Title: An Angel by my side

Author: Jessica   ( j_rothen@yahoo.se )

Rating: PG

Category: MSR

Spoiler: Pilot, Duane Barry, Ascension, One Breath, Irresistable,
Redux 2

Summary: Mulder remembering life with Scully.

Disclaimer: The X-files, Mulder and Scully belong to FOX
and they are not mine.

Note: English is not my first language so spelling/ grammar
mistake may occur.


He walked on this earth alone: as he always had and always would.
Sometimes when darkness ate at his soul he prayed that light would
touch his life. He had never believed in miracles until that
day she had walked in to his life.
She had broken down the wall he had built around his heart and gotten
under his skin.
At first he hadn't trust her. He couldn't believe that something so
good could come into his life just like that. So he had pushed
her away. He had built the wall higher and higher believing in
his own theory;trust no one.
He had been content with his life before she had entered it.
He had surrendered to the thought that it couldn't be better
than this.
He had believed that he was meant to live his life in darkness.
But she had opened his eyes to another world:
a world with happiness.
He had started to believe in something else.
He had dared to dream about something he had given
up years ago: love.

But fate had taken her away. Fare away.
He had lost his the fight against the darkness they together
had chased away. He hadn't been able to save her.
He hadn't been there.
He was of playing soldier again.
While he had been there winning another battle for good she had been
battling another fight.
Duane Barry had entered their life and taken her away.
That night when he stood there screaming to the heavens he had
vowed where ever she went and where ever they took her he would find
her. But he had failed living up to that promise. He had put his all
into finding Scully but she remained missing.
But he had gotten her back in one piece. He had gotten another chance
for happiness. But fear had gotten a strong hold of his heart and he
had never told her what was in his heart.

Months had passed by and he had thanked god for every minute he was
blessed with her. Then Donnie Pfaster had entered their life and he
stolen her away once again. He was the prince of darkness and he had
taken a piece of Scully away that nothing ever would replace.
Mulder could see it in her eyes. Donnie Pfaster had given her a scare
that not even his love could mend.



Now he was sitting by her bedside watching her sleep.
Another hospital, another hurt. Maybe there time on this
earth was up.
She was slipping away once again and there was nothing he could do
this time to save her. Darkness had once again invaded
their lifes and taken her away. He wanted to reach inside
her body and snatch away the cancer that ate her from the inside.
As he sat there by her side he wished he had the strength
to survive this pain that threaten to kill him.
She was his haven, his soft place to fall and
now everything was
over.

They came in the morning, just after the sun had risen, to say the
words that would break his heart and kill his soul. They could
not save her. He wanted scream at them, hit them, do something
but he hadn't the strength. He couldn't survive losing her, not again
not ever. He needed her. He loved her. But it was to late.

Maggie Scully watched him from the doorway and her whole heart ached
for this man. His face was gray and he looked so tired. Fox Mulder
was a good man. He had always been there for her daughter and she
knew that he loved her. No words were needed. She could see it in his
eyes as she had seen the love for this man in her daughters eyes.
Now they were about to bee torn apart. She had gotten the news that
morning. She was losing a daughter. She had cried so many tears that
her whole body felt numb.
Dana had fallen in to the darkness of unconsciousness three days
earlier. Now they were telling them that it was not much more they
could do. So she had turned to her beliefs.
She had searched high and low for the questions
that ate at her soul.
How could this be happening once again? Why?
But wherever she turned she was
given no answer.
- How is she ?
Mulder got up from his chair as soon he heard Maggie's voice.
She was standing in the doorway. He walked up to her and took her
in his arms.
- There's no change.
- Don't say that.
- What do you want me to say?
- Lie to me.
She broke away from him and walked up her daughter's bedside.
Mulder planted himself in the chair he had been sitting in for days
now. The room was so quite. The only thing that pierced the silence
of the room was the sound the machines made.
- What would I do if she would leave me?
Maggie looked up into Mulder's dark eyes.
- She is heaven walking on the earth. She's my angel. My friend
and my only love.
He was crying now. He leanded his head against the couldness of
Scully's hand and closed his eyes.
- Please god don't take her away from me.
He had never believed in a higher power. He had given that
up years ago. But now when death was at the doorstep he
pleaded for her soul as much as he pleaded for his heart.
Life was so wonderful when she was in his world. She made
him see so clearly. She made him a whole person again.
She alone had picked up the pieces of his shattered self and but them
back together. He owed her everything.




As the darkness of the night surrounded them death came knocking.
The moon cast his long arms in to the room where Fox Mulder's world
was slowly ripped apart.
He stayed by her side until the final end. When Dana Scully took
her final breath and surrendered herself into her god's hand he
closed his eyes and screamed out his pain. The scream pierced the
silence of the intensive care and send a cold chill down the spine
of everyone who heard it. And before he surrendered
the battle against his pain he leaned forward
and kissed her cold lips.
- I love you, Scully. I always will.


Under a blacken sky Fox Mulder were standing. He had fled the
gathering of mourners in the halls of the hospital. He didn't want
their sympathy. He couldn't take the looks and the words that were
meant be a help on the way.Their words couldn't help him now.
Nothing could. She was gone. Inside his head voices whispered that
he had failed once again.
He hadn't been able to save her. He couldn't
save anyone. He had killed her with his own hands.
His quest for the truth had gotten her killed.
He had killed his angel.
Her blood was on his hands.
He couldn't breath. The pain that struck his heart was so powerful
that he had to grasp for air. He screamed out her name to the heavens
then he turned and ran in to the darkness of the night.

He couldn't truly believe that he was standing in front of her grave.
This was day they had laid her to rest. During the whole ceremony he
had tried so hard to keep up the facade that he was okay.
But he had failed in that mission also.
It had taken all his strength not to
break down as he had walked up to her coffin to lay down some
flowers.
Now he was standing alone by her grave. He held on so hard to the
belief that he could survive this. That he had the strength to
to move on. He could still see her everywhere. If he closed his
eyes he could hear her voice. He whispered his goodbye:
- Stay safe, my angel.
The darkness was to keep them apart.
The light had gone out. He would be strong and he would find the
power inside himself to walk on. Even though it hurt so much,
even though his heart was shattered he had to walk on. She
had wanted it.
Fox Mulder dried his eyes and turned and walked towards his car.
There he was: the fighter against evil, the man who lived
his life in darkness, the man with a bleeding heart.
But he kept on walking.
Alone again./

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