Title: Inside and Out 
Author: T.Collins 
Author Email: DazedCaviar@aol.com 
Status: NEW - Complete 
Size: 8k 
Rating: PG-13 
Archive at Gossamer: Yes to Gossamer/Ephemeral 
Category: Vignette , UST, Angst 
Pairings: Mulder/Scully 
Spoilers: all things 
 
*****

Inside and Out 
by T.Collins 
DazedCaviar@aol.com

Inside and Out
Author: T. Collins
Rating: PG-13
Classification: vignette
Email: DazedCaviar@aol.com
Disclaimer: No, they're 
not mine. Thanks to the 
almighty Chris Carter for 
creating two characters 
we all love.

Summary: post-all things

My eyes are closed and my 
mind asleep but my sense 
of touch feel his fingers 
brush my cheek. He pushes 
a few strands of hair behind 
my ear. His breathe caress' 
my face as he inches closer. 
His warmth is a welcoming 
change to what has been a 
cold and confusing day. I 
said good-bye to a part of 
my past and closed the book 
on what was suppose to have 
been, in another path, my 
other half. My body is tired 
and weak form what happened 
today. But my mind and heart 
are revitalized with the truth 
I was denying myself. 

xxxx

I awake to a dark room and 
no Mulder. As I stand up 
and stretch, a dim light from 
the bedroom tells me that 
he's still awake. I lean 
against the doorframe waiting 
for him to acknowledge me. He 
coyly plays the blind as if I 
don't all ready know he has 
heard me get up. The game 
doesn't last long because a 
sly smile creeps up on his 
lips. 

"Are you gonna invite me 
in, Mulder?"
"Since when do you need 
an invitation?"

I don't answer that question. 
Silence stands between us as 
I stay in the doorway reading 
him better than he was that 
book in his lap. Mulder 
rarely reads in bed and 
when he does it is an autopsy 
report or a document pertaining 
to the X-file. He's trying to 
stay focused on (the)... I 
lean forward on my toes with 
my head up trying to see the 
title of the small hardcover...  
Crime and Punishment. The 
investigator in me all ready 
suspects that he has read 
this book. Not that it was 
required reading in school but 
I can imagine Mulder huddled 
in a lonely corner during 
study hall feverishly turning 
the pages. The curious teenager 
becoming apart of the killer's 
mind. Already developing 
reasons why he did what he 
did. The thought of a tall, 
skinny Mulder with the same 
intense eyes as a kid makes me 
smile. What I would give to 
have known him back then? To 
be able to learn what made 
him obsessed with porn is 
a mystery I'm dying to solve. 
But whose to say that we would 
have talked, let alone be 
friends. If the agents at work 
think I'm an ice queen now, 
what would have they'd thought 
about me as a teenager. I think 
I've gotten friendlier in my 
years at the bureau. As a 
child, while Bill and Melissa 
were apart of the popular 
crowd, I was a loner. Always 
by myself in the lunchroom 
reading. Reading everything 
and anything I could find.

As I study him further, I 
learn that Mulder and I were 
the same person in high school. 
Two introverts who later 
blossomed into two paranoid 
people that only trust each 
other. Society often 
dictates that opposites 
attract and that definitely 
happened with Mulder and me. 
He's an optimist believing 
the glass is half full. While 
I'm the pessimist whose 
scientific training has 
prepared me to visually measure 
the glass half empty. With 
every wild unfathomable idea 
he has come up with, I find a 
way to explain it rationally 
with my science. And 
even though we argue over 
his ideas, I believe that 
he's sometimes grateful for 
my science. 

"Were you in love with him?"

I blink a couple of times 
surprise to find him looking 
at me. I take a deep breath 
and search my brain for an 
answer. His question catches 
me off guard.

"Back then... I thought I was. 
But looking back now, I was 
in love with the idea of him. 
At that age, I hadn't 
experienced what all my friends 
had experienced, some twice 
already. I was hungry for it 
and like anyone who hungers 
for that feeling, I unconsciously 
sought out anyone who would 
give it to me."
"Have you ever found it?"
"He hurt me, Mulder. By 
lying about not having a 
family. And when I found out, 
I immediately distanced myself 
from him."

My eyes slowly drop to the
floor. I revealed more of 
myself that I expect to. 

"Let's face it, Dana. He 
knows more about you than 
your own family," I mutter 
to myself.
"Talking to yourself again, 
Scully."

