TITLE: Fear No More
AUTHOR: Samiam (Sampiper@aol.com)
RATING: PG-13
ARCHIVE: Just tell me where to send the child support payments
FEEDBACK:  feeds the soul and fills the heart.  I'll get down on my knees if I
have to.
CATAGORY: Post-ep Kitsunegari, MSR, Angst
DISCLAIMERS: Um yeah, you know what this is and you know the drill.
THANKS: To Dallas for NOT killing me when she finds out I didn't send this to
her to beta first.  <channeling Petty> Beta freeeee.  Free beta.
AUTHORS NOTE:  I really shouldn't be allowed to do this.

***********************

Scully sat on her couch, watching the rain sliding down the window pane, when
she heard the gentle knocking on her door.  This late at night, there was only
one person it could be and, based on the earlier events of the day, she'd been
expecting him.  In fact, she was amazed he hadn't arrived earlier.  As she
opened the door, she was surprised not by his presence or appearance, but by
the lack of alcohol on his breath.  

Stepping aside to let him in, she turn to close the door, using the time to
finish preparing herself for what she was sure to be another exercise in his
restoration.  Turning around to face him, she found him standing just behind
her, his eyes on the floor between them.

Smiling ever so slightly, she laid her right hand gently on the side of his
face.  Placing her thumb on his chin, she used just the slightest pressure to
tilt his face up until his eyes met hers.  What she saw there stunned her.  It
wasn't the raw, self-depreciative guilt she was expecting but rather something
more akin to hunger, feral in its nature and lurking just behind it, fear.

"Mulder" she started but the question never left her lips as he covered them
with his own.  Instead of resisting she leaned into him.  He broke contact for
the briefest of instances to let out a sigh that sounded like it had come from
the deepest part of his being before he pressed his lips to her again, gently
at first then with more fervor as his hands came up to unbutton the top of her
blouse.

Bringing her hands up to cover his, she stopped his motion but instead of
removing his hands from her, she held them tight against her chest.

This time, she was the one to disengage from the kiss as she rested her
forehead against his.  Taking a deep breath, she stood up straight and willed
his eyes to meet hers.

"Not here" she whispered.

The confusion in his eyes quickly changed to wonder as he watched her eyes
track slowly from his face to her open bedroom door and back again.  The smile
that started to form in his eyes was quickly transferred to her lips as she
felt her feet leave the ground, their lips meeting again as he carried her to
the bedroom.

Reaching the bed, he gently set her down and then stood in awe as he watched
her slowly remove her shirt and bra.  He inhaled sharply as, topless, she
unbuttoned her jeans and raised her hips to slid them off.

Suddenly realizing he was a little overdressed, he gave her a boyish grin as 
he
quickly removed his own clothes and joined her on the bed.

As he settled himself over her, she perceived a look of doubt mixed with fear
still in his eyes.  Using her left hand as a brace, she pushed up to kiss him
again, her right hand resting firmly against his neck and pulling him back 
down
with her. 

Pausing, he closed his eyes as he pressed his nose into the hollow of her
throat, inhaling deeply the smell of her, of them.  Pressing a kiss to her
throat, he started to move down but was stopped by her touch, gently pulling
his face back toward hers.

"Later" she whispered as she pressed her hips into his.

Positioning himself, he kissed her again as he started to press inside.  She
gasped as he sunk in to the hilt.  From then on, time seemed to fly by and 
stop
all at once.  Their coupling started slow but quickly progressed to a frenzy
that swept them both away.  They laid together afterwards, his arms tightly
encircling her, her ear pressed to his chest to hear his heartbeat returning 
to
normal.

When his arms slacked, she slid from his embrace and made her way to the
bathroom.  Turning on the water as hot as she could stand it, she climbed in. 
Lacing her fingers behind her neck, she closed her eyes and tilted her head
back to let the water run over her face.  When she heard him enter, she 
dropped
her hands to her side and turned around to face the shower head, lowering her
chin to her chest.

He stepped in behind her and laid his hands on her shoulders, pulling him to
her.  He held her firmly, her back to his chest as he wrapped one arm around
her waist and laid the second across her chest.  He laid his cheek against the
back of her neck and sighed as she brought her arms up to cover his.

They stood like that for several moments before she finally broke the silence.

"Want to tell me what that was about?" she asked, her voice even.

Pressing a kiss to the base of her neck, his arms tightened slightly before he
responded.

"Do you know, can you even possibly begin to imagine, how much I love you?" he
asked.

"That wasn't about love, Mulder."

"You're right." he said, his arms sliding out from under hers and moving down
her sides.  "It was about need." he finished as he sunk to his knees behind
her, his hands coming to rest on her hips.  Pushing slightly on her left hip,
he turned her to face him and rested his head against her stomach as he 
wrapped
his arms around her waist.

Scully rested one hand on his shoulder while the other came up to stroke his
hair, giving him time to make the confession of guilt she knew he was
harboring.

"I almost killed you today." he whispered, his voice barely audible over the
roar of the shower.

"When I saw, thought I saw, you, lying there in all that blood -" he paused as
a tear slid from his eye.  "All I wanted to do was kill her.  Instead, I 
almost
killed you."

"It's all right, Mulder." she replied, a slight hitch in her own voice. "We
both survived.  Again."

"Because of you." he pressed a kiss to her stomach.  "We're still here because
of you."

"Mulder -"

"No" Mulder cut her off and sat back on his heels, moving his hands back to 
her
hips before he continued.  "It's more than that.  I passed a car accident on 
my
way home tonight.  As I rolled by, all I could see was this man, cradling a
woman by the side of the road and you could tell she was dead.  All I could
think about for the rest of the drive home was how that could have been us and
I never took the time to tell you how much you mean to me."

Scully could no longer hold onto her tears as she listened to him, slowly
dropping to her knees as he continued.

"You aren't just a part of my life anymore," he said, "you are my life and you
have been for years.  You are what makes my life, my spirit, my soul 
complete. 
I never want to see another day unless I know you are going to see it with me
and watching that couple tonight made me realize that if you had died, the
greatest tragedy would have been that I never let you hear those words.  I 
need
you." he finished, raising his hands to her face and kissing her again.

"I love you." he whispered as he pulled back, brushing his thumbs under her
eyes to catch the moister he was sure wasnt from the shower.

"What makes you think you haven't told me?" she sniffed and blinked.  Sucking
in her top lip to remove the water, she leaned forward and kissed him.  "The
way you look at me, touch me.  You are always there for me, protecting me even
when I don't wan't you to, without fail.  I know, I've always known.  You are
the only person I've trusted, loved, unconditionally."

Wrapping her arms around his neck, she whispered, "I love you."

He pulled her back against himself and lifted her as he stood, leaning behind
her to shut off the shower.  Pressing his face into the curve of her neck, 
they
moved in time with their own heartbeats.

Mulder brought his hands back up to cradle her face.  Kissing her gently, he
rested his forehead to hers and closed his eyes.

"Can I take you out there, try this again and wait for the sun to rise?" he
asked.

"Everyday" she answered.