I'm sorry. I couldn't help myself. First Atara posted her "Voyeurs" 
challenge. Then Rusalka made a comment about Ares bringing out the darker 
side in writers. Sorry. Couldn't stop myself after that. And yes, I am 
steal...er, make that *borrowing* a basic concept from Sheffyld's story, 
"The Second Arrow" (Where's the rest???)

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Ares Needs a Laugh
by Lianne Burwell
June 1998
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Ares stood on the hilltop overlooking the battlefield. The battle was 
over. On the air, he could hear the screams of the dying. He could 
already see the scavengers picking among the bodies for food. No to 
mention the human ones looking for coins or anything worth selling.

He couldn't even remember what the battle had been about, now, though it 
had been a good one. He had wandered around the field, impartially aiding 
a warrior here, striking down a warrior there. It didn't matter which 
side they were on. After all, they all served *him*, didn't they?

So why was he standing one this hilltop, feeling out of sorts?

* * * * *

"Mom, what *are* you doing?"

"Shhh, sweetie. He'll hear you."

"Mom, I don't like that look on your face. You're going to do something 
that will get him angry at you, aren't you. Don't. He's still pissed 
about what you and Herc did to his temple."

"Oh, pooh. He's probably forgotten all about that."

"Only as long as you don't remind him."

"C'mon. Look at him! Doesn't he look morose? I just want to cheer him up."

Cupid eyed his mother, worried. He knew her. Whatever she had in mind was 
probably going to backfire, big time. He sighed. He wasn't going to be 
able stop her. Once she'd decided to do something, it was impossible to 
change her mind.

* * * * *

Ares was about to wink back to his home temple on Olympus when he heard 
whistling. Cheery whistling. He snorted at the thought of someone being 
cheerful near a battlefield. His curiosity got the better of him, and he 
went looking for the whistler.

He was a little surprised at how far the whistling led him. He wouldn't 
have thought that the sound would carry that far. It led him over a rise, 
and through some woods. Somewhere along the line, the sounds from the 
battlefield had disappeared, and the sun was shining brightly. Finally, 
he came into a clearing next to a stream and found the source of the 
whistling.

Joxer.

The mortal was... Ares snickered slightly... naked. In the water bathing. 
His ridiculous armor (who *made* that helmet, anyway?) was piled up next 
to his pack on a large stone next to the river. Ares noted, with 
approval, that the sword was turned so that the hilt was perfectly angled 
to be grabbed by someone in the water. A bumbler he might be, but at 
least Joxer had *some* sense.

He watched the young man splashing in the water for a while, smirking at 
the sight of a so-called warrior playing like a child, splashing little 
waves across the river's surface. Then Joxer looked up.

"Um.. Ares? What are you doing here?"

"I'm a god," Ares said, wondering why he felt defensive. "Do I need a 
reason?"

"Nooo. I just thought... I mean, there's a war down near Sparta right 
now. I would have thought you would be there."

Ares frowned. That *was* where he was. Wasn't it? He reached out with his 
powers for a moment and found that he was almost two day's journey north 
of Athens. How had he gotten there? And how had he heard the whistling 
from that far away?

Then he felt a sting on the back of his neck, and he slapped at it, 
cursing whatever insect had decided it wanted to feast on divine blood.

* * * * *

"Mom! Those are *my* arrows!"

"Shh. Don't worry. I just used one of the temporary ones. It'll wear off 
in a couple of hours."

"Then he'll *kill* Joxer."

"No he won't. He may be a lot of things, but Ares is never *that* 
arbitrary. He'll know it was me. The most he might do is wipe Joxer's 
memories."

"I hope you're right."

"Aren't I always?"

"I am *not* going to answer that."

* * * * *

Ares was scratching at the spot where he'd been bitten, when he noticed 
Joxer climbing out of the river, heading towards his clothes. 
Unfortunately, the mud on the river back was thick and sticky, and 
Joxer's coordination, as always, left a little to be desired. 
Predictably, he slipped, and, for reasons he couldn't explain, Ares 
lunged to catch the man.

But the mud caught at his feet, too, and he went down, still clutching 
Joxer. He twisted, aiming to *not* have the mortal land on top of him. 
Instead, he ended up landing on top of Joxer. The way his eyes bugged out 
as the air rushed out of his lungs was quite amusing.

Then Ares took note of those eyes. The color was quite nice. A very warm 
brown, with small flecks of gold. And the rest of the face wasn't too bad 
either. Not exactly what you would call handsome, if you were measuring 
it against Ares' face, but very pleasant. Open and expressive. Currently 
it was expressing confusion.

"Ares?" Joxer gasped out, no doubt breathless from the large weight on 
top of him. It drew Ares' attention to his mouth.

Nice mouth. There were small wrinkles at the corners that indicated a 
tendency for them to quirk up into a smile. And the lips. Very nice. Not 
too large, not too thin. They looked soft. In fact, they were rather 
tempting. He was almost tempted to...

