Title: Bitter

Pairing: X/S

Rating: PG

Summary: Spike reflects. (I know, sucky summary.)

Disclaimer: Not mine. Never were.

Feedback: I never say no to a good thing!

Xander’s skin tasted like almonds.

Spike had always associated taste in terms of food. Drusilla, his dark goddess, had tasted like an overripe plum, watery yet still sweet with just a tinge of spoil. It was why he called her his ‘ripe wicked plum’ after all.

Angelus - Angel, well there was a reason he called him peaches. He’d never tell the older vampire that, though. Not if he wanted to keep his skin attached, at least.

Let’s not forget Harmony - as much as Spike would like to. She tasted like cotton candy. Empty calories and full of air. Fitting really, there was a certain sense of irony in that. But she was sweet and just a little spun - again, just like the sugary confection.

He couldn’t remember Anya’s taste. When he thought about it now, all he remembered was whiskey. On him, on her. It was the whiskey that had brought them together and he would always associate Anya with whiskey. That and sorrow. A right pathetic pair they made that night.

Buffy’s taste was always changing. Sometimes she was all sugary sweetness, like maple candy. Other times all he could taste was bitterness like unsweetened chocolate. Sometimes she was spicy and other times sour. It seemed like he could never decide what she was. Probably because she couldn’t either.

But Xander tasted like almonds. Funny that, since he’d called the boy a nut on more than one occasion.

He remembered the night it happened. They had fought side by side, defeating a pack of nasties and then on the way back to Xander’s place they had been attacked again. It was almost dawn by the time they made it inside, they were bloody and sore and Spike was surprised by Xander’s offer of a hot shower and a place to spend the day.

As he was drifting off to sleep in the spare room he was startled by the presence of the human getting into bed with him. He started to protest, but Xander was determined. Plus, he still had that blasted chip in his head so fighting him off wasn’t an option either.

He had been seduced with soft touches, gentle hands and human warmth. He hadn’t believed it when Xander whispered words of love into his ear, but after they had made love, when gentle hands continued to touch him, warm arms held him tight and the words were repeated… Well he’d let himself believe.

The next morning, Xander had been gone. Spike had woken up cold and alone. Xander acted like it hadn’t happened, like he didn’t remember a thing. The most profound experience Spike had had since the return of his soul and Xander didn’t seem to remember it. He’d been loved, for one night, and now it was gone.

Spike had always liked almonds, now he couldn’t stand them. They tasted the way he felt - bitter.