Enough is Enough 2: Blair's Revenge

by minotaur

(SLAM!)

"Hey, Chief, no need to knock the house down." Jim looked his bedraggled roommate over. The young man looked like he'd been dragged through the mud, then left out in the rain.

"I. Don't. Want. To. Hear. It." he said. "That's the last time."

"Bad date?"

"From hell. We were supposed to go ice skating, but she forgot her skates. So we went sledding instead. Only the sled *I* was on ran into a tree. Then she wouldn't let me in her car until I'd cleaned up, then the heater was broken, then she was 'Too tired'. I'm cold and I'm wet and I'm pissed and I'm horny as *HELL*..."

"Don't look at me, Chief. You know I'd do almost anything for you, but this time you're on your own." He slowly backed away from the dripping anthropologist. "I said, don't look at me like that..."

"You know, Jim, when I was at the library the other day I came across this article about the secret Tantric sex rituals of the Kammaniwannaleia tribe of Lower West Transpermia, and I realized that with a few changes, just a couple points updated for the modern society, they might really help you out with those senses of yours..." He advanced steadily on the older man, leering slightly.

"Blair.. come on man, you're starting to scare me.." (Clack) "Where did you get those?"

"Checked them out from Equipment, Jim. I'm getting *real* good at forging your signature. Sit."

"I'm not your" (Snick) "dog. Don't order me around" (Rachet) "like that.. Oh.." (Rip)

"Quiet." (Glom)

"Oof, man, you better knock off the" (Slurp) "ice creammmmm, oh yeah...." (Nip) "Oh, harder.."

"Grrrr" (Gnaw, chew, lick)

"What are those!?" (Snap) "Hey, I can't.." (Buckle)

"Jim, you know I'm your Guide, and I look out" (Pull) " for your best interests" (Tie) "And you trust me, don't you? Just nod." (Nod) "Good boy. Now, as your Guide I'm telling you to just (could you put your finger here for a moment while I tie this knot? Oh, right, you can't move, never mind) relax..." (Squooge, glorp, nudge, slide)

"URMMMM!"

"What? Oh. Right." (Unbuckle)

"OH GOD CHIEF! Yes... ohhhhhh" (Pant)

"Oh.. Big Guy... " (Splat, thump)

"Ohh ohh ohh (in a surprisingly light tenor) oh sweet mystery of life at last I've found you..."

"Unh Unh Unh" (Bounce, shudder, exhale, groan)

"AHHHHHHHHH" (Moan, thrash, spasm, flail)

"Ok, I feel much better now.. Don't you, Jim?"

"Ow ow ow ow, muscle cramp, get me outta this thing, willya..."

"I dunno, man. You look good as a pretzel..."

the end

(This episode brought to you courtesy of my boss, who sat there and watched me giggle while I wrote it.)