."  She isn't able
to finish the sentence, but her tears are speaking to me.  So I life
up my arm to gently brush them away.
     "Of course, Dana."  She gives me a grim smile, her tears ending,
for now.  I guess she's going to pack a few things for tonight, so I
should follow...make sure William's door is closed.
     Perhaps she really is letting me in now.  I wish she wasn't so
stoic, so calm.  A few tears probably only make her feel worse.  She
needs to let it all out.  I know it will happen sometime...and when it
does, I want to be here for her...I need to be here.  Because now, her
pain is my pain too.
     Dana Scully has captured my heart, she just doesn't know it yet.

**End***