Ares brought he face down so that their lips came into contact. They 
*were* as soft as they looked, even when frozen. Ares smiled to himself, 
then probed. Dimly, he was aware of the look of shock on the still-
expressive face. It was probably shock that loosened the mouth, but he 
didn't really care. All that mattered was that the mouth was now relaxed 
enough to work a tongue into it.

The first touch of tongue against tongue made the body beneath his jump. 
In fact... yes, that was an erection starting to form, he thought, though 
he had trouble telling through his own clothing. Easily taken care of. 
Ares used his powers to dispose of his clothing. Now he was pressed 
against Joxer, flesh against flesh, erection against, yes, erection.

Ares growled, deep in the back of his throat, and pressed his groin 
harder against Joxer. The hips beneath him tried to thrust up, but 
couldn't move. Ares moved his mouth to attach to the patch of skin 
beneath one of Joxer's ears. He heard a whimper, and pulled away long 
enough to take in the closed eyes and the lower lip caught between teeth. 
He wondered what Joxer was thinking. Then the eyes opened, and the 
dilated gaze ran straight to his groin. No fear, shock or confusion 
anymore. Just lust.

He lifted his weight up, slightly, and Joxer immediately started moving 
under him. For a moment he thought that maybe the man was trying to get 
away. Then he realized that he was trying to get closer. Ares settled his 
weight back down, and the moan of pleasure made him smile. He rolled over 
onto his side, hooking a leg behind Joxer's knees to hold him tight, then 
turned his attention back to that magnetic mouth. Joxer was groaning 
continuously now.

Ares started when he felt a hand work in between them. Then he gave a 
predatory grin as he felt the callused hand wrap around both their cocks 
and begin to stroke tentatively.

"Harder," he growled. "I don't break."

The grip tightened, and the stroking intensified. The face in front of 
his was flushed and glazed. The smile would seduce even Zeus, Ares 
thought. Of course, the King of the Gods would have to get past *him* 
first. He got there first, and he wasn't about to step out of the way. 
Not now. Maybe not ever.

Ares could feel his balls about to boil over. The expression on Joxer's 
face said that he was close to. Ares dropped his face, and sank his teeth 
into the skin at the base of Joxer's neck. The man screamed, and his cock 
pulsed against Ares' own. The hand gripping them tightened, and the extra 
pressure set Ares off.

When he came down off the high, Ares gave a self-satisfied grin, and 
wrapped himself around the mortal. He was going to have to try that 
again. And again. And again...

He fell asleep.

* * * * *

"Awww. How sweet. I love a happy ending."

"Mom, it's only a happy ending until they wake up. And I don't want to 
even *think* about what's going to happen then!"

"Cupid! Have a little faith in your mother."

With that, Aphrodite winked out. Cupid groaned, and gave the sleeping god 
and mortal a last glance before he followed her example. He certainly 
hoped she was right.

* * * * *

Sometime later, Ares woke and groaned. He was.. lying on a river bank? 
Naked? He grimaced at the feeling of mud, both wet and drying, that was 
coating places that shouldn't be coated. The dried mud in his hair and 
beard felt particularly disgusting

Now how had he gotten there? Battlefield, sure. Whistling that drew him 
rather far north. Joxer. Then...

His eyes flew open at the next piece of memory. How the hell... A 
fluttering in the breeze caught his eye, and he looked to see a pink 
veil, hanging from a tree branch. He groaned. Aphrodite. It figured.

He felt a tensing at his side, and looked down at the now-awake mortal. 
Joxer's hair was standing up in mud-caked spikes, and his face was 
smeared with drying mud, as was the rest of him. Ares found himself 
taking a moment to note that naked, Joxer had a not-bad body. In fact, it 
was rather nice. Why did he insist on wearing those ridiculous clothes? 
Ares would bet he could find clothes for the mortal that would have every 
woman in Greece, and a lot of the men, panting after Joxer.

He caught off the line of thought, and looked back at Joxer's face. The 
warm brown eyes were filled with apprehension.

"Um... I think... Maybe I should be on my... way."

Joxer started to stand, but quickly lost his balance in the mud, again. 
Arms windmilling, he tried to keep his balance, but he had lost *that* 
battle before it had even begun. Finally, he gave in to gravity, and 
landed in a heavy sprawl.

Right on top of Ares.

Ares gasped, trying to get his breath back, looking up into the 
expression of absolute horror on Joxer's face. Then it happened. He 
couldn't help it. He tried, but it was useless.

Ares began to laugh. Not a superior sort of snort. Not the harsh laugh of 
a warrior skewering an enemy. Not the snicker of amusement at another's 
humiliation.

No. This was a belly laugh. A deep rolling laugh. One that left light-
heartedness in its wake.  It was contagious, too. Joxer's face relaxed, 
then began to smile a very endearing smile. He gave a small giggle, then 
he was laughing just as hard as Ares.

"Oh..." he finally said, tear-tracks streaking through the mud on his 
cheeks.

"Whatever," Ares said, and pulled his face down into a kiss. Why not.

THE END