I look up again into his 
awaiting eyes.

"I hid myself away from 
that vulnerability after 
that."
"You're still hiding," he 
whispers loud enough for me 
to hear.

The eerie quietness in 
the room leaves me afraid 
to say anything. I'm afraid 
to admit any truth to that 
statement. He's afraid of 
what's going through my 
mind. But he's daring me 
to prove him wrong.

"I've loved you since 
the first day," he said 
slicing through the silence.
"Mulder..."
"No, Scully. You're going 
to listen to me. Even though 
you probably know this, it 
needs to be said."

I watch as he puts the book 
down on the nightstand. Then 
lower my eyes as I feel him 
step closer. 

"Scully," he raised my chin 
to make me look him in the 
eyes.

"I love you, Scully. I may 
have denied myself from 
realizing this in the past 
but after your abduction 
and then the cancer, the 
fear of losing you became 
to much to bare. I want the 
love to be mutual. I want us 
to love together. I'm tired 
of loving alone."

My eyes are on the verge 
of spilling the pools of 
water that have collected. 

"Stop hiding yourself. 
I know Scully more than 
I wanted to. I want to 
know Dana, inside and 
out."

His words hit me full 
force in the heart. With 
one blink,my tears are 
released. His finger 
balances the salty water 
on the tip of his finger 
as he brings it to his 
mouth. I'm mesmerized. 
He has my attention. 
Mulder pulled my closer 
into the softest kiss. 
So soft that I barely 
feel his lips brush 
mine. After six years of 
pecks on the forehead 
and staring at those 
lips, I wanted to feel his 
mouth resting against mine. 
I grab the back of his 
neck pulling him down to 
me. I deepen the kiss 
pressing harder into him. 
My tongue strikes 
demanding entry. 

"Slow down. Don't rush," 
Mulder breathes breaking 
away.
"I don't want to slow down. 
Been going slow for too 
many years. Now. I want..."

I grab him again and force 
my tongue into his mouth. 
The sweet taste of him 
makes me want to eat him 
alive. He senses my hunger 
and aggressively returns 
the kiss. We crash against 
the bedroom door. I ignore 
the pain in my shoulder and 
continue to feel his tongue 
massage my tonsils. My body 
begins to respond to his 
pushing back. With our 
foreheads resting on each 
other and breathing heavily,

"Scully, we can't do this. 
Not tonight."
"I know," I whisper.
"I want out first time to 
not be rushed. I want to 
savor every minute of it 
and every inch of you."

Mulder stands to his full 
height and holds me against 
his chest.

"And besides, right now, 
you're not fully here 
with me. I can see in your 
eyes that you're thinking 
about him and the what ifs. 
I don't want you to regret 
it in the morning."
"I would never regret making 
love to you, Mulder, never. 
And the what ifs I'm thinking 
about are if I should tell 
you the secret I've been 
harboring for to long."
"What secret?
"It's not really a secret. 
Not to me, not to my mother 
and hell I'm sure Skinner 
knows it too."
"Don't keep me in suspense 
Scully."
"I,uh...," taking a deep 
breathe I continue, "I love 
you, Fox Mulder."
"Whoa. You really had me 
scared for a second, Scully. 
I thought it was life 
threatening."

I grab his collar.

"It could be in a minute."
"Don't strangle me, 
Scully. I love you, too."
"That's good to know," I 
reply kissing him again.

My passion is building 
quickly again. It's him 
that pulls away this time.

"I want to wait, before we 
do this. I want you to be 
sure this is what you want."
"I want this, Mulder. I 
want you. I want an us."
"I know this is going to 
sound corny, Scully but 
when we do make love, I want 
it to be magical."
"It will be magical. I 
just hope I can wait."
"We've been together for 
six years without doing 
anything. I don't think a 
few more days or 
weeks..."
"Weeks?!"
"My, look whose the 
eager beaver."
"You can't honestly 
think I can wait weeks 
with the way we've been 
kissing tonight."
"Making out, Scully. 
We've been making out, 
and okay not weeks. But 
the time shouldn't be a 
big deal. I want to 
make sure we're both 
ready for that big step."

I relax more into his 
chest and hear the sound 
to his stomach growling.

"You sound hungry, Mulder. 
I can satisfy that hunger 
right now."
"Scully, no. In a few days."
"How many days? Two days... 
three days... five days?"
"Soon, Scully, soon."  


### The End ###