Sub-culture Hunter:

Adventures in Cyber Space - Tracking the Fanfiction Author

Step quietly now. Here we see one of the reclusive Authors. Notice the furtive glances...checking her territory, the -

*cackle*

Oooo that is the sound of a plot twist hatching. Luckily we’re safe here, that sounds portends evil, *evil* things being done to some hapless character.

Note the open can of Mountain Dew and the two - three in the refuse receptacle. Authors require large amounts of caffeine daily to function properly and they will often become irritable without it. Brave is the soul who dares make contact with a caffeine-deprived author. There have been reports of mental breakdowns caused by their caustic tongues and at least one black eye.

Let’s leave her alone for a moment and explore the rest of her dwelling.

Careful, we don’t want to disturb anything. To the untrained eye the clutter is chaotic but not so to the Author. She’ll know the instant she passes that someone has desecrated her space. See the stacks of books, Authors are voracious readers. This one in particular has been known to go through a book or more a day.

Ah, here we find the kitchen area. Let’s open up the cooling unit... hmm. Soda, water, ketchup, sliced cheese and a container of mold; or something growing fur. Best leave that be.

Over there are boxes from the local pizzeria, yet another favorite of Authors--takeout. It has been well proven that they can live on delivery and boxed meals almost indefinitely. But after a period of time, they will get the sudden urge for a home-cooked meal. To some, this brings a sudden need to visit an older female relative, usually the breeder bitch of the clan. Their whimpering displays are met with food and, on occasion, clean laundry.

Moving on we come to the nesting area or ‘sleeping quarters’. Predominate in this room is the sleeping pallet. Note the many pillows and soft blankets. Also note the piles of dirty clothes and baskets containing clean laundry that hasn’t been put away. This is typical of younger (and many older) Authors.

It is not that most Authors are lazy, just absent minded. They seem to be plagued by plot bunny attacks as well. This disrupts many a scheduled task. It is not uncommon to see an author scribbling madly in a notebook while at work or school. Some have been known to pet their notebook or laptop while calling it ‘my preciousss’.

“Who the HELL -”

Oops! Um, that’s all the time we have for today. Join us again next time when we will have a chance to observe Authors in a group setting. Thanks, Bye!

-END-

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